'Magic' Quilt Prompts Toddler to Speak

by Judi Ketteler (Subscribe to Judi Ketteler's posts)
Aug 6th 2010 11:00AM

Filed under: In The News, Amazing Kids, Amazing Parents

Judi Ketteler author of the magic quilt with her son

The author and her son, Max, on the "magic quilt." Courtesy of Judi Ketteler

As parents, we eagerly look to each milestone -- trying so hard not to compare kids, but desperately wanting to make sure our own are keeping up their peers (and holding out hope that they are secretly brilliant).

But at 22 months, my son's vocabulary still consisted of just "mama," "dada," "tiger" and "no no." And sure, he could bark like a dog and moo like a cow -- which was entertaining, but didn't help me check off that "language development" milestone.

I lost count of how many conversations I had with my now 2-year-old son that went something like this: "Hey Max, can you say cat? Say: 'ccccc' and then 'aaaattt.' 'Cat!' "

His response? A coy smile, and complete disinterest. As if to say, "Yeah, cat this, lady."

Meanwhile, the adorable little boy next door, who was only six weeks older than Max, had been talking for weeks, practically in sentences. He knew his colors already. Heck, he probably ordered their take-out.

"Stop comparing," my husband, Allen, chided me. "He'll talk when he's ready."

I knew Allen was right. Logically, I knew Max wasn't behind or developmentally delayed. He just wasn't motivated yet. My mom had always told me that my brother, Tony, didn't talk until he was almost 3.

"I would ask the doctor about it," my mom said, "and the doctor just said that Tony must not have anything to say yet."

Still, I found myself obsessing over getting Max to say words. His expression conveyed it all: Why say "doggy" when you can just look at one and giggle? Or better yet, look at your mommy and giggle at her pinched and desperate face? I tried to be rational, but, of course, I still worried.

Luckily, I have a great creative outlet for my worry and stress: Sewing. I've been sewing since I was 16, and just published "Sew Retro," a book about sewing history with lots of fun vintage-inspired projects. And, now pregnant with my second child, my sewing habit has kicked into overdrive.

There's something about the influx of estrogen and the expectation of new life that creates this compulsive need to make project after project, especially all of those projects that have been on my to-do list forever -- like making a quilt for our bed.

Inspired by that great "found" quality of basic scrap patchwork, I decided to make a colorful quilt compiled from random fabrics. I used leftover fabric from projects for my book, scraps from my (very large) fabric stash, pieces of vintage aprons my mom had given me, flea market finds -- just a little bit of everything.

I worked on it for a few weeks, finishing late one night. I smoothed down the finished quilting, placed it on the bed and slept the good sleep of creative fulfillment. My son may not have been in a hurry to reach milestones, but I was furiously trying to check off mine.

The next morning, my husband went to get Max out of the crib, and the boy came bounding into the room, ready to "help" me out of bed by yanking my arm -- our usual routine. But the quilt caught his eye and I could see his brain processing: Something is different here. Something interesting is going on with this bed.

I pulled him up onto the mattress.

"Look at all the colors, Max!" I said. "Which square is your favorite?" I asked. He pointed to a brown polka dot piece. "That's a good one! What else do you like?" He giggled, and pointed to some blue flowers. "Oh right, the blue flowers look like the flowers in the garden, don't they?" He nodded his head.

After breakfast, he wanted to look at the quilt again. And after his nap. And before dinner. And before bedtime. Each time, he'd discover another piece of fabric that was his "favorite." I showed him which one came from Grandma's apron, which one had birds hidden in it, which one had Russian dolls, which one reminded me of birthday cake and so on. He especially loved it when I said funny words like "fleur-de-lis."

Daddy picked out his favorite, and we theorized about which ones were the favorites of various cherished stuffed animals. By the next day, Max had practically memorized every square. I'd ask him what was what, and he'd point, intensely proud of himself.

And then it happened. "Gurrrl" he said, (unprompted!) pointing to the "Russian doll" piece. "Yes, girl!" I said, giddy. The next day, it was "wawa," or "water" as in, water the flowers (since there are so many flower patterns on the quilt and Max "helps" me water flowers every night).

Sitting on the quilt talking about the squares became our nightly ritual. One night, about a week after I made the quilt, we were all sitting on the bed and I mentioned something about Google to Allen. "Google" I heard a little voice echo. "Max, did you just say Google?"

"Google!" Max said again.

I suddenly had a hunch about the "ooo" sound. "OK, can you say goose?"

"Goooooose!" he said.

"How about moose?"

"Moooooose!"

And that was it: The floodgates were open. We went from talking about the "gurls" and "wawa" to talking about everything -- on the quilt, off the quilt, at the dinner table, in the car. Finally, my boy was talking! He didn't even need prodding; he just started to repeat everything. Even words I didn't want him to.

Was it that Max finally had found things he wanted to talk about? Maybe. Or maybe it was just the time in his development when he was finally ready, and a piece of Grandma's apron and some blue flowers were the catalysts.

