Hot on HuffPost Parents:
Charlotte Robinson: LISTEN: How Gay And Lesbian Couples Become…
New Turnaround Teacher 'Trying To Get It Right' In Tough School
Should the Child Who Inherited My Name Inherit Everything Else?
Filed under: Baby Names
Each of my grandchildren have been given a family name for their middle names, two from the mother's family and two from the father's side. One of the children's middle name is my maiden name, which will not be continued other than with this child. Is it proper for me to leave this child, and only this child, with property from that family? I can leave other equally valuable items for the other children, but they will not be of ancestral value.
- Grandmother
Names are my profession, and my obsession. So when I say this, I don't say it lightly: you're placing much too much importance on the children's names.
When your kids named their babies, they showed that family history and traditions were important to them. They spread around the family connections to be even-handed, not to divide up the territory! It would be a shame for a mere middle name to put distance between you and three of your grandchildren -- or between three siblings and the fourth.
Names aren't the only way to connect kids to family traditions. After all, regardless of who carries on your name, all four of those kids have equal chances of carrying on your DNA. If you go about things right, all four will have a good chance of carrying on your memories and traditions, too. Why put all your eggs in one basket?
Introduce all of the kids to your precious heirlooms, and share the stories behind them. You may find that one grandchild truly appreciates the quilt her great-great-grandma sewed, while another loves the crazy tale of the dented silver teapot. Inheriting those special keepsakes with stories attached will help keep your ancestral traditions alive. Better yet, it will make each item a precious reminder of you, for all four kids.
How did you handle family names? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
Related: Can I Honor a Male Relative With a Female Namesake?
Your<span>Voice</span>
Ask Us Anything About Parenting
Recently Asked
- How to use acrostics can I use acrostics in other ways other than in the form of a poem. Examples please.
- This is not a question. But their NO!!!!! such thing of a perfect parent like every thing in all our life is a learning experience.One thing we all pa...
- My sister could be my mother found old diary of hers had relations with father also old hospital papers showing she gave birth same day I was born. c...












ReaderComments (Page 2 of 2)
8-26-2010 @ 6:13PM
Meg said...It's funny that you mention the initials, my initials spell out the name that everyone call me. Initials can make more of an impact than most people think.
8-26-2010 @ 6:40PM
Kyla said...She didn't say she wasn't giving the other ones ANYthing; just that they would receive items of equal value from the other side of the family. That's a whole different kettle of fish from giving "stuff" to one and not the others at all.
Reply
8-26-2010 @ 6:48PM
Angiebaby said...Dear Grandmother,
Here are a few questions you might ponder before you decide how to divide you Estate.
1. When you call your namesake by their middle name, do they square their shoulders with pride because it is their treasured family name? Or do they say, "Uh, now tell me again, Granny, where this name came from?"
2. Has this child ever shown any interest in the family homestead? Or is there another grandchild who spent time there, is filled with memories of the place, and waxes poetic when talking about it?
3. When you say you have "equally valuable" gifts for each of your grandchildren, what exactly do you mean? Equal sentimental value to you? Equal resale value for them?
Think on these questions and let the answers be your guide in deciding what to do with your ancestral home. You have the right to leave your estate any way you wish, but with something as precious as a beloved family home, base this paramount decision on more than a kid's name.
Signed,
If I had my grandfather's razor, shaving cup and brush, or some of my grandmother's cast iron skillets, I wouldn't take a million dollars for them even though their value is merely sentimental. Everybody else could have everything else, even if everything ELSE were worth a million dollars.
Reply
8-26-2010 @ 7:20PM
PENNY said...In the old days I liked the names baby were given now I can't say have of them. So I call them what ever stout about them, Like one child I call RED because her hair is red and she thanks its fun. Why nat use normal names that are easy to say and don't mean a piece of furniture, or a tree,
Reply
8-26-2010 @ 10:07PM
noMOREtv4u said...Put the property in a trust that dictates reasonable terms of behavior for its use and upkeep by your heirs. That way, loons you wouldn't approve of won't use your assets to further their lunacy.
