Divorce: Saying Good-Bye to the Kids and the Nest

What you describe here sounds like prison. People are freaking miserable and they still stick to the "till death do us part" mentality that society shoves down our throats. If only they knew that happiness is theirs if they only had the balls to get out of a crazy marriage. The depression this kind of life causes is enough to make me never want to get into something like that again. Truth is, it all boils down to money. People use religion or societies mores to justify staying together but it's really about what they will lose financially if they split. If the kids are grown, GO FOR IT!!!

I am going through a divorce currently. It was not something I ever dreamed would happen because I took my vows seriously and did the best I could as a wife. Unfortunately, my soon-to-be-ex did not have that same commitment as I. He left the kids and I on my son's birthday. He had been married and divorced before and after talking to close friends who knew his past, they told me that he had not changed after all when he met and married me. Now, 19 years later and 2 children, I am left trying to put my new life together. I have been through counseling, trying to figure out what I did wrong, but the counselor has assured me that there was nothing I could have done- He was the one who walked out without trying. I felt hurt, betrayal, confusion, fear, and sadness but know that God has a purpose for me. I am looking ahead and feeling excited about what future I have with my children and I : )

Michelle, you are hopelessly clueless. When it happens to one of your friends, they will avoid you like the plague. For those who say children suffer, I say BULL. My daughter is happily married. My son has had the same girlfriend since high school. Neither my children nor I drink, smoke, or do drugs. We are happier and stronger now because We are no longer in a toxic relationship.

Ray, who r u? A man after my own heart, wow, is all there is to say. You not only hit it on the bulleye's, your added wisdom to boot, is and will forever be the added sunshine to anyone that get's it. Well I did and have felt this way for over 17 yrs. since my divorce. Pssssst..........it's just that no one has taken the time to listen to me, Kudos, Ray, and hooray 2!...............well since we're not therapist and all, lol....great read.

Your comments are cynical but true. The popular statistics state the 50%ish of marriages end in divorce, but that is so understated. What of all the marriages which should end but don't because of "the kids" or finances, or misguided commitments. How many marriages are there which appear great in public but live separate lives at home...no sex, no connection, separate vacations, separate sides of the bed, separate beds, separate rooms... And what of all the marriages which are OK sometimes and bad others but they try to "work it out"? The real number of GOOD marriages has to be somewhere less than 10%. If I had any connection with my ex, I should give constant thanks that it is over after 25 years of what most people thought was the perfect marriage. Gives you real pause about going through it again!!!

Ray,

All I can say is "WOW". Song writer/singer Kenny Nash here..............I have to give it to you bud you are oh so "RIGHT" !

I see it like this....

"They say were just passing thru so I'LL do the best I can
If I'd known what I know now this may have never began
They say you can't take it with you but there's one thing that I can
It's the heart ache that you left me I'LL be taking to the end

Because no one wants a broken heart...DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
But I guess if we never had them we'd never even have to bleed
But cuts take time to heal when they are put on you so deep
No one wants a broken heart " I"M SURE YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN"

They say that time can heal almost anything
But theres not enough time in this world to ever rid this pain.......
Because no one wants a broken heart.........@2010 Kenny Nash

youtube Kenny Nash "desire"

Ray, you are so right! I never knew my marriage of 20+ years would end up in divorce but it does start with family values. I don't believe in spouses going out with "friends" just because they need somebody to talk to, specially if it's the opposite sex. If you really want a true friend's shoulder to cry on, start with your old friends, the ones that are always there for you. There is a lot of healing to do with all involved but I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's not always men cheating on their wives.

Ive had great sex for 20 years and I agree that this connection can keep the marriage togather....but not when it becomes an addiction and the husband moves the family to Vegas and joins the lifestyle there. Facebook now helps locate all of the females in your previous life and new women. Advertising yourself on self sites for availability in your local area was the marriage killer for me. 20 great years, andthree children....and then the internet, casinos, anything goes women out for "whatever happens in vegas stays in vegas", facebook, and online pornography ruined my marriage. Do not move to Vegas if you have an addictive personality.

Lets talk about the abuse of a husband. 20 yrs,marriage,faithful and 5 years datng,again faithful, 2 and a half years ago,on Easter,I scolded my son verbally for his reverse baseball hat and dirty sneakers in the house. My Mother in law chimed in to me, you should not speak to your son that way,at which time, I told her,Mary, this is the second time you told me how to raise my 16 year old son in my house. I left the kitchen, only to be assaulted by my brother in law who was choking me and then there were 6 hands around my neck. My in-laws were trying to pull their son off of me. They all knew of my back fusion and 2 weeks prior I had 2 screws placed in my right foot. My wife was no where to be found,but I knew she was in the kitchen or dinette. As I reached for the phone to call the polixw, my Mother in-law was frantically trying to pull the wires from the wall. I went downstairs and called 911. In the meantime,my brother in-law left with my son to go home,3 blocks before the police arrived. The police report, as given to the senior officer on scene,was totally filled with lies. I wrote an addendum and my wife typed it up, and on the 364 day after the assault,I gave it to the chief of police to add to the originalpolice " interpretation " My wife told me, she did not remember where she was. She told me that blood is thicker than water and if charges are pressed,it will be your word against my whole family. This has eaten at me for the past 2 and a half years. My in-laws are not welcome at this house and I do not go anywhere where there is a chance of running into them. I have not made love to my wife for 2 and a half years and do not share what I call now " her bed " Divorce is strongly on my mind. I have 2 boys,14 and18and would appreciate all the similiar situations of men and women who have gone through an experience where it became physical, only to not have your wife help you. Abuse can be much more than physical,it is most definately psychological and emotional.

I hate it when people pull out that "oh they'll be fine" or "children are so resilient"....of course they will be alright and of course they will survive but they will still go through a lot of pain and may end up with trust issues in marriage. I don't think it will improve their relationships. Way to flip it to a positive.
Selfish people believe the end justifies the means as long as it means they get what they want.

wow..thats really awful vicki =(

Vicki~my heart aches for you. You have been through so much that you did not ask for. I am sorry for your pain, and sorry that things went so terribly wrong in your life. Please keep looking forward to brighter days. You will heal, but it will take time. For now, lean on those you love; laugh whenever you can, and decide that starting today you are going to move toward something better. Life can be happy again. I really believe that. In the meantime, I will be praying for you.

Wow, Vicki, that is a terrible story, and I am so sorry that you have had to experience that. Your husband turned a moment of selfishness into a disaster for all of you. I hope you are not going to just give up on life. Things will get better and the pain will fade. I have always believed that things happen for a reason, so maybe, maybe there is the true love of your life coming down the road for you. Stay strong.

A very similar thing happened to my father. My mother was the only one who knew how to take care of him. It took years of deterioration and then he died a sad death..sick and alone. I cry when I think about it. If my parents had stayed married..it would have been different. I know that 100 percent. My mother is sick and old. She lives with me. She's very withdrawn. She and my father belonged together all those years. People think divorce is so great for people..that they just move on and they're happy. No divorce destroys some people. I understand what happened to you Vicki and I'm sorry for that.