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Born on September 11: A Birthday Forever Changed
Filed under: In The News, Media, Birthdays
Dinetta Wallach and her daughter Gabrielle, whose birthday is on September 11. From their downtown Manhattan neighborhood, they had a direct view of the World Trade Center. Credit: Damon Dahlen, AOL
When your birthday falls on the same date as one of the worst tragedies of humankind, yearly celebrations take a backseat to memorial services. Four families with children born on that horrific day share their stories.
Gabrielle Wallach doesn't want to celebrate her 12th birthday with cake this year. Actually, the seventh-grader told her parents that she never wants cake on her birthday. Instead of marking the occasion with indulgent sweets, Gabrielle prefers to quietly honor the 2,975 people who lost their lives eight years ago on her birthday -- September 11.
Dinetta Wallach, Gabrielle's mother, still cries when she thinks about how her little girl woke up in the family's downtown Manhattan apartment on the morning of her 4th birthday, Sept. 11, 2001, eagerly anticipating her SpongeBob SquarePants birthday cake, and how her daughter's world -- along with everyone else's -- changed.
Mother and daughter were home alone when they heard a giant boom at 8:45 a.m. It was the hijacked passenger jet, American Airlines Flight 11 out of Boston, Mass., slamming into the north tower of the World Trade Center. Minutes later, while taking in the horrifying view from a neighbor's apartment, they witnessed the second plane hit and, soon after the buildings collapse.
"Why is that building burning?," Wallach remembers her daughter asking over and over again. Then, the little girl, who was starting pre-kindergarten the next day asked, "Did my SpongeBob cake blow up, too?"
"She thought the whole city was coming down," said Wallach.
Dinetta Wallach gets emotional when she thinks about how many birthday celebrations her daughter, Gabrielle, has voluntarily given up. Credit: Damon Dahlen, AOL
That night, when Gabrielle's brother Jordan and father Fred were safely home, the family decided it was important to mark the little girl's birthday. Gabrielle's two grandmothers came by and Dad bought a pre-packaged Entenmann's cake. It was no SpongeBob, but it was something.
Gabrielle didn't talk much about 9/11 until her 5th birthday came around. Wallach asked her daughter's teacher if she could bring in cupcakes to lift the children's moods on the one-year anniversary, and the teacher agreed.
Gabrielle, who overheard the conversation, did not.
"She told me she just wanted to acknowledge all of the kids who lost parents that day," said Wallach. "She said, 'No cupcakes in school' and that she wouldn't talk about her birthday in class. That continued until she was 10."
Now a Middle-schooler, Gabrielle remains contemplative when she wakes up on her birthday. Every year since the attacks, the family gathers in the neighbor's apartment and watches the memorial beams of light that project into the evening sky were the World Trade Center once stood. The family will have an intimate dinner on Friday, but no cake.
"We'll never have cake on 9/11," said Wallach.
A Birthday Forever Changed
Gabrielle is not alone in her strong reaction to sharing her birthday with the massive tragedy that reshaped the world. Whether they were born in the years before the attacks, in 2001 or in a post-9/11 world, September 11 birthday children are a marked bunch, their birthdays forever tainted by the events of the day.
Benjamin Hesse's family members have trained themselves to say Benjamin was born "the 11th of September," so they can redirect the conversation before hearing the inevitable, "Oh, that's terrible."
The boy turned 8 in 2001. As the tragic morning unfolded, his family discovered that an uncle, Manhattan fireman Faust Apostol, went to the World Trade Center and died in the line of duty. Debbie Hesse, Benjamin's mom, broke the news to her son when she picked him up from his Long Island school, about 20 miles from the terrorist attacks. Benjamin told her afterward that he didn't want to celebrate his birthday that evening.
"I tell him no matter what happened, it was still one of the most important days in our life," said Hesse, who will take Benjamin and the family out for dinner on his 16th birthday this year. "He was too young to lose (his) birthday. Would I have changed that day? Of course."
