Mother Raising Her Own Voice Over Restaurant's Ban on Screaming Kids
Filed under: In The News, Special Needs
Many autistic children scream. It's what they do.
Forbidding an autistic child to scream can be like requiring a paraplegic person to dance the Charleston, so Kelly Chambliss, the mother of an autistic son, claims a restaurant's policy against screaming children is blatant discrimination and a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act.
The words on the door of Olde Salty's in Carolina Beach, N.C. read: "Screaming children will not be tolerated."
Chambliss tells the ABC affiliate in Wilmington, N.C., that she and the restaurant's manager had words of their own on the subject three weeks ago. Apparently, the conversation didn't go well.
Manager Brenda Armes tells WCET Chambliss accused her of singling out autistic children.
"And I said, 'Autism is not a word on that sign, ma'am'," Armes tells the station.For her part, Chambliss tells the station Armes made it very clear certain people were not welcome at the restaurant.
"She looked at me and said, 'I cannot believe you even take him in public. You must be the only one that does'," Chambliss tells WCET.
Chambliss tells the station she believes the restaurant's sign is illegal. However, she didn't say whether or not she was considering legal action.
"I really think she needs to meet some of these kids, and I think she needs to see that they are awesome," Chambliss adds. "Please don't shut them out because they don't fit in the perfect box everyone wants them in."
Armes tells WCET no one will be kicked out of the restaurant. Parents will just be asked to step outside until their child quits screaming.
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ReaderComments (Page 3 of 6)
9-09-2010 @ 11:29PM
Holly Q said...Ms. Chambliss really thinks that "Screaming Children Won't Be Tolerated" is the same thing as racial segregation by law? Really? It's interesting that she feels her child is so singled out by the sign. It actually treats all children the same -- and that's her problem. She may have a valid point, but it seems to me that all this will do is discourage restaurants who want to minimize disturbances to their patrons from allowing any children at all.
As for adults being worse and no one does anything, I've seen adults ejected from restaurants or bars before, but never children. I've seen parents voluntarily remove their children, but overly loud adults (unless it's, like, a bar during a football game) are dealt with more aggressively than noisy children in my experience -- and lots of places will refuse service if a patron is on their cell phone.
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9-10-2010 @ 1:00AM
BC said...As parent of 3 girls, I certainly understand how some people feel about screaming kids in restaurants. I have been on both sides, and now have a different perspective. Many places are more kid friendly. But for this lady to actually think this is illegal is ludicrous, and showing ignorance of the law. It is the owners right to not allow certain people in that establishment, and enjoy the environment or suffer the backlash/consequences. The best action for her to take would be a type of boycott, and finding other places to take her own money if that owner doesn't want it.
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9-10-2010 @ 1:29AM
ipmillerjr55 said...When it comes to our children, if they are going to live in society, they need to be taught to do so. Your autistic child will someday be an adult & you (parent) will not be there. You should try to understand that the world does not revolve around you. You chose to take on the responsibilities of a child with special needs. Please don't expect the rest of the world to do so. One eatery I know of has a children's night. Specials dinners for children. This would be a nice beginning to teach a child manners and thoughtfulness of others.
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9-10-2010 @ 1:55AM
SKL said...When you become a parent, your life changes. You can't do everything you could do before. If you are super lucky, you might have children who are easy to do "most" things with. Otherwise, you take a break from certain things until your kid is old enough or you are willing to leave him with a babysitter.
If that restaurant were the only place that woman and her kid could go to eat, I'd feel sorry for her. But it isn't. Lots of parents will never set foot in most restaurants, because their kids are not perfect angels, or they can't afford to go there. They manage to survive anyway. Suck it up.
This woman thinks the whole world should come to a screeching halt because she has an autistic kid. She has issues of her own, apparently.
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9-10-2010 @ 3:07AM
Rita said...Hi Kelly. Just saw your situation on tv. I am also mother of autistic children, a daughter 20 and a son 19. Neither will ever speak a single word, read or write, graduate high school, drive a car, marry, have children, etc. I have many times run across these types of cruel, shallow people. Obviously her world, in her little restaurant, isn't that great to begin with. Neither of my children will ever fit in the box they want them in, but as the years went by, our world became more pleasant, as we surrounded ourselves with only those that understand and value their lives as equal. Save your strength, you and your family are already in the right place.
people
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9-10-2010 @ 12:22PM
sam said...Wow, what an interesting debate! I agree that when you go to an expensive restaurant that you should be entitled not to hear kids screaming (or adults yapping loudly on their cellphones which is equally annoying) so people should take their calls outside and parents should remove their screaming children from the restaurant.
