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Can I Make My Family Accept My Baby's Name?
Filed under: Relatives, Baby Names, Expert Advice: Pregnancy
My husband and I are expecting a boy this November. Before we conceived him, we both fell in love with the name Bodhi. Now that we have informed our families of his name, everyone on both sides have expressed their distaste. How do we politely tell our family that we will not be caving on our son's name?
- Bodhi's Mom-to-Be
Congratulations on taking this rejection so well. It's easy for hard feelings to grow when your joyous name announcement is met with grimaces.I'll leave aside the question of whether your families' objections should matter. Readers, I urge you to put that -- and your opinions of the name -- aside, too. The naming decision has already been made. The project at hand is to prevent an extended-family meltdown.
Mom-to-Be, you've already taken the first positive step. You've decided to care about your family's feelings, rather than taking offense and telling them to shove it. That's a smart move. First off, telling your mother-in-law to shove it is always dicey. But more to the point, you don't want the name Bodhi to be linked to bad memories, or to become a symbol of family tension. You want to build a foundation of warm feelings for your son's name. Here's a four-step plan.
1. Help friends and family understand what you love about the name
Acknowledge that the name is unfamiliar, but stay positive. Let your enthusiasm be contagious. Share the story of how you fell for Bodhi. Combat the unfamiliarity factor by sending around web links with info about the name: meanings, history, celebrity Bodhis (like Goldie Hawn's grandson -- good grandparent company!), even a Google image search for "baby Bodhi." Seeing the name out in the world should help it seem less outlandish to your family.
2. Ask your relatives to share their own tales of choosing names.
This is a way of continuing the naming conversation without actually putting the name up for debate. Perhaps the chance to remember their own naming adventures will help them empathize with you. Better yet, rehearsing their experience of falling in love with a perfect name should open some warm feelings toward the whole process.
3. Start using the name, early and often
If they get to hear Bodhi hundreds of times before your son is even born, their outrage should run its course. They may even find themselves grudgingly attached to the name.
And if all else fails,
4. Let go.
You've picked a name you and your husband love. You've approached your family politely and tried to help them understand why you love the name and given them reasons to love it, too. That's really all you can do. So just accept their opinions, and trust that when they meet a real live tiny Bodhi with mom's eyes, dad's hair and the world's cutest toes, naming conflicts suddenly won't seem so important any more.
What did people think of your name choices? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
- Bodhi's Mom-to-Be
Congratulations on taking this rejection so well. It's easy for hard feelings to grow when your joyous name announcement is met with grimaces.I'll leave aside the question of whether your families' objections should matter. Readers, I urge you to put that -- and your opinions of the name -- aside, too. The naming decision has already been made. The project at hand is to prevent an extended-family meltdown.
Mom-to-Be, you've already taken the first positive step. You've decided to care about your family's feelings, rather than taking offense and telling them to shove it. That's a smart move. First off, telling your mother-in-law to shove it is always dicey. But more to the point, you don't want the name Bodhi to be linked to bad memories, or to become a symbol of family tension. You want to build a foundation of warm feelings for your son's name. Here's a four-step plan.
1. Help friends and family understand what you love about the name
Acknowledge that the name is unfamiliar, but stay positive. Let your enthusiasm be contagious. Share the story of how you fell for Bodhi. Combat the unfamiliarity factor by sending around web links with info about the name: meanings, history, celebrity Bodhis (like Goldie Hawn's grandson -- good grandparent company!), even a Google image search for "baby Bodhi." Seeing the name out in the world should help it seem less outlandish to your family.
2. Ask your relatives to share their own tales of choosing names.
This is a way of continuing the naming conversation without actually putting the name up for debate. Perhaps the chance to remember their own naming adventures will help them empathize with you. Better yet, rehearsing their experience of falling in love with a perfect name should open some warm feelings toward the whole process.
3. Start using the name, early and often
If they get to hear Bodhi hundreds of times before your son is even born, their outrage should run its course. They may even find themselves grudgingly attached to the name.
And if all else fails,
4. Let go.
You've picked a name you and your husband love. You've approached your family politely and tried to help them understand why you love the name and given them reasons to love it, too. That's really all you can do. So just accept their opinions, and trust that when they meet a real live tiny Bodhi with mom's eyes, dad's hair and the world's cutest toes, naming conflicts suddenly won't seem so important any more.
What did people think of your name choices? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 7)
9-14-2010 @ 11:32PM
SpongeyMama said...I always was taunted during school, but it had nothing to do with my name. Sometimes a person chooses to taunt others simply because they have nothing better to do with their time. Yes, my name is spelled differently than the common spelling of my name, but I love it. That is why when I had my daughter, I gave her a name that I love, and someday I know she will too. Having a unique name does NOT put one up for taunting, but simply makes them learn to love life with a unique name!
9-09-2010 @ 12:23PM
dysphoria said...I knew a guy named Bodhi in school, and he was a nice fella. Very sweet and down to earth. He was one of the "popular" kids too (without being arrogant about it.) Honestly, I don't know why people feel so threatened by creative names. We can't all be John, Bill and Joe. How boring! I know a lot of people with more unusual names, and they all are pretty self confident and not afraid to stick up for themselves. They tend to be more creative themselves, and most of the ones I know went to college and "made a name for themselves" in more ways than one. I know the nail that sticks out invites more hammering, but that might not be a bad thing.
