SmackDown: Would You Homeschool Your Kids?
Filed under: Opinions

Illustration by Christopher Healy
I was Homeschooled, and So Are My Kids.
by Crystal PaineThere is overwhelming evidence that the majority of home-schooled students are thriving -- they score high on standardized tests and also do well in college. These studies and statistics are impressive, but they are not why my husband and I have chosen to home school our children.
For us, the main reason is a religious one: We are Christians and believe the Bible is to be our basis for all of life and practice. Scripture speaks very clearly to the role of parents in the education of their children in Deuteronomy 6: 5-7:
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up."
It is hard for us to follow this Biblical mandate if we send our children to school to be instructed by others for the bulk of each week day.
Both my husband and I were home schooled and had very positive experiences, so this has also significantly impacted our decision to teach our children at home. I loved the immense amount of quality time home schooling afforded me to spend with my parents and the close relationships I developed with my siblings as a result of having them as my classmates.
Some people bring up the argument that home schooled students aren't socialized. I think that's one of the biggest myths on the planet. Think about it: When else in real life, but in a classroom setting, are you put into a situation where you are only interacting with people your own age?
Instead of growing up in a peer-based, age-segregated system, I learned to communicate and interact with people of every age -- from babies and toddlers to the elderly. In my opinion, that's true socialization.
Homeschooling has advanced so much in the last 20 years. While there used to be only a few textbook options available, there is now an almost-overwhelming plethora of curriculum available. For parents who feel apprehensive or unqualified, there are support groups, co-ops, distance learning opportunities, self-teaching computer programs, online tutors, local classes and more. The wealth of homeschooling resources available online and offline is almost limitless.
A classroom setting tends to encourage a one-size-fits-all conveyor belt education which caters to the lowest common denominator, whereas homeschooling provides the freedom for children to pursue opportunities tailored to their interests and gifts. For example, I was very interested in creative writing in high school. After completing a few grammar and writing courses, my parents encouraged me to start a bimonthly newsletter which eventually ended up with more than 200 subscribers from around the world.
For four years, I spent close to 40 hours per month on the newsletter, writing and editing articles, designing the layout, communicating with subscribers and printing and collating. Little could I have dreamed that this foray into publishing would lay the foundation for writing a blog read by hundreds of thousands of individuals across the globe.
I'm so thankful for the many wonderful real-life, hands-on opportunities that being home schooled provided me. And I'm excited to offer the same for my children, as well.
There's no denying that home schooling is a lot of work. It takes commitment; it takes perseverance; it requires a great deal of effort. But it's absolutely priceless to get to be right by my daughter's side as she learns to read and grasps each brand new concept.
Homeschooling? Not for My Kids.
by Amy HatchWhen it came time to send our daughter to school, we struggled a bit.
The public school in our neighborhood wasn't up to our standards, and private school tuition was going to be a stretch. We joked more than once that maybe we should home school the girl, laughing at the idea of a writer and a musician settling in to teach algebra and physics.
Sure, we probably could have managed during the primary years -- after all, we'd already taught her letters, numbers and most of the basics she needed for kindergarten. Not to mention the fact that there are plenty of prepackaged curricula available for moms and dads who choose to teach their kids at home -- even some that don't include a religious bent.
In the end, we chose to send her to a private school and we made the financial commitment for one reason: We believe in schools.
Both my husband and I had rich academic experiences at schools both public and private. We took full advantage of the extracurricular offerings made available to us -- I worked on the school literary magazine and was editor of the yearbook, and my husband was an active member of the music community at his school from the age of 9.
How could we possibly replicate that experience for our daughter if she was at home with us all day?
Homeschooling proponents say their children have ample opportunities for socialization, but I don't buy it. In our small community, the ability to organize a sports league or orchestra would be limited, at best. And then there's the time factor -- as working parents, we just couldn't manage.
Some may say those reasons smack of selfishness, but keeping our family afloat financially is a priority, as is serving as role models who have healthy appetites for our work. The passion my husband and I have for our careers is partially the result of our parents and how we were raised, of course, but the teachers we encountered at school were no less influential.
