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Opinion: There Is No Such Thing As Birth Rape
Filed under: Opinions, Delivery
Birth plan not going as you hoped? Don't call it rape. Credit: Getty
Being sexually assaulted -- violated against your will by a stranger, lover or relative -- is rape, pure and simple. It is a violent act, driven by rage and perversion, and it is intended to terrify, inflict pain and damage a person's mind, body and emotions.
Getting a vaginal exam during the birth process? Not rape. Getting a dose of Pitocin to spur the labor process? Not rape. Getting a Cesarean section, even thought it wasn't part of your birth plan?
Definitely not rape.
And the people who say women who experience trauma during their birthing process are comparable to rape victims? Not only are they wrong, they are diminishing the real and life-long struggle that actual rape victims endure in order to come to terms with the violence they experienced.
It's hard to believe, but the language of sexual violation has long been used by those who feel that birthing women are often subject to the uncaring -- or even incompetent -- whims of medical professionals. It's just in the last several years that this ideology is seeing more daylight, thanks to the rapid growth of blogging and social media, both of which give so many otherwise marginalized groups the opportunity to broadcast their agendas to a wider audience.
As someone who experienced a C-section, I can testify that it was medically best for my child. While not everyone agrees, and not everyone had the same experience, I am hard-pressed to compare the surgical birth I experienced as a violation of any kind.
A post titled "A Discussion About Birth Rape and Its Results" on the "BINSI Blog" reads: "Some believe people use the term 'birth rape' to sensationalize their trauma and feel it is disrespectful to actual rape victims. The pain these women feel is just as real, and they are just as much victims as anyone else. One dictionary definition of the word rape is 'to violate or abuse.' State laws about rape usually consider any forceful penetration of the vagina or rectum to be rape. Ladies suffering from birth trauma display some of the classic symptoms of rape victims, including silence and shame about their ordeal."
I'm sorry, but babies come out of your vagina. Sometimes, the doctor has to take a peek.
Recently, an essay by Irin Carmon posted on Jezebel rightly points out that those who use this inflammatory language are well aware of its effect on debates about childbirth.
Yes, it's controversial, and yes, maybe it draws attention to a certain subset of women whose birthing experiences were, indeed, traumatic. There's no question that losing control of your body is scary, and there's also no question that it happens frequently when women give birth. Preparing to do the mental and physical work of birth is daunting, to say the least, and when things go awry in the birthing room -- even just a little bit -- it can feel like a complete loss of autonomy.
There are instances when doctors are in flagrant violation of a mother's rights and needs, as was the case with Catherine Skol, a Chicago woman whose obstetrician was on vacation when she went into labor. She -- rightly -- sued the doctor who managed her birth, alleging that he refused her an epidural and then told her that pain was a great teacher, among other inappropriate and abusive behaviors. That doctor, Jezebel reports, was fined $500 and put on probation for one year.
However, when a baby is suddenly in danger unless an emergency C-section is performed, and that wasn't part of the mother's ideal birth plan, well, that is about as far from rape as you can get.
Using the language of a sexually depraved act to describe a birth that wasn't exactly what a mother had in mind is not only callous, it demeans both rape victims and women mourning the loss of their idealized birth experiences.
It is right to grieve when what we hope for at such a crucial juncture in a mother's journey doesn't come to pass, but it is wrong to diminish the plight of survivors of sexual assault by calling it rape. Co-opting the lexicon of one class of victims only serves to diminish any real trauma suffered by another.
Related: Scientists Expect C-Sectio@abn Rate to Keep Rising
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ReaderComments (Page 3 of 12)
9-13-2010 @ 9:48AM
duke said...Anytime anyone male or female have to have medical procedures they may feel violated, however unfortunately it is one of those necessary evils that we all have to endure occasionally. I really get tired of people bitching about everything and anything they can tag a label to. Ladies ,you gotta let the doctors do thier job, or consider having your babies at home , like the old days.
9-09-2010 @ 8:47PM
Nmcd said...It's interesting that we have the expectation of do much control when only a few generations ago we were lucky to emerge from a complicated birth with our lives. In one sense this is a good thing but the imperative for total control that isn't just about child birth but all of childrearimg today seems perverse to me. And this is one of the most twisted examples.
