Funny. I agree, you cant take these editorials too seriously. If it is true and thats you, you've identified it now fix it. If its not you, now you have another reason to appreciate joe ma ma.
I too am a part of that 60%.

I have to say that I absolutely agree with the findings of this "affection" study...and I think that I have the experience to back it up.

My life was very uncertain when I had my three youngest children, and as I did not want them to suffer should I lose custody of them, I worked to be as UNaffectionate with them as I could manage, thinking that this would help them to better "absorb" the loss. Those children have paid a high price for my mistake.

My grandchildren have fared much better, though I still lacked the skills to truly identify the child's true need for one-on-one bonding.

Now, with my great-grandchild, I can see the real significance of this study...I have allowed myself to give unlimited hugs and holdings and rockings and kisses and singing, and this child (who has much to deal with in his life) is a very relaxed, happy, and bright child.

Thank you so much for publishing this all-so-true study.

I now believe that one reason children do so much better with lots of kisses and hugs is because their energy field gets re-enforced by their care takers one-to-one contact affections, and they "get the message" that they are not only loved, but that they MATTER; a factor that is absolutely crucial to the child's identity and the healthy development of not only their sense of self, but of their ability to cope in life; their ability to give and receive love.

Unconditional love and affection is the core of the child's ability to later have the coping skills and THINKING and REASONING skills that are balanced with the emotional ethics of kindness, empathy and acceptance, and in the ability to be NONJUDGMENTAL human beings as adults, and don't we need more of these people??

Kudos!!

I waited a long time to get pregnant and had a miscarriage my first time getting pregnant. The second time, I had a premie, and it was touch and go. I was so greatful to be blessed, I know that I was extremely affectionate, grateful for every day we shared. When my son went off to college, I called him all the time to see what he was doing, and sent him his favorite cookies I made packed in popcorn he could also eat. He lost his dad who he was caring for last year, which was hard on him and I moved to is city and in with him for those last two months as his dad was just hanging on, and I was unemployed, anyway, to share the difficult time with him, and he said to me so often how grateful I was there for my support. We have always been big on hugging and kissing on the forehead or cheek and long good-byes.

Now he is a marketing exec ready to give up his job, move up with me and my husband to go to culinary school, sick of the pressure of bearly there assistants and peers, who just don't have that work ethic, while they shop on Ebay or on the phone with their friends or family, and leave their unfinished work in his basket so he can stay until 9 to finish up their work too before he can go home. Finally, his boss laid off 3 peers and put 2 assistants on probation, but then there came the multitude of errors, like they weren't reviewing their work and it came back to them from clients with complaints, so now he has to check everyone's work. He just got fed up, the money was not worth all the frustration and lack of time for a social life.

My husband, his reluctant step-father, at first, refused to let him live with us, and this caused great dissent between us. We had 2 extra bedrooms, my husband is a college professor and has classes both day and night, and my son will be taking classes in the day and working, hopefully, as a dishwasher in a restaurant of fine repute. What was the problem? My husband said he was being irresponsible leaving such a well paying job with such a good future to go back to school for a culinary degree =( ??? For over w months he has been after me about the foolishness of his choice, and would not support it by letting him live in our house, even though my son goes way out of his way when we visit or he visits us to plan a day that my husband will enjoy, to appeal directly to HIS taste, not mine or his which we share, having "grown up" together, and always with great affection and fondness, even in our emails, there is no doubt that my son loves me and I him utterly.

Finally, he just asked my husband if he could just sleep in his car in our yard (we have 10 acres and live in Florida) which my husband refused. Things have gotten very iffy and silent at home, as my husband insists he will not condone an irresponsible decision to leave a great paying job with a great paying future to become a chef??? while my husband, at his age was just about finally getting his BS, had his girlfriend move into his parents home, and was still finding himself in the employment market. He does not compare his situation with my son's as he insists my son is much smarter and much more successful than he, with his Ph.D. in computer science??? He is not so affectionate as my son, who takes much comfort in a huge hug before we leave and a great kiss on my forehead, and a last hand hold before my husband takes off after tolerating this delay.

My husband's mom was a counselor, but left her family for graduate school to live on campus so as not to be disturbed so that she could concentrate on her studies. Dad took care, but you know that dad's are not usually as affectionate as mom's, but then I wonder how she could leave 3 kids to go to graduate school on campus, I would have missed my children desparately.

So I am wondering if my husband is so hard to understand how dedicated to my son, even at this age, or I suppose at any age, I cannot imagine not being dedicated to my son as my only child, as I am to get up early in the morning and have his coffee and fresh muffins ready when he wakes because he was not showered with affection as a young child, I don't know about his infancy or toddlerhood, while mom was on campus to get her graduate degree in counseling and visiting once every few weeks. I am now questioning if he had an affectionate childhood, for having such less compassion for my son, after 4 years of caring for a progressively demented father on disability after his dad's boss called him at college, only after he contrived to get his dad to trade his $1.5 million dollar retirement fund for "$3,000 Cash right now," and then told my son that he was laying off his famous architect dad as he could no longer function reliably. Suddenly his dad was the child, and he was the parent, and how so well did he take care of his dad and his dad's finances, learned to cook gourmet as his dad was accustomed to but also diabetic, to keep him as healthy as possible, as his dad's body slowly dissipated, commuted 160 miles several times a week to fix up the house and get it sold, to pay off all his dad's bills, and that nasty letter from the IRS threatening to take everything if his last two years he hadn't filed his taxes weren't paid off, which I charged on a credit card, and my son sold the home at the peak before the fall, got his dad moved to an apartment complex of his dad's choice, got his dad on disability, and Cobra, and all of this while he was keeping up his grades for his dad's sense of honor. And spent every waking hour not working taking his dad everywhere he went, and his dad's mind dissipated to repeating himself every five minutes, and was so grateful when we visited that he could talk with my husband and leave his dad to talk with me, and I knew how hard it must be, spending all his time with his dad, and how frustrating to see his dad's mind go. And he dedicated his life to his dad for four years, having no life of his own, until his dad died last year. And my husband has the gall to call my son irresponsible, and he did graduate with honors which made his dad very, very happy. And how could my husband say he was being very selfish to want to go into the culinary field, when he has lived to satisfy his dad, and then care for and be the only companion of his dad for four years??? And he doesn't understand why I want to help him do what he wants for himself, finally. And if it doesn't work out, he can always go back into business and be a big deal, if that's what he wants.