Restricting our daughter to our world view would deprive her of teachers like Ed Ladd, my high school English instructor, who demystified the written word and showed me you can make a living as a writer. Not only that, Mr. Ladd believed in me and he made sure I knew it.
Would we deprive her of a teacher like her own father, who taught music to elementary school students for nine years in an impoverished western New York city? He taught scores of kids to play the violin, viola and bass -- kids who otherwise might never have touched an instrument.
We know there is at least one special teacher out there who will mold our child in ways we cannot.
Sure, when she comes home with teary stories of being left out on the playground, it's hard not to fantasize about keeping her home with me and teaching her about the planets and American history without any mean girls to taunt or distract her. But learning to deal with rejection and conflict is also an essential part of her education. Protecting her from the harder life lessons won't prepare her for a world she is certain to inherit, one that is fraught with competition.
And that's really the bottom line, isn't it? Preparing our children to go out in the world -- without us. School is the first step on that long journey toward independence, and possibly the most important step we take.
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 3)
8-24-2010 @ 10:29PM
Karen said...I agree that most schools use a one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to teaching in the classroom. That's why I plan to supplement the education my children receive in school with an education at home.
The reason I believe in educating outside the home is that there ARE things that parents cannot teach their children from home. As Amy wrote, "learning to deal with rejection and conflict is also an essential part of her education. Protecting her from the harder life lessons won't prepare her for a world she is certain to inherit, one that is fraught with competition."
THAT is why I believe strongly in children receiving an education outside the home. They need to learn to deal with these facts of life -- rejection and competition and negativity. I want my children to learn positive ways to deal with these issues independently. I want them to learn to stick up for themselves. Above all, I want them to learn that sometimes, even when you don't feel like it, you have to get up, get out of the house, and deal with your responsibilities, whether it's school or your job.
More than that, I want her to learn from people whose perspectives differ from my husband and me. All we can teach her about the world is the way that WE see it. I think learning from a variety of different perspectives is essential to a well rounded education. I want my kids to learn that it's okay to disagree with me, and it's okay to disagree with their teachers. The only way they can be sure of their own convictions is if they are challenged. By learning from the same two people throughout their education, it's less likely they'll face these challenges.
I completely agree with Amy's sentiment that sending your children to school outside the home is an incredibly important step in their independence. Yes, their education will likely have gaps, but I plan to fill those gaps with teaching at home. But I'll know they're learning at school many things that I can't teach them.
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8-27-2010 @ 10:48AM
AICURN said...May I ask why learning about new perspectives is so important? considering that in American schools, they tend to learn (and note i didn't state an absolute, just tend) about drugs, sex, and laziness. Homeschoolers learn how to study independently. I was homeschooled and went to community college in high school. I would say about two thirds of the students in any class really give a bad reputation to American schools. They would complain if the teacher didn't make it easy enough. Always looking for the teacher to grade on a curve. Writing schools were poor. Many frequently miss classes or come in late. I knew students who failed over and over again. I knew one girl who failed a remedial algebra class 4 times. Not because she was dumb, but because she failed to apply herself.
Look at high schoolers today. The immodesty. Girls think they are women way too soon. Under-age drinking...I used to hear about at my job as a waitress in high school...all the time. Everyone had a fake ID. Few were virgins. I could go on.
Is it worth your child's safety? to possibly get hooked on drugs? just to be diverse or open-minded as you seem to care so much about. I don't get it. The bullying. The lack of attention from teachers because of disruptive students.
Have you ever really seen the devastating effects of adults hooked on drugs? I am a critical care nurse. It's pathetic and heartbreaking, and it's not a rare thing. I see it every week at work. What's wrong with passing on YOUR moral values to your children? and not letting others infiltrate their minds?
8-24-2010 @ 5:09PM
FloridaMum said...I have a opinions on both of these posts. As an American married to Scotsman whose mother is a highly regarded scholar in Britain, we are acutely aware of the ranking of Americans and American education in the world. It's mediocre, at best. It is an embarrassment to our great nation.
