'Magic' Quilt Prompts Toddler to Speak

by Judi Ketteler (Subscribe to Judi Ketteler's posts)
Aug 6th 2010 11:00AM

Filed under: In The News, Amazing Kids, Amazing Parents

Judi Ketteler author of the magic quilt with her son

The author and her son, Max, on the "magic quilt." Courtesy of Judi Ketteler

As parents, we eagerly look to each milestone -- trying so hard not to compare kids, but desperately wanting to make sure our own are keeping up their peers (and holding out hope that they are secretly brilliant).

But at 22 months, my son's vocabulary still consisted of just "mama," "dada," "tiger" and "no no." And sure, he could bark like a dog and moo like a cow -- which was entertaining, but didn't help me check off that "language development" milestone.

I lost count of how many conversations I had with my now 2-year-old son that went something like this: "Hey Max, can you say cat? Say: 'ccccc' and then 'aaaattt.' 'Cat!' "

His response? A coy smile, and complete disinterest. As if to say, "Yeah, cat this, lady."

Meanwhile, the adorable little boy next door, who was only six weeks older than Max, had been talking for weeks, practically in sentences. He knew his colors already. Heck, he probably ordered their take-out.

"Stop comparing," my husband, Allen, chided me. "He'll talk when he's ready."

I knew Allen was right. Logically, I knew Max wasn't behind or developmentally delayed. He just wasn't motivated yet. My mom had always told me that my brother, Tony, didn't talk until he was almost 3.

"I would ask the doctor about it," my mom said, "and the doctor just said that Tony must not have anything to say yet."

Still, I found myself obsessing over getting Max to say words. His expression conveyed it all: Why say "doggy" when you can just look at one and giggle? Or better yet, look at your mommy and giggle at her pinched and desperate face? I tried to be rational, but, of course, I still worried.

Luckily, I have a great creative outlet for my worry and stress: Sewing. I've been sewing since I was 16, and just published "Sew Retro," a book about sewing history with lots of fun vintage-inspired projects. And, now pregnant with my second child, my sewing habit has kicked into overdrive.

There's something about the influx of estrogen and the expectation of new life that creates this compulsive need to make project after project, especially all of those projects that have been on my to-do list forever -- like making a quilt for our bed.

Inspired by that great "found" quality of basic scrap patchwork, I decided to make a colorful quilt compiled from random fabrics. I used leftover fabric from projects for my book, scraps from my (very large) fabric stash, pieces of vintage aprons my mom had given me, flea market finds -- just a little bit of everything.

I worked on it for a few weeks, finishing late one night. I smoothed down the finished quilting, placed it on the bed and slept the good sleep of creative fulfillment. My son may not have been in a hurry to reach milestones, but I was furiously trying to check off mine.

The next morning, my husband went to get Max out of the crib, and the boy came bounding into the room, ready to "help" me out of bed by yanking my arm -- our usual routine. But the quilt caught his eye and I could see his brain processing: Something is different here. Something interesting is going on with this bed.

I pulled him up onto the mattress.

"Look at all the colors, Max!" I said. "Which square is your favorite?" I asked. He pointed to a brown polka dot piece. "That's a good one! What else do you like?" He giggled, and pointed to some blue flowers. "Oh right, the blue flowers look like the flowers in the garden, don't they?" He nodded his head.

After breakfast, he wanted to look at the quilt again. And after his nap. And before dinner. And before bedtime. Each time, he'd discover another piece of fabric that was his "favorite." I showed him which one came from Grandma's apron, which one had birds hidden in it, which one had Russian dolls, which one reminded me of birthday cake and so on. He especially loved it when I said funny words like "fleur-de-lis."

Daddy picked out his favorite, and we theorized about which ones were the favorites of various cherished stuffed animals. By the next day, Max had practically memorized every square. I'd ask him what was what, and he'd point, intensely proud of himself.

And then it happened. "Gurrrl" he said, (unprompted!) pointing to the "Russian doll" piece. "Yes, girl!" I said, giddy. The next day, it was "wawa," or "water" as in, water the flowers (since there are so many flower patterns on the quilt and Max "helps" me water flowers every night).

Sitting on the quilt talking about the squares became our nightly ritual. One night, about a week after I made the quilt, we were all sitting on the bed and I mentioned something about Google to Allen. "Google" I heard a little voice echo. "Max, did you just say Google?"

"Google!" Max said again.

I suddenly had a hunch about the "ooo" sound. "OK, can you say goose?"

"Goooooose!" he said.

"How about moose?"

"Moooooose!"

