Want to Win Custody? Become a Helicopter Parent

There are few misfortunes in life worse for a boy than having an overaffectionate mother .... a quote from someone famous long ago... dont remember whom

You sound like a whinning, snivling idiot. Let me tell you something teaching independance is fine but being detatched is not and from what you describe you ARE detatched. And do not use the miles between you to feel better about it because it is pure hog wash. I used to live close to Naval Sataion Ingleside (if you are from the corpus are you know where that is) and yes Houston is a bit of a drive but you could still be involved in your soms life more than a couple weekends a month, ever thought of picking up the phone, sending emails back and forth. There are many ways in which you could be involved but have obviously chosen not to. As for Texas not allowing you to have custody well GOOD FOR THEM, because your comment at the end was enough for me, you sound anoyed that your son wanted your attention over the summer.

You live with your fiancee? Good thing I'm not your ex or you wouldn't have any custody and very limited visitation. (That's not bragging - that's a fact. My ex-wife had supervised visits only because she insisted on living with a guy.)

This is directed more to Coop -- Why should Lillette's fiance not live w/ her. Or why should your ex have supervised visits because she is living w/ someone. I have 5 yr old and he has not met anyone I have dated (I just have not felt that it was serious enough for that step) but if it was, then I would not let my ex stop it. It is really none of his business. As long as whomever I date treats my son (and me) w/ respect, then we dont have a problem - and given that his father didnt treat me all that well, I dont see it being an issue. But if I was engaged w/ someone, there is no reason why he could not live w/ me and my child. What would happen after Lillette and her fiance get married? He live someplace else? eventually they will all be living together, whether you like it or not. And that is not a reason to get supervised visits for the mother. you sound like a control freak - just like my ex.

Sounds like there are way to many people in your house and that might be one reason your son doesn't get any smothering.
Just from what you wrote, in my opinion I think your son needs to be with his dad.
Women need to quit thinking that just because they are the mother , that they should get the full custody. That is not always the case, there are a lot of good dads out there that are better parents then the mother.

I think when you only spend two weekends amonth with a child you don't have the spare time to give him space. I think what he needs is YOUR ATTENTION!!!! You are quite likey to lose him completely. Silence equals you don't care.

I agree with you. Most parents are too self centered and everything is all about their fun. They want to be the kid. It is sad for the children today. Lots of grandparents want their fun too and it does not include grandparenting their grandchildren. Children today are taught what a bother they are and most are taught this so much that the older ones say they never want kids. How sick is that?
Sad for our society, we don't value children or traditional roles anymore. I think people like this will die alone with many regrets.
Family is everything in the end.

Stop using work as a cop out? it must be nice to have the options of leaving work early, and attending school meetings. I was married for 10 years and then when my husband completely abandoned us and hid- I had to work whatever jobs I could get and alot of hours to support myself and 3 kids, if your able to do all of those things and can still afford the fancy-shmancy restaurants and gym membership, then good for you, what do you want a cookie? or just for everyone to confirm what you already know, that your a superior parent and love your child more than the rest of us love ours??? get off your high horse, your no better than anyone else and you would find that out real quick if your circumstances changed as quickly as mine did.

there go the grace of god go I .....who are you the judge..be thankful you can be there for your kid, you do not know what goes on behind close doors, ( taking care of an elder, drug problem, abusive marriage etc..) be thankful you are capable and pray for those who are not.

There's actually been several studies that talk about how children of "helicopter" parents don't do as well when they go off to college because they're so used to having their parent(s) do everything for them. There's a difference between being there for your child and refusing to leave him/her alone.

There is a fine line between being an involved parent and being a helicopter parent. Involved parents attend their childrens balls games. Helicopter parents think they are the coaches and have an opinion about everything that happens. Timmy scratched his leg making a home run? Helicopter parent says Timmy has to go home. Involved parents help children with homework, stay in touch with teachers on important educational and social manners, and know their progress reports. Helicopter parents attempt to do their kids homework, want to know from teachers if their kids so much as sneeze, and want to know everything that's going on from math class to lunch. Involved parents teach their children to fish. Helicopter parents give their children a constant supply of fish.

