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Should the Child Who Inherited My Name Inherit Everything Else?
Filed under: Baby Names
Each of my grandchildren have been given a family name for their middle names, two from the mother's family and two from the father's side. One of the children's middle name is my maiden name, which will not be continued other than with this child. Is it proper for me to leave this child, and only this child, with property from that family? I can leave other equally valuable items for the other children, but they will not be of ancestral value.
- Grandmother
Names are my profession, and my obsession. So when I say this, I don't say it lightly: you're placing much too much importance on the children's names.
When your kids named their babies, they showed that family history and traditions were important to them. They spread around the family connections to be even-handed, not to divide up the territory! It would be a shame for a mere middle name to put distance between you and three of your grandchildren -- or between three siblings and the fourth.
Names aren't the only way to connect kids to family traditions. After all, regardless of who carries on your name, all four of those kids have equal chances of carrying on your DNA. If you go about things right, all four will have a good chance of carrying on your memories and traditions, too. Why put all your eggs in one basket?
Introduce all of the kids to your precious heirlooms, and share the stories behind them. You may find that one grandchild truly appreciates the quilt her great-great-grandma sewed, while another loves the crazy tale of the dented silver teapot. Inheriting those special keepsakes with stories attached will help keep your ancestral traditions alive. Better yet, it will make each item a precious reminder of you, for all four kids.
How did you handle family names? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
Related: Can I Honor a Male Relative With a Female Namesake?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 2)
8-28-2010 @ 1:02PM
Lauren said...I agree with the Name Lady, the scenario this grandmother wants to play out could potentially ruin her relationship with her grand kids. Its never fun when grandparents have clear favorites, and this would certainly give that impression, whether or not that was how she really felt.
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9-26-2010 @ 2:34PM
Skye King said...I am an excited grandma-to-be. Just wondering what happens if my grandchild is given a weird name. Do I just grin and bear it? I hope not to be put in the position of having to introduce him/her as "Blanket," "Footstool," or "Yabbadabbadoo," It is okay to have my own pet name for the baby, as in "Sunny," (as in "you are my sunshine") when he/she gets older, just between him/her and me? Or is this too confusing? What if the parents don't like it?
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8-26-2010 @ 3:55PM
Kathy said...Grandma, I will bet a dollar that once that baby is born, and that name has a while to settle in, that you will decide that it is the perfect name for him/her. I named my daughter after a family member, not crazy about the name....now my daughter is sixteen and I cannot imagine her named anything else. Keep the sweet nicknames between you and her (or him!). It will make for a precious bond between the two of you, and you won't risk embarassing your dear one in front of friends and family. Nicknames can be a touchy area when they are exposed to outsiders. So its best to keep them close to your heart.
8-26-2010 @ 6:21PM
PinkThenRed said..."One of the children's middle name is my maiden name, which will not be continued other than with this child. Is it proper for me to leave this child, and only this child, with property from that family?"
That is rude, they are all your grandchildren. Why should one get everything solely because of their name? I thought one would be considering something like I don't know...character?
8-26-2010 @ 6:26PM
thatsMrsBtoyou said...There's nothing wrong with having a pet name for your grandchild. Unless you have a particularly snippy daughter in law who has a problem with it. Something like Sunny or Peanut is harmless and shouldn't be problematic. My 7 yr olds name is Diane. My mother in law wanted to call her Dee Dee which really rubbed me the wrong way and I was rather snippy about it, but I really didn't like it and I didn't want that to end up being her nickname. In the end, my mom in law picked something harmless and cute and I had no problem with that. The pet name thing works both ways too. That same grandma did nothing the first year of Dianes life but sing Twinkle Twinkle little star non stop and my daughter has never called her anything but "Twinkle" and it's never worn off. She'll probably be Twinkle till she dies now. It's a cute thing that they share and it's only for the 2 of them.
8-26-2010 @ 6:56PM
nicole said...If your kids choose any of those names they're out of their mind! ;)But just because they have different names doesn't mean the name isn't cute. You probably will have nicknames for them no matter what the parents say. And you can call them whatever you want...You're the Grandma!
