Do Dads Matter?

To: Doing my best.

What wonderful work you do! You sound like an amazing person and dedicating your life to the work that you do is highly commendable!!!! This was also my first time responding to a blog....I felt the same way as you, in that this topic was extremely important to me.

I didn't plan on responding to any additional comments...but when I read yours, I just had to let you to know that there are people out there who really are appreciative of people like you, who work so hard to help others! I can see from what you've written, how much you care. I do like to volunteer when I can, and those organizations that help women and children are especially close to my heart. I have volunteered for victims of domestic violence, and you have just given me a great idea for something else I can do, in addition, to help others. Thank you!

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Wow, so kids need a father in their lives because mom can't play sports? That is your justification? How sexist!

I'm sure if you polled all the professional baseball players in this country you would find out that half or more of them were raised by single parents--either by choice, through divorce, adoption, or even death. Yet, they still managed to learn how to throw a curve ball and hit it out of the park.

Yes, fathers are important. As are mothers, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. A less "traditional" family might not look like yours, but it does not mean that the children are missing out on anything.
For example, I was raised by a single mother and my uncles always went out of their way to fulfil that father role for me. I am a healthy, happy, and well-adjusted adult today. I can't swing a baseball bat, but that isn't for lack of teachers.

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YES THEY DO..TRY HAVING A BABY WITHOUT ONE. CHILDREN NEED TWO PARENTS. MY TWO DAUGHTERS BOTH HAVE LOST THEIR HUSBANDS THROUGH DEATH, AND IT'S BEEN VERY HARD ON THEM. THE FIRST DIED IN 2000 THE SECOND IN 2005. MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE TRIED VERY HARD TO FILL IN WITH TIME, OURSELVES, MONEY AND SUPPORT ALL THE WAY AROUND. THERE ARE 6 KIDS LEFT WITHOUT A DAD AND IT HURTS THEM.

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I think any good parent could be a good single parent. Having 2 parents is certainly ideal, assuming they get along and all that. But it's not absolutely necessary.

I thought a lot about creating a new life as a single mom, and ultimately decided it would not be right. However, I don't think it's a "selfish" or "foolish" thing to do. If you have reasons to believe you'll be an awesome parent, and you long to dedicate your life to a child, your kids will be better off than many, whether they are your biological or adopted kids. For me, I really wanted to get married and have a traditional family, so by the time I realized that wasn't going to happen, I was at an age that brings extra risk to creating a life. So I adopted, and I was able to choose to adopt girls, which I felt further reduced the risks of single parenting. That's what worked for me, and I've never been sorry.

My girls have men in their lives. And on the other hand, there are plenty of kids born into two-parent families that end up without dads in their lives much. Perfect is in Heaven. We're all just doing the best we can.

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Fathers are being kept from their children in family courts all over america and the world. It's amazing that this is so and it seems so little is known about that fact. My ex actually gave our kid to her dad and the courtsystem allowed it and made me pay attorney fees to the mom who abandoned the child AND to her dad who stole my son. That story is one of millions of examples of dad's, not running out but being shoved out so the state can collect cash at the fathere's and the child's expense. My story is a true one and you can read about many others in Stephen Baskerville's, "Taken Into Custody" which documents the amazing billion doller buisness of keeping kids from their fathers. Fathers do not have rights anymore and they are treated as criminals in family courts so the state can get the millions the fed. gov. gives from collecting support. Wake up america.

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Hi, Rachel - I respectfully disagree with you and Bill O'Reilly and this is why.
I'll bet - from reading here - that you're a great Mom, highly conscientious and nurturing, dedicated to raising good people.

But what if you hadn't been fortunate enough to meet the right man? What if there had been no Sean in your life? What if instead of a Sean, you'd dated a series of Erics, Tims, and Richards...all of whom you met in the "right ways" (through church, friends, activities)...but none of whom were right for you?