She shouldn't live with her fiance because that is living in sin, and the boy is living with her 'lover." They are both fornicators who can't teach morals because they don't have any. They shouldn't be raising kids.. skanks both of them.

@dee: Ever hear "Judge not lest be judged"? I'm NOT religious by any stretch of the imagination, however after too many years of Catholic school, that is one thing that I retained. Keep your religious rhetoric to yourself. You have no idea what sort of lifestyle Lillette and her family lead, or whether or not they're of the Christian faith. It's NOT for you to determine whether or not they're living in sin, or whether or not she deserves custody of her child and whether or not she is qualified to teach her child morals based on her living arrangement. Put a sock in the religious rantings. Extremism serves no purpose, whether it's religious, political or for any other purpose. That includes YOU, dee.

AMEN and well said - I have an ex that believes he can just swoop in and buy whatever big item the kid wants and he has to say yes to their every desire. He feels this is being a good parent. I have two teenage children. When my son turned 18 and was still in high school my ex felt his parenting days were over and refused to lay out rules. My son is 19 and lives with his father and yet he can be gone for 3 weeks at a time and make no contact with his dad. I would not tolerate that and rules would be laid down. When it comes to my daughter that is 16 he is afraid to stand up to her, he is afraid to meet the boys she dates, yet when she started hanging out with a known drug user and dealer he didn't have the guts to step up and tell her she was not allowed. He didn't want to see her hurt and he didn't want her to be mad at him. I said if you are parenting a teenager and they are always happy with you then you are failing as a parent and there is NEVER an age when you get to just "stop" being a parent. I don't care if my son is 18 or 58 or I'll always be his mother and I don't hover, I provide independence but he certainly needs boundaries and he can't live and learn in this society - it is learning through boundaries and giving children boundaries certainly isn't a crime - it is however as you said WORK. There are too many selfish parents out there that try to buy their children and refuse to say no and allow the child to run the house. This is what is wrong with society and why we have no morals left and why there is no respect - parents don't expect it, they don't teach it and therefore kids do not learn it. I'm sorry but it is NOT the school's job to teach this to your children. You are to raise your child, the school isn't there to babysit OR raise them which is what our education system is doing - making moral and personal decisions for our children because of lazy parents. It's time for people to stop being selfish - I know what you mean about showing up for recitals and events and seeing children searching through crowds looking eagerly for a familiar face. When my kids were younger there were a few children I knew would not have anyone show up so I made it clear that I was there to watch them and I was proud of them - there is something it gives a child when they know an adult cares enough to watch, to wave, to notice! There are over-bearing parents and then there are helicopter parents who just hover "enough" sadly the courts cannot make this decison in a short hearing and yet they are forced to.

Lespal and Cheryl:

You have obviously??? confused my post toward SELFISH parents with those who do try their best to be involved and are under COMPLETELY different circumstances!

I never implied leave your job early or take off whenever you feel like it...I SAID and I quote "Work is a cop out. Skip happy hour and go home to your kids and teach them something! Skip McDonald's, that fancy-shmancy restaurant or God forbid, eating at your desk and working through lunch and go to the school and eat with your children people! Skip your morning workout once in a while and prepare a breakfast for your child. Actually attend a parent/teacher meeting!!!"

Maybe I have to define what I said, but when I said work is a cop out, I meant stop spending so much time when you DON'T have to be there just so you don't have to go home and deal with LIFE. Don't meet co-workers for drinks after work...go HOME. Don't waste time with co-workers at fast food places or other restaurants or even sit at your desk every.single.day...go to the SCHOOL and have lunch with your child. Instead of taking your child to some before care program so you can go to the gym, park or wherever for a workout, make breakfast TOGETHER. And I find it hard to believe you can never break away from anything involving yourself to attend ONE parent/teacher meeting out of 10 mths of school???

My only question to you, Lespal, is that surely, just maybe you knew the guy you were married to and had a child with was an IDIOT before you made those decisions? And you did it THREE TIMES?!?!?! If not, I assume you were a very young mother who made dumb decisions for lack of wisdom and well, that is why it is of great importance to have an open relationship with read a "HELICOPTER" parent so that hopefully the boundaries that parent sets will be respected and adhered to!!!

