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Opinion: Students Should Not 'Friend' Teachers Online
Filed under: Opinions
Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone! Credit: jupiterimages
Kids: Friending your teachers on Facebook is a bad idea. Period.
In a recent story, high school physics teacher Peter Kupfer tells the Chicago Tribune he is "not worried about sharing (online) space with students."
Well, frankly, I'm worried for him -- and for my kids.
In an age where the concept of privacy is increasingly muddled due to online sites such as Facebook and Twitter, it becomes harder to know where to draw the line when it comes to teacher-student relationships.
Teachers can be inspiring role models and really can make a difference in a child's life -- especially during the teen years, when it may be hard for kids to talk to their parents about what's going on in their lives. There are quite a few teachers who have nurtured my kids over the years, and I'm very grateful for them.
But, as much as I encourage my kids to connect with their teachers in real life, connecting with them online crosses the line.
As a parent, I've sat through workshops at school where the middle and high-school guidance counselors have explained social networking to befuddled parents. One of the things I learned when my daughter was in high school was that members of the guidance staff had found a way to view some of the students' Facebook profiles. I don't know whether the counselor created a fake student account and then friended students at the school, or convinced a student at the school to let him use an existing account -- but, either way, they were spying on the kids.
Most of the parents in the room were comforted by this thought. "Phew! Someone responsible is watching out for my kid," seemed to be the main sentiment. I, on the other hand, was angry.
Sure, it's nice to know the school has its finger on the pulse of what students are doing these days, but at what point does that knowledge become dangerous -- even if the student knowingly friends the teacher on Facebook?
Over the last few years, I've had countless conversations with my own kids about the myth of online privacy, and what they should and should not be doing online. My daughter was just 14 when she first got on MySpace, and suffice it to say, her judgment was not top-notch when it came to what she posted. Even today, I sometimes take issue with what my daughter, 18, and my son, 13, do online.
But, unlike a parent, teachers are required to report dangerous or illegal behavior. So, if your underage son posts photos on Facebook that show him drinking, or it's clear from your underage daughter's profile that she's sexually active, does a teacher have a moral, ethical or legal duty to intervene in some way? This fact alone should make teachers think twice about the responsibility of being a student's friend on Facebook.
In a response to comments from the Tribune story, Kupfer writes: "Teachers have to meet students on (their) ground or else we will become irrelevant. It is all well and good to say that teachers can only use school-based communications to communicate, but that is not effective. Students are not going to seek out those methods, they just won't communicate at all, and then education suffers."
I don't buy it. My kids use their school e-mail and online learning space to e-mail their teachers about school-related matters. Their education hasn't suffered because they're not communicating via Facebook instead.
And then there's the icky issue that no one really wants to bring up: If I don't feel it's appropriate for my kids to be hanging out with their teacher at home at night, why would it be appropriate for them to be communicating back and forth after hours via Facebook or Twitter?
Or by text message. As the Tribune reports, one school district in Chicago warns that "text messages are highly personal, can quickly get 'off topic' and be easily misinterpreted by a parent."
The district's technology director tells the Tribune: "What you want to avoid is a parent seeing a coach's cell phone number on their daughter's phone and being surprised." Indeed.
Kupfer says he's careful about how he reaches out to kids online -- he doesn't follow students on Twitter, and although he accepts friend requests, he doesn't initiate them.
"I'm careful not to post anything that is not appropriate," he tells the newspaper. "I remember my students will see this. My mom and grandma are on there, too, so I have to be extra careful."
Kupfer sounds like a great teacher -- dedicated, relatable and approachable. But even so, he should limit his relationship to the confines of school, where it belongs.
Related: Formspring.me: Social Networking Site for Teens Gets Ugly
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 8)
8-13-2010 @ 5:01PM
Stacey said...I don't "friend" any students until after they have graduated.
Reply
8-13-2010 @ 5:09PM
LDC said...The school where I worked had a policy. We were not allowed to request or accept friend requests from pupils on Facebook.
8-13-2010 @ 5:15PM
Alicia said...I had teachers in high school who were the exact same way, most of whom I'm now friends with. They always said that they liked us better when they didn't know what we did on the weekends. As for in college, well, I know kids who friend professors, but it's easier to me to not. I think it's a whole different ball game than being in high school, but it's easier to be professional when you don't all the details of one another's lives.
8-21-2010 @ 8:26PM
Mike Stephens said...I teach post secondary education (all my students are over 18). However, I still will not befriend students online until AFTER they've graduated or completed my classes.
8-21-2010 @ 8:25PM
bonnie said...I think it would be a great idea for a teacher to create a page for their class. Then they could friend the students/parents from each class, post assignments, answer questions, ect. They could set the privacy high and not allow private messages to eliminate anything inappropriate or secretive from taking place. Just an idea.
8-22-2010 @ 10:45AM
regis98 said...I am a high school teacher as well, and I also will not approve a friend request until they have graduated and are in college. If my students find out I am on facebook, they will often say that they will friend request me. I quickly respond that until they are graduates of my school, I will not approve it. I typically teach freshmen and sophomores so if they still want to friend request me when they graduate 3 years later, I will approve it.
8-21-2010 @ 9:54PM
Dawn said...I just hope that one of these students doesn't get a crush on any teacher and do the unthinkable. A pi**ed off student will lie thru their teeth and all it takes is the accusation. It's immaterial whether there is no proof.. his reputation, job and future just went up in smoke. And it only takes one....It's a dangerous game you play on these sites....