I didn't make the quilt to teach Max anything. I made it because I'm a crazy pregnant lady and I can't stop sewing. I had no idea that my own creative outlet would resonate with this little boy. After all, the norm is to sew dresses for little girls, and give little boys trucks and dinosaurs. Little boys aren't supposed to like quilts and flowers and pretty colors.

But, as is often the case when you're so singularly focused, I was thinking too narrowly. I just needed a 2-year-old to tell me that. Thank goodness he learned to talk in time to set me straight.

Judi Ketteler is the author of "Sew Retro: A Stylish History of the Sewing Revolution + 25 Vintage-Inspired Projects for the Modern Girl." Find more info about sewing, her blog, fun vintage images, bonus projects and tutorials at www.sewretrothebook.com.

Related: Easy Ways to Bring New Style to Old Hand-Me-Downs

ReaderComments (Page 2 of 7)

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8-10-2010 @ 4:11PM

esther said...

Thanks for your post. Do we have doctors here in USA who can cut something under the tongue? I would like to know.

8-07-2010 @ 2:27PM

joe said...

I wish spammers never learned how to talk. Then they also wouldn't know how to write their crap.

8-07-2010 @ 6:25PM

zeebeeton said...

IT is quite .obvious, that you don't like yourself .I

8-07-2010 @ 2:33PM

Tracy said...

I had alot of reactions to this story. First off, I loved the story, the ending, etc. My first reaction was that there was really never a reason for this child to talk because you compensated for him for so long. We all do that with our first ones, it's a learning curve. My second thought is that you probably should stop responding so much to his pointing and he will talk when you quit asking and then answering all the questions for him. I will just end my rant with the fact, or let's just call it a reminder to be very careful what you ask for. Sometimes when they start talking, it becomes incessive. One day, you will write about the fact that he never shuts up! Keep writing as your stories are very entertaining and good for you Max.

JUDY said...

We all as parents worry whether our children are progressing as much as others. We don't mean to try and push them or compare. This is normal for parents to do. I remember distinctly how as the youngest of 10 children, my mother said i didn't talk until i was 2 or more.I didn't need to. Being the baby all i had to do was point and i had 9 siblings that would come to my rescue. Later on in life my mother's and their response was "she hasn't shut up since".
I am now a senior citizen(and still talking constantly) I hope they now relish those 2 plus yrs of my silence(lol)

8-09-2010 @ 9:50AM

Minister Bogan said...

Hello,

This is a wonderful and encouraging story. I am not a parent, but I have personally ministered to over 800 troubled and violent youth and children. This story is very encouraging to anyone. It reminds of the Holy scriputure "And a child shall lead them.." It's meaning to me is that a child has a way of teaching us adults when we pay attention and when we listen.

8-07-2010 @ 2:45PM

Maria said...

I have an 11 year old, almost 12. I remember the first few year and now, the years are just flying. I absolutely enjoyed this story. It warmed my heart. I can not remember struggling or becoming anxious with any mile stone but how I miss the little hands and feet. My son is now taller than me and when he stands in front of me, we are looking right in each others eyes. I remember sounding words out and hearing his first words. What a treat this was for me, thank you for posting your story.

8-07-2010 @ 2:41PM

Deb said...

My son was over a year and a half and had yet to say one word---not even mama or dada. He really didn't even babble much. One day as my friend was bathing him, he pooped in the tub and she went "Ew, Ka-ka". He repeated it, and you would have thought he was reciting the Declaration of Independence, we were all celebrating and having him repeat it over and over. Long story short, at 22 months he knew all the letters of the alphabet and their sounds, could read at 3, read the newspaper at 5. He now has a PhD in molecular toxicology and does research for a large pharmaceutical firm. So, milestones not attained can be deceptive. Don't worry.

8-07-2010 @ 5:29PM

lindapurse said...

I can really relate to this story except my anguish was stretched into preschool and kindergarten when my youngest of 4 children was not interested in talking but grunting when he wanted something but was not very social yet loved computers and he loved going everyday to school. I was getting suspicious even against my pediatrician's advice that there was nothing wrong and became very aggressive about trying to further his language skills. A lovely retired nun at the Catholic school who worked with children having special needs suggested that I take him to the university to have his language and auditory skills assessed and that she would work with them in tandem to make sure he would progress. He loved it there and I could watch from the window how the master degree students motivated him and what we all as a family needed to practice with him. As a family we managed to understand what his grunts meant and enabled that. That needed to stop and we needed to start from scratch in encouraging the words to be stated to meet his needs. Frustrating for all at first but necessary. Then the word game fun in the evening before bedtime and family clapping, etc. Then after about 4 months, it was like magic and the sentences just came out. We were all stunned. His senior year in high school, he was a football player and came in first place in the university math placement scoring beating out the valedictorian. Well he just turned 22 and graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in molecular and cellular biology and a minor in chemistry and is starting his Masters in Public Health in the fall and will be a teaching assistant in biology. His thank you speech at his family and friends graduation party was touching and poignant and brought us all to tears.
Not so long ago when we were by ourselves, I asked him if he remembered why he would or could not talk. He said yes and very plainly told me that he just wanted his peace and quiet to think about things and that all the words at home and at school sounded like a bunch of noise and felt like a commotion going on in his head. He said he could not explain it better than that. But that he thought the students at the university were a lot of fun who were helping him with the word games and once gave him a tour of the university and science labs there and that is when he decided he knew what he wanted to do. You just never know why things were meant to be.