Let me clarify: a helicopter parent is NOTHING like what this writer is implying!!!! Sure, helicopter parents have fears of pedophiles and all other sorts of very bad things that could happen to their child. And I do believe this writer has a problem with and an agenda against parents who fear pedophiles because this is the 2nd article I have read in which she described "those type of parents" (probably rolling her eyes while saying it). She is describing 2 different fools if you ask me. One who is just as harmful to their kids well being and NOT AT ALL a helicopter parent, and another who is neglectful but for some reason she sees this as good.

A helicopter parent is tuned into their children, know where they are, what they are doing and who they are with until the time comes that they are responsible for themselves. And for me, that is not at 7, or 12 or even 14. It is when they are OUT OF MY CARE.

One last word: I find it awfully strange that a lot of ppl DEMAND not to be judged and some even use the bible as their bargaining tool on these kinds of issues, yet when I profess MY parenting style, you judge me???? Oh yeah, I get it, b/c you are a single parent or a lesbian/gay parent, or whatever other non-traditional parent you happen to be, you get a free pass.

@ Dee/Fughettabouddit or whatever you're calling yourself this moment: It's obvious that not only Cheryl and lespal disagreed with you because your comments were voted WAY DOWN and two people are not capable of doing that single-handedly. You seem to be very paranoid, as well as judgmental. What saddens me is that you (seem to be) a teacher, and that your toxicity and judgmental behavior is being conveyed to kids by virtue of your teaching.

Your most recent post was making *a little bit* of sense, until I got to the last line: "Oh yeah, I get it, b/c you are a single parent or a lesbian/gay parent, or whatever other non-traditional parent you happen to be, you get a free pass." licks disgustingly of that religious rhetoric that "dee" posted a short while ago, which prompts me to ask, are you the same dee? Nevermind, it doesn't matter.

What matters is your disgust and rage, and you are quick to point the finger at people who in most cases did not CHOOSE to be single parents, and CERTAINLY did not choose to be gay or lesbian, but are probably good parents nonetheless. Your blanket comment ridiculing these people, and your sarcastic 'free pass' crap doesn't fly, not with me. Why say something like that? If you said it in person to the parent of one of your students, you'd probably be bitchslapped into next week. But because you're on the internet and you can say whatever your professional stature won't allow you to say to these parents in person? You're a disgusting, judgmental coward, and you should be ashamed of the hated and the toxicity you spew. Your poor students...

Wow, Mia...your post is RIDDLED, absolutely RIDDLED with inaccuracies. I should not even waste my time actually GIVING you an explanation, but whatever.
First, I am not the same "religious" Dee you commented to earlier. I logged in the first time with my email as a new user and it used my email name, which is Fuhgetabouddit. When I logged in a 2nd time, I logged in as a current user b/c I assumed since posting before I am no longer new.

Second, I am NOT a teacher!!!!

Third, I am not paranoid about anything at all. My 1st post was referring to SELFISH parents, but those who are non-traditional parents attacked me and I have the right to respond and defend myself. A good parent is a good parent, no matter what type. It just seems to me that the paranoid group are those non-traditional parents, like us 2 parent families are always holding them under a microscope, which is not the case with me. I never did that. All I ask is that if you give a sob story, you better own up to the fact that you made mistakes and not play a helpless victim. I was simply responding with disbelief at how my 1st post was miscontrued by apparent non-traditional parents and I was told to get off my high horse and stop judging. Sorry, I will never stop judging a selfish parent who can't take QUALITY time out of their lives to give their child some emotional standing in their heart and if you want to miscontrue that message was directed at a gay/lesbian parent, or a single parent, or a black parent, or a purple parent or a little person parent or a disabled parent, be my guest. If being an advocate for children who can't speak for themselves is a bad thing, then burn me at the stake.

Fourth and finally, I am not outraged, as you put it. I am simply disappointed at how ppl can take comments so much out of context and scream that you are judging them when you weren't talking about them in the first place. I can't help them with that emotional baggage or guilt or whatever it is that they are dealing with that would make them assume I was speaking of them. You can name call and proclaim that I will be "bi#chslapped" or whatever else your obvious violent tendencies can dream up. It doesn't bother me, I know what I said and what I meant and you are the one who has to live with your demeanor :)