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Born on September 11: A Birthday Forever Changed
Filed under: In The News, Media, Birthdays
Dinetta Wallach and her daughter Gabrielle, whose birthday is on September 11. From their downtown Manhattan neighborhood, they had a direct view of the World Trade Center. Credit: Damon Dahlen, AOL
When your birthday falls on the same date as one of the worst tragedies of humankind, yearly celebrations take a backseat to memorial services. Four families with children born on that horrific day share their stories.
Gabrielle Wallach doesn't want to celebrate her 12th birthday with cake this year. Actually, the seventh-grader told her parents that she never wants cake on her birthday. Instead of marking the occasion with indulgent sweets, Gabrielle prefers to quietly honor the 2,975 people who lost their lives eight years ago on her birthday -- September 11.
Dinetta Wallach, Gabrielle's mother, still cries when she thinks about how her little girl woke up in the family's downtown Manhattan apartment on the morning of her 4th birthday, Sept. 11, 2001, eagerly anticipating her SpongeBob SquarePants birthday cake, and how her daughter's world -- along with everyone else's -- changed.
Mother and daughter were home alone when they heard a giant boom at 8:45 a.m. It was the hijacked passenger jet, American Airlines Flight 11 out of Boston, Mass., slamming into the north tower of the World Trade Center. Minutes later, while taking in the horrifying view from a neighbor's apartment, they witnessed the second plane hit and, soon after the buildings collapse.
"Why is that building burning?," Wallach remembers her daughter asking over and over again. Then, the little girl, who was starting pre-kindergarten the next day asked, "Did my SpongeBob cake blow up, too?"
"She thought the whole city was coming down," said Wallach.
Dinetta Wallach gets emotional when she thinks about how many birthday celebrations her daughter, Gabrielle, has voluntarily given up. Credit: Damon Dahlen, AOL
That night, when Gabrielle's brother Jordan and father Fred were safely home, the family decided it was important to mark the little girl's birthday. Gabrielle's two grandmothers came by and Dad bought a pre-packaged Entenmann's cake. It was no SpongeBob, but it was something.
Gabrielle didn't talk much about 9/11 until her 5th birthday came around. Wallach asked her daughter's teacher if she could bring in cupcakes to lift the children's moods on the one-year anniversary, and the teacher agreed.
Gabrielle, who overheard the conversation, did not.
"She told me she just wanted to acknowledge all of the kids who lost parents that day," said Wallach. "She said, 'No cupcakes in school' and that she wouldn't talk about her birthday in class. That continued until she was 10."
Now a Middle-schooler, Gabrielle remains contemplative when she wakes up on her birthday. Every year since the attacks, the family gathers in the neighbor's apartment and watches the memorial beams of light that project into the evening sky were the World Trade Center once stood. The family will have an intimate dinner on Friday, but no cake.
"We'll never have cake on 9/11," said Wallach.
A Birthday Forever Changed
Gabrielle is not alone in her strong reaction to sharing her birthday with the massive tragedy that reshaped the world. Whether they were born in the years before the attacks, in 2001 or in a post-9/11 world, September 11 birthday children are a marked bunch, their birthdays forever tainted by the events of the day.
Benjamin Hesse's family members have trained themselves to say Benjamin was born "the 11th of September," so they can redirect the conversation before hearing the inevitable, "Oh, that's terrible."
The boy turned 8 in 2001. As the tragic morning unfolded, his family discovered that an uncle, Manhattan fireman Faust Apostol, went to the World Trade Center and died in the line of duty. Debbie Hesse, Benjamin's mom, broke the news to her son when she picked him up from his Long Island school, about 20 miles from the terrorist attacks. Benjamin told her afterward that he didn't want to celebrate his birthday that evening.
"I tell him no matter what happened, it was still one of the most important days in our life," said Hesse, who will take Benjamin and the family out for dinner on his 16th birthday this year. "He was too young to lose (his) birthday. Would I have changed that day? Of course."
Benjamin's school has held vigils for 9/11 victims every year since the tragedy. Because several students lost parents when the towers were attacked, Hesse and school officials agreed it was best that he not celebrate his birthday on the day itself, out of respect.
Lives Taken, Patriots Born
When Hillary O'Neill turns 8 on Friday, her parents will buy her red, white and blue balloons and place a small American flag on her birthday cake. Family friends will call the house to wish Hillary a happy birthday because the occasion gives them an excuse to celebrate something good on the anniversary of 9/11.
