How to Talk to Your Kids About Divorce

Ok, so my parents are going through/just finishing up a divorce. Well... my mom started dating before it was even over. Not smart, cause she didn't even tell us! Look, i'm not stupid mom. She goes to his house all the time. And he's divorced too, and has 6 kids, 3 of them already moved out. My brother hates my mom's boyfriend's guts. He literally broke his phone in half when he saw them driving arround. My little sister's all for it though, considering it's her best friend's dad. That definately makes my mom look like a cheater. My dad won't admit it, but i think he's a wreck. I kinda feel like the middle man, really. It sucks(excuse me). I can't respect my mom's boyfriend cause that's where she told me my dad and her was getting a divorce. And you know whats horrible? She makes me go over to his house and go swimming, like it's no big deal! Damn(sorry i'm mad), like seriously, she changed her religion, got baptized AND spends the night at his house when i'm at my dad's like right now. I'm not dumb mom, and great way of telling me your getting a divorce at your BOYFRIEND'S HOUSE. Thanks Mommy love you too

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celibacy/ remain celibate/celibacy/ remain celibate/celibacy/ remain celibate/celibacy/ remain celibate/celibacy/ remain celibatee/ purify your mind ye who are double minded / how many people would marry/be sexually intimate with/have children with somebody who says they are going to leave off loving them forever after x amount of time if anybody says they would still be intimate with that person or they themselves are the one's leaving off loving than your evil and you just want to screw up the world/little children

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How about thinking alot more about getting married before tying the knot. Really marriage should be much more serious and harder to dissolve. What to tell your kids? Get real nothing you can tell them will make the pain and problems you are causing to go away

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more psycho babble another subject thats being over thought, heck i was a child of divorce in the early 60s 61-62, when it was uncommon, i knew my parents fought, i knew my dad was a drunk, i knew it would be better without him, my mom said were getting divorced we will make it without him, i said good,,,we did fine i grew up normally no scars no counseling no worries was it me,, gees it's just a divorce, and i've been married to the same woman for 35 yrs, so like i said divorce for kids is no big deal unless you make it a big deal

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It all start at the vols: for beter or worse, for richer or poorer, sickness or in health, till DEATH DO WE PART! Let no man put us under and your spouse is a man(human being).

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I learned earlier on by hearing snidbits of fiery arguements
going on. Little warning signs became bigger warning signs.
I had no books to work with then during my teens. By age 2l
I knew that something was up------Books and therapy dont
always say alot. Go by your gutt instincts. By going by your
true gutt instincts and hunches, the shock and impact can be
alot less, than a sudden announcement infront of the fire place
or else where. Also, if your relationship with one parent has
shifted somehow to a cold and distant one, you know that
friction prevails. You can also do some detective work by
listening to both sides ;both parents I mean. One parent may
be trying to take sides with you and dig up information
about the other parent. That is the way it can happen in some
families. One parent may in fact be the guilty party and he or
she tries to find out how much you might know of each other's
affairs !!! That is another warning sign. Sometimes both
parents are away,out of town at the same time but they have
gone in two different directions for a week or two. They , the
parents both come back home and live on different floors of
the house. My dad lived in the basement and would not leave
the house and my mom lived upstairs in the master bedroom.
By l98l, I can remember m y mom telling my dad the bad news.
They were in the basement for a couple of hours. The bitter end,
is that after all of this, there is alot of sadness that can last
indefinitely. The family breaks up and there is little if any
solid cohesion left. Christmas time becomes in particular
a sad time because this holiday emphasizes family
togetherness.

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I guess a topic how to handle your children in a divorce will now give parents an easier way out to get divorce because this topic will now give them a how too..Children are the hardest thing about a divorce...Unless you're Tiger Woods and are about to lose your millions and the kids. Seriously. This topic enrages me because all it does is make it easier on the parents and not the kids.

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Divorce! With a 50% divorce rate, it scary thing for children, before you head to court for a divorce because your committing adultery, you might want to re-think your selfish decisions. Once you get your children into the court system they are destroyed for life. In your hardened heart, you’re doing the right thing to cover up the affair, kids will never know (you’re a piece of shit). Kids do know, and it will have ever lasting effects on them. IF YOU, have any LOVE for your kids keep them out of the courts! I wrote a bestselling book regarding it, called; 'What I Learned Under the Sun'. If you want to save a LIFE, think long and hard before you go out and destroy the entire family!

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Having been through the pain of divorce and the total financial and emotional devestation it causes, I and my children know first hand how hard it is. There is NO easy way to tell the kids and in most cases, they already know anyway WHY. Nothing has ever been the same in our family and it never will be the way it was. I have taught my children 'forgiveness' but neither one speak to their father right now. After a very long term marriage, we have been through more than our fair share of 'without' even for the basic needs we once had. We are doing better now but it has taken 3 long years to feel near normal again. It's hard to start over especially when we were left with very little. I hope for their sake that someday we can all be in the same room together and be ok. Maybe, maybe not. Either way....it's a divorce that did NOT have to happen, and shouldn't have happened to begin with. Selfishness won out I guess. Sad.