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9-09-2010 @ 9:46PM
Holly Q said...I'm speechless. Never heard of such a thing, but it shows how ungrateful some people have become (and I'm not one to go around saying that about many things).
My mother has what is basically a family tree that was originally compiled many years ago (I forget the precise years, but well pre-C-section). I was shocked that several of the men in the family had five or six wives and zero divorces, mostly due to childbirth deaths. Almost all of them lost at least one wife in childbirth. When I first went to see the grave of my great-grandparents, I was further shocked that they didn't have five children, but eleven. Six died either in infancy or as toddlers and were buried in the same plot, sharing the headstone with them. Six children. I had one miscarriage, and it rocked my world. I can't even wrap my mind around how these women -- and these men -- coped.
I'm tempted to say that maybe the doctors should just not give women the C-sections when there are complications if they complain that it's ruining their dream birth, but I'm not that cold.
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9-09-2010 @ 10:58PM
emjaybee said...Not all rape victims agree with you. The discussion on Unnecesarean's FB page had several commenters come on who said they had experienced rape and believed that abusive and invasive treatment during birth was very similar.
Shouldn't you talk to some of the people involved who use this term to describe their experience, rather than deciding for them what is and isn't rape (or assualt, if you prefer).
It is quite possible for a medical provider to be physically abusive to a patient in a way no different from rape; a woman laboring is in a very vulnerable state and it would be surprising if this never occurred.
Perhaps you should listen, instead of prejudging the experiences of others. Just because it hasn't been your experience and makes you uncomfortable to think about doesn't make it invalid.
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9-13-2010 @ 9:47AM
apal4ever said...Emjay, sorry to disagree with you. Giving birth is a beautiful process of watching your child being born and hearing it's first sounds and holding it for the first time on your chest. Nothing can take the place of that glorious moment in a woman's life. I have been a maternal child nurse for 20 years, and have never heard a woman make a complaint of 'rape' regarding birth. I guess perverts would think that, yes????
9-10-2010 @ 11:15AM
Mandy said...Your whole perspective is skewed if you're looking at a normal birth, or even a difficult birth, where the woman consented to vaginal exams and thinking she called that rape simply because it was traumatic. That's not what birth rape is at all and no one's saying it is. When a woman says no and she is held down and something is forced into her vagina against her will, how is that not rape? Just because it's a medical professional doesn't make it ok. SHE SAID NO. End of story. "It's for your own good" doesn't excuse it. "You should have expected it" doesn't excuse it. I saw an example of what I'd call birth rape on one of those birth shows on TV. The nurse was doing an exam and the mother shrieked in pain and screamed for her to stop. The nurse ignored her and continued the exam. Someone is screaming in pain and telling you to get your hand out of her vagina - in what world is that not sexual assault?
Being pregnant does not take away a woman's rights to body autonomy. She shouldn't expect to endure humiliation simply because she's in labor. A laboring woman has just as much right to say NO to hands or instruments in her vagina as anyone else. I've seen it time and time again - episiotomies performed as the mother screams "No, don't cut me!", women being pushed onto their backs and their legs strapped into stirrups as they beg to be let up to push, three nurses to perform a vaginal exam - two to hold the woman down and one to examine her, an amnihook slipped up from under the table so it can be used without the woman realizing it. I could go on and on. I do not see how these atrocities could not be called sexual assault or rape.
Forcible intrusion of a woman's body is rape, period. It doesn't matter if the person has a medical degree or deems it's "for her own good" or for the baby's good. She still has the right to say no.
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9-13-2010 @ 6:54AM
Katy said...So the mom should be able to say no? A mother, however well intentioned is not a medical professional. Many things happen in the birthing process that was not "part of her plan." What if the medical professionals respected her wishes and she or the baby dies? I'm sure the malpractice lawsuit would be outstanding. That's what our degraded society has come to. If you don't get exactly what you want, take em to court! I
9-13-2010 @ 8:43AM
Jennifer said...If a woman is held down and forced to submit to anything being put into her genitals, then yes, its absolutely rape, regardless of who does it. That wasn't what the article was about. It was geared, not toward women who have been honestly violated or abused by meical professionals, but toward women who cry 'birth rape' when things don't go as they planned.
If the vaginal delivery was difficult, and the medical staff was required to do more than 'catch', its not rape.