8-21-2010 @ 10:24PM
Neen said...I agree with one of the comments about when students graduate..... I am a paraprofessional and I work with 6, 7, and 8th graders... They ask me all year about Myspace or Facebook but I tell kids not until they graduate 8th grade... So Graduation Day I give some of the kids I have or some I know a seprate email address and I tell them if they find me on facebook i will confirm the friendship...Which is rewarding to me because I recently had a bunch of kids that i had in 8th grade on my facebook for sometime now and I seen them graduate high school and I seen prom pictures which I felt very proud to see
8-22-2010 @ 3:05PM
mandy said...some students like me like to talk to there teachers. Its mostly email for many students till they graduate
8-21-2010 @ 11:46PM
K said...I do not friend them on my Personal Account. My school allows a School account which the principal is on so he know everything that goes on that account.
8-22-2010 @ 12:31AM
Patty said...I agree. Teacher's must care for their students and do everything in their power to motivate and educate, but a sound professional distance must be maintained. Love them, care about them, help them, but don't believe that you can find a friend in your student. Your influence is too strong and can never lead to a balanced relationship. Be a teacher let the friend category be for someone of a like age.
8-22-2010 @ 12:46AM
Val said...Smart policy. My son created an alternate Facebook page to keep in touch with his favorite former teachers. That was also a smart idea.
8-22-2010 @ 7:05PM
letty said...OH, PLEASE, SPARE ME! WHO WOULD WANT TO BE YOUR "FRIEND?" MOST OF YOU TEACHERS TREAT STUDENTS LIKE RAGS! WHAT AN ARROGANT JERK YOU ARE! AND A LOUSY TEACHER, TO BOOT!
8-13-2010 @ 5:26PM
andrea said...FB is a great way for me to stay connected to many of my old students! I get a chance to see them as young adults, many who are in COLLEGE Now!
The flipside is: That I feel as if Im getting old! As long as its innocent then why not??
Elementary School Teacher
Reply
8-21-2010 @ 8:18PM
diane said...Simple. I'm not their friend. I'm their teacher. It's unprofessional.
8-22-2010 @ 2:05AM
Lynda said...I am a high school college counselor. I have a "professional" facebook account that I use for current and former students. It has been unbelievably helpful in getting the word out to students, especially about events taking place over the summer. An "event" invitation that I create on my site is much more successful when kids see their friends going. I love it. And if I see something inappropriate, I remind the kids that the colleges might see it as well, and to get rid of it! They need to know that may come back to haunt them!
8-14-2010 @ 10:04AM
Heidi said...I know several teachers who do not friend their students until after graduation. I agree with the post about now wanting to know too much about what they do out of school. I'm FB friends with a lot of my kids friends and I wonder if they realize how much I know that their own parents don't. I think if kids want to friend their teachers and if the teacher accepts it's ok as long as nothing inappropriate is involved. If parents are monitoring their kids on FB, they'll know what their kids and their friends and/or teachers are talking about.
Reply
8-14-2010 @ 10:05AM
Heidi said...I meant ... NOT wanting to know... sorry
8-14-2010 @ 11:23AM
quarkcharm said...When I was growing up stay at home moms were the fashion, prurient material was not easy to get, divorce, unwed pregnancy,and alcoholism made you a social outcast. Children were under some sort of responsible observation almost all the time. Older kids even looked out for younger kids .Kids were considered "kids"- they could have opinions but were considered not experienced or knowledgeable enough to make good choices without guidance. It had its advantages and disadvantages. They were not the mythical "good old days" but there were some good things for kids. Today because of technology, children live unfiltered lives. Today kids are a targeted marketing group,told to make consumer choices. Today most parents or guardians are absent mostly to put "food on the table," some are absent because they spend too much time at work, some just are crappy parents. Kids now have to make "adult " decisions, mostly based on information from TV and their peers. Knowledge is not as important as being popular, which is supported by parents. Under these conditions teenage, and sometimes younger students, will experiment with dangerous and stupid practices-sex being the least of the problems- try explosives, fighting, guns,drugs...suicide. No teenager does these things without letting someone know because if they survive it, they get bragging rights. Popularity. Without which the practice is not attractive.On FB it is hard to find out who you really areunless you tell someone or allow people into your "circle." This of course keeps authority at bay and therefore responsibility for "correct" behavior. The student may now do as they please without any over sight. Another perk, another reward. Eventually one of us will get sued for FB with students, of that I'm sure...but at least one of us maybe able to help a student before they do something stupid or take away the anynonimity [sic] of the web so that the student cannot hide among their peers, but be held responsible for the behavior from some sort of authority.... Until some other technology comes along.
Reply
8-21-2010 @ 10:04PM
deano said...I agree with Peter also. I have been an educator for 11 years, and I'm proud of the difference that I've made in many of my students' lives. Last year I taught 5th grade and many of my students were on facebook. I was shocked. However, there were some children over whom I worried about their safety and well-being. When these children "befriended" me, I gladly accepted. It is my duty as a christian to look out and help others in need. If this is wrong, I don't want to be right.
What burns me up is that people think they can speak for others. Maybe YOUR child shouldn't be on facebook or be friends with teachers (you should thank your lucky stars) but please don't presume what is good for others. What country do we live in anyway??!!!