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Can I Make My Family Accept My Baby's Name?
Filed under: Relatives, Baby Names, Expert Advice: Pregnancy
My husband and I are expecting a boy this November. Before we conceived him, we both fell in love with the name Bodhi. Now that we have informed our families of his name, everyone on both sides have expressed their distaste. How do we politely tell our family that we will not be caving on our son's name?
- Bodhi's Mom-to-Be
Congratulations on taking this rejection so well. It's easy for hard feelings to grow when your joyous name announcement is met with grimaces.I'll leave aside the question of whether your families' objections should matter. Readers, I urge you to put that -- and your opinions of the name -- aside, too. The naming decision has already been made. The project at hand is to prevent an extended-family meltdown.
Mom-to-Be, you've already taken the first positive step. You've decided to care about your family's feelings, rather than taking offense and telling them to shove it. That's a smart move. First off, telling your mother-in-law to shove it is always dicey. But more to the point, you don't want the name Bodhi to be linked to bad memories, or to become a symbol of family tension. You want to build a foundation of warm feelings for your son's name. Here's a four-step plan.
1. Help friends and family understand what you love about the name
Acknowledge that the name is unfamiliar, but stay positive. Let your enthusiasm be contagious. Share the story of how you fell for Bodhi. Combat the unfamiliarity factor by sending around web links with info about the name: meanings, history, celebrity Bodhis (like Goldie Hawn's grandson -- good grandparent company!), even a Google image search for "baby Bodhi." Seeing the name out in the world should help it seem less outlandish to your family.
2. Ask your relatives to share their own tales of choosing names.
This is a way of continuing the naming conversation without actually putting the name up for debate. Perhaps the chance to remember their own naming adventures will help them empathize with you. Better yet, rehearsing their experience of falling in love with a perfect name should open some warm feelings toward the whole process.
3. Start using the name, early and often
If they get to hear Bodhi hundreds of times before your son is even born, their outrage should run its course. They may even find themselves grudgingly attached to the name.
And if all else fails,
4. Let go.
You've picked a name you and your husband love. You've approached your family politely and tried to help them understand why you love the name and given them reasons to love it, too. That's really all you can do. So just accept their opinions, and trust that when they meet a real live tiny Bodhi with mom's eyes, dad's hair and the world's cutest toes, naming conflicts suddenly won't seem so important any more.
What did people think of your name choices? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
- Bodhi's Mom-to-Be
Congratulations on taking this rejection so well. It's easy for hard feelings to grow when your joyous name announcement is met with grimaces.I'll leave aside the question of whether your families' objections should matter. Readers, I urge you to put that -- and your opinions of the name -- aside, too. The naming decision has already been made. The project at hand is to prevent an extended-family meltdown.
Mom-to-Be, you've already taken the first positive step. You've decided to care about your family's feelings, rather than taking offense and telling them to shove it. That's a smart move. First off, telling your mother-in-law to shove it is always dicey. But more to the point, you don't want the name Bodhi to be linked to bad memories, or to become a symbol of family tension. You want to build a foundation of warm feelings for your son's name. Here's a four-step plan.
1. Help friends and family understand what you love about the name
Acknowledge that the name is unfamiliar, but stay positive. Let your enthusiasm be contagious. Share the story of how you fell for Bodhi. Combat the unfamiliarity factor by sending around web links with info about the name: meanings, history, celebrity Bodhis (like Goldie Hawn's grandson -- good grandparent company!), even a Google image search for "baby Bodhi." Seeing the name out in the world should help it seem less outlandish to your family.
2. Ask your relatives to share their own tales of choosing names.
This is a way of continuing the naming conversation without actually putting the name up for debate. Perhaps the chance to remember their own naming adventures will help them empathize with you. Better yet, rehearsing their experience of falling in love with a perfect name should open some warm feelings toward the whole process.
3. Start using the name, early and often
If they get to hear Bodhi hundreds of times before your son is even born, their outrage should run its course. They may even find themselves grudgingly attached to the name.
And if all else fails,
4. Let go.
You've picked a name you and your husband love. You've approached your family politely and tried to help them understand why you love the name and given them reasons to love it, too. That's really all you can do. So just accept their opinions, and trust that when they meet a real live tiny Bodhi with mom's eyes, dad's hair and the world's cutest toes, naming conflicts suddenly won't seem so important any more.
