Moms, Your Kids Are Just Fine, Now Get Back to Work, Researchers Say

by Tom Henderson (Subscribe to Tom Henderson's posts)
Aug 2nd 2010 3:30PM

Filed under: Work Life, In The News, Childcare, Research Reveals: Babies, Research Reveals: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Research Reveals: Big Kids

Moms, Your Kids Are Just Fine, Now Get Back to Work

Stop feeling guilty about going to work. Credit: Getty Images

If you feel guilty about leaving your kids in someone else's care while you go off to work, here's some good news: Your kids are getting along just fine without you.

Researchers at Columbia University conclude that yeah, there are some negative things about mothers working outside the home. But the positives actually outweigh the negatives.

Previous research found that working made you a bad mommy. By working outside the home, other researchers have said, you leave your child prey to all manner of wickedness and ill fortune.

Hogwash, Columbia researchers say. They tracked more than 1,000 children ages 7 to 10 in different parts of the country, looking at family relationships and household incomes. They assessed and evaluated kids' vocabulary, reading ability and test scores. They also asked teachers and parents to rate their behavior.

The London Daily Telegraph reports researchers found working mothers had better mental health and were, therefore, able to build healthier relationships within the family. Plus, they were able to make extra money. And everyone likes money.

Say there's no substitute for a mother's love? Probably not. But with enough dough, researchers found, working mothers can find really good nannies and day care centers and kids benefit from the experience.

Babies were a different kettle of fish -- or jar of stewed prunes. Researchers found newborns suffered a few ill effects if their mothers returned to work before their first birthdays.

Still, researchers found no long-term damage to babies' cognitive and social development.

Children whose mothers worked under 30 hours a week fared the best -- benefiting from the increased household income, better child care and a happier home life, without losing out on parental interaction.

"Prior research has asked a somewhat artificial question: If the one thing that changed in a family was that the mother went out to work, what difference would it make for the child?" Jane Waldfogel, a professor of social work at Columbia and coauthor of the study, tells the Daily Telegraph. "But in reality, lots of other things change the minute she goes out to work, including the quality of child care, the mother's mental health, the relationships within the family and the household income. We've examined all those things."

The new study, published last week by the Society for Research in Child Development, flies in the face of a 2008 study by UNICEF that concluded mothers who went back to work less than a year after giving birth were "gambling" with their children's development.

"The findings reflect what I think many working mothers would say, which is that they have balanced all the different considerations and they feel that they are doing the best thing for their families over all, and yes it's tough in some ways that they are working, but there are also important benefits that come with that," Waldfogel says.

Related: Babies of Working Moms Get Just as Much Cuddle Time

ReaderComments (Page 2 of 3)

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8-03-2010 @ 10:21PM

Alicia said...

Not everyone wants to stay home with their kids. My mother was super active and loved her job when I was a kid and would have been miserable staying at home. I never felt unloved or neglected, because my parents both made sure they filled up the hours after work with all the love they could manage. And since I'm an only child and grew up in a childless neighborhood with parents whose friends didn't have kids, daycare was my only path to proper socialization. I also firmly believe that my independence and self-sufficiency stems solely from the fact that I did not rely on my mother to entertain me and care for me constantly. Not to mention, if she had stayed at home, my family would've been destroyed when my father left. Instead, my mother was making more than him and was able to focus on our emotional health as a family after the split, instead of trying to make ends meet as a newly single SAHM would've been fighting to do. Not to mention had she been home my entire childhood, we probably would've hated each other and fought constantly. Instead, she's my best friend. Is working motherhood the only healthy option? No, but neither is staying at home. Just thought I should throw in my two cents as a child raised by a working mom.

8-03-2010 @ 9:11PM

Lin said...