If an emergency c-section is needed to save the life of the mother and child, such as with an abrupted placenta or placenta previa, you can't call it birth rape. No one raped you. Things just didn't go as planned and the medical staff was required to do their utmost to save the mother and child. Still not rape.
If you're uncomfortable during exams, or fail to refuse or request a procedure, or don't bother to ask for an explanation of a procedure the medical staff want to do, ITS STILL NOT RAPE!
A woman should always have a right to say no, to refuse treatment and procedures, but be aware that what you sign when going into the hospital sometimes has those decisions already written into it.Those 15 pages you sign when you go into the hospital are agreements not just for payment, but also for treatment. Some of them you are not required to sign, but so many people don't even bother to read them. You signed all the pages and agreed to everything without reading and understanding what you were agreeing to? Your failure to be a responsible patient doesn't constitute rape.
You can also choose to place a living will/advanced directive on file when you go into to give birth. You can specify what situations to have or not to have certain things done. If you have a halfway decent doctor he should be willing to take the 10 minutes to answer such questions about the birth and possible common/uncommon issues during labor so you can accurately describe your wishes in an advanced directive.
Sometimes, if things are going downhill fast, the medical staff doesn't have the time to ask if its okay with you. Sometimes, even if they did you might not understand it, and the time they would take explaining it might be the last few minutes of your child's life. Those are the decisions they have to make. Understand that obstetric care isn't always easy and most of the time the medical staff is doing their best to keep you and the baby healthy.
If you don't like the care or attitude of the medical staff, you can walk out pretty much any time before the baby is coming out. Most hospitals have no issue with a woman walking in already in labor. Don't like whats going on and the kid hasnt dropped yet? Leave. Go to another hospital. (I do realize not everyone has multiple hospitals within a reasonable distance, but most do.) Don't be a damn victim. Know your rights, know your responsibilities as a patient. Understand the complications and procedures that could be a part of any delivery. Don't walk around ignorant of basic labor and delivery procedures and then cry rape when things don't go as you planned during the birth. They have plenty of books if your doctor is too busy to talk to you. They also have plenty of other ob/gyn's if your doctor is too busy to talk to you.
**I am not saying women have not been violated or raped during the birthing process. It happens and its a terrible thing, as with any other rape or sexual assualt. Those situations are not what my posts, nor this article are geared toward. If that has happened to you, seek legal help. I'm not encouraging ridiculous lawsuits, but if a medical professional has honestly violated you, their license needs to be revoked.
9-13-2010 @ 8:44AM
Louise said...Well, Mandy, then the doctors and nurses should never be sued if this same mother or her baby dies because they did not have the knoledge needed to decide on which type of treatment or delivery might be needed. Women in the middle of childbirth are understandably distraught oin many circumstances, and when an emergency occurs, they are not the captain of the ship. Thats what the doctors and nurses in OB have spent years of work and study trying to best save a mother and her child.
If you don't want to take the advise of the OB doctors and nurses, you should just have your baby at home and take your chances.
9-13-2010 @ 9:14AM
andreaa said...And when the person and the baby dies, then comes the law suit and a big one as they look at the total of the babies life in deciding the payout. How about this if you don't want to be checked during labor and delivery STAY HOME!!!! Do it yourself, you IGNORANT FOOLS. Guess what us nurses don't want to stick our hands in your nasty stuff, it's our JOB!!! We do this so your worthless life will continue and so you can go find the next person to sue and complain about. This is why there is a nursing and doctor shortage, we can't stand you!!! If you can't handle giving birth to the baby YOU made don't get pregnant, You will make a great parent with your weakness, blame and stupidity.
9-13-2010 @ 10:02AM
eileen said...Andrea,
Your anger and hatred and nasty attitude "we dont' like to stick our fingers in your"....wow, if you hate your job that much, switch departments...it's people like you, who pass your toxicity onto others....so sorry for anyone in your care.