My parents raised 7 of us and were of the theory that no patron should have to listen to other peoples screaming brats. I agree with the points made by carolyn, ginger and atlanta guy - but also it is interesting to read about parents with special needs children, but they should go to kid friendly restaurants. I have hyperacusis, a condition where I cannot tune the screaming out, it physically hurts my ears. When a child screams and the parent does nothing, that boils my blood - just because a person is a parent does not mean that they have a licence to be inconsiderate to others. When I go to the library and there are long lines to the self check out because the mother is letting their toddler check out the books, ignoring the line up, that is really annoying as well.
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9-10-2010 @ 3:13PM
TomG said...Momofthree said in part.....
No one said that children wouldn't be allowed in the restaurant. The owner simply stated that she expected parents to ACT like parents and take a screaming, unruly child outside until they were quiet. That sounds to me not only perfectly reasonable, but exactly what parents should do anyway.
******************************************************************************
Yes but there is a way to say that then to say< screaming children will not be tolerated. The owner of the restaurant could have put up a sign that read, "please be mindful of other patrons and control your children while you dine". This might have gone over much more receptively than the accusatory sign that was posted. It's not what you say, it's HOW you say it that counts.
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9-10-2010 @ 6:50PM
Peggy said...Perfect response! I couldn't agree more with all you said, as well as the response from "motherofthree."
7-13-2011 @ 6:43AM
Ivona said..."Screaming children will not be tolerated" is a perfectly worded sign. It's linguistically accurate and unambiguous.A sign that says "Please be mindful of other patrons and control your children" would be much less effective because people tend to ignore polite (and somewhat ambiguous) requests. Signs serve their purpose best when worded concisely and directly. Take the Italian sign for "no smoking"-- Vietato Fumare--it doesn't ask politely, it simply informs the people what the policy is--Smoking is forbidden. Italian smokers don't go around filing suits and crying discrimination because the sign is worded this way. .
9-10-2010 @ 3:51PM
fiveonice said...This kind of thing drives me crazy. So many people seem to feel the need to take up a cause. Bad things happen, people have disabilities. It is the way of life. The world cannot be made to accomodate everyone's needs and wants. I am not unsympathetic to people with disabilites, however everything cannot be made to fit disabled people's needs. For example, someone is in a wheel chair and would like to hike up a mountain... does that mean someone should build a ramp so that it can be accomplished? Restaurants and other establishments are able to have disruptive people removed from their premises. Alcoholism is considered a disease. Some of these people get very disruptive in bars and restaurants. Should we just allow it because they are sick and can't help themselves? I have five children of my own who are, thank God, healthy, but my middle one has ADHD...which is also a disability, but when he was younger and screaming in a restaurant, movie, or mall I removed him from the situation because it isn't fair to other people around you. I have done the same with my "normal" children when they were having fits. We all have to make choices and sacrifices as parents...so deal with it and don't force your "rights" on hardworking people who are trying to make a living and have a respectable establishment.
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9-10-2010 @ 3:45PM
Jenn said...Did this women actually go into the resaraunt to eat? Or is she suing because of the sign. IThey did not say that they would not serve children. They said that they would not tolerate "screaming children" If your child isn't sreaming, I don't see what the problem is. And, if they are, maybe you should do something about them.
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9-10-2010 @ 11:09PM
AWESOME said...Everyone has the right to eat and enjoy their meals specially when going out to a restaurant to celebrate or simply because you don't want to eat at home, just do not take your out of control kids with you to annoy other people.
The other day as my newly wed son & wife joined my husband and I for dinner at a very nice place. We heard this banging noice over plates with silverware. We all turned our heads around to see what was the comulsion and guess what: A horrible child playing the tamborines with his silverware over the china and the proud parents, were just praising him:_(((( . I told my son, I hope that you do not raise your kids to be such brats. His response: Mom do not worry, we will always drop them at your door for you to baby seat them.
I was so happy to know that we have raised a wonderful Man in our society. If you can't control your kids, go to McDonald, Chucky chesse, crazy rock concert, The park ,or the animal museum:-).
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9-10-2010 @ 4:35PM
Melissa said...This is a really interesting debate.
My family owns and operates a Family Entertainment Center and I have to say that some of the best times I've had working there is during our Special Olympics fundraisers. That being said our facility is family friendly, so when you come there you should expect a lot of families... some of whom will have kids that scream or are otherwise disruptive. When I go out to eat or to a movie I expect to be able to enjoy my time there and it's incredibly hard (if not impossible) to do that when there are children screaming.