I am a stay at home mom by choice. I also have a Bachelor degree whup dee doo. When I decided to have kids I also decided that I would be there for them. I know not everyone has this luxury and believe me sometimes we need to wait for special things but it's worth the wait. One thing they failed to mention or ask these children in the study was if they had the choice between nannies, daycares, preschools or being home with a parent which would they choose. I look at it this way, I can always get a job but I won't always have my children living with me. They grow up too fast and life is too short. On my death bed I will have NO regrets. I will not have missed a play, a baseball game or a Christmas party at school because I had to go earn a few bucks. So I don't drive a big fancy SUV that I need to work one entire day for to put gas in it. My KIA van holds my three kids and three friends that I take swimming, picnicing, games, movies, etc... and the funny thing is I don't hear one complaint about the transportation. Security is important to children...if you need to work to provide security then do it, if you choose to work to have a fancy house, a fancy car, or a fancy vacation you're choosing lifestyle over your child. Remember 100 years from now it won't matter how much money you had in the bank, what kind of car you drove etc. what matters is who you spend your time with. That's it.

8-03-2010 @ 9:43PM

litsis443 said...

I too am a working mom, who carried the health insurance for our family. I also carried us through the many times my husband was laid off due to bad economy, etc. while he was working in the auto dealerships. One day my oldest daughter and I were talking I stated I felt bad because I was unable to be A stay at home mom. My daughter said mom don't we turned out perfectly fine, this daughter is a bank manager and my other one is a nurse living well adjusted lives. So yes you can work and have good kids it's all in how you handle your time together. You can be a stay at home mom and spend less time than those of us who work.

1-08-2011 @ 9:50AM

wils said...

I think it depends on the family itself. I am glad I got to stay home with my kids. My ex husband is a crude, rude, horrible person, and not a good father, so at least my kids had one person that had a clue about them. I know there are women that work and their kids turn out fine. It all depends on the situation, like with breastfeeding. I was put down a lot because I couldn't do it. And my kids are fine. So...to hell with what the milk-cows say, and those that say that working is bad/staying home is bad. It all depends on the family :D:D

8-04-2010 @ 10:31PM

Annie said...

I was a stay at home Mom. I fully understand that there are circumstances which force both parents to work full time.

My husband and I decided that one of us (me) would stay home with our children. I started working as a substitute teacher when my daughter was in elementary school. If she was sick, I stayed home with her. I was there to help her with her homework, I was a scout leader, I was there for her sporting events and I ended up being the parent who drove the kids to where ever they had to go because I was available when many of her friend's parents weren't.

I did what worked for me but I was looked down upon because I was the one who was home. I was also expected to be the one to volunteer for activities and driving because I was home and "not doing anything." I was also the one putting her dinner on hold because someone was held up at work and I had to wait for an hour after a scout meeting for a parent to pick up a child. The excuse was "I had to work" as if the person's job was more important than me cooking dinner for my family.

I shouldn't have to defend myself for staying home any more than someone else should have to defend herself for going to work.
Every one has their priorities and pitting stay at home Moms against Moms working outside the home (we all work very hard whether it's at home or outside the home) is not productive. This only causes guilt and animosity between people who trying to do the best for their children.

8-03-2010 @ 9:47PM

helenaivy said...

Thank you Annie! Well said and I agree with you whole heartedly :)

8-03-2010 @ 9:44PM

Shirley said...

I'm sorry but as a mother I can not imagine going to work outside of the home when my children were young.
My husband and myself brought three children into this world and it was up to us to raise them.
Yes it was tight with only one income but we managed. We had one vehicle, we didn't have the luxury of a lot of things that two income families have. But our kids turned out to be great adults. Two in the military and one that married a marine.
I'm not bashing any working mothers but don't sit there and say that you have to work because it takes two incomes, that is what you tell yourself to make it ok.
We survived with one income and three children, and no we did not get any kind of public assistance.
We did not live in a fancy house, and go to fancy restaurants and our children did not have the latest styles of clothing.
I am proud of our kids for the adults they have become today.
They know right from wrong, they have compassion they know what it is to prioritize what you want in life.
I was called lazy for being a stay at home mom, but you know, call me anything you want, it worked for us.
And I have no regrets.

8-03-2010 @ 11:27PM

Sandy said...

Shirley, I'm glad it worked for you, but please recognize that working outside of the home works for other mothers just as well. You are bashing us when you say that the need for a second income is what we tell ourselves to make it ok. WE KNOW it is ok; it is you and people like you who tell us otherwise.

