Who Loves Ya, Baby? Kids of Extra-Affectionate Moms Are Better Adjusted Adults, Study Says

My own Mother was overly affectionate w/ my younger brother; told me at age 5 I was "too old to call her Mommy"; he could do no wrong, I was/am too fat, lazy, ungrateful, selfish, etc. Made my own mistakes w/ my 2 children, but my daughter has shown she trusts me w/ her children. I have seen first-hand, w/ my grands and step-grands, how much difference attention makes in the early years of a child's life.

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My mother was not only unaffectionate to me, she was down right cruel. Why, she even said that if abortion had been the thing to do, I wouldn't be here. But during those early years, we lived with my grandparents and THEY showed me affection. My grandmother was like a mother to me as my mother worked outside the home, but she also had to do the washing, cleaning, cooking, etc., for 5 of us full-time, and six when Granmaw Meter stayed with us. And in those days, we had no electric dishwasher, dryer, lawnmower, blahblah, so she didn't have the time to over-indulge me. I was, however, the apple of my grandfather's eye. And although everyone thought I was always Nanny's favorite, the truth was she didn't become partial to me until after Granddaddy died, and she tried to pick up where he left off. She said so several times.

All this being said, so long as a baby feels secure, loved and is showered with affection, does it matter where in the family it comes from? I ask this because kids in other countries don't seem to have the deep-seated insecurities and anger American kids have today. And most other societies value extended family, and the family pulls together to raise the children. In our country, we have taken Individualism to the extreme that either the baby is with mommy & daddy, or baby-sitters. There is no extended family bond, and no support or relief for the parents. We are all to eager to cut the ties that bind, and I believe today we are suffering the rude awakening of consequences from those collective social/family trends.

The parents do everything, and this is unreasonable. Grandma's no longer babysit once in a while, and they're never invited to stay for a week at YOUR house. Heaven forbid! Brothers & sisters are no longer allowed to work out their differences - mom & dad interfere and solve issues which robs the kids of learning experiences about taking turns, life isn't fair, blahblah. We are isolating ourselves, obliterating what is left of the American family structure (which isn't much), cramming our days full of so many things the emphasis is on quantity, not quality. And everybody is worn plum out. Is it any wonder nobody is happy? Can you see why we're all so damned depressed? We got ourselves here, and only we can get ourselves out.

We're fixated on "hope" and "change". We HOPE somebody is going to CHANGE our lives for the better. That somebody is you and me. And we need to stop celebrating depression by accepting and excusing it, and prescribing zombie drugs to everybody and his brother, and his KIDS. Depression has always been with us, but it was traditionally something we had to deal with and move on. Today, we are "victims" of depression. But really, only we hold the key to our own freedom from depression, only we can re-capture the true meaning of family, and together we can raise a strong army of happy, stable, healthy children to lead us into the next generations.

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I am a 69 yr old male who grew up with almost no affection. No one told me they loved me until I met my soul mate in High School. We've been married 49 years this year. I'm still totally screwed up but have lived a relatively successful life in spite of it. I guess this situation applies to a lot of us.

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i'm a feminist. i also shower my two-year old son with hugs and kisses and songs and wholesome foods and all kinds of love.

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this was in response to MTM's ridiculous comment.

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No, my mom didn't give me a lot of affection growing up, but in her defense she was very ill spending the majority of my childhood in the hospital. It was my grandmother who really raised me and yes, she was very affectionate with me. In fact, I have always considered her more my mother than my real one. It might sound awful, but when my grandmother died I cried for days and 25 years latter I miss her still and get misty eyed when I think about her. But when my mom died 2 years ago I never shed a tear and I've not shed one since. There are times that I do miss her; her advice and counsel. I know that sounds cold but I can't help the way I feel.

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I totally agree with this particular article. My mother left when I was 6 - and I don't feel she was very affectionate prior to her leaving because she was absorbed in alcohol. However, as an adult I am a very affectionate person. I am nearly 30 and have no children, but when I do have children I know what they need - because I know what I felt I needed when I was young and didn't receive. Even as a young child I knew I needed more love - how sad is that :'(
But I feel having 2 parents for a child is a necessity. People need to stop having children out of wedlock.
In addition, I have a "friend" who is a single mom who ignores her child and pawns her off on relatives every second she can to "get away" from her child and is obsessed with a man who treats her like crap and hates her kid. This poor child is going to be so messed up. She is acting out already at 2 yrs. old by yelling, screaming, crying, whining, throwing things, hitting her mother, and back talking. It's probably too late for the child. On the other hand I have a friend who is a single mom and is a mother to her son and he is very well mannered, he will be just fine.

