No Boundaries for My Son at His Dad's House!

Now here we go lets control the father and the child from the womans house. Ive been thru this too. My ex told the courts just like this article that oh once Johny goes to his fathers there is no boundaries and dad disrepects woman bla bla. Everything a court wants to hear so they can also try to control a man and create parental alienation case point and thats what this is all about! Thats why I wrote a book because of the system and woman like this. Google or look for STUPID GUY IN THE MIDWEST or you can find it on facebook. My book is for non-custodial fathers and stepmoms.

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I think its crazy to set boundaries for highschool students because at that age they could care less about what you want to restrict them from doing. Every kid will make the good decisions when you give them a boundary-less environment. Let them drink, let them do stupid stuff, thats how you learn to be an adult. The parents who stop their kids from doing things will only stunt their growth as human beings. At that point in someones life they have a disconnect with their parents and want to relate more with their peers and socialize with friends not family. So the best decision is to leave them alone, stop interrogating, and accept whatever they do and be proud of the decisions they make whether you as the parent like them or not. For example your kid walks in the door drunk, you should be happy if they walked home, took the bus or called a friend for a ride and didn't drive themselves. Life is about choices and making those choices for yourself, not having them made for you. Long story short, you want a relationship with open communication with your teen? Let them be them and don't be critical about their choices and you kid will tell you anything and everything they have done, doing or plan to do.

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I had a similar problem after my divorce when my daughter spent time at her father's. He refused to make her do any homework because he wanted to ingratiate himself with her. This made ME always the 'bad' parent because I insisted on all her work getting done. I had to make a decision early on that she might grow up hating me, but she was not going to grow up stupid. She grew up smart, has just grduated from university, and we have a wonderful relationship, whereas she doesn't with my ex.

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it's amazing to me how so many mothers must be in control of everything. the truth is you and your ex should have been instilling values and setting boundries earlier in your childs life, so by the time he got to high school there would not be much to worry about. the most important thing should have been for you and your ex to work together for the good of your child.if I had to guess you ex was tired of you trying to control him so he doesn't want to listen to you. their are some things a mother needs to teach and things a father needs to teach, thats why it take two to make children and your way may not or is not the only or alwaysthe best way. I wish your son the best.

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My heart goes out to you! Same thing happened to me when my daughter was 13. Then she tried to rub my nose in her newfound "freedom." I just smiled and said "Not my problem anymore, honey. My only job now is to love you and pray for you. From now on, you'll be getting your whoopin's from the Lord. Yikes, I've been there! No fun!"

I was heartbroken because my daughter was exposing herself to dangerous things at such a young age, but ultimately, we have to let go sometime. As a Christian, I just put her in God's hands. She has had a very hard life, due to her many bad choices. It's not the life I wanted for her, but I have faith that God will eventually turn her around. I have to remember that her ultimate Destination is far more important than her journey.

There is a radio drama of TRUE STORIES called "Unshackled" that is broadcast by Chicago's Pacific Garden Mission. Please look it up on line and listen regularly.

It is very encouaging to hear how God has turned around the lives of drunks, addicts and criminals. His grace truly is greater than any sin. Indeed, the deeper the sin, the more He glories in redeeming and transforming the person's life! Hearing these true stories keeps me encouraged that God can also redeem my daughter's life, no matter what she gets herself into!

One story especially touched my heart, because my daughter often keeps my grandchilden away from me. It was the story of a young man whose grandmother had died when he was very young, perhaps three or four. He had a terrible childhood, and as he grew up, he became involved in drugs and all types of debauchery...

Finally, when he came to the end of himself, he remembered his grandma's gentle touch, and how she had lain her hands on his head and prayed "Jesus, please save my grandson!"

All he had was that one memory of feeling loved, and the name of Jesus. But that was all he needed!

Love your son. Pray for him. Set a good example. And read God's Word daily, because the better you know Him, the more you will trust Him! He loves your son even more than you do, and he's not daunted by snything, because He sees the end from the beginning!

Blessings!