Reply
8-26-2010 @ 7:28PM
E said...One of the worst names of all times is Dakota. Gawd I HATE that name!
Reply
8-26-2010 @ 7:39PM
Aukake said...For the life of me I don't understand some of the questions and comments here. My husband and I named out children what we wanted, no family meetings, etc. They could either like the names we picked or lump it. I told my son and his wife the same thing about their children. I did point out that since we have a very different last name to consider first and middle names with care as the child would be stuck with them for life. They done good to coin a phrase, perhaps not names that I would have picked but their choice. Then we come to my idiot duaghter---adopted at age 5 and at 16 she decided that I had ruined her life, at 18 she ran away in the middle of the night. I know she was of age but she still left without a word and with a lot of things that were not her property. She has two sons and finally a husband is in the picture but she named the sons after booze. When she finally called and told me about the boys and the husband, I asked the source of the names and she gleefully told me. I did manage to grit my teeth and tell her, how clever of you. I just hope that the kids don't cme to dislike the names. As far as the question of the will...why oh why would a parent or grandparent decide to make one child more precious over the others? Why cause had feelings among the children themselves, let alone with the parents? For me, I intend to see to it that there is little left when I am gone and what will be left goes to charity. No fights at the gravesite or after. They will all have a letter telling them the how and why of it all.
Reply
8-26-2010 @ 7:42PM
Say what??? said...Sarah
Are you lost or just plain stupid. This is not the place for that sort of crap. Find the right blog. BTW, I have two sons in the middle east at this time and am no fan of the people, region or the main religion.
Reply
8-26-2010 @ 7:52PM
Caroline said...Haha the link to this read 'Could a baby names start a family feud?' The first thing that popped in to my mind was Richard Dawson and blinking lights! :p
Reply
8-26-2010 @ 9:30PM
Jennifer said...What an ignorant grandmother. She must have some snooty money to give as an inheritance. I just can't tolerate people who value others only because they have money in their pockets. I was engaged to a young man when I was in my 20s and his mother had a few dollars and we had to break our engagement because his mother thought that my family was from the working class and he could do so much better. That is why this article gave me such a horrible feeling. Her family name was more important than considering all of her grandchildren in her will just to favor only one. I married a wonderful man and we are still hard working people and we have invested well and now we have more money than my ex-fiance's mother could ever imagine but we remain silent about it and we donate large amounts of money to causes of people in need and we do it anonomously. No one would ever know we have the money but people in need receive it without any fanfare. That is what should happen with money. Give to those who need it. Don't give money just because of a FAMILY NAME. That is terrible.
Reply
8-27-2010 @ 10:31AM
basketpam said...This grandmother is a trip. She certainly has a high and mighty attitude about her silly family name. What is she? A Rockefellar or a Dupont or a Vanderbilt and maybe even a Carnegie? Lady, give me a break. I DEFINITELY hope that your grandchildren never run across this STUPID and INSULTING question you asked about their middle names. Basically what you're saying is that the grandchildren that don't have a middle name out of YOUR family aren't worthy of your precious old moldy posessions? I've seen families do some really bizarre, selfish, greedy and CRAZY things when a family member dies and it comes time to split up belongings, but this has to be one of the DUMBEST ideas I've EVER heard. Hopefully you will be LONG gone before YOUR children ever have to worry about your posessions. I would ASSUME that you are giving your assets to your CHILDREN when you die, NOT your grandchildren. Or aren't they important enough since they may not have your names? All I can say is grandma, get out there and love your grandchildren. ALL of the the SAME, for the ones that you slight will ALWAYS remember your treatment of them. That will last far longer than those old things you leave behind. Trust me, I know. I've been on both sides of the aisle on this one. I had ones who favored me and I had ones who favored my brother and being on both sides is VERY hard on the children. You may think both you and your assets are of such immeasurable value, but let me tell you something, memories are 10 times more important and not one of you will be taking it with you, although heaven knows, some have tried. And without good memories, ANY sort of assets, be it posessions or property or ANYTHING, will mean nothing to them. If those children don't have FOND memories of you, then you will just be a cash drawer for them. And is this REALLY how you want to be remembered? I agree 100% with what the expert said here, pay attention to it.
Reply