'I'm Not Going to School and You Can't Make Me!'

This article is one of the reasons I'm so glad my grandkids are homeschooled. My grandson and several of his friends were victims of bullies in their elementary school. Over the years, they did everything they were supposed to do to deal with the bullying according to school policy. They also spoke to their teacher, the principal and the school's conflict resolution specialist. Their parents got involved. The police got involved. In the end, there was a fight on the playground when the kids decided they'd had enough and fought back. None of the adults had done a thing to stop the bullying. ALL the kids were suspended and considered "equal" and were told that fighting back is "never" a solution. While on suspension, one of my grandson's friends who had been victimized committed suicide knowing that once he went back to school, he'd continue being abused. Another family sold their house and moved away. A third became a bully himself and was suspended multiple times over the next few years for carrying knives to school as protection.

The school had "diagnosed" my grandson as having Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD and labeled he and his family troublemakers. He couldn't go to school without breaking out in hives. He couldn't learn. He stopped growing. His parents pulled him out of public school to homeschool him. Within 6 months of being out of the public school system, his "Aspergers" disappeared, his "ADHD" was nonexistant. He stopped breaking out in hives. He enjoyed learning again and became the happy, healthy child he'd been before the bullying. Now, after 5 years of homeschool, he's well adjusted, well educated, has lots of friends of all ages, and is happy. He is growing normally again, and has a future. He graduated high school at 16 and is beginning college this fall with several scholarships.

NEVER would I ever force a child to spend their days in an institution they're afraid of because of bullying. I still visit his friend's grave and weep over his loss. Two of the bullies (now high schoolers) have since been arrested for violent crimes. School, too often these days, is more like training for the prison yard than the place of education it should be.

NO, "reassuring" a child that it'll all be OK is NOT the solution to bullying. No caring parent would throw their child to the wolves like that. If a child is afraid, there's a reason. The system simply isn't working. No wonder so many parents are taking the educating of their children in their own hands, and homeschooling. It's a solution that works and seems the ONLY solution in more and more families. Don't send your children into the mess if they're afraid...the system isn't changing, so leave the system. Homeschool.

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I think back to my grade school days of being in an abusive catholic school. I would panic when August was nearing it's end and I knew what hell would be before me coming the first week of September when school would resume from summer vacation. I suffered eight traumatizing years in that fu***** catholic school, and it effected me for many years due to the emotional abuse I endured. If only I had gone to a normal, rational public school........ The mentally ill nuns and lay teachers in that catholic school needed to be hospitalized for their demented behavior. I truly pity those poor children who's parents are ignorant enough to continue sending them to catholic school. Well I somehow survived, and NO I'm not a catholic anymore. I'm an agnostic, borderline atheist now. PS, kudos to all the parents with enough sense to send their children to public school!

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So not wanting to go to school leads to home schooling?

1. Kids need to learn how to relate to other kids.

2. School needs to be as intellectually stimulating as vacation.

Nuff said. Check out Wayne Green on Wikipedia,

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My parents had a remedy for kids who yelled at their parents and defied them. And they had a remedy for kids who wouldn't eat their veggies, or just plain wouldn't eat.
So, they didn't have all the problems that parents have nowdays

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Susan Stiffelman, you are no parent. A real parent TELLS their kids what they're going to do, where, and when ... no if's, and's, or but's about it. Coddling your kids from birth to "empower" (gawwwd, I hate that word!!!) them so THEY think they're in charge is the prime reason why there are so many bad/violent kids today and from the last generation. Don't want to go to school or Grandma's house or to the dentist? Tough cookies!! Be a real parent for a change. Your kids will grow up to be responsible and accountable for their own actions AND they'll respect you and others in authority. You have to earn people's respect, including your kids' and through your words and actions you will earn their respect. Otherwise, you end up laughed at and ridiculed by your kids and their friends ... and other adults around you ... and deservedly so.