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I am shocked and annoyed that the group AOL recommends to readers is church-based and uses God in its literature.

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family member with 2 kids left husband & started dating 2 months later, moved guy in within 6 months. She never worked (lazy), he put her through college & used money from his Dad's life ins to buy the house. Now the lazy *itch, with boyfriend tliving here, wants alimony, child support, the house and car. Meanwhile she could care less how the kids are handling this, just wants the $. When do courts start playing fair and tell women like this to get a job & help support "their" kids!!!

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I really get ticked when I see women in court wanting everything in the divorce, money, car, house, etc. In this day and age women shouled be able to take care of themselves, just as men do. We want equality, but then don't want what comes with it. To the women in a divorce, get off your lazy a$$ and help support your kids!!! Stop trying to make the guy pay for all of it, you're an embarrassment to all of us!

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TO Judge-MENTAL---- And youre NOT judgemental ??. Hmmm, ignoring someone on purpose for 4 yrs & then when asked why you lie & act sarcastic & rude ??? And you call yourself classy & nice ?? WOW . From what I have seen in my 42 years of life is :"usually classy & nice people would have the common courtesy, decency & manners to AT LEAST say hello once in a while". Wow, that's ALL we expected. We dont SCREAM at people out windows EVER-but if someone purposely is rude as h-ll for 4 years, then, yes , its time to speak up . Instead of admitting you ignored us because YOU think we are old, un-cool, not thin, etc--you just decide and make a snap decision to totally ignore us all that time . Had you had some ACTUAL MANNERS, CLASS, AND KINDNESS, as you "claim" you do, AND SIMPLY SAID HELLO FROM DAY ONE , OR AT LEAST APOLOGIZED TO US FOR IGNORING US FOR 4 YRS AND AGREE TO START OVER AS ACQUAINTENCES ONLY ---thats all we wanted ---some common courtesy..That is why we came over to see if we could all start over , but when we asked why you had ignored for 4 yrs, you were defensive, rude, sarcastic & lied about it, saying "you didnt see us"---Yeahhh right --how can you miss 2 people that you call FAT ???? huh ??????...Please woman, you SAW us , and CHOSE to ignore us .....The POLITE thing to do, assuming you had some tact & manners , wouldve been to say " gee, i didnt mean to ignore you & i am sorry if you thought i was ignoring you"..
Even though thats stretching the truth and you and i KNOW the REAL reasons, that wouldve at least been an ACEEPTABLE way of "mending the fences", so to speak....But apparently when you came outside, you had no intention whatsoever of trying to talk it out for 3 mins... All you could do was insult us, etc, etc....And for you info, EVERYONE has a REAL COACHBAG---theyre only 750.00 --i have like 12 of them--soooo what !!!...But, i DID pay cash for them......You seemed to think that using a charge card for one to which you couldnnt afford wasa big deal ....Hence , the debt problem.....Once again, ALL we came over there to say that day was "lets mend the fences"...But you just wanted to run your mouth and get in as many untrue insults as you could . And my husband is NOT a "puppet-on-a-string"...He does errands, yes...BUT, I do ALL of the things inside of the house, PLUS take care of 2 kids, one of which isnt mine-the son, PLUS, run my ebay business in my finished basement.. If you had merely said "hello" from day one, you wouldve seen A LOT different behavior than you are seeing now. No one likes to be singled out to be ignored--thats not only RUDE, but very ROTTEN, & VERY UN-CLASSY, ok ??....
You NEVER gave us a chance. Your husband never really knew me, he knew Alex a little, but apparenly not enough, to come up with this "puppet-on-a-string" garbage. That simply is not true. We do not manipulate each other & we do not take each other for granted--we have mutual love & respect for each other all of the time . And we have love for our daughter & STEPson, who is not easy to take care of--try taking care of a 21 yr old with autism, who isnt even your son--i did it at the time, because it was my hubby's dying wish at the time, and i didnt know the scope of the amount of work it would be to take care of his special needs, and our NORMAL 13 yr old daughter's wants & neeeds as well.. Being a parent is the HARDEST job EVER !!!...So when you said to me :"you don't even work"---my answer--"yes, i definitely do--i have the hardest job ever-its called being a mother, keeping house, and i do sell on ebay as well. I hardly EVER sit down -and thats the TRUTH. I am ALWAYS sewing something, cleaning something, laundry, dishes, cooking, vacuuming, taking care of the pets needs, etc....My needs are always last. Thats life . But i never complain--this is how being a MOM is --PUTTING OTHER'S NEED'S BEFORE YOUR OWN".....By the way, that really hurts me that you'd say i do not work---when i work my butt off here inside the house all of the time 24/7.....Had you even had a 15 min normal, calm conversation with me, you would have known what i do here all day--and it MOST CERTAINLY is NOT sitting around--omg....I WISH !!!!!....Seriously, I work HARD here in the house doing so much....A homemaker/childcare is a HARD job, stressful & no pay . Luckily I make decent money selling on Ebay & Alex makes good money on his Architect job & has the flexibility to work from home whenever he wants . Dont assume that because someone does not "own" a home , that they are losers --we have owned 4 other homes --all in east longmeadow ....We are going to buy this one soon... So basically, you are just as judgemental as we are .... If you had shown some respect, class & manners from day one, and said "hello"---then things would NEVER be like this ---NEVER....We have MANY friends, to which we ENJOYED having over all of the time ...Since you 2 moved in, we stopped--and until we get a fence, we have to keep on going to their houses . Because we do not know what will go on. By the way, all of these times youve had your little get-togethers, had you been cordial every once in a while, we wouldve been more than glad to let any of your guests use our driveway to park . BUT, since you were so rotten & rude to us, when we were coming over , to try to start over , and have a clean slate & you started being rotten with your insults, etc....then i realized that there was no way to be able to "start over" as we had hoped .....So when you called me names, naturally, i am not going to stand there and take it ..As for Alex, he says alot of things about the situation, but CHOOSES not to say much around you 2 ...Thats why he didnt say anything. He thinks the whole thing is ridiculous --i said to him "we will go over and try to start anew,etc".....And if they start in, then thats it ...He agreed, but said if things got heated, that he wasnt going to say anything, because once he starts talking , he will GO OFF--(you think i was bad when i got mad--omg....he a calm guy, until he TRULY gets mad--then --BOOM)...But he kept his word and stayed quiet...He is NOT my puppet --in fact, i do MORE for him than he does for me, if you want to get technical....That is the TRUTH. But we have mutual respect & love for each other, so we dont "keep score". We just enjoy each other every day & grateful for our good health, wonderful daughter & our happy marriage . Sorry we couldnt have worked it out -- to be totally honest, we are nice people--we may not be thin, but we are nice . ( 4 yrs of pent up anger got the worst of me)-that is NOT ME. But i dont expect you to believe it or understand it . We tried, we thought your husband seemed ok, but you never even said hello--that does hurt--makes a person feel like shyt & like they are somehow BAD , because they arent a size 4...
I do not like being judged from day one for 4 years, hence the blow-up out the window..As i said, that is not me. We are good friends with the people next door on other side, friends with the people behind us --we have actually been there for dinner several times, and friends with travel woman--she booked a couple of flights for us before. We are also friends with the man who walks the white dog.
What i am gtting at is you 2 are our only "non-friends"....And i NEVER expected BFF , just some common courtesy , as in "hello" , or "nice day"., or wow, this snow is nuts , etc.....I NEVER expected any BFF stuff ---just manners, decency, and NO JUDGING ON HOW WE LOOK. Thats all we expected. Thats ALL. Just decency. And some respect . And we wouldve reciprocated with the same . Oh well. We tried for 4 yrs , before we lost it . We tried to start over in march . We tried, At least we know we tried . God Bless.

