Crikey! It's the Australian Mutant Ninja Mamas!
"M" is for the multiple contusions she gave you.
"U" is for all the food you'll have to gum.
Because "M" is for how she'll mess you up, and all your crying will not save you.
Put them all together, they spell MUM.
OK, so it's not exactly the same ode to motherhood Eddy Arnold sang back in the days of June Cleaver. But they're singing a different tune these days in Australia.
Mothers Down Under are baking brownies, knitting baby booties, kicking butts and taking names.
The Sun Herald in Australia reports mothers in Melbourne have had it up to here with a recent rash of stabbings and bashings. And they're goin' ninja.
Parents -- many of them mothers -- are reportedly flocking to places like the Kevin Hawthorne Ninja School to learn the ancient Japanese martial art of jujitsu and general butt kickery.
They learn how to wield nunchukkas, sais and staffs to use against any would-be mugger, assassin or teenage mutant turtle.
However, there is more to jujitsu that hitting your opponent with a stick or a sword.
"I am a weapon," Annette Christopherson tells the Sun Herald. She's a 4-foot-11, 50-something mom, but she's also a black belt ninja -- who you don't want to meet in a dark alley. "Sadly the world which we live in is not safe. There are gang attacks, blade attacks, attacks on the way to the train. People have the right to feel safe."
Christopherson's 27-year-old daughter, Penny, also takes martial arts classes. A brown belt, she tells the paper the lessons give her the extra confidence she needs to walk the streets.
The keys to being a ninja mama, Christopherson tells the paper, are commitment, talent, balance, timing and psychology.
"Any age group can learn," she adds. "Sometimes it can simply be a little pinch and knowing how much skin to take. If you remain calm you can assess the situation. It also prevents the foe from feeding off your fear."
Batman would be proud of this woman.
"You use your peripheral vision, which is where our camouflage and stealth work come in," she tells the paper. "Wait it out, and you can calmly take each attacker on at any situation or time."
The important thing, she adds, is to keep it simple.
"You don't need to do fancy complicated moves, one step, two step, because by the time you get to step two, you're gone," Christopherson tells the paper.
Related: Mother Sentenced for Attacking Sex Offender
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Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.