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Kids Fighting? Don't Send Them to Their Rooms - Teach Them to Get Along
Filed under: Siblings, Resources, Research Reveals: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Research Reveals: Big Kids, Research Reveals: Tweens, Research Reveals: Teens
Give peace a chance. Credit: Getty Images
It's standard operating procedure for a parent with fighting kids: If you're feeling particularly energetic, you stop to figure out who did what and maybe even who started it (or not), and then you send your kids to their room.
Turns out, it's time to throw away that parenting manual.
A researcher from the University of Illinois says that approach is not the best one for raising siblings who can get along. By focusing on the conflicts between kids, parents are preventing them from learning how to work things out, Laurie Kramer, professor of applied family studies, writes in the journal Child Development Perspectives.
"Even if you're successful at reducing conflict and antagonism, research suggests that you'll probably be left with little positive interaction between siblings," Kramer says in a statement. "Do you really want your kids to head for their rooms and spend time mainly on their own interests and with their own friends?"
A better approach, Kramer writes, is to think about what kind of relationship parents would like their kids to have with one another, and then give them the tools to develop it. That means, among other things, showing them how to consider things from one another's perspective, helping them identify and manage their emotions, teaching them not to assume the worst about their siblings' intentions and that conflict is a problem that can be solved.
In doing so, it's important to meet each of your children's individual needs without playing favorites and encourage play and mutual interests. Also, show them they can use their unique understanding of each other to strengthen their relationship and praise them when they cooperate with one another.
"If you love the idea of your kids just having fun together, schedule more family activities and help to make that happen," Kramer says. "If you do have big problems with fighting among your kids, help them learn and practice strategies for solving problems and managing conflicts."
Kramer is the creator of the More Fun With Sisters and Brothers program, which teaches children how to interact with their siblings in a positive manner.
Related: Teen Daughter Won't Stop Belittling Her Brother
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
7-21-2010 @ 2:37PM
lively said...Ok, isn't this what we do as parents? In addition to stopping the conflict, we teach our children how to avoid it to begin with. Yes, we send them to their rooms, but that is for the "cooling off" period. After that, it is our JOB as parents to diffuse the situation by giving them better methods of dealing with conflict.
Um...Perhaps we should institute a parenting exam, and anyone who wants to have kids must score at least a "C"...because this article just outlined basic parenting common sense, and if you don't have that, then you're screwed as a parent anyway...
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7-22-2010 @ 1:43PM
Alicia said...Um, I hate to make a point and yes, there are parenting habits that have been practiced forever that need to be tossed, but little things like this? Everyone's been sent to their room for fighting with siblings (or cousins, etc) and the majority of people up to this point are still perfectly capable of working out arguments.
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