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Should I Choose a Name My Husband Hates?
Filed under: Baby Names, Relationships, Expert Advice: Pregnancy, Expert Advice: Just For You, Expert Advice: Family Time
I have loved the name Sloan since I heard it about three years ago and immediately knew that's what I would name my daughter. My husband has never liked the name. We have disagreed on it since. He has recently told me that if it is that important to me, he was fine with it. Is it really OK?
- Sloan Dreamer
Oh, what a happy problem! I know it doesn't look that way from where you sit, agonizing over a name that has held a special place in your heart for years. But trust me, this is the best kind of naming conflict you can have.
The baby-naming process is a snapshot of how a couple makes decisions. My inbox overflows with sad examples of how badly it can go. I hear from many parents who were bullied or tricked into the name of their partner's choice, or whose partners refuse to participate in the naming process at all except to reject every suggestion they offer.
Not you guys. Just think about it: Your husband is prepared to sacrifice his own desires to make you happy, and you're worried about taking advantage of him. That's good stuff, believe me.
If the name Sloan is truly important to you, you can go ahead and accept your husband's generosity. Make sure to show your appreciation, though, and to tell him how much this sacrifice means to you. Let him remember this name choice as a special gift to his wife, not just a surrender.
But if you can bear to let go of Sloan, so much the better. The only thing more precious than having a husband who loves you enough to let you choose a baby name he can't stand is loving him enough to not choose it.
How do you handle naming disagreements? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 5)
7-31-2010 @ 8:09PM
Jay said...Sloan is a terrible name for a baby, probably the worst possible name
Reply
7-31-2010 @ 9:04PM
prattster said...Just think, her friends may shorten it to "Slo" for short....You know how kids rename or nickname friends....
7-31-2010 @ 9:13PM
Donna said...I named my Dog Sloan, she was a beautiful light yellow Lab. She never complained about her name....
7-31-2010 @ 9:20PM
tonya said...i named my son slone, his name is slone orion, and i love it, he is a wonderful boy!!
7-31-2010 @ 10:00PM
Deva said...Why not meet in the middle and make the middle name Sloan?.. Nice Ferris Beuler's day off name though.
8-01-2010 @ 4:51AM
John said...Just the fact that he OFFERED should be enough to make YOU want to do the same for HIM...It's HIS kid too remember!!! Forget Sloan! There are a gazillion names out there! One of them should please you both, it's called compromise...How about another name you both love and SLoan as a middle name??? This man will resent his own daughter's name the rest of your lives! He'll look at it as HIS giving in with no compromise from you...THINK how many times he's going to HEAR her name in the 18-20 years!!!
7-31-2010 @ 8:16PM
B said...I have had my future kids names (and middle names) picked out for years now, so I really hope my future husband likes the names since I am kind of set on them and have been for awhile now. :)
Reply
7-31-2010 @ 9:28PM
Andrew said...I hope for your sake your future husband is OK with being married to someone so determined to be selfish. How would you feel if you got married and your husband said, "I decided ten years ago that my wife would be a stay-at-home mom and not work. You'll be quitting your job on Monday." Men who pull this stuff always get labeled as controlling and difficult, and rightly so. Why are women allowed to do it? I just think that with something as important as your kids' names, both partners should have input. If your husband doesn't care, fine-but if he does, what are you going to do? Split up because he has opinion on what his kids should be named?
7-31-2010 @ 9:47PM
Gloria L. Johnson said...Be ready to compromise!
7-31-2010 @ 11:59PM
Cindy said...Jeez Andrew! She didn't say she was a selfish control freak who would split up with her husband for having an opinion on his kids' names! She said "I really hope my future husband likes the names" That implies that she cares about his opinion. I think a lot of women pick out names for their imaginary future children. Is it wrong to hope that your future husband likes the names you've got your heart set on? Calling her selfish was totally uncalled for! You might want to ask youself why you had such a strong response to an innocent posting.
8-01-2010 @ 1:06AM
sarah said...Woman imagine there kids names all their lives. It sounds to me like Andrew is a little controlling let me guess you got dumped by a woman who had strong opinions! Get over it your not her future husband so why do you care? I think it is important to compromise but if you really love the names then you should come to some sort of agreement!
7-31-2010 @ 8:17PM
TLC said...When my husband and I were expecting our baby (who is now 8) I wanted to name her Jade. My husband wanted Penelope Lou.
My sister who's DD is 11 months older then my DD came up with the name Shelby. She wanted it for her own DD but her husband hated the name so that is what she got named. Needless to say the name suits her. everyone was happy.
Reply
7-31-2010 @ 8:27PM
wow said...I think Sloan sounds ridiculous. Agree, probably the worst possible name. Im sure if you ask the husband why he doesn't like it.......
Reply
7-31-2010 @ 8:41PM
PTMR said...Sloan; that's the name of the female lead in Ferris Buller's Day Off. So, go ahead. By the way, there are many, many really unusual names and Sloan isn't among the most uniuqe of them. I'd say it's unique but reasonable.
Reply
7-31-2010 @ 8:44PM
Lynn said...If the wife doesn't want to take advantage of her husband's generosity, then she shouldn't. Perhaps this couple could compromise by using Sloan for their daughter's middle name and choosing a first name they both like. Who knows, when she grows up, she might surprise them and choose to use Sloan for her primary name!
Reply
8-01-2010 @ 12:09AM
AnnMarie said...I personally don't like Sloan, but it's not my child LOL. Don't listen to your husband. You will probably be divorced in a few years, you will get the kids, and then you'll be glad you named her what you wanted.
8-01-2010 @ 12:27AM
Lynn said...I think Lloyd (7-31-2010 @ 9:02PM) summarized it well. When I first read that Sloan was the name being considered by this couple, before the article said that it was for a daughter, I assumed it was for a boy and was possibly a family name.
AnnMarie's assumption that this couple will be divorced in a few years is based on what, her own experience, perhaps? Further, suggesting that the mother do what she wants, disregarding the father's feelings and, more importantly, the ramifications and effects of this name on the child, is hardly helpful to forging a family.
I reiterate my earlier suggestion that, in the interest of compromise, the couple keep Sloan but as the girl's middle name, and find an alternate first name that both parents like for their daughter.
7-31-2010 @ 9:01PM
marie said...She's a lucky woman. My husband was adamant that we name our son the III after himself and his father. I hate it, but....that's what happened. NO compromise there.
Reply
7-31-2010 @ 11:31PM
Janie said...It's best to compromise but if you really didn't care for "the third" and you were conscious, ONLY THE MOTHER gets to fill out the birth certificate or tell the hospital rep who comes to your room what name is to be put on birth cert. Wouldn't matter how "adamant" your husband was, if you really hated the name, you didn't have to use it.
8-12-2010 @ 3:06PM
tracey said...WOW Ann Marie you sound a little bitter. Not every marriage ends in divorce and not every woman gets the kids . Guess your marriage didn't work out, gee maybe you weren't willing to compromise. Your poor EX.