Failure to Stay Launched: Boomerang Kids Moving Back Home

Nora,
I find your arguments interesting. I too come from an area where employment is almost nil. The problem is that some young people today want to jump onto the middle of the train instead of starting at the caboose and working their way up. No jobs? Can't afford to move out of the area? Maybe you do need to live with Mom and Dad for awhile. You also need to take that fast food job and maybe another starter job..how about a third one? Then save-save-save-and move to where you can find a job using your education. Why is it that this generation thinks that they need the cool cars..the expensive clothes, the best foods etc. Things that even their parents wont buy for themselves. Not because they can't but because they know that it's just a waste of money. I'm all for helping the kids out in a bind...but not if they're in a bind and wont do what they need to do to help themselves. Although you may feel embarrassed that you can't find employment to match your education level right now.. any job that brings in money is a start. You can't find employment by avoiding people because your ego is bruised. Time to grow up and do what you need to do to be self sufficient. Of course if you are taking care of sick or elderly parents or a victim of abuse that's another story and not really what this article was about.

Dear Nora,

I agree with your comments. Not everyone understands just how hard its is to survive in today's economy. I find myself and my family (husband and one son) living with my parents today. Although both me and my husband work, our jobs do not pay greatly (but we are grateful to at least have jobs) and with my discussion to go back to school, we were in a financial bind. My mother had also needed disabiling back surgery, and found herself unable to work as a result. So, it became more of a matter of the two families needing each other. We have been living this way for two years now, in a house with three bedrooms, two baths, a living room, and den converted into a second living room for my parents sense of peace and quiet. We pay the bills equally, not one of us is mooching off the other, but shared. To add to this conversation, my situation is not suprisingly that uncommon (the point of the article), for at least seven of my co-workers find themselves in similar situations: either nearing retirement and living with their children, or younger and raising children on a minimum wage income, needing the financial support that co-habitating can ease. People really should not be so quick to judge: not all people in a "failure to stay launched" lifestyle desire their lives, but do so out of a need of necessity. What is more, I would bet, if you ask these college students living at home, I bet they do contribute what they can reasonably afford to the family's bills. The young 21 year old girl I work with pays half of her parents bills as well, while her 51 year old and currently unemployed dad is going back to school as well. I guess my point is this: you have no business judging others until you have walked a mile in their shoes. After all, life may suddenly change for you (many of us have suddenly been thrown curveballs in life), and you may find yourself in a similar situation.

Nora, don't give up this is still only temporary and your situation will change sooner or later. Maybe you should consider moving to another state or area for a job. Best of Luck to you.

Shelia1953...Not all kids are about those things. Not all "kids" are materialistic. It's about utility companies charging an arm and a leg and about food and gas being sky high. Come to the Gulf Coast and live. Do you think people can just sell their homes and move to a better location? No because if they walk away from their homes in Florida they will have a judgment placed against them and still have to make the mortgage when they move. Many families are living together to make ends meet. Don't be so judgmental because one day you can be in the same boat...especially when your retirement isn't enough to live on.

Amen Nora! I'd like to say to all the people who have been posting nasty comments about kids moving back home....get a life. Obviously you either don't have children, so maybe you don't understand what unconditional love means. From the moment I graduated college I moved out on my own, never looked back, never wanted to. I loved my parents dearly but I was a 23 year old girl who was ready for space. No dorm rooms, no crowded lecture halls, just me. I lived in my hometown until I was 28 and the recession hit us hard. At that point I had 2 jobs, I have always been a hard worker, never a mooch. I have always paid for everything myself and felt good about it. When I lost one of my jobs due to the recession, I decided to take the money I had saved up and relocate to an area where the jobs were a little less scarce just because I didn't want to tell my parents I was struggling. I felt ashamed because they had raised me to be a strong individual and a hard worker and I felt like a failure. So i packed up my belonged and moved by myself. The job ended up being 12 hours away. That was almost 2 years ago and the recession has hit the whole nation. I picked up another waitressing job to supplement some income and also got a roommate, but even doing this had not helped. My student loans alone were enough to drown me. It was like having a second, very large, car payment. Eventually my parents figured out what I was not telling them, I needed help. I packed my belonging and I moved home. It's not forever, it's until I'm back on my feet again. I have even given myself a time limit, the first of the year. I know my parents like their space just as much as I do and I respect that. I am not a mooch, in fact, I do anything I possibly can to help them around the house. Even though they object to it, I secretly go grocery shopping for us every week. I don't mind at all contributing to whatever and whenever I can. I make dinner when I am home at nights and I most definitely do the dishes right after we are done. I don't let my parents lift a finger for me. I will never take for granted the help that my parents are giving me. So for the haters out there, would you rather have young adults standing in the welfare line every month waiting on a check that gets paid for by your tax money or would you rather that they go home, save up some money, and then go out on their own and feel confident about it? On a final note, I came home to save money but what I received was so much more. I get to spend time with my parents as an adult, as somewhat of an "equal" haha. I enjoy on a chilly night off, sitting with my mom, a glass of cabernet and a backgammon board. Now that it's the fall, I can't wait to sit with my dad and watch football and make dip. It's the little things you don't realize you miss when you are younger. : )