And that was it: The floodgates were open. We went from talking about the "gurls" and "wawa" to talking about everything -- on the quilt, off the quilt, at the dinner table, in the car. Finally, my boy was talking! He didn't even need prodding; he just started to repeat everything. Even words I didn't want him to.

Was it that Max finally had found things he wanted to talk about? Maybe. Or maybe it was just the time in his development when he was finally ready, and a piece of Grandma's apron and some blue flowers were the catalysts.

I didn't make the quilt to teach Max anything. I made it because I'm a crazy pregnant lady and I can't stop sewing. I had no idea that my own creative outlet would resonate with this little boy. After all, the norm is to sew dresses for little girls, and give little boys trucks and dinosaurs. Little boys aren't supposed to like quilts and flowers and pretty colors.

But, as is often the case when you're so singularly focused, I was thinking too narrowly. I just needed a 2-year-old to tell me that. Thank goodness he learned to talk in time to set me straight.

Judi Ketteler is the author of "Sew Retro: A Stylish History of the Sewing Revolution + 25 Vintage-Inspired Projects for the Modern Girl." Find more info about sewing, her blog, fun vintage images, bonus projects and tutorials at www.sewretrothebook.com.

Related: Easy Ways to Bring New Style to Old Hand-Me-Downs

ReaderComments (Page 5 of 7)

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8-07-2010 @ 5:25PM

Donna Brinkman said...

My son Phil, the fifth child, was also two and not talking because everyone catered to the cutie when he just pointed, so why talk?
One day he was pulling on me for something while I was trying to run the vacuum. In exasperation I said, "Phil I'm too busy now." And he said, "I want an apple."
His first sentence, almost his first ever word.
From then on, when he learned how to get results, we couldn't stop him and he became known as "Motor Mouth".
Donna Brinkman

8-07-2010 @ 5:27PM

Jyl said...

I have 2 children, one was developed speech on time, the other was a "late talking child". She is now 3 1/2 years old and talking in total paragraphs! But she was similar to your son. The late talking child uses the analytical side of their brain instead of the verbal sphere. They tend to be mathmaticians, musicians, and engineers. Albert Einstein was the most notable "late talking child" as he didn't speak until he was nearly 5 years old. Thomas Sowell has a book titled, "the late talking child" and it is quite interesting. I hope this helps others. I hated that they wanted to test my child for autism(especially since she had no other signs) just because she wasn't speaking. I was a late talking child, my father was a late talking child. Ask family members when you started talking and you may find out that you, your spouse, or sibling were late talking children.

8-07-2010 @ 5:32PM

Beverley said...

I'm 65 and evidently I didn't speak until almost 4 yrs old. No problems at all due to the late start. My mother told me that it seems I just didn't have anything I wanted to say until then.

8-07-2010 @ 5:33PM

HPFangirl71 said...

I know the feeling of anticipation over a childs developement... they each go at varying speeds but there are guidelines for a reason!! I dont blame the mom for worrying since her son did talk very late. I had a child that didnt do hardly anything such as crawling, walking, talking and whatnot even at 18 months. The doctors recommended therapy to prod him along and later he was diagnosed as on the autistic spectrum, so it sometimes pays to worry. He is now 6 and still not potty trained so that is what worries us now. I sometimes feel like his 18 month old brother will be going potty before he is... The key is to be patient but still try our best for our kids and they will succeed at any rate they seem to go.

8-07-2010 @ 7:24PM

Carol Stout said...