9-13-2010 @ 2:04PM
Lynnie said...Mandy, I don't know where you've seen all this, but I work full-time in labor and delivery-and have for quite a while-and I have NEVER seen any of the scenarios that you have described. In fact, although vaginal exams aren't extremely comfortable until after the epidural, I have to explaine to my patients and their families that I should NOT do more frequent exams than I do so that I can minimize my patient's risk of infection. We use sterile gloves, sterile exam jelly, and are very careful, but anything going in can potentially pick up bacteria on the way in, either from the patient's external skin or hair, etc. Most patients and their families are so excited about the fact that the baby is finally on their way, they want frequent updates. As for exposure, I make sure the curtain is drawn, I keep the sheets draped to shield mom from too many eyes, and I make sure my patient is comfortable with whomever is in the room potentially seeing her private area. This is the way I was taught, and it is the way my colleagues do, too, so I hardly think it's outside the norm. I have the longest, skinniest fingers in the house, not to mention I'm one of only a few that are very good at 'reading' the suture line, fontanelles, and contour of the baby bump to determine the fetal position and determine the best position for mom to be in to promote better progress of labor. I introduce myself before I do and exam if it's not my patient and do everything I can to put them at ease. I have NEVER had any objections from anyone. We're all in it for helping families get to the 'happily ever after' part and we try to make it a mostly enjoyable experience.
9-10-2010 @ 1:58PM
michelle said...Okay, for the record I do not like the term so much....HOWEVER, I am the victim of birth ASSAULT! When a doctor shoves their hands into you WITHOUT WARNING OR CONSENT this IS ASSAULT! Due to it being of a "sexual" nature is why it has probably been termed "rape". I would prefer the term be changed to Birth Sexual Assault, but I'm sure it's not as arrousing of debate as rape is. This is real it has nothing to do with being unappreciative of a doctor's care...that is just a load of steaming stinking crap! There are c-sections done TO women not in emergency situations and all for Dr. convenience...don't sit there all high and mighty and pretend to know it all. The Dr. who assaulted me...nothing happened to her and she is free to do it to the next person. How is that for justice?
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9-11-2010 @ 8:56AM
Sarah said...In your introduction I read, about rape that: "It is a violent act, driven by rage and perversion, and it is intended to terrify, inflict pain and damage a person's mind, body and emotions."
So what about cases of date rape or plain old boyfriend/husband "has sex with the woman he is involved with, non violently", while she says no... or simply doesn't say yes.
It doesn't have to be violent or even willful to be rape, although maybe most times it is. It has to be without consent... and we know how tricky consent is...
Is silence consent? no
Is "emm.. ok" consent? no
Is "if you thinks it's ok" consent? no
Is "I don't know" consent? no
Is "please don't" consent? no
We could go on and on...
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9-13-2010 @ 7:25AM
jesse said..."emmm...ok" is not consent
hmmm i think it is
9-13-2010 @ 8:53AM
Kate said...Actually 2 and 3 are consent...they are saying yes. They may be hesitant. They may not be certain...but they are saying "yes I agree with you." To put these out there means that people have to 2nd guess what someone else is saying and that is ridiculous. No one is able to read minds. If you don't want it...say no plain and simple. And when you say no and things go terribly wrong, don't sue the doctors or hospital because "you were uncertain or didn't know." You made a choice and that choice was wrong. you have to live with that, however horrible the outcome. You either have to have faith in the doctor you've chosen to birth your child or you have to have a medical degree so you can make a truly "informed" decision.
9-13-2010 @ 6:14AM
BHarrow, MD said...Women sign consent for examination and treatment on admission to labor and delivery and additional consents for procedures like internal monitors, use of forceps, or cesarean section. Practitioners should always "warn"/ask permission before each vaginal exam.
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9-13-2010 @ 6:13AM
Weisycup said...Come on you idiots. Childbirth is meant to be a beautiful experiience and you people are trying to take that part away by calling it "RAPE" How dare any of you especially the one who called herself being a nurse on a maternity floor. What do you think they use the fingers for.....if you've ever been in labor you definitly want to know how far you are dialated and sometimes to even use pitocin to get the show on the road when mother nature is trying to take her own sweet time. Get a life all of you. Find something else to whine about and I can just about bet you that the ones whinning the most are the ones that either had a Csection or no birth at all.......
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9-13-2010 @ 6:36AM
DorkButton said...If you would rather risk your child's life than have a medical professional preform a purely medical exam/procedure on you, then fine. Let the umbilical cord strangle your baby, or let them come out the wrong way. I think that maybe 0.000000000000001% of doctors would ever touch a woman patient (especially during birth) for sexual gratification. They are there to help you and your baby. Not rape you. There is no comparison.
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9-14-2010 @ 10:51AM
Crystal deGreef said...They've found that rape has nothing to do with sex... it's power...