Moms, Your Kids Are Just Fine, Now Get Back to Work, Researchers Say

CB - Thank you - well put.

Great post!

When planning to use day care for your children do more investigating than you could think possible. Ask for references, Http://www.daycaretipsandsecrets.info but most of all - go with your gut feelings!

Being a full time mom may be the only vision you have as a mother but this is not mine nor others' fortunately. I have a stimulating, gratifying job and was able to take the first 6 months off (almost all paid) after my son was born, and then my husband took another month and a half off to stay home (dads can be trusted to nurture too, you know!). What a wonderful experience for all of us, but especially my husband and son (and yes, I nursed my son through this entire experience and pumped breastmilk at work, not that that is the one and only criteria for a "good mother"). We’ve chosen high quality, loving childcare and when my son was 3, I switched employers so I would not have to travel or work in extensive litigation (but still be full time).

Since age 5, my son has been in school full time (so neither mothering nor fathering would be a full time venture at this point - let's not kid ourselves). Even though I could quit my job at any point (our mortgage is really low), I always knew I'd be a working mom with a challenging career and my husband and I would be partners as parents. We do this together every day and I love that my son sees this (and my husband loves being married to a woman with her own career – he’s pretty proud of me)! The extra security we have by both working (income, great health insurance and other benefits) is also something we value (college and post college are paid for) and we have a wonderful time together in the evenings and weekends talking about our exciting days that stretch us and our potential.

But what it comes down to is this: For every minute of the above, I was/am/will always be a mom who loves her child more than anything on the planet, no matter where he is when I’m at work. And my son just smiles when I tell him this because apparently he knows and feels my motherly love absolutely. Judging from my son's success in life and school (and my continued success in my career), I'd say this was the best choice for OUR family. You need to make choices for YOUR family, but not mine, nor others. I hope this serves to help expand your limited vision of what a mother (and father) can be.

Sifrina - You obviously have assumed many things about my life! I too was a professional with a career, an expensive education and a life full of travel and things. BUT when my husband and I decided to create a human being, we decided together that ONE of us was going to parent full time and not the nanny, preschool or day care. We planned financially for that day as well, so I didn't HAVE to work and yes, both children were educated without loans, and we now care for our elders in their time of financial need. I chose the most important career a woman can have...TO BE A MOM! You may be surprised but my days with my children were "stimulating and gratifying" as well. No career in law could possibly compare. My successful adult children thank me often for the sacrifice their father and I made many years ago. I wish your son and future children (if you can fit them in) will thank you as well.

Mel, I did not have the luxury of staying home with my children.
I carried our health insurance and my husband and I did not have enough income to make it on one paycheck alone.
I loved my children as much as you do and they are wonderful young adults who have school loans. Please don't ask why a working mom would want to have children, you are being very judgemental.

Mel - I'm glad it worked out for you and your family. But, again, you and your husband's choices are not ours. Yes, Mom is the best job, I wholeheartedly agree, and I also have a career, and yes, I really do fit it all in! I hope you someday learn the lesson of tolerance of other people's choices. I hope for the sake of your kids and grandkids you learn to reserve your judgmental tone because, you know, reasonable minded people (in your family and out) will make decisions for their lives and they may not be yours. Good luck!

Thank you ! I have been a stay at home mom for all three of our kids. My baby is now 18 and now is the time that I feel that I can work outside of the home. My kids are raised now, and with the baby going into the army I feel like my job is completed.

Not every parent plans on having a child...sometimes a pregnancy occurs at an unexpected time!!! I chose to have my child when I found out I was pregnant very unexpectedly. We were not in a financial position to allow either my husband or I to stay home and not work. It wasn't a matter of having a fancy house or an expensive car. It was a matter of having A house and a running vehicle. Being able to pay for diapers, medical bills, baby clothes, food, etc. Believe me, we lived in a 2 bedroom rented townhome and there was nothing fancy about it. It was big enough and it was comfortable and safe.

I was very lucky that a family friend was able to care for my son while I worked until he was about 2 years old at which time I had to move him into a traditional daycare because her health was failing and she couldn't continue caring for him.

Regardless...really...don't make comments asking questions like "why HAVE the child if you don't plan on being a mom?". I am a mom. I love my child more than life itself. However part of loving your child is making sure that their needs are met. For me...that meant having to work. My son just started kindergarten. He is doing well thanks to his time in daycare - he has been learning a preschool curriculum since he was three. He is very able to adapt to change and to socialize with other children. There were MANY benefits to having him in daycare. I don't feel like I am less of a mom because I needed to work to help care for him. Period.

Gee Mel, what are you so pissed off about? From where I'm sitting your life sounds pretty sweet and easy. Not all of us are have husbands who make a good enough living to allow us to be stay-at-home moms. Some of us don't even have husbands! Not all of us have been blessed with an "expensive education, travel, and a professional life" before having children. Some of us struggle every day just to keep our heads above water. Working moms love their kids just as much as you love yours and are doing the BEST THEY CAN, which according to the article is just fine. Count your blessings and shut your pie hole!

Mel. Wow..You probabley were able to stay at home with your kids, but the one thing you forgot to teach them was how NOT to be incredibly judgmental and narrow minded. The life lessons you give your kids and the kind of role-model you are is way more important then if you spend a few extra hours during the day with them.
In my profession I see the real damaging effects parents can have on their children. I work with abused and neglected kids. None of my clients are “victims” of having a working mother….

Jo - See the comments to Mel about being judgmental. You are certainly entitled to your opinion but your absolute statements sound like you have no tolerance for anyone else's decisions or situations. (As an educator, your lack of proper punctuation also concerns me, but that's a different issue.)

Children need supportive, loving parents and secure families and homes, not simply the "SAHM" as you claim. You may think a bumper sticker statement like that is enough, but not everyone agrees with your perspective, nor should they. It's a shame you don't see that there's more than one acceptable way to raise a happy, healthy kid.

My son is/was/will always be first for both me and my husband. We have never "dragged" our son to the sitter and it was always one of us there when he was sick (not even the grandparents living on our street). The teachers universally comment how he's always smiling and he's a full grade above level in math and reading.

You show bias and a lack of understanding and support for families not like yours, or for those who have made different (but also acceptable) choices. I sure hope you show more tolerance, open-mindedness and support for the diverse families at your school. They deserve it.

I love my job and work full time. I also have an 18 month son. Its the best of both worlds because I love my husband and child and I also get the benefits helping others at work... not to mention a 401(k), health benefits and a paycheck. Working in the financial world, I need to let people know that even though TODAY you may think its great to stay at home with your kids, you need to think about the future and how your going to live when you have to retire. Also, if something happens to your spouse (and things happen like illness ect) who will support the family? It would be great if everyone could stay at home with their kids. Spending QUALITY time with your family when you are with them means more than spending all day and not paying attention to them because you've been with them all day and need a break. Sometimes work is just the right amount of time to get re-grouped.