I have not commented about the other comments before this one but I really felt that I had to reply to this one. HPFangirl71 you already know that your child does have some problems (autism) so you can expect quite a few delays that may go along with it. My son has cerebral palsy, epilepsy and is physically and mentally challenged due to his problems. I couldn't even get the doctors to diagnosis his cerebral palsy nor his epilepsy for a long time. I had other children and am the oldest of 8 children (a couple of my brothers are mentally slow and one is austistic) and I babysat a lot of children in my life time so I had seen the way that a wide variety of children (includeing my older kids) acted and I knew that something was not right with my youngest son. It took me being very persistent to get him diagnosed with the cerebral palsy when he was about 7 months old. He looked "normal" so the doctors just thought he was a bit slow and would develop in his own time. It took taking him to a special clinic when the doctors from that hospital came over here to hold a clinic before he ever got diagnosed with cerebral palsy. My husband and I were so relieved to at last have a name to put on his problem that we forgot to ask how serious it might be. When we got home I called up a public health nurse that I knew (she was the one who told me about the special clinic in the first place) and I asked her what cerebral palsy was and if he would die from it or what. It was a relief to know that he would not die from it and that it was as bad as it would probably ever get at that time. She told me that he would either stay the same or get better with therapy. He got a lot better thank goodness but he started therapy as a baby and it continued in one form or another all through his school years. He even started special schooling at 3 years old and went to school through most of his 22nd year (his birthday was a few days after the deadline). His epilepsy was not diagnosed until he was about 2 years old and had a grand mal seizure. Then we all knew for sure that he had epilepsy. I thought he was having seizures ever since he was born but what I described to the doctors was not something that they recognized as a seizure. I have since come to learn that there are a lot of different types of seizures and he was definitely having a different type of seizure. He probably even had them when he was in the womb. Thanks to very early intervention he got a lot of help through the years. As to talking...well it does take muscles to talk that we who talk don't think about. He used to say a few words when he could but those words got fewer and further between as he got older. He is 29 and very few words have been heard from him in the last few years except he has said "duhee". That is the name he calls my oldest grandson whom he loves very much. Dustin is now almost 23 and he is still "duhee" to his uncle. The home my son now lives in said they had heard that many times and didn't think that it was anything but gibberish, now they know differently. Josh is quite expressive in his own way and can understand 99% of what is said to him and does respond with actions and sounds which we have all learned how to interpret. He can also use some sign language but that is not his preferred method of communication as it does take muscles he has trouble using. We do NOT respond if he doesn't make himself clear in some way as to his wants and needs. He is in a wheelchair but can get out of it and crawl all over the place and we encourage that. He can sit in "normal" chairs just as anyone else can and he prefers that. They were having trouble with him at his work place and it turned out that was because he wanted to sit in a regular chair and they wanted him to sit in his wheelchair. We got that cleared up at a meeting when we asked Josh if he wanted to sit in a regular chair. He immediately signed "yes" and he was very vigorous with that sign. Problem solved if only the work place had asked him that sooner they would have not had a problem.

Enough of my rambling. As to his "potty training" we never did succeed with that and believe me we tried. He is now almost 29 years old and still in "briefs" or diapers. I had to learn to choose my battles and since that was one that I obviously was not going to win I had to let it go. Believe me it was years before I gave up on it but...eventually I had to do just that. I then worked on teaching my son not to be ashamed of what he had to wear for underwear as it was quite alright. He is fine just the way he is. I had to end up teaching others not to be embarassed about putting diapers or briefs on an adult child. They were actually more embarrased then he was about the whole thing. He wears them night and day and that is life. HPRangirl71 you will know when and if you need to continue this battle or stop fighting it and go on with fighting other battles that you are going to have to fight. Whatever you do I know you will do what is right for your child. Always remember that your child is just fine the way he is and he is just right for him.

8-07-2010 @ 5:36PM

lea said...

I can relate to this on two levels, one, my sons name is max. He is now 14 years old and never stops talking. He did not start talking, however, until he was almost three. I was also very worried. To make matters even worst, one of the only sounds my son ever made was " Duhhh". I remember being in the doctors office waiting room and there was a little girl younger than Max chattering away. She was counting and pointing out colors. Max pionted out colors also, only to say"Duhhhh" !! I could hardly contain myself and by the time we got back to the doctors office I was nearly in tears. The doctor reasured me that he was developing nicely and that he would start talking in his own good time. His first word was "dad".

Robert said...

A true story...my wife's brother was not talking at age 3...he would only point and say "uhhh". So his mother decided that he should spend some time with a neighbor's child who was also 3 and speaking very well. After about a week, the neighbor's kid started pointing at everything & saying "Uhhh".
Kids go at their own pace. Yes, have their ears checked to make sure they can hear ok. My grandson is 2 1/2 & only speaks a few words...but he can operate the DVD player. Not worried at all.
BTW Kids with brothers and/or sisters also learn to do everything faster because they socialize with them daily.

8-07-2010 @ 6:12PM

Bettina said...

I loved your article. I am a speech-language pathologist who when my son was 2 would not talk. I was worried until my father, who did not go to college, observed "but he understands everything you say to him. He will talk when he is ready." and he did. I see many parents who are extremely worried about their child's speech and language development. I tell them that language development, as with all other development, is a range. I also ask them if their child understands what is being said to him/her. In most cases, the child does. I also advise them to let their child talk, do not anticipate their every need. I the child does not start talking by the age of 3, seek out the services of a speech-language pathologist. Congratulations on finding something that encouraged your son to communicate with you. Having fun and not stressing about it is frequently the key.

8-07-2010 @ 5:50PM

Cheryl said...

I don't know why she was worried...cause once they start talking, it's nearly impossible to get the short people (kids) to be quite. Grandson started verbalizing things very early. He finished first grade in May and will be starting 2nd this month...he amazed my housekeeper this past week by talking about my dogs, explaining that one is an introvert and the other is an extrovert and using the words correctly in sentences. I don't know how many 7 year olds do that...(he just turned 7 on June 30). But, he does have a very strong command of the English language. Nearly as advanced in Math and Science. Not quite sure what we are going to do with him... needs more socialization skills, but is slowly getting there.