Thank you NORA!!!!!!!!
I am 43 and I have moved in and out of my parents home a couple of times for very different reasons. The first time I moved back in with my parents was right after my first child was born. He was born premature and the medical bills alone were in the 1 million range (no kidding!!!!). My husbands insurance paid a lot of that but the out of pocket expenses were nearly as crazy. Plus, I could not work at that time because no day care center would take the risk of taking care of a child that was on an Apnea/Cardiac monitor. So, I had no child care. We contributed to the household by doing all of the house hold chores & cooking for the entire family. By the way, at the time my grandmother was also wheelchair bound and living with my parents as well....and I took care of her along with the household chores.
Years later, with a grand total of 4 children ranging from 16 down to twins that were 7 months old, I moved in again. This time to get out of an abusive relationship. I had my own house that I could have moved into but I had it rented to a young couple that had a child due any moment and they had just spent a lot of money decorating one of the rooms for their nursury. My parents and I both felt that this would be wrong to kick them out at that point and we live in a small community and it would have looked horrible to kick them out.. Just wrong. Besides my mother was helping me with the twins and it would be easier for her.
Yes there were lots of problems as to who was in charge. But there was a LOT of help in both directions too.
The other couple had to move out of my house a couple of months later and move to the next town to take care of her mother and I got to move back into my house.
Somebody ask the qestion where did this person teach that she couldn't afford to live on her own......it could very well have been Oklahoma....teachers here only bring home about $1500-1700 per month and rent on a 1 bedroom (no utilities) is about $800.
Nora is also right again that a lot of companies are employing only newly graduated college students or interns. So, those of us who followed all the claims that a college degree was the only was to go, get slapped down constantly.......too over qualified to work as a waitress or at McDs but qualified enough that the company doesn't want to pay the wages for the experience/education that we have = NO JOBS!!!!!!!

You sound like a cry baby to me. Grow up and get out there.

You don't have $48.00or so for a bus ticket? I do moves and I had a guy call me up. He grew up in Lonig Island, he just packed a suitcase, jumped on a Greyhound to Myrtle Beach, SC. He wanted me to move his stuff there from his mom's house. It cost some bucks, but then once you're making money you could do that. Don't stay somewhere you're not gonna make money, my dad told me that. I lived near him in Queens, he said don't worry about me go where the money is. In my case that was Long Island, so I did. You spent all that time and money to get a degree, what are you going to waste it working at Mcdonald's? Unless they offer you a management postition, it's not worth it.



MARC

Your job as a parent does not stop when your child turns 18 years old. The job description does change, but family should always be willing to help family. I'm not encouraging enabling irresponsibility. I'm just saying that there is nothing wrong with multi-generational living. If all the adults involved can live with respect for each other's feelings and space it can be beneficial for all.
Parents, you will be the ones in need one day (if you live long enough). That "tough love/ kick them out" attitude is not exactly conducive to a strong loving relationship between parents and adult offspring. Why would you shoo away your future care givers? Is your end of life goal is to end up alone in a nursing home (no offense to extended care facilities)? I have given my kids my blessing regarding placing me in nursing home when I am no longer able to physically care for myself, but I still want to be able to visit with them, frequently!
I am 43. Our youngest left for college this fall. Our middle child attends community college and lives with us. She'll be getting married in January and move to her own home at that time. The oldest has another year of college to go and will most likely be marrying soon after. My parents live with us. We work togehter to take care of each other. It is not perfect peace at all times, but the alternative, living in different locations, would just mean more driving. It is "greener" to live together.
On a purely materialistic level, sharing a household is very beneficial. Nobody has to pay to board pets when we travel. By sharing resources, have more together that we would apart. It just makes economic sense. If you rear your children to be nice people, what's the problem with sharing living space with them?

You sound so bitter!!

I would much rather my daughter move back home and share expenses with me than have her move in with a man just to have a "roommate" to make it on her own. I don't have much, but what I have extends to my children and the rest of the family if and when they need it. No, I won't take them in permanently, if at all possible, and they will do their share of work. If they are moving back because they can't find work, they can cook, clean house and do laundry for the household in order to put in their fair share of work - even if it is around the house.

Are you joking? You lived with mommy until you were in your 40's? You didn't mention if you helped with the housework or household expenses. I certainly hope you did instead of traveling the world on mommy's dime. I can't believe you had the nerve to even post this comment. If you were my "child", I would have thrown you out after your first trip. WOW!

How about taking ownership of your life and giving the parents the privacy and life they deserve!!!!
Babysitting stops at around 14....
Get a life "of your own"

AMEN!!! I'm so tired of hearing these selfish, spoiled brats talk about "how hard it is" to strike out on their own. Do they consider the fact that they may be causing a hardship on their parents who have loved and supported them their entire lives. There is nothing wrong with family helping out family in a time of need. HOWEVER, if you are going to "move back home" because "things are too hard" then don't come trailing in with the attitude that you are the responsible adult and start setting rules. If you don't like it little girl, get your happy ass out.