After homeschooling our eldest for Kindergarten, we reluctantly (on my part) we tried public school for first grade as we moved to a new area. It was an 'A' ranked school - one of the eight best in the state of Florida. My six-year-old daughter was bullied in first grade, seated as a table with little boys who referred to girls as c*nts and took 4-5 standardized tests every week. Her educator was TESTING, not TEACHING. This is what has happened to schools in America. My daughter was withdrawn by Thanksgiving. It took four (4) months to recapture her spirit and her self-esteem, and she is back to her vivacious self. No Child Left Behind? NO THANKS.
It appears that Ms. Hatch lives in a pretty unddiplomatic area, if her posture is "Homeschooling proponents say their children have ample opportunities for socialization, but I don't buy it." In Florida - and MANY other states - home educated children can play football with the local junior high and high schools, join the swim team, even try out for cheerleading if that is their passion. Ever hear of Tim Tebow? ( a link was disallowed by this blog, but please Google him and read the Wiki profile... ) He was homeschooled. His parents were missionaries. There are many, many children just like him rising up in the world today - homeschooling is no longer just for Fundamentalists or Hippies - it's mainstream, and it's growing.
I do need to agree with the poster above who takes issue with Ms. Paine's rather arrogant posture on (Fundamentalist) Christian homeschooling. THERE *ARE* CHRISTIAN CHILDREN IN PUBLIC SCHOOL. And they have Christian parents - imagine that!! As Christians we are to avoid judging others, yet Ms. Paine repeatedly does so on her blog. I often take a deep breathe and remind myself that she is still very young, has seen practically none of the United States and I'm pretty certain that she has never traveled beyond US borders. Whilst world travel isn't necessary to maintain a global perspective, I do find that those who are *educated* enough to study other cultures and religions are generally kinder and more accepting of the many different types of families that exist in this glorious world of ours.
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8-24-2010 @ 7:34PM
Tricia said...I just want to say that each lady did a good job of portraying what they believe is right for their family. I went to public school my entire life and there were definitely things that I wish I would not have learned there, and many things that I wish I could have. The public schools are on a downward spiral, in my opinion. However, that is only my opinion. In no part of either lady's story did I see them trying to tell you to homeschool or not to homeschool your children, they were merely writing their choices of educating their children. I homeschool my children, but only began this year and my oldest has been in public schools for many years. While I feel that homeschooling is best for my children, it may very well not be for you, so by all means, do what you feel is best. After all they are YOUR children.
As for Crystal Paine, I'm proud of her for stating her beliefs. I am a KJV only, Independent Fundamental Baptist and my beliefs seem to line up with hers. That is generally not an easy thing to throw out, due to the fact that fundamentalists are thought of as "stubborn" to say the least. We aren't stubborn, the Bible is black and white, no gray area and that is where a lot of people have problems. No one should take offense to that because whatever denomination you are or whatever you believe about the Bible is between you and God, and you don't need to get mad at others just because they aren't like you.
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8-24-2010 @ 10:31PM
Maggie in KS said..."...you don't need to get mad at others just because they aren't like you."
And certainly you would agree that kindness and grace should be shown to others, and that they should not be shunned simply because they are not "KJV only, Independent Fundamental Baptist" - or do you follow Crystal's philosophy of deleting any remark that is not 100% in sync with her own, and refusing to speak to those who offer kindness but are of a different belief system (Methodist, for example).
8-25-2010 @ 9:19AM
Crystal Paine said...Maggie: Could you email me? moneysavingmom@gmail.com
I would really love to discuss this with you in private as I'm unsure as to whether you are someone I've met before in person? If so and I've wronged you or offended you, I want to do everything I can to make it right.
My husband and I have many different friends in many different denominations and feel there is so much we can learn from others -- even if we don't always see eye-to-eye with them. Iron sharpens iron!
Thank you so much -- and God bless you, Maggie!
8-30-2010 @ 11:16PM
Allison V. said...You forgot to mention the part where she deleted that post shortly thereafter, and issued an apology. Wouldn't want to only get half the story there or anything.
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8-24-2010 @ 6:15PM
Amanda said...I don't think there is a right choice or a wrong choice, and I don't understand why people fight about something like this. My parents went down two different educational paths with me and my brother. He was in public school his whole life and he graduated on time with his class and seemed to enjoy it. He's now going into his senior year at a traditional four year college.
I was always in special school programs. I switched from public school when I was in third grade and when I reached high school I joined a home school program. I graduated last year when I was sixteen and have been going to community college since then.
