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In Defense of Chores
Filed under: Opinions
There used to be a time when paper routes and babysitting were as a part of the teen experience as pep rallies and Clearasil.
In Arizona, where I grew up and where my parents still live, my mom tells me that the middle class teenagers in her suburban neighborhood don't do the menial jobs that my siblings and I did to earn spending cash.
Gone are the fliers that used to come to her door at the beginning of each summer advertising lawn and babysitting services by entrepreneurial youths. Instead, the teens in her neighborhood have all the spare time and gadgets of their wealthy peers. Like rich kids of another generation, an increasing number of middle class kids also spend their summers free of chores and responsibilities; while they luxuriate by the pool or socialize incessantly on their laptops and cellphones, foreign-born maids clean the house and a team of subcontractors swoops in once a week to the mow the lawn and clean the pool.
Leaving aside the heated debates about illegal immigration and the wage distortions created by cheap labor, I wonder what the long-term impact of all this leisure will be on the resourcefulness and work ethic of America's middle class kids, the demographic our nation has always depended on to power our economy. Are we really doing them a favor by liberating them of work and chores? Or are we setting them up for failure when they enter the cold, competitive global market?
Presently, I don't have teenagers in the house. My six kids are all under the age of 10, and when you have a family this size, chores just come with the territory. Without the reasonable cooperation of my family, I would become the resident slave and my ability to help them do the fun things they want to do would grind to a halt. As a result, my kids are expected to take out the trash, help hold the baby while mom cooks, pick up their toys, keep their rooms in order and be generally helpful when they see the need. In my book, "Stay Home, Stay Happy: 10 Secrets to Loving At-Home Motherhood
," I advocate for chores and discuss the family bonding and character-building benefits they bestow on children. I even offer a chart of age-appropriate chores because I believe it needs to start early.Of course I deal with the expected complaints from my kids and the occasional mom-guilt that comes with the territory, but in general I feel pretty sure that I am doing the right thing. Kids who have chores and responsibility will grow up to become better roommates, co-workers, spouses and citizens.
If "because I said so" stops working with your kids, tell them they are doing it for their country. To get out of the economic mess our country is in, we'll need a young work force that's as hard working and industrious as our nation has ever had.
Related: Parents Hate Parenting Because They're Doing it Wrong
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
7-21-2010 @ 2:04PM
LS said...I suspect that part of the "no-chore" phenomenon is based on several factors, besides those you mentioned.
How about the "I work hard so my kid can have the things that I didn't have" mentality? Perhaps you didn't have those things not because your parents couldn't afford them (although many couldn't) but because your parents recognized the value of work over laziness.
Or the "keeping up with the Jones's" mentality? "Mom, I neeeeeeeeeeed an iPhone. EVERYBODY has one!! But I CAN'T get a job and pay for it myself, Everybody will think we can't afford it!!" Peer pressure doesn't end with a high school diploma.
Or the worst one of all, "My child is TOO YOUNG to work!" We all started babysitting at what? Somewhere between 12 and 14? Now parents are hiring babysitters for children that age!! It's pathetic.
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7-21-2010 @ 9:20PM
Sifrina said...You are doing the right thing and your kids are better people because of it (and you are saner parents!). I had daily chores growing up, and so does my 8 year old son. He doesn't get paid for these as it is expected he pitches in as we all have to. We gradually expand the complexity of what he's assigned to do. Glad to hear I don't have the only "chore objector" - but I learned a good tip from a boss - tack on extra chores for every complaint and the complaints stop when the kid figures out what's going on.
My husband is always amazed at the teenagers next door who are up-to-who-knows-what-in-their-brand-new-cars while their dad is mowing the lawn, cleaning the car, etc. At that age my husband had inherited those tasks from his dad. Fast forward over 20 years, we don't have a lawn service nor a maid service (and we can easily afford both), and I think we are much better people becaues of it.
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7-21-2010 @ 9:27PM
Sifrina said...Oh, and my husband got up at 5:30 a.m. for 6 years to do his paper route and I was contantly on the babysitting circuit. I truly believe these kinds of things contributed to our work ethic and lack of sense of entitlement.
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8-07-2010 @ 11:21PM
Heather said...Yes, I also go through the feeling of "how much is too much" with regards to children/teens and chores. I'm tired of the "me, myself and I" nation we live in, that only looks out for ones own needs or desires. We are a family. We are in it together, whether it be my personal family or our national family. We all need to work hard to keep on top of our responsibilities. Chores help keep our kids accountable to their families, parents and to themselves, which will breed an accountable character towards our nation!
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8-12-2010 @ 3:07PM
MKK said...Children are more well rounded when they understand what it takes to keep a household running properly. They don't learn that if they aren't part of that process. My kids are 8 and 10 and both help with dishes, setting the table, emptying the dishwasher and yes, when my 8 year old son gets older - my husband will hand off the lawn mowing to him. My kids also have a lot of time to play, swim in the pool and ride their bikes and love to be outdoors. But there is a proper balance between fun and chores that truly does help them understand the value of work and leisure. Bravo for this column!
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8-15-2010 @ 4:51AM
Lunarstruck said...You don't bring up illegal immigration? Why not? In our area of Southern CA, teens can't GET jobs at all - every job is taken by illegals.
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