Jaimie Etkin: The Devil Wore Manolos
Should I Choose a Name My Husband Hates?
Filed under: Baby Names, Relationships, Expert Advice: Pregnancy, Expert Advice: Just For You, Expert Advice: Family Time
I have loved the name Sloan since I heard it about three years ago and immediately knew that's what I would name my daughter. My husband has never liked the name. We have disagreed on it since. He has recently told me that if it is that important to me, he was fine with it. Is it really OK?
- Sloan Dreamer
Oh, what a happy problem! I know it doesn't look that way from where you sit, agonizing over a name that has held a special place in your heart for years. But trust me, this is the best kind of naming conflict you can have.
The baby-naming process is a snapshot of how a couple makes decisions. My inbox overflows with sad examples of how badly it can go. I hear from many parents who were bullied or tricked into the name of their partner's choice, or whose partners refuse to participate in the naming process at all except to reject every suggestion they offer.
Not you guys. Just think about it: Your husband is prepared to sacrifice his own desires to make you happy, and you're worried about taking advantage of him. That's good stuff, believe me.
If the name Sloan is truly important to you, you can go ahead and accept your husband's generosity. Make sure to show your appreciation, though, and to tell him how much this sacrifice means to you. Let him remember this name choice as a special gift to his wife, not just a surrender.
But if you can bear to let go of Sloan, so much the better. The only thing more precious than having a husband who loves you enough to let you choose a baby name he can't stand is loving him enough to not choose it.
How do you handle naming disagreements? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 5)
7-31-2010 @ 9:01PM
Leah said...I too think that Sloan is a terrible name, especially for a girl. My husband and I recently chose baby names, one for a girl and the other for a boy, and we just had a lot of communication when talking about it. We went through a few websites and chose names that we both like regardless of our preferences. It was about wanting a name we both loved and didn't feel disdain for later in life when we called out for our child. I dont want to call for our child and have to think every time "God, we should have named her such and such instead." and feel resentment for the name.
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7-31-2010 @ 9:42PM
Gloria L. Johnson said...Good for you!!!! Best to you!
7-31-2010 @ 9:02PM
Lloyd said...Yet again, I find the opinionator is a fool. If someone wants to pull a name out of the air, I guess that's ok. But, in reality you should ask the father what he wants. You should also advise her to consider family names. Sloan is a surname. So, tell her to consider family surnames from her family or her husbands. It makes no sense at all to fall in love with a sound, which what a name with no reference ultimately is. Place the child's name in the context of family or in context of their life together. Then the name has meaning beyond a pretty sound and therefore has importance.
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7-31-2010 @ 10:05PM
Lacie said...Why not use it as her middle name? Then mom gets the name she loves and dad can help agree on a first name. It's the best of both worlds.
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7-31-2010 @ 9:29PM
Jim said...Wow! For me that name is silly since I was born and lived most of my life in Sloan, New York which wasn't that great! Later in life, my best friend was Steve Sloan. If anything, it sounds more masculine than femineine, but to each his own------
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7-31-2010 @ 9:27PM
Sue said...One of the most annoying things . . . bad baby names and boys names that are not at all masculine. I only heard Sloan once in Ferris Buehler movie. I have boys and they've heard my unacceptable name list!
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7-31-2010 @ 9:30PM
Illyria said...My friend is pregnant with a boy. Her hubby wanted the name Redd Foxx. She wanted the name Rivers. The baby's name will be Redd Foxx Rivers. They both got their way. Now thats love.
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7-31-2010 @ 9:42PM
mamita said...Why didn't they just call him Kick My Ass Every Day At School?
7-31-2010 @ 10:48PM
Judy said...Of course these parents can name the baby what they choose, but let's stop to think: all us ladies out there, what is the first thing you think of when you hear "Redd Rivers"? Oh, yeah.....that poor boy is going to catch grief his whole life, and the kids will torment him for having a name that will be forever linked with "that time of the month". So, really, you think it is a great name, but is it worth it when it will cost your kid so much misery? Please reconsider.
7-31-2010 @ 9:30PM
Kare said...I think Lynn here said the smartest and most sensible thing.And she's right-- often the child later on chooses to be called by the middle name anyway!
I personally odn't care for that name Sloan.I agree with the person that said it's a last name.I don't care for names like Sloan and Blake or what-have- you all sounds odd and unpleasant to *me*..but it's not my decision to make! :-) If the couple can agree it is'nt my business.:-)
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8-01-2010 @ 12:34AM
Lynn said...Thanks, Kare! And I agree with you about "unisex" names, too (though, having one myself, I do like the spellings that indicate the sex of the person -- Toni, Lynne, etc.)
7-31-2010 @ 9:33PM
Kare said...I agree Jim--sounds masculine, if anything! if folks want a uni-sex name what ever happened to names like Pat,or Tony(Toni) ?
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7-31-2010 @ 9:48PM
Gloria L. Johnson said...I am always concerned about setting a precedent. No one can predict the future. Therefore, I would most certain try to use Sloan as a middle name, etc. or maybe not at all. Marriage leans heavily on seeking compromises. I would not insist on winning this disagreement. After 41 years of marriage, I promise there will be bigger fish to fry!
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7-31-2010 @ 9:41PM
Mary said...I always loved the name AMY, so I asked hubby if I could name our first daughter AMY and he agreed. I happily allowed HIM to choose the next four. One I didn't like but I got used to it.
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7-31-2010 @ 9:44PM
Renee said...I actually kind of like the name Sloan for a girl. It's a unique name that you don't hear very often. I have two boys and picked out several names while I was pregnant. I had to actually "see" them before I chose which name I liked...that fit them best. Maybe you could compromise, make Sloan a middle name...or let your hubby choose the middle name. Or try a variation to the name! Good Luck and Congrats on your baby girl!
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7-31-2010 @ 9:46PM
Tillie said...I don't know of anyone who doesn't like their name, odd or not. It doesn't matter whether strangers like it or not - all that matters is whether the child likes it. My parents thought it was cute to call me MIMI, but I hated THAT, and wanted to use my given name.
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7-31-2010 @ 9:47PM
lindee said...It is usually spelled SLOANE and I love it. My husband hated the name BRANDON, because he didn't know how to spell it when we had our firstborn. I liked it because it was modern. 30 years later every other kid is named Brandon. 4 years later I let him name our second & he chose JASON. Both boys hate their names.
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7-31-2010 @ 9:51PM
Marie said...The guy is a jerk. First of all who is going through the ordeal of having the child in the first place. Just that fact should make him accept the name full heartedly. What difference does it make what the child is called he should love it anyway, because he supposedly loves his wife. He is a jerk.
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7-31-2010 @ 9:51PM
Geegee Davis said...Just don't name the kid April Dawn.. Is that a dumb name or what??? Also, don't name it Toyota, or Ophelia. Those are sucky names..And for God's sake don't name it Barack Hussein Obama.. Or BinLaden.. Yee Gads !!!
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8-10-2010 @ 1:23PM
alleygirl said...And what's wrong with the name April Dawn? I know a girl named April Dawn and also my daughter's name is April...April is a Beautiful name.