I am separated from my son's dad, so I have to work outside the home. Even before we separated, he was unemployed, so I would have had to work for us to have one income. But I would have chosen to work anyway. I worked too hard for my education to do otherwise, and would never have been fulfilled or even content to stay at home. Men have many career options open to them, allowing them to choose the one that best suits their talents and likes. Why is only ONE career considered suitable for women by some of their judgemental sisters?

My son is happy, healthy, considerate, intelligent, and makes friends easily. It seems I am doing my job as a mother, in addition to my job as a career woman. So my choice is working for me and my son. I'm glad yours worked for you.

8-03-2010 @ 9:49PM

Miler said...

All moms are "working moms", some of us are lucky enough to be paid for our work.

YES! we are all working moms!

8-03-2010 @ 10:03PM

Mag said...

Since when did it become a "luxury" to stay home and take care of children? Staying home and taking care of children is the hardest job a person can have.

8-04-2010 @ 3:27AM

ms said...

AMEN.........My husband tells EVERYone that I have the hardest job!

8-04-2010 @ 10:40AM

omgtorres said...

whats wrong with working and having children ??? why would any person want to stay home all day with kids? duh you will lose your identity.. i am a woman first before i am a mother, i have an identity, besides how do you expect to earn a living? this discussion has no merit, u need money to raise a child ... ok soooooo how do u make money ??????? duhhhh by working... hellllloooo does anyone not get that, only me??? crazy i guess the world should be on welfare than... right, so we will be "home " with our kids and have no money ???/ SMH

Hey lady, calm down! I think what we are railing against is the selfish ignorant parent that puts work before kid's welfare. The one that buys them off with money. The one that would rather ditch them into 'day care' and go out and play at work because, well, work is EASIER THAN RAISING A FAMILY! That is what we are talking about, not the moms that are good moms, that is entirely different. Unfortunately, I know a lot of moms that toss their kids away into day care like they are a sack of potatoes, to go to work, when they don't HAVE to.

8-03-2010 @ 11:07PM

chrissyAnn said...

I have worked since my son was 3, I enjoy working and always new I would never be a stay at home mother. I have never wanted to feel like I was mocching off my husband and I want to be able to buy my kids stuff with my own money and if we were divorced and I had never worked and no college education then where would I be? The only job I would be able to get is working in retail and that is not going to cut it when you have kids . I am currently going to school so only have an online store which I make $400-$800 a month from, my husband makes a little over $3,000 a month so I surely do not have to work but I just can not stand being at home all the time doing laundry, cleaning , etc. It makes me feel like I am just wasting my life and if I were to end up divorced with no education or job then where would I be as I said earlier in my post. My son is in first grade so me and my husband work/go to school while he is in school so that we are both here when he is home and never miss anything. Yes there are alot of mothers out there who are SAHM because for those with 3 or more kids it can be a handful, I know for my mother it was but the fact is there are a good bit of moms who are SAHM because they are pure lazy and I happen to know a few of them.

8-03-2010 @ 11:31PM

This article is B.S. NOTHING replaces a mother...somebody is trying to feel less guilty.

Johanna said...

I think when it comes to very personal issues like this it's best not to generalize because every family situation is different. I don't think that there can be a simple answer that applies to all because there's so many factors to consider. Are all working moms bad? No, of course not. Are all stay at home moms good? I'd like to hope that all mothers are good, but realistically speaking, no. I think it's a personal decision and things such as the family structure we grew up in play a role in how we view the "right" way to parent.

Both my mother and my father worked when I was growing up. I personally never felt neglected, or unloved, or somehow "damaged" in any way by it. To be fair, in my family situation both parents were self-employed, so they were able to arrange their own schedules, and I'm sure that probably played a significant part in them being able to spend a lot of time with me. Now as an adult I still have a very good relationship with both parents. My husband's mother stayed at home during his entire childhood. Unfortunately, my husband says he and his mother never had a close relationship, even when he was small. He feels she was never very attentive. Unfortunately, their relationship continued to deteriorate over time, and now my husband and his mother have not spoken in years. You might be wondering, have I shared these stories to champion working moms over stay at home moms? No, I sincerely hope nobody thinks that was my intention. My reason for sharing is simply to illustrate that all families are different and I don't think there is one and only one proper way for a family to function. I believe there are many possible paths that can lead to bringing up children who grow up to be happy, successful adults. Good luck to ALL the moms!

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