In Down Economy, Only-Child Families on the Rise
Filed under: Work Life, Siblings, In The News
The myth of the "lonely only" has been debunked. Credit: Getty Images
If you're the parent of a "lonely only," you may feel pretty lonely yourself amidst a sea of parents with more than one child. But fret not -- only-child families are on the rise in the United States, according to a recent article in Time magazine. Besides, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Cary Grant, John Updike and Chelsea Clinton are all onlies, and they seem to have done just fine for themselves.
"The recession has dramatically reshaped women's childbearing desires," Larry Finer, director of domestic policy at the Guttmacher Institute, tells Time.
The institute, a leading reproductive health research organization, reports that 64 percent of women polled say they couldn't afford to have a baby now, with the economy the way it is, and 44 percent say they plan to reduce or delay childbearing for the same reason, according to the magazine.
Single-child families typically increase in number during times of financial difficulty, Time reports, adding that the number of families with one child spiked at 23 percent during the Great Depression. In addition, since the early 1960s, the number of families opting to have one child has nearly doubled, to about one in five, according to the National Center for Health Statistics.
Although many parents worry about being able to support more than one child, well-meaning relatives, friends and complete strangers continue to urge parents of only children to have another baby, according to Time.
There are a number of time-honored reasons for having more children, such as the religious directive to "be fruitful and multiply" present in some cultures. Yet, the main reason families choose not to stop at one child "amounts to a century-old public relations issue," Times says, which blames the negative stereotypes that portray only children as spoiled, selfish, solitary misfits.
This image of the "lonely only" began more than a century ago with the work of Granville Stanley Hall, a leader of the child-study movement, who declared: "Being an only child is a disease in itself."
Hall's 1896 study "Of Peculiar and Exceptional Children" describes only children as permanent misfits, according to Time, concluding that an only child could not be expected to go through life with the same capacity for adjustment as children with siblings.
This view of the single child has been disseminated for decades, creating a lasting stereotype that has infiltrated everything from self-help literature to pop culture -- from '70s horror films to current TV sitcoms to sociologist Judith Blake's 1989 book "Family Size and Achievement," which describes singletons as "overprivileged, asocial, royally autonomous ... self-centered, aloof and overly intellectual," Time reports.
And it's not just an American view: Only-child stereotypes can be found cross-culturally from Estonia to Brazil, stemming from "when people needed bigger families to farm the land," California State University researcher Adriean Mancillas tells Time.
Generations of researchers have tried to debunk the myth of the only child. Toni Falbo and Denise Polit, colleagues from the University of Texas at Austin, analyzed numerous studies of only children, concluding that singletons are not measurably different from other kids -- except that they, along with firstborns and people who have only one sibling, score higher in measures of intelligence and achievement, Time reports.
Falbo tells the magazine no one has published research that can demonstrate any truth behind the stereotype of the only child as "lonely, selfish and maladjusted."
In "Family Size and Achievement," Blake says only children are higher achievers because there's simply no "dilution of resources" -- meaning parents of only children have more time, energy and money to invest in their child. This means the only child gets all the piano lessons and prep courses, as well as all of their parents' attention when it comes to needing help with school work, according to Time.
Researchers say this attention leads not only to higher SAT scores, but also to higher self-esteem, the magazine reports, and Falbo agrees, explaining that this "cocktail of aptitude and confidence" yields tangible results, with only children tending to do better in school and getting more education -- college, medical or law degrees -- than other kids.
Yet, even with the evidence that supports families of only children, most parents still opt to have another child; although Time says parents often choose to do so because they think it will be better for the child they already have -- not for themselves.
But trends appear to be shifting, the magazine reports.
"Most people are saying, I can't divide myself anymore," social psychologist Susan Newman tells Time. "We no longer send a child out to play for three hours and have those three hours to ourselves," she says. "Now you take them to the next practice, the next class. We've been consumed by our children. But we're moving back slowly to parents wanting to have a life, too. And people are realizing that's simply easier with one."
Related: The Only Child Myth
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
7-13-2010 @ 6:55PM
Alicia said...I hate the stereotypes associated with only children. I am one, yet when I moved in with my roommates, one girl thought that another with three siblings was the only child, because I didn't act like it. I meet more spoiled, self-centered middle children than only children most cause our parents make sure to discourage "lonely only" behavior because of stereotypes, which do, even in adult life, reflect on you negatively when you mention being an only child. I refuse to apologize that my parents were unable to have more children.
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7-14-2010 @ 11:06AM
Brenda said...Thank god for this article. I am so tired of people that feel free to dump all sorts of negative stereotypes on only children. A friend of mine knowing that I am an only, actually said out loud when she was telling me about how much she really didn't want to have a second child, but was going to anyway said, "only children are freaks." I walked away before spouting off.
In my experience the vast majority are nothing of the sort. They are more mature and well adjusted than their peers. They may be a bit odd, talking to adults more than the kids, but that is their world. Just like everyone else, we come in all sorts.
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7-17-2010 @ 12:59AM
DeAnn said...I am also an only child and growing up with older parents seemed to be living like a "lonely only". I felt like it was me against the world because I didn't live with any children. I had to learn resiliency in a different way because I didn't have siblings to rely on or the relationship they have in the family. Then I had a child in my senior year of high school. I went to college when my son was a year old because I knew that my education was important and that I could do anything. I decided not to have any more children because I knew that he would turn out as a normal human being, whether or not he had siblings, as long as he was given the love and attention he needed in his life. My husband and I decided that we wanted to be able to spend more time together and that if we brought another child into our family we would not have that opportunity. It might sound selfish, but if we are struggling financially with only one child why would we put more stress on our family? It might sound selfish, but wouldn't it be better for our son to grow up with parents who have time to grow and be happy in their marriage than to add the stress of raising another child on our relationship? I think as an only child I was able to appreciate my parents role in my life because I could see all that they did was for my best interest and I didn't have to be jealous or fight for attention. As a result I became a compassionate and empathetic person always looking out for another person's needs before my own. I already see my teenage son being the friend that his friends go to for help and being the caring, helpful person he was taught to be. I am glad that I am able to spend my time raising him to be a well rounded person and will never regret choosing to raise an only child.
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7-21-2010 @ 5:59AM
Alex said...Thank you for each of your thoughts. I have an only child, and I have been grappling with whether to have another child. My husband and I are happy having just one child, but for whatever reason, I agonize over whether my son will be okay with this. The fact that you all are only children and are fine with that helps me feel better about sticking with one. It is interesting how many people think people should always have more than one child. Enough, people. Enough.
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8-12-2010 @ 8:50PM
Maxine said...I'm an only child. Since I was a kid, I have been mildly to moderately spoiled. I'm a bit materialistic. I want many pairs of shoes, clothes, food stock. Sometimes, I reflect that this is too much so I stop buying. I grew up not much of a lonely only. I used to play with the kids on the street. My neighbors are my cousins too so basically I'm not alone. Now, I still socialize with my cousins. In school, I'm a loner sometimes. But during my freshman year, I socialized well.
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