Benjamin's school has held vigils for 9/11 victims every year since the tragedy. Because several students lost parents when the towers were attacked, Hesse and school officials agreed it was best that he not celebrate his birthday on the day itself, out of respect.
Lives Taken, Patriots Born
When Hillary O'Neill turns 8 on Friday, her parents will buy her red, white and blue balloons and place a small American flag on her birthday cake. Family friends will call the house to wish Hillary a happy birthday because the occasion gives them an excuse to celebrate something good on the anniversary of 9/11.
Hillary is proud to be born on September 11, said her mom, Heather O'Neill. In fact, Hillary pointed out to her mom last week that her name has two "L's" in it, which, for her, symbolize the towers and the 11 in her birthdate. The young girl, who goes to school with several children who lost their fathers in the 2001 attacks, wears a World Trade Center charm on her bracelet and an American flag pin on her Crocs.
But for O'Neill, her daughter's birthdate is difficult to handle. An avid scrap booker, she has yet to create a page for Hillary's birthday. The day the baby girl was born began with a perfect sky and mom-to-be O'Neill thought, "What a beautiful day to have a baby."
That feeling changed when O'Neill turned on the TV in her Norwalk, Ct., hospital room and learned of the terrorism in the midst of her labor. The hospital went into chaos as the staff prepared for the anticipated overflow of emergency-room patients from New York City.
"What am I doing bringing a child into this world when it is so evil?," O'Neill wondered, asking that the TV be turned off. Hillary was born as the hospital continued to set up for survivors, though none ever came.
O'Neill and her husband Glenn have come to believe that Hillary's life is a symbol of hope because of the day she came into the world.
"She has all of those people twinkling in her eyes," said O'Neill. "It is a source of pride for all of us in our family."
The Birth of the Future
For some children born on the September 11ths beyond 2001, the significance of the day is not yet understood. Wendy from California, who asked for anonymity, said her son, Joshua, born on Sept. 11, 2005, is not yet aware of the meaning of his birthday. Joshua was born six week prematurely and Wendy never gave his birthday a second thought. She was focused solely on her son's survival.
"I've never said anything to him," said Wendy. "As your child gets older, you can talk about it. Would I necessarily talk about it on their birthday? I don't know. ... Where do you find the line to say we are going to keep living ... versus an acknowledgment of the past?"
Editor's note: This story was originally published on September 11, 2009.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 21)
9-09-2009 @ 8:44AM
LS said...I'm the mother of a 9/11 kid. Mine was born two years later. He will be six on Friday.
For me, that day is one of celebration. New life began that day. Yes, it's also the day of a horrific attack on our country, but the way I see it, to dwell on the deaths and to allow the horror of that day to ruin your life, well, that's letting the bullies win, isn't it?
That's not to say that we don't remember 9/11. I will always remember the fear and the anger from that day. But I know where that anger should be directed, and it's not toward my son, toward life, or toward that day.
I have my own ritual that will be practiced on 9/11 - I choose a soldier from anysoldier.com, and write a letter, thanking him for his service (or hers, of course). I remind that soldier that there are people here at home who are so very thankful for his service, and let him know that every day, we are praying for his safety. I tell him a little about Hot Rod, and enclose a picture. We light a candle during the day to remember the people who died that day, the ones who were injured, those who worked tirelessly to save them, and those who maintain the vigil to this day, keeping us safe from those who wish us harm.
As Hot Rod grows up, we will discuss 9/11. It will be part of his education growing up, much like Pearl Harbor was for me. It doesn't have to be made into this big, tragic, "this happened on YOUR BIRTHDAY" thing. He will understand that in life, there is tragedy and there is joy, often handed down in equal measure. One tempers the other, and it is his job to find a way to balance those things. And it is our job, as parents, to help him find that balance.
Reply
9-10-2009 @ 1:34AM
Jessie said...I will never forget that day. I remember going to my grandmothers that morning and seeing it on TV. It looked like something that they would be doing for a movie. Then I realized it was for real. Tears me up thinking that so many innocent people lost their lives for someone else's stupidity. But those that have birthday's on that day should be proud. Because yes it was very tragic, but they say with every death, there is birth.