What did people think of your name choices? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
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ReaderComments (Page 3 of 7)
9-12-2010 @ 8:24PM
Lauren said...Whatever happened to names like Freckles and Taffy? For pets, that is.
This is a different Lauren, by the way. Our name has gotten pretty common. :)
9-12-2010 @ 8:10PM
janette said...I love the name Bohdi. it is different and if all else fails there are always nick names... "Bo" is also a favorite of mine... good luck to the parents to be..
ps.. after considering my baby name and polling everyone in my family, i chose the name Marissa. for the first 6 months of her life, i questioned my decision even though i loved the name... naming a baby is one of the hardest decisions to make.. but if you find one you like.... use it... i love my daughters name and it fits her perfectly.
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 8:24PM
Lauren said...Wow. I can't believe these grandparents calling their grandchildren by the wrong name! I got annoyed when some members of my family called my daughter by her middle name but luckily it didn't stick.
I am very private when it comes to naming babies. I don't want anyone's opinion and I don't want anyone to hijack "my name." I also don't want anyone to suggest names to me. It's a personal decision between me and my husband.
The advice I give to my expectant parent friends is this:
Don't tell anyone your baby's name until after he/she is born. A lot of people feel that it's okay to give their opinions and tell you why the name you chose is horrible and why they associate it with something negative. But once a baby is named, most people won't say anything negative.
We parents face so much criticism for everything that we do. Bottle/breast, sleep training methods, discipline, clothing choices, etc. We don't need people bashing us for what we name OUR children!
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9-13-2010 @ 3:56AM
Liz said...Lauren said: "The advice I give to my expectant parent friends is this: Don't tell anyone your baby's name until after he/she is born. A lot of people feel that it's okay to give their opinions and tell you why the name you chose is horrible and why they associate it with something negative. But once a baby is named, most people won't say anything negative."
I absolutely agree. My husband and I didn't have a definite name picked out for our baby (nor did we know the baby's gender until the day of birth), but we had several options and preferences in mind for both first and middle names. We waited until our baby was born and then decided on the name that fit the baby best and that we both liked. We chose a name that fit the baby to a T, and no one has ever complained about our name choice (at least not to our faces).
Of course, if you are going to name your child something either 1) very popular or 2) extremely far out and weird well before you actually have the child, people are going to talk. And they are probably not going to say nice things. They will tell you all the negative thoughts and associations they have with that name (especially your mother-in-law, who thought you should have picked a much more traditional or family name.)
It's best not to reveal the child's name until the child is born and you can reveal the child and his/her name at the same time. It's hard to say "Caliope and Zuthrestra are bad baby names" when you are holding a baby "Caliope" or "Zuthrestra" in your arms.
Still, some baby names are better than others. Parents just need to have some common sense--don't name your kids something that will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Give them a name they can live with.
9-12-2010 @ 8:21PM
Jessica said...Bodhi is a beautiful name! When my nephew was born my brother decided to name him Clint, much to my mothers dismay. She felt that the name was too close to the name of my stepfather (Curt) who had passed away. She hated the name Clint and tried very hard to talk him out of it. Clint is 4 years old now and we have fallen in love with him and his name!
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9-13-2010 @ 9:33PM
Helen Luckhardt said...We named our second daughter Sohnie. pronounced Sahnie. She loves her name snd is 58 years old. Her older sister is Suzette with no nicknames She too loves her name and is 63 years old.
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 8:28PM
lynn said...I like the name and believe me they will get use to it! But you must be strong and shut people up the moment they start giving their opinion. A quick he's our baby and we will decide his/her name. Ends the conversation.
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 8:30PM
babette said...What you name your children, and in fact, how you run your lives, are nobody's business but your own. I can't stand relatives who butt in at every opportunity, especially since I had some of my own. If you stick to your guns, eventually, they'll butt out.
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 8:34PM
WTF said...The hell with nicknames. If his name is Bodhi then call him Bodhi. My niece, when she was pregnant with her first she went through 3 names and became very upset when she would tell someone the name and they made fun of it. It is so rude of people to do that. She learned that with her second baby she didn't reveal the name until after he was born. On the 3rd go round she actually let her two younger ones help with the naming. Of course Mom and Dad had to veto some of their choices but they all arrived at a name that everyone loves.