Should you, as a woman approaching her late thirties/early forties, give up the dream of being a good mother - depriving a child of all the good that you have to offer, all the love you have to give - just because you never found the right man?

I'm not a feminist...I'm a humanist. And I think a qualified Mom who is "doing it on her own" has an obligation to expose her child to positive role models who are different from her. Males. Different ethnicities. The elderly. People of different economic means, talents and backgrounds. Isn't that every good parent's responsiblity?

Believe it or not, a child most certainly can learn good values from just one parent.

Is it an ideal situation? If the child is loved, wanted and well taken care of, absolutely.

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This article is totally sexist. It supports the stereotypical view that women should have kids and stay at home to take care of them while the dad earns the bacon. It also makes Rachel herself look powerless and way too dependent on her husband. Basically, I would say that this article is anti-feminist, but that's just me.

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Yes, dads are great - and I see that more than ever as my son is now 8 - he gets that little "swagger" when he says "Hey Dad" in a new cool tone very different from how he greets me. He has a great role model who is there for him every day (such as yesterday when he was home sick and I had to be at all day meetings) and it's wonderful for all of us.

We shouldn't dismiss the value of a GREAT dad. BUT that doesn't mean families can't prosper without an opposite gender parent (e.g. 2 women raising a child or a single parent can have great families too!). Please have the respect to let diverse families define themselves, and achieve their success their way!

I'll be totally honest - if my husband left me before we had a kid and I hadn't found someone else, there's no question I would have found a way to be a parent (probably through adoption). Man or no man, I was having a baby and would be a great parent. So, in that way, I completely agree with the quote made by Jennifer Aniston. I just don’ t see this as the “major crisis” we face today in this society.

One issue you touch upon but don't really close the loop on is the fact that many dads are on the road most days out of the year, or working copious hours, never really around, because they are the sole breadwinners. Rachel, you saw the impact of this this summer - kids who went from having a dad they saw every day but then didn't. If Sean wins, will your kids have an "out-of-state" dad? How does that promote a family connection - via Skype? At least the kids of the 2 mothers or the single mothers have not had to lose anything they once had (even temporarily). OR, to keep the family intact, will you move the whole family out of a state your family has stated it has no desire to leave? Even if you are all “inside the Beltway” together how much time will Sean be able to really spend with the kids while on the Hill (my husband worked for 1 Congresswoman and 1 Senator as a staffer after we were married and I would watch C-Span to figure out how late he’d be coming home that night). Then there are the trips back to Minnesota for re-election campaigns. I’m not trying to scare you, and I realize these are not easy questions, but that's precisely why we shouldn't be so quick to claim to have the “so-called answers” on what every successful family needs.

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While I agree that a 2 parent household is best for a child, that might not happen for everyone for a variety of reasons. There is no reason a single parent can't raise a child just as well if they have a good support system. I think it would be better for a child to be raised by someone who chose to be a single parent than to be raised by one who is forced to be by circumstance. A person who chooses to be a single parent will usually make sure there is a support system in place before having a child. A person who is abandoned by a partner may have little or no support and the child may be old enough to know that they've been abandoned and have to deal with emotional issues because of it. And I am not only talking about single mothers, but single fathers as well. No one should have to forgo having the child they dream of having simply because they haven't fallen in love. My sister chose to be a single mother. She found out she was pregnant 3 months after her husband died. She could have given her son up for adoption if she didn't want to raise him alone, but she chose to keep him and raise him. He's now 9 and he's an amazing kid. I don't think he feels like he's missing anything because he doesn't have a traditional dad. He has an extended family who are very involved in his life. His grandfather and uncles are his male role models. And as for single fathers, I was raised by one. My mother suffered from a serious mental illness and spent most of my childhood in hospitals. My dad raised me and my brother just fine with support from our grandparents and his sisters. My dad gave me just as much love and support as any mom would have and if I had a question or problem that Dad felt needed a woman's perspective, I had 2 grandmas and 3 aunts I could go to for advice.

