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Can I Make My Family Accept My Baby's Name?
Filed under: Relatives, Baby Names, Expert Advice: Pregnancy
My husband and I are expecting a boy this November. Before we conceived him, we both fell in love with the name Bodhi. Now that we have informed our families of his name, everyone on both sides have expressed their distaste. How do we politely tell our family that we will not be caving on our son's name?
- Bodhi's Mom-to-Be
Congratulations on taking this rejection so well. It's easy for hard feelings to grow when your joyous name announcement is met with grimaces.I'll leave aside the question of whether your families' objections should matter. Readers, I urge you to put that -- and your opinions of the name -- aside, too. The naming decision has already been made. The project at hand is to prevent an extended-family meltdown.
Mom-to-Be, you've already taken the first positive step. You've decided to care about your family's feelings, rather than taking offense and telling them to shove it. That's a smart move. First off, telling your mother-in-law to shove it is always dicey. But more to the point, you don't want the name Bodhi to be linked to bad memories, or to become a symbol of family tension. You want to build a foundation of warm feelings for your son's name. Here's a four-step plan.
1. Help friends and family understand what you love about the name
Acknowledge that the name is unfamiliar, but stay positive. Let your enthusiasm be contagious. Share the story of how you fell for Bodhi. Combat the unfamiliarity factor by sending around web links with info about the name: meanings, history, celebrity Bodhis (like Goldie Hawn's grandson -- good grandparent company!), even a Google image search for "baby Bodhi." Seeing the name out in the world should help it seem less outlandish to your family.
2. Ask your relatives to share their own tales of choosing names.
This is a way of continuing the naming conversation without actually putting the name up for debate. Perhaps the chance to remember their own naming adventures will help them empathize with you. Better yet, rehearsing their experience of falling in love with a perfect name should open some warm feelings toward the whole process.
3. Start using the name, early and often
If they get to hear Bodhi hundreds of times before your son is even born, their outrage should run its course. They may even find themselves grudgingly attached to the name.
And if all else fails,
4. Let go.
You've picked a name you and your husband love. You've approached your family politely and tried to help them understand why you love the name and given them reasons to love it, too. That's really all you can do. So just accept their opinions, and trust that when they meet a real live tiny Bodhi with mom's eyes, dad's hair and the world's cutest toes, naming conflicts suddenly won't seem so important any more.
What did people think of your name choices? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
- Bodhi's Mom-to-Be
Congratulations on taking this rejection so well. It's easy for hard feelings to grow when your joyous name announcement is met with grimaces.I'll leave aside the question of whether your families' objections should matter. Readers, I urge you to put that -- and your opinions of the name -- aside, too. The naming decision has already been made. The project at hand is to prevent an extended-family meltdown.
Mom-to-Be, you've already taken the first positive step. You've decided to care about your family's feelings, rather than taking offense and telling them to shove it. That's a smart move. First off, telling your mother-in-law to shove it is always dicey. But more to the point, you don't want the name Bodhi to be linked to bad memories, or to become a symbol of family tension. You want to build a foundation of warm feelings for your son's name. Here's a four-step plan.
1. Help friends and family understand what you love about the name
Acknowledge that the name is unfamiliar, but stay positive. Let your enthusiasm be contagious. Share the story of how you fell for Bodhi. Combat the unfamiliarity factor by sending around web links with info about the name: meanings, history, celebrity Bodhis (like Goldie Hawn's grandson -- good grandparent company!), even a Google image search for "baby Bodhi." Seeing the name out in the world should help it seem less outlandish to your family.
2. Ask your relatives to share their own tales of choosing names.
This is a way of continuing the naming conversation without actually putting the name up for debate. Perhaps the chance to remember their own naming adventures will help them empathize with you. Better yet, rehearsing their experience of falling in love with a perfect name should open some warm feelings toward the whole process.
3. Start using the name, early and often
If they get to hear Bodhi hundreds of times before your son is even born, their outrage should run its course. They may even find themselves grudgingly attached to the name.
And if all else fails,
4. Let go.
You've picked a name you and your husband love. You've approached your family politely and tried to help them understand why you love the name and given them reasons to love it, too. That's really all you can do. So just accept their opinions, and trust that when they meet a real live tiny Bodhi with mom's eyes, dad's hair and the world's cutest toes, naming conflicts suddenly won't seem so important any more.
What did people think of your name choices? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
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ReaderComments (Page 4 of 7)
9-12-2010 @ 9:34PM
N.C. said...Come on, how selfish can parents get! They have attended schools themselves & already are aware ( or should be ) how they're setting their child up to be tormented. A more rational alternative is to use Bodhi as a middle name.
Reply
9-13-2010 @ 7:55PM
b said...Counter culture baby naming does more for Karl Marx than strengthening traditional family values. The kind of values this country was founded upon, that gave you the freedom to be so "enlightened." Men gave their lives so you could spit in their face? I applaud the family standing up to this disrespect of the family. It was Karl Marx who said, "Thus, for instance, once the earthly family is discovered to be the secret of the holy family, the former must itself be annihilated [vernichtet] theoretically and practically." (theory and practice) In other words, once you discover that the traditional patriarchal family is God's secret, then the family must be wiped out so Marx and his atheist "group think" can guide you. When is this nation going to realize that cheap freedom is not true freedom? When are we going to honor God and His word, the principles that gave us freedom and prosperity?
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 9:33PM
Amy S said...I like the name Bodhi. I think it is cool. There is an Olympic skier named Bodie Miller. It's the same name, just spelled differently. It hasn't seem to have held him back. I say go for it!
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 9:35PM
NewAmerican said...My parents from an "old country" in Eastern Europe had few difficulties adjusting to our firstborn's Celtic name. But, they liked the kid, so they got to like the name. So, they had no problems with their second granddaughter's very Slavic name, whic, to be sure, is very unusual in America. My in-laws who are as American as the apple pie took both names in strides. So give your families some time.
