Do We Really Need a Breast-Feeding Cookie?

Filed under: Weird But True, Opinions


MilkMakers, Milkin' Cookies -- these are two new-ish cookies created for breast-feeding moms. They're made from, among other things, oatmeal, yeast and flax seed, all long held to help boost milk production, and anecdotal evidence (well, people posting on breast-feeding blogs) seems to indicate they work. So more power to these little teats!

Er ... treats. That being said, I do have a couple of reservations:

First off, my cookie of choice while breast-feeding did not cost $44 for 30 of them, as do the MilkMakers. It was called the "Oreo," and it was available pretty much everywhere.

Furthermore, the blogs about the breast milk-boosting cookies are filled with chipper endorsements like, "And my husband loves them, too!"

Short response: Ew!

Long response: "I'm sure a more mature woman would feel totally comfortable with a male enjoying an all-natural cookie whose ingredients just happen to help lactating females develop more milk but -- ACK ACK ACK!"

The larger issue is the idea that lactating women suddenly need their own line of foods. As with Gymboree classes hinting that our kids would never learn to clap and sing without some professional help, the growth of specialty foods for moms hints that without us taking all sorts of new (sometimes pricey) precautions/supplements/classes, our kids are going to suffer. And, of course, it's all our fault.

So here's another, absolutely free and age-old way to make more milk: Listen to Shakespeare.

While I can't entirely vouch for this working for human moms, a team of researchers in England discovered that cows listening to Shakespeare produced 4 percent more milk. Which means that soon some other entrepreneur, perhaps locked out of the lactation cookie market, will probably set about rewriting the bard's biggest hits for a bovine audience. So I asked readers of a contest I run in The Week magazine: What will some of these plays be called? The winners:

"Romeo and Mooliet," "The Dairy Wives of Windsor," "King Steer," "A Midsummer's Light Cream," and, my husband's favorite, "MacBessie."

If you want to cheer up a breast-feeding mom who's having a hard time of it, here are some more: "The Tipping of the Shrew," "Such a Moo About Nothing," "Julius Cheeser," "Richard the Curd," "Othello: The Moo-er of Venice," "A Comedy of Udders," "The Merchant of Angus," "Two Gentlemen of Velveeta" and "Four Stomachs of Verona."

There's even one that's eerily appropriate: "As You Lactate."

Good luck to all breast-feeders (human and otherwise) out there!

Related: The Real Reason Your In-Laws Don't Want You (and Your Baby) to Visit

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Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.