8-26-2010 @ 7:33PM
THERESE said...I THINK THE NICNAME BLANKET IS A SWEET. AFTER ALL, WHEN OUR CHILDREN ARE SICK WE WRAP THEM IN A WARM BLANKET AND HOLD THEM GIVING THEM LOVE AND WARMTH. I HAVE A COUSIN NAMED WOLFGANG, WE CALL HIM WOLFY. THEY CALL ME REESE, MY DAUGHTER IS REE. SHE WAS NAMED AFTER HER GREAT- GRANDMOTHER. WE ARE ITALIAN/GERMAN, GO FIGURE. FAMILY NAMES AND NIC NAMES ARE HANDED DOWN THROUGH GENERATIONS, MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE 12 GRANDCHILDREN.
8-26-2010 @ 3:30PM
Gia said...LOL FOOTSTOOL! That's so horrible! There was actually an old hippie couple that named their daughter "Groovy Nipple". Can you imagine? All the other crazy names like Pilot Inspector and fruit names like Peaches and Apple are just setting up the kid for TAUNTS GALORE! Even worse are the real crazies that name their kids after murdering idiots like ADOLF HITLER! My gosh what's wrong with some people? Kids have a hard enough time growing up let alone attaching a disgusting name to them for life!
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8-26-2010 @ 3:57PM
James D. Arnold said...My wife is from Finland and she suggested that we name our son after her father, "A-nar". I objected because it sounded too much like a body part. Then she suggested we name him after her cousin, Pekka. I suggested that we name him Jeffrey since it doesn't rhyme with anything.
8-27-2010 @ 1:35AM
Jenni-Anne said...Not sure if you ever looked at it but a while ago you could check out California Birth Records online and see baby names. I spent a lot of time looking, baby names are a hobby of mine, and came across some crazy ones.
There were tons of Cocaine's, Meth's, Marijuana's, and even a Sexy Sandy.
8-26-2010 @ 6:37PM
Kyla said...::chuckle:: Fond memories. My grandma had no objections to my real name, but as I got a little older, I was "Mess" as often as my given name, and she was "Brat" as often as "Grandma." The names fit - I always enjoyed a fine mess and she was an octagenarian juvenile delinquent at heart, and we loved each other beyond description.
8-26-2010 @ 3:33PM
justcindylou5 said...That is the dumbest question I ever heard. Does she think the other grandchildren are not related to her because only one has her name. Big deal. It is not the name but the blood that matters. Sometimes it is not even the blood but the love.
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8-26-2010 @ 4:01PM
Bev said...I am a great-grandmother but I still remember my mother's advice about naming babies. She said before you name a baby anything, go into the back yard and yell it out loud several times. If you still like it then go with it!!
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8-26-2010 @ 4:38PM
leon said...Nope they shouldn't inherit anything. Cut them all out of your will. Disown them all including your own kids and go to Bora Bora and drink lemonade and beer.
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8-27-2010 @ 11:16AM
Lespal said...I agree Leon, I don't think it could hurt to slash their tires and run over the family pet first though, I mean if your gonna run off to Bora Bora, you don't wanna have all that unfinished business hangin over your head!
8-26-2010 @ 7:49PM
Say what??? said...Leon...........I hope that she takes a boat to get to Bora Bora as it is a long swim from most places.
I do agree with you...........I also think that the only people that count on naming a child are the parents. Everyone else should keep their nose out of things, no matter what the relationship.
8-26-2010 @ 5:12PM
Jerry6 said...Being a Catholic, my pastor did not like that my three children were NOT named after saints as the Church required. I asked him how the Church expected to get new Saints if there were not new Saint names? They also became "New" Family names for future generations to use; if they wanted to.
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8-26-2010 @ 7:52PM
Irish Mist said...Jerry, that is strange to me. I am also a Catholic and I remember well being taught that we celebrate All Saints Day as we do not know the names of all the saints. My children also have names from the Asian side of their father and my Irish side.
8-26-2010 @ 5:44PM
John F.C. Taylor said...Regardless of what the names are, they are all your relatives by blood. Unless they've mistreated you in some way, all of them should share equally in anything you intend to leave them.
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8-26-2010 @ 6:01PM
lolly said...In naming a new baby, be sure to check how the initials look together. Otherwise a 3-letter monogram may be pretty awful! Also say the name with and without the middle name, to be sure it sounds right. Remember, someday that precious little bundle will be 40 years old--will the name still sound as good then as it did at age 3?
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