Deuteronomy 5:29

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If this lady was such a great mother the kid would have stayed with her. I'm sure she is bitter and anti-male because her ex got on with his life and she won't or can't do the same. She can't can't control the ex anymore so she takes it out on the kid.

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Funnily enough I think the advice given by advice mama is the best you can give. I grew up in a single parent household and my mom was a very giving parent. She worked hard to provide for both myself and my older brother (we're separated by two and a half years) and she always believed in making sure that if we were curious about something or wanted to experiment that it was better to do so in a safe, stable environment than out someplace where we could be exposed to dangerous situations.

My brother always had a difficult time obeying rules and a number of times he even opted to stay with relatives because he didn't like the few rules my mother imposed on him, as he got older my brother became very aggressive and my relationship with him diminished a great deal. (We didn't become close until he had fully moved out on his own).

Now that my brother is married and has a daughter of his own he's come back to my mom on a number of occasions and gone so far as apologizing because in retrospect what he had at the time thought were unfair rules, were really my mother being patient and trying to ensure that she had a lasting loving relationship with him.

Here's the dichotomy for you, a lot of the people commenting are saying how it's unhealthy for a single parent, and that you have to 'control' your teens because they can't be trusted.
I sang and toured in a band throughout the entirety of my high school career, (I would be gone for weeks at a time over holidays) with my only connection to home being a phone call from a pay phone or a cell phone when it had minutes.

You might say that was awful parenting, but I never got into drugs. I didn't fall into alcoholism (though I won't deny I didn't participate in some drinking) and now I'm a successful college graduate with an English degree and I teach High School. I volunteer at a teen peer counseling center and I'm an advocate and mentor for the local LGBT teen crisis center.

I pin all of my success on my mom raising me the way she did.
Frankly, I think the best you can do as a parent to teens who don't want to listen is to let them know that no matter what you're there for them and are a willing and open ear.

A lot of teenagers DO require structure, I won't invalidate that but more often than not when you tell someone who is already emotionally turbulent that they HAVE to do something they are going to be less inclined to doing it.

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Kids always go to the weakest parent They want to protect the one who needs the most growing up Set boundaries anyway Forget the father This will blow up in his face one day and he and his son will fight and hison, your son, will come back to the adult parent Happens every time Besides boys need to be with thre father at that age looking for guidance He'll discover Dad is immature and be back But all this takes time Dad just feels guility for not making a family for his son

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One thing one has to remember is that a trusting relationship with your children begins when they are toddlers and never stops. The parent must continue to care and have conversation in a consistent basis. By the time they enter into adolescence they trust in you to guide them and help them through the rough times. Flexible structure and teaching discipline begins from the beginning. Another thing is, as parents, we want to control everything and not necessarily conducive to allowing a child to grow into their own person. If you are too strict, the child just wants to buck everything, if you are too lienient the child is unsure, unbalanced and feels lost. They need consistency, structure, boundaries and love and trust.

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I can really give u simpathy, but please follow very important rules NEVER say negative things about dad,if dad is truly a butt head your son will figure it out in time (as he will u if the shoe fits) in a moment of conversation extend a safety net,this will be difficult but I told ny teen son "if u r somewhere and have no safe way home, call me any hour I will come no questions asked(and live up to it), I can live with a little less sleep but I can't live without you, if you r with folks + see a gun call me no questions asked!" My son was a jock + ran with kids who had more $than I will ever have, now as a man he agrees he lived with his dad because I had rules,dad didn't! He never went to jail, he did call me several times,I did go, I asked no questions, he was safe. He now has a good career, a terrific wife + a fabulous daughter (which makes me a grammy) all in the correct order, he loves his dad but sees his faults + thanks me on a regular basis! goodluck

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Just because she has a history of being a bad female co-parent (so called mom) does not mean her false allegations against the Father should be believed. She is playing the common scam played by many women to play victim while exploiting the fathers child and the father for both unearned income as well as manic control. Lets hope she is steping up to the plate and paying her child support so that the father and his child can have a normal life away from her.

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