My daughter was born on 12/11/92. (trust me there is a reason behind the date.) On 12/11/01 my daughter and I were watching the news and telecasts about the efforts to find more missing people under all the rubble of the World Trade Center. They mentioned that this one firefighter was helping with the search, and was hoping to find his father and his brother (both were firefighters that were there in the towers that day). About noon, word came across the tv that this particular firefighter after months of searching the rubble, found the remains of his father and his brother. My daughter dropped her present and cried. Turned to me and said " Mom, can we not only celebrate my birthday today but celebrate the fact this man has found his family. Even though they aren't alive, he can at least be thankful that they found them and he has them to put closure to everything." It brought tears to my eyes that my daughter thought not only of herself but this man that she never even knew. Every year since then, she has her birthday parties, and also lights two memory candles for the two men whose bodies were found on her birthday, and says a prayer for the son/brother that was helping with the search and found them.
Alot of people say that kids shouldn't give up their birthday's for a national tragedy. Well don't you think that is the kids choice how they want to celebrate or not celebrate their birthday? I commend each of the children that were born on 9/11 no matter what year it was for celebrating it in their own way. Its your birthday, celebrate it the way you want. Not the way other people tell you to.
9-10-2009 @ 6:54AM
TH said...Thank you saying this. I too am a mother of a child born on 9/11. Instead of dwelling we as well celebrate life and hope for brighter days.
We reflect as a family and silently think of those precious people but we celebrate this precious jewel we have. As she gets older and advances she will obviously know what 9/11 means. Right now we like her a sweet 6-yr old :)
9-10-2009 @ 7:22AM
JS said...My husband was in building 4. He made it out safe. Several of my friends' husbands were firefighters who died that day. Speaking on behalf of ALL of us.... None of us would expect someone to grieve on their birthday! Please celebrate that day, as you should!
My husband and his firefighting friends, my friends, who we are still very good friends with the familys have all moved on to better places. Sept. 11 was no question a horrible day! WE SHOULD NEVER FORGET!
However, this is also your special day and you should celebrate life as I'm sure they would all want you too! Happy Birthday!
9-10-2009 @ 7:59AM
Dephanie said...My son turns 17 this Friday on Sept.11. We have never considered the fact that something tragic happened on his birthday. There are tragic things that happen every day. The 9/11 was tragic and horrible made worse by an act of terrorism. However, people left here in America can not stop living. I am from a very patriotic family. We pray for victims of every tragedy every day. Those tragedys continue in the Middle East daily. It is because they are a daily occurance now that they seem to be forgotten. Many people celebrate their birthday on Pearl Harbor day. Another tragic day in American History. God blessed me with a wonderful son on 9-11. I will be forever greatful and celebrate that blessing every year. I will continue to say a prayer for the families of the victims of the 9-11 tragedy. I can not allow the senseless and selfish act of a terrorist acttion to dictate my actions. Happy Birthday to all born on 9-11. May they have a wonderful, blessed birthday and many many more.
9-10-2009 @ 8:11AM
Addison said...Wow, your letter was beautiful. thanks for such joy and what an incredibly positive outlook on September 11, for your child. No doubt we need many more like you. Please have many children, people like you need to, and many others I wish would not. Have a great day and a great life.
9-10-2009 @ 8:34AM
cindy said...LS, Your an amazing writer. I agree 100%
9-10-2009 @ 8:57AM
dagymnast said...I agree with you LS. My daughter turns 6 also on friday. Every year we remember a terrible day in history and acknowlege all the heros of that day. Thats also a day that just happens to have a birthday of celebrating new life3. My daughter was born 9 weeks early, and every year I remember what was going on that day and also trying to see the better. We came out of it. The counrty remembers and moves forward.
9-10-2009 @ 9:02AM
eileen said...OK, at the risk of sounding cold, I am soooo TIRED of focusing on "9/11"....you know how the terrorists really won? By stealing your mind and joy, those of you who choose to keep the pain, and misery alive.....you give them victory daily, if they were negative energy leaches you'd be giving them an annual feast.