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All good advice if you are dealing with two sane parents who actually are able to do what's in the best interest of their children.

If not, the pain will be magnified when a custodial parent is too immature/self absorbed/unable to agree to get help and continues to "punish" the ex-spouse. If you suspect this to be an issue ----read "Divorce Poison" or google "Malignant Mother Syndrome" ----your precious children deserve better!

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Tell your kids the truth.
Tell them that the reason you got married in the first place was because of the unexpected pregnancy.
Tell them that you would rather listen to your hormones instead of your heart.
Tell them that nothing lasts forever and you plan on marrying and divorcing as many times as you see fit.
Tell them that they will probably have countless half-sisters and half-brothers, so please forgive you because you are sex-starved pig.
Tell them that they will all ways be your favorite kids and that you will all ways keep in touch, even though you have no plans to do so.
Fill their heads with lies and empty promises so that when they mature, they will follow in your slimy footsteps and continue your selfish, worthless chain of piggery.

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Yes, you are correct in your sensitivity toward telling kids about divorce. My own experience more than a decade ago led to my writing a guidebook for parents on how to create a storybook with family photos and history as a successful way to have the tough break-the-news conversation.

I’m recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce and my book is How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children -- With Love! What makes the book unique is that I don’t just tell parents what to say. I provide customizable templates to say it for them!

Therapists, attorneys, mediators, educators and other professionals from around the world have endorsed the book, attesting to the value of my fill-in-the-blank, age-appropriate templates. Six therapists contribute their expertise to the book, as well. My goal is for divorcing couples to stop, talk and create a plan before having that crucial "divorce" talk with their children. I hope, for the sake of their kids, they will decide to move ahead in creating a child-centered divorce. For free articles, ezine and other valuable resources on this topic, visit www.childcentereddivorce.com.

Best wishes,
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

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My recent X husband told my kids last week , he would tell them next time he saw them which is next weekend who got them there new tooth brush holder, Should I tell my kids befor then he may be telling them daddy has a "new Friend" Just a concerned mom..

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Please add me to your regular email list.

Thanks,

Kimile

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