Hillary is proud to be born on September 11, said her mom, Heather O'Neill. In fact, Hillary pointed out to her mom last week that her name has two "L's" in it, which, for her, symbolize the towers and the 11 in her birthdate. The young girl, who goes to school with several children who lost their fathers in the 2001 attacks, wears a World Trade Center charm on her bracelet and an American flag pin on her Crocs.
But for O'Neill, her daughter's birthdate is difficult to handle. An avid scrap booker, she has yet to create a page for Hillary's birthday. The day the baby girl was born began with a perfect sky and mom-to-be O'Neill thought, "What a beautiful day to have a baby."
That feeling changed when O'Neill turned on the TV in her Norwalk, Ct., hospital room and learned of the terrorism in the midst of her labor. The hospital went into chaos as the staff prepared for the anticipated overflow of emergency-room patients from New York City.
"What am I doing bringing a child into this world when it is so evil?," O'Neill wondered, asking that the TV be turned off. Hillary was born as the hospital continued to set up for survivors, though none ever came.
O'Neill and her husband Glenn have come to believe that Hillary's life is a symbol of hope because of the day she came into the world.
"She has all of those people twinkling in her eyes," said O'Neill. "It is a source of pride for all of us in our family."
The Birth of the Future
For some children born on the September 11ths beyond 2001, the significance of the day is not yet understood. Wendy from California, who asked for anonymity, said her son, Joshua, born on Sept. 11, 2005, is not yet aware of the meaning of his birthday. Joshua was born six week prematurely and Wendy never gave his birthday a second thought. She was focused solely on her son's survival.
"I've never said anything to him," said Wendy. "As your child gets older, you can talk about it. Would I necessarily talk about it on their birthday? I don't know. ... Where do you find the line to say we are going to keep living ... versus an acknowledgment of the past?"
Editor's note: This story was originally published on September 11, 2009.
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 21)
9-10-2009 @ 12:45PM
gabe said...thank you very much. my daughter is also born on 9-11, and you could not of said it any better. happy birthday to your son and i wish him many more.
9-11-2009 @ 12:55PM
Ellen said...I loved your comments about having a son born on 9/11! What a healthy way to to view it! I also have a son who will turn 16 tomorrow, Sept. 11th. He was 8 when the tragedy occurred, and was very upset at first that it happened on his birthday. He has always been a very sensitive child, and he is our youngest of three.
I think I will adopt some of your practices, such as saying a prayer for the soldiers and honoring them. It is good for our children to remember that whatever happened on their birthday, we are thrilled they were born and will celebrate the goodness of their lives. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
9-10-2009 @ 11:31AM
Jayleen said...Im Jayleen. I Am 11 Yes. I Almost lost my aunt that day. She kept running and running and didnt stop. She did lose her faith.
Since, my years i realized lots of kids loose faith more that adults. Thats sadness to my eyes and heart to see that kids dont celebrate their b-day on that day, September 11th.
I Dont know anybody who was born that day, but now I Do. Kids, Tweens, Teenagers, Young Adults, Born that tragic day, I just wanna say, i know how it feels. You were born on a tragic day, a day people lost one another. I almost lost my aunt. i was born the 26th of October, 5 days before Halloween. i could've been born on the devils day, but instead, i was born on a special day.
Im a christian, so i my heart and soul must pray for those who was lost, and the kids who dont celebrate on that day.
Most importantly, we must forgive the terroist. If we dont, we are just as worst as them.
9-10-2009 @ 12:06PM
JMiller said...My son was born on the day of @ 12:30am. Needless to say, it was difficult spreading my good news. Days after, I didn't know if what I was feeling was postpartum depression or sheer sadness for the lives lost. What I did know was that not only did my life change but so did most of the world. My son is aware of what took place on his birthday. He knows of the loss but more importantly, knows that he was a good thing that came out of that day. Shortly after giving birth, I turned off the TV as I couldn't bear to see anymore sadness....or was it guilt? Here I was enjoying motherhood for the first time, overwhelmed by the love I feel for my child yet there were those who were feeling the complete opposite. To this day, I refuse to watch any coverage on 9/11 or the conspiracy theories. What I do look forward are the good that came out of that day, just like Victoria's comment.
9-10-2009 @ 12:07PM
Debb said...I LOVE YOUR APPROACH!!