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I never went along with the notion that you should show tough love like letting your baby cry themselves to sleep, force them to take a bottle,or ignore them through temper tantrums. I feel like you can never show a baby too much affection and love. You cannot spoil a baby!!! The first 4 years are so important to bond with your child, so hold them, cuddle with them, kiss them, dance with them as much as you can. I have a wonderful 10 year old now who has always been close to me and tells me everything. I do believe that the experiences in the first 4 years of life have a lasting effect into adulthood. Insecurities are born during these years, so make your babies feel safe and happy!

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I totally agree with this study! My Mother was attentive, loving, caring, nurturing, and the most wonderful person. I can handle anything that comes my way, and there has been NUMEROUS issues that I have dealt with all my life, and I am always the person that stays calm in a situation and figures out how best to alleviate it and come up with a solution.
My husband, however, just the opposite. His mother is not very affectionate, and has more of a sarcastic nature and when something happens my husband blows up, goes overboard with an exaggerated solution, and gets sarcastic or has a fatalist overview of it all.
I will gladly take my loving upbringing over his any day, and I can see how feeling loved and secure and happy can certainly help in how you deal with the rest of your life and its trials and tribulations.

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In the 1930's and 1940's new mothers were told not to spoil their children by holding them too much and not to pick them up each time they cried, and to stick to a regular feeding schedule, even if the baby cried with hunger between feedings. I was born in 1942 and received no maternal affection, other than being nursed, changed and bathed. During the 18 years I lived at home, neither of my parents ever hugged or kissed me or told me they loved me, which is a terrible thing to do to any child (much like the neglected orphans in Romania). Having a child of of my own makes it even more inconceivable to not hold and be affectionate to an infant. New mothers should follow their own heart and instincts and ignore what doctors say because there are new theories on parenting in every generation and doctors just don't know the right way to rear an infant and child.

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What people neglect to understand, is you get a license to drive a car, which requires much time in learning the rules of the road so to speak, and hands on experience on the road before obtaining a license to drive a car, before given that privledge.
Unfortunately, no one understands that human beings are a wonderful gift from God, and with that blessing comes the responsibility to love and nurture that child. No one gives lessons or a license if you will to teach you the basics of the needs of children. The first 5 years of their lives develops 80+ % of their personality. The first year is very foundational, where they learn whether or not they can trust. Every year teaches the child if they are valued or not, and they live out that belief for much of their adult life.... so is it a surprise to see anxiety,personality disorders, and adults ill-equiped to raise healthy children.... it is possible, yet rare. God is the only one that can heal the heart.... I for one know that.
My mother was mentally ill, and not able to raise me and my siblings well. We all paid the price in different ways, depending upon our personalities etc. My brother committed suicide. And many of our marriages fell apart too.... Lack of nurture affects every area of life. As a counselor I see it every week, and the story is usually the same. It goes back to childhood and the connection or lack of connection with BOTH PARENTS. TAKE HEED PLEASE..

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I mean really...how do you measure "affection"...too many variables

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I always thought the reason my mom loved me so much was because I'd be picking out the old folks home for her later. Or maybe the fact that that's what mom's are supposed to do: love their kids and focus on the family.

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My stillhigh anxiety adult daughter, as an infant had an under developed nervous system and it was actually painful for her to be held. I don't think she has issues because she wasn't given affection, butbecause she was unable to receive affection. I wonder if this was considered in the study.

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No kidding? I guess all the rocket scientists can now breath a huge sigh of relief

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My mother hated being a mother and hated being my mother even more. She was very emotionally, verbally and physically abusive to me all my life.
She's sickly now with chronic COPD. Luckily she has my younger sister who was her favorite, to look after her because if she had to depend on me she would be very disappointed!

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How ironic that this article should be accompanied by a picture of a mother witholding the greatest show of affection possible: feeding from her breast!

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I think most adults are going to say they are in the 60% most of us as adults have found some fault with parents regardless if it is justified or not. Either they didnt get us the special bike we wanted or a sibling always got the last pork chop. Regardless of how we raise our own, once in junior high and high school, those difficult issues are left up to the teens who either are strong enough to say no or get rapped up in peer pressure

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