I do understand that children with special needs deserve to be able to enjoy the same things that everyone else does, but it shouldn't be at the expense of others. There are plenty of family friendly places where someone with a special needs child can bring that child to have a good time. And I also see no problem with bringing them to a more "adult" place as long as that parent is willing to take the neccessary steps to ensure that child does not disrupt everyone else. It is the same as a parent bringing a baby or a two year old to a restaurant. I think that is fine, in fact my mother brought me to places like that when I was that age, but at the same time if I was to act up she was prepared to take me outside until I quieted down.
I think you have to remember that people choose to go to restaurants instead of ordering out for a reason. Some people may have children at home. They may have paid a babysitter so that they could go out to a restaurant and be away from screaming children for the night. Is it really fair to ask those people to just tolerate a screaming child simply because that child has special needs? I don't think is. I have a job where I work around screaming children and loud noises all day, and I can eat for free there any time I want since it belongs to my family. So when I choose to spend money to dine out somewhere I do so because I want a nice quiet dinner, and I think I have the right to want/expect that.
I don't think that people have an issue with the fact that a child might act up and no one should expect a parent to just stay home because something like that might happen. But what they SHOULD expect that parent to do is to handle the situation so that it does not become a disruption to everyone else. I have no problem with hearing a child start to cry or scream, as long as that parent deals with it right away. It is when the child continues to do so and the parent allows it that it becomes a problem for me.
I think it is about respecting the rights of everyone, just as a child with special needs has a right to live as normal of a life as possible the general public has a right to enjoy their time in a place such as a movie theater or a restaurant.
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9-11-2010 @ 2:53AM
T.C. said...Are you kidding me! We need to be educated on YOUR autism child!
Or for that matter on any special needs child! NO that is your problem not mine!
With that said should we tolerant about special need children in public situations yes.I would give you more time to get them out of the restaurant or movie theater.
Do not assume I want or need to hear or witness your problems in these situations.
I do have two boys and I had to put up with their acting up in public and there teenage angst. I would remove them from the restaurant and movies of of lines in carnivals and such if they acted up of screamed or cried! So as not to disturb the other patrons.
You have it rougher then the norm sorry! But again your problem not mine don't make it mine.
Suck it up or pay for my dinner,which by the way I can only afford maybe once a month to go out with my wife.
There is such thing as common courtesy for others. Show it and stop whining! .
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9-10-2010 @ 9:46PM
Common Sense said...One would think the parent of an autistic child (who already KNOWS their child has a propensity to act up in public) would exercise a little common sense when choosing a restaurant to dine out with the family. Call me crazy, but if I know my child is going to start screaming or acting up in a restaurant I'm going to choose an informal, noisy place to eat so we don't attract too much attention or distract other patrons. I believe in a little thing called "common courtesy". While I have sympathy for parents with autistic children, I don't think they should force other restaurant patrons to bear the burden of raising an autistic child and I fully support this restaurant's effort to offer its patrons a quiet place to enjoy a meal.
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9-10-2010 @ 5:27PM
Annette said...If you KNOW your child is going to be outrageous...if you KNOW he/she is going to annoy everyone in the food establishment.. keep them HOME. How do you know whether or not these people have left THEIR children home to get a peaceful dinner out.
As far as Autistic kids go.. I can't stand being around them anyway.. a lot of the time I see parents bowing down to them trying to talk them out of something they can't ever fathom anyway. Why bother.. keep them home till they are old enough to understand decent behavior
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9-10-2010 @ 7:12PM
AUTISMLOVE said...Annette: Your comment was rather ignorant. God has a special place for people like you!
9-10-2010 @ 5:30PM
TheBitchyWaiter said...On behalf of servers everywhere, thank you:
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7-14-2011 @ 4:43PM
Fantomex said...Have you ever thought about finding another job, sir/madame?
9-10-2010 @ 5:52PM
ERENZY said...i just want to say that what happen to GOOD HONEST GOD CHRISTIAN PEOPLE what as this world come to
has this lady lost her damm mid children WILL BE CHILDREN WHERE EVER WE MAY GO i have learned that people like her will suffer or has or maybe is suffering in her life you just have to PRAY FOR THEM and know that we have the best when it comes to any child regarless what a sad person she must be to take her CHOICES
of life out on any child i have a REALLY GOOOD HEAD doc. she could talk to i think she so needs it you think so you go mom
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