POSITIVE AND LOVING!!
THATS HOW EVERYONES THOUGHT PROCESS SHOULD BE!! IT IS WHAT IT IS AND ITS NOT THE FAULT OF ANY CHILD BORN ON 9/11 NO MATTER WHAT YEAR!! THOSE CHILDREN DESERVE TO FEEL LOVE & SPECIAL ON THEIR BIRTHDAY AS EVERYONE ELSE DOES!! PEOPLE LOVE TO MAKE THIS HUGE DRAMA ABOUT THIS AND IM GLAD TO SEE YOU CHOOSE YOUR REALITY FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILD!! MOST LET THE MEDIA CHOOSE THEIR REALITY!!
LOVE,PEACE & BLESSINGS TO YOU AND YOUR 9/11 CHILD!!
9-11-2009 @ 2:19AM
Annette said...My son will be 14 on September 11. I remember the day the attacks happened as if it was yesterday. I don't even recall thinking about by son's sixth birthday on that day but just about the news coverage and all the devastation. From that day forward my husband and I have celebrated by son's birthday as any proud parent would. As my son has matured he now realizes the magnitude of what happened on that day. We talk about it but we focus on him and the blessing he has been in our life.
Life is full of tragedies. It is up to us to believe in the goodness of this world and move forward. One of my best friends' was born on Pearl Harbor day and we choose to celebrate her life. It is up to us to make this world a better place and to celebrate those around us who are living now because who knows what tomorrow may bring?
9-10-2009 @ 12:32PM
Tamra said...My daughter turned 11 years old on September 11, 2001. She will never feel the same way about her birthday as other people. It is a bittersweet day for her this year. She is turning 19 and has a great life in college and is making the most of her life. I believe that her zest for living and her positive attitude are a direct result from the terrible events that day. She realized what a gift life is and you never know what the future may hold, so you should make you days count and appreciate everything more. I am so proud of her and she is an inspiration to everyone she meets.
9-10-2009 @ 12:53PM
Regina said...Tomorrow I will attend a party celebrating my grandmother's 90th birthday. She was born 9/11/19. She liked this tragedy to Pearl Harbor and reminded us how precious life is. She said "be sure to live it, because soon it is gone'. Let's love those who have lost and hold them near. But, let's not forget those who are still with us. Happy Birthday Nana and all the 9/11 babies. May God richly bless you.
9-10-2009 @ 12:53PM
Krys said...I myself celebrate my birthday on September 11th. I have to admit that it has changed how people react when i state my birthday, I simply reply that my birthday has nothing to do with the tragedy that befell it that day. I urge for people who were born that day to not look at their birthday as a day of tragedy, while it is a tragic day, it is also a blessed day for your parents, they were gifted with you.
I will never forget that day I was going to class and heard about what had happened, I couldnt believe it, I thought it was a cruel joke. But once it hit me, I thought my birthday will forever be tarnished, but I think of how it brought a country together, and how that country is brought together each year on that day.
9-10-2009 @ 1:44PM
Jeanne said...LS,
I am also a mother of 3, none born on or around September 11. However, I want to COMMEND you on your choice of continuing to celebrate life and it's mysterious beauty.
What is important is that we do respect the lives of the people killed that day and express this in whichever way we choose to.
You have chosen a real and touching way by communicating with soldiers, people who are alive and who need support from us.
Those who are no longer with us are loved and forever will be.
I believe the children who have birthday that day should celebrate their own birthday in a different way, maybe on a seperate day.. a week before perhaps. Even if the child would choose to not celebrate their own birthday, they should be taught differently and given the knowledge on how to cope with tragedies, but to move on. That is what life is all about!
As much as it may hurt, life does go on and although it's tough to let go, we must all yield to the greater powers that be.
That is what life is all about!
9-10-2009 @ 1:17PM
themarducks said...9/11 has a threefold meaning for our family.
First - we were married on 9/29/01 - one week after the horrific event. I remember how hard it was to think of celebrating our marriage in the shadow of that day.
Second - my son was born on 9/11/04. The only child between myself and my husband.
Third - Myself and my husband both work in public safety and were working on the day of 9/11. So to me, having a son born on the same day but three years later is almost symbolic of an anniversary gift to those of us who dedicate our lives on a daily basis to protect and serve. We give in order for others to be safe without asking for anything in return. My son is a great gift!
