'Don't Talk to Strangers' is Dangerous Advice

i tell my kids, 'dont talk to anyone,they may be a liberal".

Reply

this is a great article. "Don't talk to strangers" is an archaic, blanket term that doesn't make sense. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. I, for one, plan to read this article to my 9 and 7 year olds and have a discussion about it. I want them to be able to feel confident enough to speak to people in the world. Amongst the crazies, there are a lot of interesting people out there. I think as parents we have to help them navigate through situations until they're old enough to make intelligent decisions. thank you for writing this.

Reply

Actually, the advice should be: Don't go with someone without getting permission first (from parents, child care provider, teacher etc) even if the person that is asking you to go with them is a neighbor, family friend, relative. The beginning of the article commented that the majority of abuse happens by someone familiar to the child--if the child needs to always ask for permission, it will cut down on the familiar threat as well as the stranger threat.

Reply

This is the same with everything. We think saying "No" makes our kis safe: "Dont play with fire" "Dont run into the street after a ball" "Dont have sex" "Dont lie" None of that makes our kids safe, just like "Dont talk to strangers"
We need to teach children how to reason. Saying "No" just gives them an order, which they might or might not obey. Reasoning helps them think, so that even when we are not around they are more likely to do the safe thing.
We taught our kids to play with fire-safely-at 2-3 years old. A friend used the more traditional "We don't play with fire!" approach. Two of her kids died when her youngest lit a cigarette lighter in a closet and burned the house down. Our reasoning about fire vs her order about fire weren't necessarily a direct "So this IS why that all happened or didn't" Just something worth thinking about.

Reply

I taught my kids to look for a Mom with kids first if they ever need help. Another Mom is non-threatening for a child who is already scared.

Reply

Until I moved into this neighborhood, I might have agreed. I found out after living here three years that all these guys walking around here are registered sex offenders and you wouldn't know them from you brother.

Reply

I grew up in the 1940's. We were taught to be polite and talk to peope. We were also taught to obey al ladults uinless they wanted us to do something we knew our parents would not approve. "Mind your elders" worked well. The current policy of "never talk to strangers" is, as others have stated, not a viable or workable policy.

Reply

I teach my kids to report all spammers!

Reply

I use to tell, my then, three year old, not to talk to strangers, and she called me on it one day...right in front of a stranger that I was speaking to! She said, "Why are you talking to strangers, when were not supposed to"? (Did I feel sheepish) I had to explain to her in right in front of the person that I was talking to, that I was big, and a stranger couldn't carry me away! Had try to explain it or look like a fool in front of a three year old, and a very nice stranger! My daughter, now eighteen jokingly complains how I can have a conversation with just about anyone who has an ear!

Reply

Children should be taught not to talk to strangers. An adult can out talk, out reason and out think most children. Our children were taught to stay with us and if there is a problem seek help from a policeman or someone, in uniform, working where they are. Also become alarmed if someone asks you strange sounding questions.
Children can be so easily conned
Moer importantly, why do people leave their children alone to go stopping etc.? The famous TV host's wife left theri son 'for a few minutes' to shop. The people at the indoor playground were suppose to watch him for free.They don't get paid to do that sort of work, and they baby was never found again. What are we doing that is more important than watching our own children?

Reply

Children should be taught not to talk to strangers. An adult can out talk, out reason and out think most children. Our children were taught to stay with us and if there is a problem seek help from a policeman or some, in uniform, working where they are. Also become alarmed if someone asks you strange sounding questions.
What are we doing that is more important than having our children stay at out side?

Reply

When I grow up as a kid some 50 years ago. We walked or rode our bike anywhere we wanted too.
Our parents did not tell us about stranger because everyone was a neighbor. We would cut through their yards even take a drink from the fauset on a hot day.
Today everyone is so parenoid about people nobody trusts anyone these day so they instill that on their children.
My kid grow up in the same type of neighborhood as I did. He could leave the house and ride is bike to a friend a mile away.
Do you want to know why; becuase everyone knew evrybody and their kid. They would watch out for them and if they saw some one strange in the area we had no problem walking up to them and asking them who they are looking for.
I am in a different area now but I still watch out for the neighborhood. Any person or car that looks out of place I take a license number or even a photo with my cell phone. It is amazing how any people just take off when you do that. And yes I do profile.

Reply

My mom was so crazy when I was little...she sheltered me even from the neighbors! She was terrified I'd be kidnapped. "Don't talk to strangers" was something I heard every day of my life. So I grew up afraid of people I didn't know. I'm not like that any more and my kids know the difference between TALKING and GOING with a stranger. We cover the bases....if somebody tells you mommy or daddy is hurt and you need to get in the car with them...RUN. If somebody asks you to help look for their puppy,...RUN. Mommy or Daddy will let you know if anything happens...NO ONE ELSE. Run to a teacher, a neighbor, or into a store if you are approached by someone trying to get you to go anywhere with them. My kids are very friendly and polite, but they know the difference between talking to people and walking away with them.

Reply

It is insane to allow children to talk to strangers. They have not yet developed the ability to know the differences among strangers that may endanger themselves or their parents. A stranger took the hand of a 3 year old in England while the parent was distracted shopping with adults,and killed the child.One horrible slip up in full view of middle-aged whatevers. I do not want my children walking around talking to everyone as if they lack diiecton in life. Hold the side of the siblings' stroller when walking. Touch things with one finger when it is not yours. You keep the child's interest and he/she knows there are important rules in life. It develops intelligence. Small sized brooms and dust pans work well when you drop things on the floor.You give children LIFE skills, not PARTY skills. They wach and listen when you are around them like a little monkey-don't forget that. And don't let them open to ridicule running around talking to everyone.

Reply

Great article. We have taught our daughter to be friendly and be afraid to talk to strangers, but she is always within eye site when we are out some where.

Reply

sadly, I am one of those moms, who used to obsess on stranger danger. I was so fearful of someone taking my kids i drilled it into their brains. The girls were not so much a problem in later years, but my son, he took it more to heart, and now as a teenager, he is very fearful of everything. He obsesses on almost everything as a danger, headache, its a brain tumer, someone at the door, maybe its someone who wants to hurt us, he always reminds me at night to lock all the doors and he calls to remind me if he isnt home. He went thru a period where he refused to eat in the house when he was alone at home, because he might choke. And front seats of cars, forget it, airbag might deploy.
We had to put him in theropy for his fears....and a few years ago, his sister died, so that just sent it over the top, because then he was always afraid he might die in his sleep like his sister, or worse to him...i would die. If i was out of touch via cell phone for to long, he would fear i was dead in an accident or someone kidnapped me.
Thankfully he is doing better, but I wonder if it was my obsessiveness at DRILLING home the stranger danger. I told me kids, its not IF you will be kidnapped, ITS WHEN if you do not stay close to me and not wander off. I think I should have chilled out some....

Reply

And just what do "Obama like men" look like? What a nasty comment. Also, Obama has done quite well for himself. Sounds like you live in the slums. Get an education, a good job, and then move. You might find that most "Obama like men" are caring, hardworking men.

Reply

Wanda, you are the threat. Exactly what are you referring to by calling these men "Obama types". Are you aware that he is the President of this country and just what are YOU teaching your children about respect.

Reply