8-07-2010 @ 6:03PM

jac20147 said...

This story is adorable. It reminded me of when my 17 year old daughter was 26 months old. I had just made the decision to have her speech and hearing tested because she wasn't talking. In fact, all she said was "ah-duh" for everthing. She was the youngest and I didn't worry too much until her 2nd birthday. Before the test we were going to Disney World. I always read to my children, for all the same reasons that most parent read to their kids. Well, there we were at Disney World and while pushing her in a stroller we came upon Donald Duck. She pointed to him with her blue eyes so big and said, "Donald Duck". I couldn't believe it. My husband and I both started crying. Same thing happened when she saw Micky Mouse. Upon our return to Virginia we went ahead with the test. They assured us she was fine and that "now the dam had broken" she would just keep talking. She is seventeen now and frankly, I think she is only not talking when she is sleeping or texting. Thank goodness for happy endings!

Loretta said...

I do agree with Rita when she recommends you look into the Early Intervention program in your county. It helped my child tremendously. Early detection is always the key to whatever the situation is. Your little one sounds like a very bright boy. Let the team of professionals help him reach a full potential. When reading your essay I could feel all the love in your heart. I wish you and your family all the best.

8-07-2010 @ 6:20PM

Debbie said...

Story brought back memories. My middle child didn't speak till he was over three years old. Only said momma, dadda, no, and "er" for brother. Had him tested and was advised that he he needed intense speech therapy. My pediatrician said there was nothing wrong with him, that he understood everything and had selective mutism. Well, his brother did and got everything for him when he grunted and pointed, but as soon as his baby sister was born, now there was competition for attention. While in the shoe store, during the popularity of E.T., my son was very upset that his older brother was getting new sneakers. Much to everyone's suprise he clearly blurted out, " I want blue E.T. sneakers too! Well, after that he spoke clear full sentences and hasn't shut up since. That was 31 years ago and we stil love to tell that story!

8-07-2010 @ 6:23PM

joyce said...

As a speech/language pathologist, I urge you to have your son evaluated. He just may be delayed (or he could be disordered). A professional should be called in to determine what kind of intervention would be beneficial. Speech therapy for a 2 year-old is fun yet really can make a difference when he enters school.

8-07-2010 @ 6:28PM

Jess said...

I think you could do yourself, and especially your son, a HUGE favor by seeking consultation by a professional in Early Intervention. Maybe you might not be mentally ready to hear it, but from what you described in this essay regarding his behaviors, it really lead me to believe there might be something going on. If there is something, getting it addressed NOW rather than later will make a world of difference as he gets older. His lack of language in the early ears, and then the quick memorization of the details of the pictures on the quilt, not to mention the desire to be preoccupied with aspects of the quilt, it really does tell me he is on the autism spectrum. i think he was able to "get" the words on the quilt because of the "visual" associations, a trait common to those on the autism spectrum. I don't mean to scare or worry you, but I really feel that if you want what's best, seek consultation.

8-07-2010 @ 6:37PM

Libby said...

I teach preschool children with autism. We have developmental miltestones (derived from research and data) for a reason. Don't stick you head in the sand about your child's developmental delays!

8-07-2010 @ 7:14PM

zeebeeton said...

Including you JOE ,It is quite Obvious that , YOU do not like yourself !! Or any one else . What is the matter ?

8-07-2010 @ 6:40PM

Alex said...

Okay and what made you believe that there is nothing wrong with him? That's not normal, kids that don't start talking late, there is something wrong, kids don't choose to be quiet, and as a mother you are in denial.

8-07-2010 @ 9:35PM

Ty said...

Don't drink the koolaid, they're here to drum up business.

8-07-2010 @ 6:44PM

jan said...

As a speech therapist, I also have to agree that this article and the comments may send the wrong message. By eighteen months most children should have a few words and be putting some together. Moms should follow their instincts and even if the pediatrician says not to be concerned, they should have their child's hearing tested and perhaps also be seen by an early intervention specialist. Yes, some children may be late talkers who later become valedictorians, but many also need some help to begin speaking. Waiting for magic can result in significant educational problems later.

8-07-2010 @ 6:59PM

Tyler said...

I don't think that 22 months is late to start talking. It seems to me that people think anyone who doesn't start talking by 18 months has something wrong with them. I didn't say a single word until ! was 3 and a half! I'm going to be a senior in high school now and have always near the top of my class. I'm not going to worry when I have a child if they don't talk right away either.

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