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 9:17PM
Dee said...I don't see why people feel they should have any input whatsover in what others name their children. My (ex) mother in law immediately disliked the name of my son and tried to talk me out of using it, as she did her daughter. (Her daughter caved which left the name for me to use and I did). She also complained about the potential girl name saying it had too many Ls in it and would be hard for a child to say. I said, "Well it has more Ls than "mindyerbusiness" but we thought it had a better ring to it." That shut her up pretty quick about that. People who complain about names, and are listened to, might feel it within their right to complain about anything else. My (ex) MIL complained about my son's size, the fact that I never dressed him in blue, what pre school I chose, what sports he plays...it's about control sometimes. Just name the kids what YOU like and be strong and polite about the decision. Tell your relatives that if they want to name a child "John" or "Jane" to have another child.
9-12-2010 @ 9:35PM
Elaine & Ray said...I have a son and went to great lenghts to give him a common name. One that all can spell and say, remeber this child that you choose to give that strange name too will have to live with it all of their life...not you.
Have a heart give this child and good old fashion name that goes well with your last name so you have no worries about taunting etc.
Oh my son is James Allen O"_ _ _ _ _
9-12-2010 @ 9:50PM
Jeff said...Dysphoria --- you're right! And someone has to be named "Ochocinco."
9-12-2010 @ 10:19PM
Mindy said...I think 'bill' up there is just jealous. Great comment!
9-09-2010 @ 1:00PM
Dawn said...There are some truly bizarre names. Bodhi isn't one of them. Ultimately, what you name your child is your choice. I don't get the concept of juniors, something my relatives take to the fourth and fifth generation, but I also accept that if the parents want to do that it's their business. If your family doesn't like it, they can come up with a nickname.
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 10:41PM
visconti24 said...Bodhi is the name of the tree where Siddharta Gautama received his enlightenment and became the Buddha. There is a bookstore in Los Angeles named the Bodhi tree. I have a friend named Bodhi. Nothing wrong with it. Actually it is far, far, better than Cody, Brittany (and all its variations) or the Tiffany ( of Tiffny or whatever) which everybody knows is a nom de guerre for hookers and porno actressed.
9-09-2010 @ 1:45PM
Kris said...We had a bit of issue when we announced our daughter's name, but for a different reason. We found out we were having a girl in December 2005. We had spent weeks kicking around girl and boy names for months prior. We ended up agreeing on "Katrina Jade".
Unfortunately we caught some backlash on our choice because of "Hurricane Katrina". People thought that we had to choose a different name because some guy at the National Weather Service or whatever decided to give a hurricane the same name we had on our short list of baby girl names. We were told that the name was "inappropriate" and that it would "remind people" of the disaster.
When she was born on 6/6/06... well, my brothers just had a field day with jokes on that.
Reply
6-01-2012 @ 8:57PM
Paige said...I didn't come across another Paige until I was in college.There were comments in grade school - turn the page, what page are you on - but nothing that was worse than what anybody else got at the hands of school-age kids. I named my daughter something uncommon but not unheard of, and her only complaint in the years she's been alive is that she can't go to a souvenir shop and pick out a bracelet or license plate that has her name on it. She's said she wouldn't have it any other way.
Reply
9-09-2010 @ 2:46PM
AllOriginal said...I named my son Cullen 23 years ago. Just last year I talked to the first Cullen I have come across, and he was 28 and he had not met any other Cullen's. Now, I understand, Cullen is one of the fastest growing names in the US. My son must be a trendsetter. I did not realize how uncommon his name was for a couple of years, but his daycare teacher wanted me to let her know how "Cullen's" turn out. The name definately fits his personality; one of a kind!
Reply
9-09-2010 @ 7:51PM
dot said...My nephew is 16 and his name is Cullen love it
9-09-2010 @ 4:25PM
andrea said...My opinion on grandparent input on baby names is the same as my opinion on parents input on weddings.
They had theirs. They had the chance to do things exactly the way they wanted. Now it is YOUR turn, and they should respect that and keep their mouths shut.
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 9:35PM
Elaine & Ray said...To the person who said something about this being the same thing as a wedding..none of the parents business...Hey there who paid for your wedding.
When I was doing part of the paying I also was helping with the planning..
9-09-2010 @ 5:36PM
zeek said...Cool name, I like it. How about mine?
Reply
9-09-2010 @ 7:50PM
dot said...great name Mine is Dorothy very old fashion and very definitly not in fashion today
9-10-2010 @ 12:09AM
Russ said...It doesn't even have to be an unusual name for this problem to arise. When my son Ethan was born, my parents insisted his name should be Caleb, a name I associate with a dirty kid who lived down the street. Despite my protests, they called him Caleb anyway, that is until Ethan was about two years old. That's when I had a tee-shirt made for him that said "Li'l Notcaleb." "What's that?" my mother asked. "It's Little Not-Caleb," I said, "because his name's NOT CALEB." I put that shirt on my son every time he visited his grandparents until they got the message.
Reply
9-10-2010 @ 3:29PM
Ilona said...Wow, that is horribly disrespectful of your parents! I'm glad you found a solution!
9-12-2010 @ 7:39PM
Jenny-Ann said...I had the same problem with my ex mother in law when my son was born. We named him Brian and she thought he should have been Allan Fowler N. IV (last name would have rhymed with fourth also). For the first couple months of his life she insisted on calling him Allan and introducing him as Allan. We eventually got sick of it and told her if she couldn't even remember her grandsons name then maybe she didn't need to be seeing him.
9-11-2010 @ 5:28AM
Lauren said...People have all sorts of opinions when it comes to names. Its impossible to please everyone. We're planning on naming our 2nd child Zoe, and my sister-in-law actually said, "Oh you can't use that name, that's what my sister named her dog." So what? Still doesn't diminish my love for the name. Congrats on sticking to your name choice!
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