Neither of us had a better education then the other, we just did what was right for us. I'm thankful that my parents realized we're two DIFFERENT people and what worked for him would have been wrong for me. When I have kids someday I hope I'm able to provide the same options for them as I had.
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8-24-2010 @ 6:54PM
Wani said...I was homeschooled also. I was actually the reason that my parents chose to homeschool my siblings and I. I attended a private Catholic school K-3rd grade. I was dyslexic and the teachers were not sympathetic to my unique learning style and my needs as a student were grossly neglected. I had a difficult time finishing the work in the short amount of time given and my mother ended up spending all evening helping me to catch up and do my homework. She figured if she was going to be spending all that time teaching me why both sending me to school? It was only after my mother took me out of school and began teaching me at home that I gained a love for reading that is still a part of me today. I am currently beginning a new phase of life teaching my five year old kindergarten. However, our three year old is special needs and he attends a developmental pre-school where he receives multiple therapies in addition to the regular class time. We're not committed to homeschooling the whole way through right now... we're just going to take it a year at a time and go where God leads us. :-)
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8-24-2010 @ 9:35PM
Jill said...I'm actually glad someone posted about Crystal and her husband buying a house with cash. I greatly admire them for choosing a frugal lifestyle, avoiding debt, and living within their means. And they saved for a house while Crystal was at home with small children, dispeling the myth that both parents HAVE to work outside the home.
I think Crystal went out on a limb when she wrote how they "afforded" a house without a mortgage. I believe her intent was to encourage others that they could follow the same path if they chose to. I don' think her intent was arrogance and I'm surprised to hear that people took it that way. I'm also sorry she took the post down. Our culture desperately needs to hear testimonies like the Paine family!
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8-24-2010 @ 8:39PM
Alison Armstrong said...I couldn't have said it better Amy!
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8-24-2010 @ 9:35PM
Kara C. said...I think Crystal did a great job outlining the reasons she and Jesse
chose to homeschool. We just started homeschooling (my oldest is in Kindergarten) and Crystal had a great influence on our decision to do so.
As far as we can tell, our culture encourages children to grow and
"mature" in a very different way than my husband and I would like to
see our children grow and mature. I don't think that people who don't homeschool are bad parents. Having said that, we feel that no teacher will love our children the way we do, no teacher will invest their energy in our children the way we will, no teacher understands our childrens' personalities the way we do and most importantly, no one wants better for them than we do.
Given all of these factors, my husband and I chose to give it try.
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8-24-2010 @ 10:13PM
Maggie in KS said...Actually, that post was only deleted when she received a barrage of negative comments pointing out how arrogant and offensive she was. And for that matter, why delete the post? To hide the facts? PLEASE. Issue an apology....but let the TRUTH remain. That is exactly how she behaved with her Biblical Womanhood site.
What people don't realize is that she paints this picture of her successful lawyer husband, while in fact he started his own 'firm' only because he was fired by every company he'd ever worked for. Her idea of homeschooling her young daughter this year is Bob Jones distance education.... i.e., a video link because she's not actually doing the teaching!
I *am* a home educator....but please understand that these people are not all sweetness and light. They are condescending to the core, even to other Christians who have tried to reach out to them in friendship.
How is this relevant to the core subject matter of these articles? Because people like the Paine family do *not* represent mainstream home education. They are (thankfully) becoming a minority.
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8-30-2010 @ 12:42PM
Rochele said...I couldn't agree more! We can't ever know how people will take everything we say!
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8-24-2010 @ 10:32PM
Jenn @ Beautiful Calling said...Crystal's apology is below. I went and found it to see what she was she was apologizing for. I read the above 'copied and pasted post' about the house and didn't see anything wrong with it.
She isn't saying that reading novels or brand name clothing is wrong; just that they chose not to and that's how they came up with the money.
Most of us can afford most things; it really is all a matter of priorities and those will look different for everyone.
Anyway, I thought that both the writers above did a great job of sharing what they believe about education and why they made the decisions they did. I think as readers we need to be careful that we don't read a "tone, attitude or judgment" in words when it isn't here.