8-07-2010 @ 2:49PM

mark said...

What a wonderful story of a mother's love and concern for her son. The little boy had something to talk about that was important and inspiring enough to prod him.

Speaking and talking is truly an activity that we use only when we have something to share with others. Max finally had his and it was a joyous day for this family.

8-07-2010 @ 2:48PM

Victoria said...

wow.

8-07-2010 @ 2:57PM

J said...

One of the fondest memories I had at a really young age was looking at a patchwork quilt that my mom had, similar to the one in this article and having a thought about what each pattern looked like to me, how many were the same, picking out my favorite block, amuzing myself for long periods of time when I was bored. Looking back I had many hours of thought about that magical quilt, that I still think about from time to time and Im 48 now.

8-07-2010 @ 2:53PM

Nanci said...

Fortunately, I was not anxious about any of these perhaps because I was a 40yr old pioneer Mom. In those days having a babe that late in life was considered rather dangerous.Phooey I said.anyway
they do accomplish things at their own pace. With the exception of maybe potty training. I feel the earlier you start the better,even id they don't catch on right away. You are laying a pattern

joblo said...

I guess it's normal for a mom to be concerned about every moment of her child's development. For the rest of us, not so much.

8-07-2010 @ 3:00PM

ichesis said...

What a great article and "teachable" moment for us parents. While reading this article, my own son asked me what I was reading so I began to read the article out loud. Then my husband became interested, as well. Your toddler's language accomplishment and your understandable concern is something of which we could relate! All three of us were smiling by the end of the article during your description of Max's "language explosion" triggered by the unexpected quilt squares! Thanks for sharing.

Susan said...

My youngest grandson, born with multiple heart defects, wasn't speaking at 24 months. I'm grateful his pediatrician didn't ignore this, or tell me he'd talk when he had something to say. We began speech therapy with Troy and the amazing Miss Jenn, who helps us give words to Troy: First by teaching him to sign, later, to add to his verbal skills. 2 weeks ago, after 18 months of bi-weekly sessions, Troy took his latest skills test and tested 4 years 11 months (he's 3 years 7 months) in receptive and expressive language. He no longer qualifies for speech classes, but HE SPEAKS, in English, Spanish AND ASL. Don't sit around waiting for a child to speak, the months waiting can never be given back.

8-07-2010 @ 3:02PM

lorie said...

My husband and I were worried about our youngest daughter because she only jabbered untill she was 3 years old. He famous saying was "didldildedy". She amassed us on the day of her third birthday day by saying to her older sister, " get off my tricyle my daddy got me at Sams." I guess she did not want to talk untill she had something to say! She is now 28 years old and has not shut-up since.

8-07-2010 @ 3:17PM

pawel said...

One of my kids was also reluctant to talk. One day at dinner, she comments, Ew, these mashed potatoes are so lumpy. I was amazed my wife was amazed. I asked her, three and half years old now, that's the first thing you have to say??? She replied, everything 's been fine til now.

8-07-2010 @ 3:08PM

Shevy said...

As a mother of an autistic child I can identify with the early concerns & frustrations of your child not reaching developmental milestones. I too was told not to worry. 10 yrs later my son who's high functioning autistic is doing awesome due to early intervention. I admire this mother's love, determination & deligence. Max have parents who are tuned in & that makes a huge difference. Whether Max spoke in sentences or not, he is loved & there lies the beauty of this story.

8-07-2010 @ 3:07PM

Diann said...

Our poor kids don't have a chance hardly with the amount of toxins in the vaccines. Austistic kids that are serious don't talk at all. Their brains are being attacked by mercury, aluminum and many die as well, yet our medical profession does not know what causes all of these child hood terrible health problems, but they KNOW FOR SURE it is not the vaccines. How can the KNOW FOR SURE it is not the vaccines, because they accepted bribes along with the FDA and congressmen from the drug companies. Are we really so stupid we can't make the cause and effect connection. It would be nice to have an altruistic AMA, but it just isn't so. Go go www.cfhsm.ws and find doctors and vaccine information that tell the truth. Moms take charge of your kids health and stop pumping your children with toxic processed foods and give your kids a fighting chance to be normal. The learning disorder level is outrages today and it doesn't have to be just autism and worse, it is brain damage that prevents kids from learning as well as they should. What kid of future does America have when we allow the drug companies to dumb down our society.

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