Bottom line, keep your opinions to yourself. Let the proud parents have the joy of naming their child.
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9-12-2010 @ 10:41PM
visconti24 said...Why even TELL anyone what you have chosen to call your child? Why ask somebody else's opinion only to be disappointed if they voice it and it is not what you expected to hear? One becomes pregnant and then a name is chosen by the two parents and then when the child is born the name is announced. End of the story. If somebody does not like the name you have chosen, well...fine.
9-12-2010 @ 8:47PM
Kepakemapa said...I am not familiar with the name at all. May I be so bold as to ask the origin of it? Is your choice in this name a cultural one? Is there some reason that you are using it? Now for the reason I am asking these questions.........my husband and I chose to name our first born after his grandfathers. One had a name that was not really what would be considered "American." My FIL told us to use it as a middle name then and not his first name. He mentioned problems that he could see in the future and things that so called Americans put him thru with his name even thos he was born and bred American. We have not been sorry for listening to his advice over the years. My son will be 39 tomorrow and is proud of both his first and middle names. As to your family members, well..........tell them to stick it as they are not the ones that will raise and support the child and so it is none of their business. I might add that with the next two children that we had, we picked the names and kept it out business until it came time to file the birth certificates. In other words...my questions and opinions don't count at all...repeat after me...our business, our child and out choice and the others can go fly a kite... Also in future, don't share all of your personal business and decisions, even with family.
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9-12-2010 @ 8:50PM
Lynda said...My husband and I adopted a baby boy. Everyone in our families knew about the pending adoption and everything that went along with it. We decided that the only secret we could keep was the baby's name. Some friends got really offended when we wouldn't share the baby's name in advance, but we held out until he was ours. We went with a classic name - Alexander, and everyone loves it.
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9-12-2010 @ 8:51PM
Julie said...I couldnt help but respond to this question. My son is now two and we named him Kane. My family/husbands family weren't thrilled with the name but we loved it. I am sure he will have to deal with the usual name calling and such but don't we all really? I had a last name that rhymed with "Fartin"..LOL, and I got picked on. It's a fact of life.
I say name your child whatever you choose, in responsible ways of course and if anything teach your child to be above the bullies and they will be a better, stronger person for it.
As for Bodhi's mom-the relatives get over it and will eventually get used to it, trust me!
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9-12-2010 @ 9:05PM
marcia williams said...I actually like the name Bodhi but then I liked the name Tahnee when I was expecting a baby many yrs. ago
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9-12-2010 @ 9:06PM
Susan said...It is a goofy name. If you don't want people to voice their opinions, then come up with something else. He's going to hear it all his life...you might as well get used to it.
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9-12-2010 @ 11:53PM
h said...What is goofy is naming your son...Richard...And then he is brought up begin called...Dick...Same goes for naming your son ...William...He grows up being called...Bill.
9-12-2010 @ 9:17PM
JuliSanch said...I agree Bodhi is a dumb name! What parents also need to take into consderation is how the child is going to feel about his name when he grows up and how his friends will react to it!. In this case the parents weren't thinking about the child! Just like in another case where the parents named their child, 'HIlter'.
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9-12-2010 @ 9:20PM
JuliSanch said...Kane is not a bad name at all!
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9-12-2010 @ 9:27PM
tjorourke said...Your name choice is not that unusual, and I'd stick with it. I've heard a lot of extremely unusual names as a teacher that I wouldn't wish on a child, and while yours is not gigantically common, it doesn't make that list by far.
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9-19-2010 @ 2:01PM
James said...Bodhi is a unique name. It sounds Indian - you know, lotus blossum, sitars, et al. I went to school with a guy named Elvis (and the famous Rock'N'Roll King had a special uncommon name to start with) and there are a few women today who have the name Sussudio and my sister went to school with a Brenda Lee. I read the papers and see all around: there are WAY too many Meredith's, Britney's (or Britanny's), Linda's, Alyssa's, Billy's (with Joe or Ray or Bob, etc.) and other "ordinary" names it's like we have clones. If a name isn't wacky or degrading, if it has a beautiful positive meaning to it then the child is special (anyway) with a unique name that isn't generic but will really stand out and SHINE. After all, our President has a "different" but unique name you didn't hear everyday until a few years ago. Cheers.
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