I'm planning to homeschool however my little ones are still little and we can never be sure that the future will bring!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I put up a post last night which was intended to serve as an inspiration. Instead, many of you were offended by it.
While I had spent a great deal of time considering that post before publishing it and had re-written it a few different times in hopes it would be conveyed in the way it was intended, nevertheless, my words fell short and were a burden rather than a blessing to many of you.
I’ve deleted the post, but I wanted to publicly ask those of you who were offended or hurt by it to please forgive me. It is inevitable that I’m not going to please everyone as a blogger, but my hope is that the vast majority of you will be inspired by what I share. I never want to come across as though I’ve “arrived” or am somehow better or more capable at this financial thing. I have many, many shortcomings and have made and continue to make many mistakes. I just hope to share from our own personal experience — failures and successes — in a way which will encourage you in your financial journey.
Thank you for reading here. Thank you for your encouragement to me. And thank you for bearing with me when I’m not always the best communicator. I’m blessed to have you all as readers!"
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8-27-2010 @ 12:49AM
Mike said...I believe in homeschooling for much different reasons than usually given.
Many schools have zero tolerance policies that I would not want my children involved with. I would not want my child in jail over a forgotten pocketknife for something similar. I also do not want them part of an environment where peanut/tree nut allergic people think everyone else is responsible if they have a reaction my touching something without cleaning it.
Of course, I also reject the usual reasons against homeschooling. One does not learn to stick up for one's self in school. The bullies simply bully more intensely. Plus, when one defends one's self, one may get suspended instead of the bully. Bullies can be very good liars. Of course, the bullies often continue even if they get suspended, as they often do not care. They prey on those who do care.
While some bullying may occur in the business world, it is nothing like what happens in school. The threat of lawsuits is simply too large.
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8-27-2010 @ 10:51AM
AICURN said...Amen to your post!
8-25-2010 @ 11:23AM
christina said...hmph.
i'm a happily-married, stay-at-home, homeschooling, atheist mom.
i homeschool because i like spending time with my kids, there is a thriving homeschooling community in my area, and i'm confident in my ability to teach my children what they need to know (or to seek out the resources we need if i were out of my depth). it's also nice not being tethered to a brick-and-mortar school schedule.
in short, we homeschool because it works for us, though i must say it's annoying having to weed through homeschooling material and homeschooling support groups that are not bible-based. c'est la vie.
i am a product of public-schooling, and my experience, for the most part, was just fine. i don't knock it. but i believe that part of the job description for being a parent is educating your children. and hey, if, for whatever reason, you don't want to do it yourself, there's nothing intrinsically wrong with outsourcing.
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8-25-2010 @ 3:52PM
Lori said...I found this article and read it because I have an aquaintance who is going to homeschool her children and I wanted to try to understand why someone would want to do that.
I still don't understand... but I guess I don't need to.
Perhaps my family is lucky that we live in an area with good public schools (when we lived in an area with poor public schools my children went to private schools.) Homeschooling would never be an option for me and my children. My goal in life is for my children to be smarter, happier, etc... than me. How could they be smarter than me if I am the one teaching them? I'm not an expert in every subject. That is why high school teachers only teach one subject matter (i.e. math, spanish, etc...). There is no way on earth I could have taught my son calculus.
But for those families who want to homeschool that is their choice, and I have no problem with it, I just don't get it.
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8-25-2010 @ 5:42PM
ladydartania1 said...i have to say that i can see both sides of this story. i have a step daughter who was home schooled the majority of her life. we lived in a "poor" area an the schools didnt teach. they tested. they wouldnt even let her bring the books home from school because there weren't enough for every child. i can tell you that she learned a lot more from being home schooled then being in public school. we were able to take her curriculum an take her on "field trips" an places what went with what she was studying so that she could learn more of what she was being taught. now with that being said she has been raised on the road. both of her parents were truck drivers so she has seen a lot of the places that most children dont get to see. she learned how to do accounting banking an all of the every day things that we as adults have to deal with. At the age of 14 she wanted to go back to public school which we were ok with. but i can say that having had both types of schooling she is a very well rounded individual an knows more at her age then most because she has been given the oppertunities to learn them. Lastly, i agree with everyone. do what is best for your child/children. that in the end is all that matters.
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