Are all men in their 50's like this, or is my husband being hard on my son??? Given his own status at my son's age, my son has lived with far more responsibility than he, and he doesn't want my son to call him or consider him his step dad, nope, he's not responsible in any way for this "kid" for sure, and feels no compulsion to help him. Is this all a part of that affection thing, an emotional affection between guys, that my husband doesn't have the background for as he was not smothered with affection as a child??? And why my son and I are so close, because he was my prayer answered, and I was always affectionate, even dancing him to sleep every night as a wee one??? It has been difficult between my husband and myself, but after several weeks of sudden bursts of crying, but no communication, because he knows the deal, and as long as he is unwilling to share a bedroom for my son (while we have a separate apartment in which his friend resides free, who is 58 and a computer programmer and has been living there for 20 years for free, and there is no room for my son???) and after reading this article I begin to think my husband was deprived of affection as a child. So what do you all think??? All I know is that I am very depressed about the whole thing...

She did when she was there, unfortunately, I was raised in daycare from 3-13. It was like prison with the teachers and their favorites and never being one of them.
I am now an adult with horrid social skills, social anxiety and trust issues.
I believe this survey hit the nail on the head.

You should have my mother. She's an extremely cold person who would'nt give anyone the time of day. Her parents were the same way. My mother is also a nut case too.

I would have liked the questions to have been broken down into age. My mom was not of computer era and yet I voted "no."

I'm not sure why you are equating "attentive" with "affectionate." Seems to me that a mother can be attentive (perhaps by constant nagging and criticizing, thus paying attention to the child) without being at all affectionate.

perhaps you didnt read the article close enough...it never said a thing about "attentive"...it said "AFFECTIONATE". There's a difference. I know a lot of ppl whose parents were attentive, but not affectionate at all.

Mothers can be overly affectionate and overly attentive at the same time, unaffectionate and inattentive, overly attentive and unaffectionate, they can also be overly affectionate and inattentive. This study is far too incomplete to mean anything. There needs to be a balance of both in good parenting and not just from the mothers. Look at people who were breastfed until they were 2 and 3 years old, their mothers were overly affectionate, overly attentive and generally overbearing shrews... most of them turn into socially retarded toddlers and adolescents, then into maladjusted adults with mommy issues.

Wow, talk about hating your mother so you take it out on other women. Maybe if you didn't sound like a guy who was abusive to women you would find one who would give you affection.

I don't think they are trying to make anyone feel badly for working outside the home and raising a child. Obviously, you can be affectionate when you are home with the child, whenever that may be. I received affection that abruptly ended at age 7, I'd like to see a study about that. For that reason, I have to be cognitively aware of how much physical affection I give to my children or I simply am not as affectionate. I don't like it, but it is just my natural way of behaving. I think for people like myself, this is just a confirmation on how important affection really is.

Yes that is what the study is saying - I feel if you can't really "be there" for your children - especially in the years before school starts why have them? Are they a status symbol? People should really make sure they have their life in near perfect order before making a new life that they don't have adequate time for. That is why so many people are so messed up. It makes perfect sense.

MTM: WHAT???? what an idiotic comment. have you known any feminists that consider it wrong to give affection to a child?

FINALLY, we are getting some POSITIVE affirmation for being attentive and loving mothers. \(HOORAY for many who chose/ and are choosing to stay at home longer instead of going right back to work) (and yes I know some of you CAN'T)
BUT..............
In the late 70's early 80's, those of us who DARED stay home to raise our children were BOMBARDED with negative feminists and leftists who would "sneer" at us and say "What are you doing staying home, when you should by OUT in the world", "What about your CAREER"?
Phil Donahue was a big one for putting down mothers. You didn't DARE tell anyone you were a "stay at home mom". Well, LOOK AT THE RESULTS!! We have a couple generations of kids who can't focus on anything for 2 seconds, who are selfish and can't socialize with other kids. JUST ASK ANY TEACHER....they will confirm this. Parents who take the TIME to be attentive, gentle and LOVING to their babies/children have obviously more secure children. (and NO, don't tell me about how YOU are different, because I know that there are exception to ALL things) I am talking about babies/children and parents in GENERAL. My husband's mother was not attentive to her kids, and would not hold them, kiss them or love on them for more than a couple seconds. All three kids (now adults) turned out to be very insecure, socially inept, and terribly dysfunctional. Others I know of have the same story to tell as well. I went against the grain and dared to stay home and showered tons of love on my kids, caught "hell" for it from working women AND men. Funny, NOW, women who HAVE to work, would do anything to be able to stay home with their children and love on them. Out society needs SERIOUS HELP,.