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 9:58PM
Addison DeWitt said..."Bodhi" is a stupid name to pick. It sounds alot like the world's greatest Olympic loser - Bode Miller. You know, your insistence on naming your baby that shows how selfish you are - you are trying to foist some odd identity on him to make him stand out in society. How about naming him "Sam" and letting his own personality distinguish him from other "Sam"s???
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 11:04PM
Wonderland said...Addison is a pretty crappy name too...perhaps you should look to yourself first before judging others choices
9-12-2010 @ 11:54PM
h said...What else that could be called stupid is having a last name with two letters that need to be in caps...And at least your first name is uncommon too.
9-14-2010 @ 9:13AM
Courtney said...I had similar issue when naming our 2nd son. We named our 1st son Merik. And when it was time to name our 2nd born we wanted something different like our 1st but nothing so out there that it would be hard to say. We also look at the meaning of names when picking. Also we looked at our family backgrounds for ideas. We finally picked the name Stellan. We got a lot of back lash from some of our family on this. We didn't let them change our minds and now everyone loves his name. For the middle names we used family names so just in case they didn't care for their first there was a fall back name. We were afraid of the name calling issue as well, but kids will be kids and you can name them something very common and it still be made fun of. So got for it!
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 9:54PM
Joellen Hall said...Actually, I think it's a nice name.....but, since I grew up with a name no one else in school had, and I've actually only run into a handful during my lifetime, I can appreciate kids who grow up with "wierd" names. Bohdi isn't a wierd name. It's unique, and sounds very masculine, so I wouldn't worry about whether or not gramma and grampa like it. They'll love him.
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 9:58PM
Grammy said...My son and daughter in law are going to name their baby, if it's a girl.... America. I am so afraid that she will have trouble in school and be teased. I have expressed my fear in a nice way to my son and DIL. I'd like to hear what other people's opinion is of this name. Am I right in thinking that the name America is too strange for a little girl? ( I do know there is an actress named America).
Thanks everyone for your thoughts...
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 10:15PM
lionruby said...I grew up in and around NYC and I knew a several girls named America. It was a fairly uncommon name given to girls by Spanish speaking families, but one did hear it, just the same. I think it's beautiful and it's actually quite traditional. Every girl doesn't have to be named Hannah or Emily to fit in. Use it with love.
9-13-2010 @ 12:40AM
Dalene said...tuff call Grandma ! I think if she is taught to be proud of her country she will feel honored to have the name. Will she be teased, possile. unless people have raised their kids to be proud of their counrtry and all that it stands for. Kids can be creul , but others can be very strong and proud ! tell her that the other kids are just jealous they dont have her name !!
9-13-2010 @ 12:42AM
DALENE said...Grammy ,
I also forgot to tell you I have 6 brothers The oldest ones Name is Washington and as you can see my name is unusual Dalene
dont worry grammy all will work out !
9-12-2010 @ 10:06PM
rose said...bodhi is a buddhist expression and cullen... well, all i can think of is when you have too many of a certain animal they need to be culled. (eliminated) to me bodhi and cullen are stupid first names. case closed.
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 10:06PM
Ella said...Parents have to remember that they are naming a person not a dog or cat. Their baby will one day be an adult. A name will define that person and if other children find the name funny, the child will be teased or bullied mercilessly. Their name should also have a normal spelling. Childhood is difficult enough without having to fight off comments about your name. The baby can't speak for himself so the rest of the family is trying to speak for him.
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 10:07PM
keysha702 said...my son will be here in nov and his name is Grayson Edward and i love it i think out of all my friends maybe 2 of them tried to get me to change it but thats not happening.
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 10:10PM
lynda said...name your kids whatever u want, its your baby and if people don't agree well too effin bad.people place too much importance on what others think, at the end of the day if your comfortable with your decision who cares what others think. ive heard much worse than bodhi
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 10:52PM
gavinms said...It is nobody's business but yours. I have a son (forurth son) named
Gavin - age 29 (my maiden name) and I was given a lot of flack from my in-laws. I told them they could name the next one, knowing full well that he was the last. Now Gavin is a popular first name. Guess I was a trendsetter.
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 10:18PM
Johanna said...I like the name Bodhi. It's different, but not too different. But it doesn't matter whether anyone else likes it or dislikes it. The only thing that matters is that you and your husband love the name. Your family will come around to his name. Word of advice: if you have a second child, keep the name to yourself until after the baby is born so you don't have to deal with this same unnecessary drama. As for being teased, children will always find something to tease each other about. Kids are silly. My name is Johanna so I was Johanna Banana. Harsh, I know. I'm still in therapy getting over the trauma of being compared to a delicious fruit. (In case someone can't tell, that is sarcasm.) I'm sure little Bodhi will grow into a fine young man since he has two parents that obviously care about him.
Reply
9-12-2010 @ 10:22PM
Mary Rose said...His first day at school each year, his teachers will mispronounce his name call him Bod hi, like in body high, because to the two consonants together and the way we are taught to speak the English language, even though the name is pronounced Boodhee and associated with yoga and Buddha. The kid had better be outgoing, because he is going to through life correcting everyone who takes that one first look at his name, and mispronouces it. This is the legacy that his parents liking that name are going to impart to him. I strongly suggest that they use Bodhi as the middle name. Give the kid something normal for his first name, then he will not come home frustrated on the first day of school for 12 years or more of his young life with the same complaint. If that first day is especially hard, guess who he is going to blamed - yep, you're correct - His mom and dad. They had better be prepared. It is difficult enough for kids to make friends in school and impress teachers, and his parents are determined to make it even more difficult that it needs to be.
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