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Research has shown that a child is less likely to be bullied if he/she looks the bully right in the eyes. Unfortunately, research doesn't say how your 3'8" child is supposed to look a 4' 9" bully in the eye. The only time that can happen is when the bully is already sitting on your child's chest. (more at laughs4dads.com)

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I am tired of the same old advice. Bullying exist because some kids make themselves feel better by making other kids feel like sh*t and there is no nicer way to put it. As a victim of bullying, I never let the bully see me cry, stood my ground constantly, and just tuned them out. Guess what? I got yelled at by teachers for being too quick to argue. Not following the ‘bully-victim script’ just made the bully madder and the torment got more intense. And the best part is when all the kids who just sat down and took the bullying hated me for not doing the same. Needless to say catching it from both sides made me a very unpopular first grader. Especially since I was new to the school and the other kids in my grade met in kindergarten. In fact, I think what I did was some what foolish and would only be thought up by a young child who still believes in justice. Good times… good times…

Stop putting all the pressure to stop bullying on the victims and make bullies stop themselves. Make the bully go to the teachers and set up a plan to help him or her leave younger kids alone. Make the bullies' parents come to school and set up no-bullying polices. You would be surprised how many bullies have parents who are there and involved with their child's life but are completely clueless about what’s going on. Stop making the victims protect themselves and tell the bullies to correct their behavior. I wouldn't be surprised if the increased attention and sense of purpose gave the bullies a new outlet for what ever issues they have. Some kids bully because they can. I'll admit that and am not trying to say there is a bully on/off switch no one noticed. But I am saying from experience that the current tips didn’t work when I was 8 and they aren’t going to work now that I’m 25. Try something that helps a bully correct his or her behavior and you help all the kids at the school.

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I think some of us our approaching this as an us/them situation. When other adults begin to interact with our children, like in school, we must become partners with them instead of adversaries. When a child communicates that they don't want to go to school, it is your job as a parent to determine what is prompting that. Ask open-ended questions that lead to discussion like "Tell me about your day" instead of "What did you do today?" Ask who they sat with at lunch. Attend back to school nights at your child's school, attend PTO meetings, or ask for regular e-mails from teachers about your child's progress. Most schools are thrilled to have parents who want to work with them and not blame them. Very often guidance and school psychologists are also great resources. Most schools take bullying very seriously now. If your child's schoolisn't and you aren't getting anywhere with school administration, start finding other like-minded parents and try again. These are our children. Let's treat them and their teachers with the same respect we would like to be treated with at work--not blind obedience, but partnership.

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This is such a "patent" response. bullies? Please. I didn't want to go to school in the first grade. I was bored. Mrs. Magruder, my teacher, had a conference with my parents. They were able to determine that I was "gifted" and I was put into an accelerated program and skipped 2nd grade.

It's not the teacher's fault. But parents and teachers (who are overworked) need to see what may be making the kid not want to go to school. (without talking to the kid about this, I believe.. .since kids are KIDS and don't have the knowledge to make adult decisions -- notice I didn't say ability) When I was in 1st grade, I had no idea how to verbalize that I was bored and the kids around me weren't at the same level. That's your job as parents and teachers.

Oh hell, home school for all.

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And my bottom was sore from the first one and I never did it again. :)

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I was homeschooled for most of my school years (and then graduated college summa cum laude), but I was bullied horribly when I went to school in middle school. This article is very well-meaning, but would have done nothing to alleviate the issue. Teachers and school administration cannot stop kids from being mean, and trying has a very real possibility of making the problem worse.

I was a sensitive kid, and the things I experienced messed me up for a few years. I recommend homeschooling if at all possible for kids that are having a severe issue. Isn't your kid's sanity worth it? I was suicidal after the experiences I had. If homeschooling is absolutely impossible, then get the kid into therapy.

At 25, looking back at my life, I can see the years of nasty effects bullying had on me. Parents need to take serious action if their kids are being affected, and unfortunately, that action can't be through the school. It simply will not work. Every kid is different, but for the ones with long-term problems at school, those things don't just disappear without affecting them.

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Just another case of parents ALLOWING the children to rule the household. It's not the teachers' fault - it's the parents' lack of control.

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