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I agree with Rachel on this one, kids need both parents. It is an ideal environment for a child to grow up in. Even in the best single parent situation, it is still better for a child to grow up with a mom and a dad (man and woman) who are happily married.

It's biological-one man and one woman create a child together. This is how we were made to reproduce, so that a child could be raised by both genders, each who each brings something different into the child's life. This is not being sexist, in my opinion, because men and women are not only different biologically, but emotionally and mentally--this is a scientific fact! If we were all the same then we would be unisex! Unfortunately, I sometimes think this is what this world is coming to. Men want to be women, women want to be men, two moms or two dads raising a family think that is the same as a man and woman raising a family when it is not.

Furthermore, why would a woman want to have a baby from a vial of sperm, from someone she doesn't even know? Chances are, if that sperm donor was walking down the street, that woman wouldn't be attracted to reproduce with that man. Doesn't having the baby of your dreams also include being madly in love with the baby's father anymore? Isn't it important for children to be born out of a loving relationship?

There are times when one has to be a single parent-if one parent turns abusive, if one parent dies, or if both parents die and a single family member has to raise the child. This is completely understandable. I also think that it is wonderful for a caring and nurturing single man or woman, who wants to be a parent, to adopt a child in need. Adopting a child from foster care, from a bad family situation, or from a mother who can't care for her baby/child is a precious gift for both the adoptive parent and child.

So when it comes to a single woman purposely becoming pregnant, I think it is very selfish to knowingly bring a child into the world without a father. Adoption, on the other hand, can be a rewarding, beautiful choice, where a woman can still be the mom she always wanted to be.

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What happens in the case where the father or mother just isn't interested in the childs life? Is that any fault of the other parent? I don't believe so, you can't make parents be involved if they don't want to. I am a single mother and I have tried to make the father be part of his daughters life but after 16years you get tired of pushing they have to want to be there, and in our case she is doing just fine without him. I say if you want to raise a child by your self and you are capable and ready for that then go for it.

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Yes a father does matter. However, many fathers DO NOT participate in their child's life. I have seen over and over, how the father becomes involved in a new relationship and no longer has time for the child. I see many who are resentful for having to pay child support. If women do not choose to have a child through the "traditional" way, which is marriage and then family, they should be allowed to. Many of us who were married, do not choose to re-marry, such as myself. However, if I want another child, I am clearly capable of raising and loving the child, without the assistance of a man. People have to get over this b.s. re: the Bible too. NOT EVERYONE BELIEVES IN GOD.........

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Can't we, in 2010, say that all families come in different sizes and configurations? What we call "family" is different for everyone. I agree that the traditional nuclear family is still the most accepted and honored. But, it angers me when people say that single people are being "selfish" by choosing to be single parents. The drive to give love and care for a child is universal and biological. If we are going to argue that it is selfish, then we should follow the Chinese example and say no one should have more than one child because it is "selfish" to overpopulate this already crowded planet with its limited resources. It would also be "selfish" to pass on "defective" genetic disorders and use up limited healthcare resources. I could go on about all the "selfishness" perpetrated by the nuclear families that are "ideal". In the end, we should accept that the only criteria for having a child is the willingness and ability to love and care for him/her.

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Being a parent is a lifelong commitment. To have a nuclear family is ideal but if the father is not committed, I would rather raise my child without him. As a single mom, the most I can do is to love and care for my child enough that she won't need to look for her father anymore.

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It is hilarious to read some of your comments to this article. Most of you missed the whole point of this story, it was not meant to say a woman can't raise a child. Or whether a woman needs to learn how to hold a bat, I can tell which way you swing Reynold Forman. Its about media and celebraties making people believe that having no father around is a good thing. Sure sometimes it is out of neccessity that women raise children alone. But it is not only common sense, but a proven fact it is better to have a father and mother working together to raise a child. Each with their own set of skills to help raise a child and for them to develop properly.

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