Yes, it was a tradgedy, the worst on American soil in this century, sincere condolences to those who lost friends and family....but I choose to allow wounds to heal, rather than keep them open and festering.
Happy joyous birthday 9/11/09 babies!
9-10-2009 @ 4:14PM
Soupersal said...Beautifully expressed! Thank you!
9-10-2009 @ 11:41AM
Anthony Leonardi Sr. said...On this year, September 11, 2009 I will turn 86. It is not as significant as for the children of today with the same birthday but I am a World War Two veteran and I flew on 47 missions over Europe in a B-24 Liberator as a Bombardier and Navigator fighting the German nation. The bombing of the towers hit me very hard as it did all Americans and now I celebrate, not my birthday but for the defeat al all those against our country.
Sincerely Anthony Leonardi Sr.
9-10-2009 @ 9:55AM
troppogirl said...To LS, the mother of Hot Rod-
You are absolutely right -- and you phrased it so eloquently. The day is what you make it - it can be one of rememberance without tarnishing it for those born on that day. And yes, I speak from experience; I was born on Pearl Harbor Day.
9-10-2009 @ 9:51AM
gilda zayas said...Well said LS
9-10-2009 @ 10:07AM
roseann said...My son was also born on 9/11, as was my Mom, who is no longer with us. It is also our wedding anniversary. My son was born on my 3rd wedding anniversary. He will be 29 tomorrow. On that awful day eight years ago, my son Rocco turned 21. A special birthday for a young man. However, we did not really celebrate his birthday or our anniversary the way we thought we would on that sad day. At first my son wanted to change his birthdate to the 12th. We have since realized that this special day has so much meaning to my family and we are able to celebrate and remember. It's sometimes hard for me as I feel joy and deep sadness all on the same day.
9-10-2009 @ 10:45AM
Courtnee said...I totally agree with your response to this article. I admit it is a sad time in history, but would never stop me from celebrating Life. There is something that has to keep you going forward. Never forget the past and the one's you love but to truely honor them you got to keep living!!!!
9-10-2009 @ 10:47AM
clare said...My son was born the time the first plane crashed into the twin towers. He is going to turn 8 on Friday and he knows the significance of the day. A horrific thing happened to America, but a wonderful thing happened for our family. My husband is in the military and has been deployed twice, so the war on terror is very real to our family. My son is a reminder that the terrorists will never win, they may scare, but they will never win, because each new generation will fight for what is right just like their Daddy's before them!
9-10-2009 @ 10:49AM
Janet said...I will be 53 years old on 9/11. I was born 6 weeks premature so it wasn't suppose to be my birthday. The biggest reaction that I get when someone asks for my birth date is, "Oh no", to which I reply, yes, 9/11. Sometimes people looked at you like you are cursed because you were born on 9/11 or like they feel sorry for you. I think that we should remember those lost on that day and all that have been lost in war time and peace time in the name of freedom. We should do all we can not to let their deaths have been in vain and strive to keep "our" country free.
9-10-2009 @ 12:08PM
jersey911 said...happy b-day, i also was born on 9/11 of 1972 since 9/11 my b-day have forever been changed, i was born and raised in Jersey City that makes this even more personal for me
9-10-2009 @ 11:08AM
victoria said...I know a boy who was born oon 9-11-2001, His grandparents were in town visiting them and were to go home that day. His mom went into labor and they decided to stay in town. They were supposed to go back on the flight leaving from dulles that was hijacked.
That child saved 2 lives on September 11th. How can he not celebrate that day?
9-10-2009 @ 11:22AM
G. said...Tomorrow is also my birthday, The big 50. I haven't enjoyed my birthday since the attacks 8 years ago but I do plan on celebrating with cupcakes with my grandchildren. You have to enjoy life. I have great admiration for Gabrielle but she should enjoy her life. I've learned to say my birthday without cringing. We all have to go on living and enjoying life. It's depressing enough without denying yourself a birthday treat! Gabrielle you only live once enjoy your birthday tomorrow and enjoy everyday the Lord gives you.