9-10-2009 @ 2:45PM
Jacqueline said...I am also a 9/11 baby....people have said to me "I guess your birthday will never be the same!" No, it will not, but I will continue to celebrate the life I have, the family that loves me, and the friends who surround me. 9/11 has taught to me to cherish, love and celebrate the life we are given. I WILL NEVER FORGET. That day has taught me the REAL HEROS IN OUR WORLD...the firemen, the policemen and those who walk amongst us who would lay their lives down to help save another. Celebrate and be glad that we have a life ahead of us. Those who perished would want us to continue on living and celebrating and when that ceases....those who took what did not belong to them will have their victory. THEY HAVE TAKEN AWAY ENOUGH FROM US!
9-10-2009 @ 2:07PM
Meri said...My daughter Madison will be 8 tomorrow on September 11th. She was born the first minute of the day at 12:10AM. We always have a big celebration on her birthday to remember something good that came out of a horrible day.
9-11-2009 @ 10:22AM
tami said...today is my sons birthday as well and after 9/11 he says he doesn't like his birthday because everyone crys on his birthday this will forever be a sad day for lots of people
10-05-2009 @ 3:59PM
Vickie Stayton said...My son Robert's 18th birthday was 9-11-2001!! He immediately told me his b-day was changed to July 4th. Since then he joined the Marines, has been Iraq and Afghanistan,and recently was awarded Marine of the year. He has always been a strong and intellegent young man,and instead of moping on his b-day he is proud of what he has accomplished. I am also proud of him. It is a very sad and tragic day for the whole world. But when I think about what kind of man my son has become I can't help but say Happy Birthday Son and Love you with my heart.SEMPER FI!!! My other son Jeremy is also in the Marines and is in Afghanistan right now, so I am a very proud mom of two United States Marines!!! Always remember to Pray for our Troops and our Country!!
9-10-2010 @ 9:32PM
Joanne Petrie said...My daughter turned 4 on that day. While we will always remember that day with sadness.....we make the day joyful for our daughter. We choose to tell people when they say "what a day for a birthday" that "she was the great thing that happened on that day".
9-12-2010 @ 5:55PM
SPS41191 said...I often think of John Ritter's little girl, Stella. Not only is 9/11 her birthday but it's also the day her dad died in 2003 on her 5th birthday. I wish her a Happy BIrthday and want to let her know our thoughts are with her and her family.
9-11-2010 @ 3:43AM
marsha smith said...my son will be 23 on 9/11/2010 that is a terrible way to spend any child's birthday. i can remember when 9/11 hit all of a sudden everybody's focus was on the television instead of wishing my son a happy birthday. God only knows what was running through his mind that day as well, all of a sudden everybody forgot about his birthday,it was his special day and it turned out to be a disaster.
9-11-2010 @ 6:49AM
don said...I have a great empathy for this day and yes it's my birthday also! It's a day in which my wife, daughter and grandsons honor me, which I appreciate but then it's taken back to reality by this tragic event. My heart goes out to those who have been so directly involved and my prayers are that He who has a greater understanding of this awful tragedy will comfort each of us in His love and understanding!
9-11-2010 @ 6:08AM
Tommy G said...I also have a son who was born on this day 37 years ago. I was approching the Bridge coming from Maryland to Alexandria Verginia and called him a few minutes before I went into Virginia to say happy birthday . He asked me if I had my radio on and heard the news about New York. Then as I got to just starting over the bridge a big blast occured to the right as you can see straight down into D.C. It was the blast from the plane into the pentagon. Every car stoped and people were out of their cars looking at the site. Just like everyone else, I was wondering if we were under attack.It was a clear day and you could see downtown real clear. I can remember staring at the Washington Monument for minutes wondering if that would be the next victom. When I got to Alexandria afew minutes later, Police and army personel were everyware. I will never forget seeing army people in the back of jeeps standing behind machine guns looking for enemys --In my own country. I will never ever forget that day and I thank all of the men and women not only in our armed services but to also the people who risk their lives to under cover to to seek out those who wish us harm The CIA,FBI.DIA and other government divisions. It wasn't a happy birthday day for my son that day. We have since celebrated his birthday with a little prayer prior to cutting the cake reminding us of that day ' Then we turn to making the rest of the day a happy day for ourselfs and my sons sake. GOD BLESS AMERICA and HAPPY BIRTHDAY son.