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Born on September 11: A Birthday Forever Changed
Filed under: In The News, Media, Birthdays
Dinetta Wallach and her daughter Gabrielle, whose birthday is on September 11. From their downtown Manhattan neighborhood, they had a direct view of the World Trade Center. Credit: Damon Dahlen, AOL
When your birthday falls on the same date as one of the worst tragedies of humankind, yearly celebrations take a backseat to memorial services. Four families with children born on that horrific day share their stories.
Gabrielle Wallach doesn't want to celebrate her 12th birthday with cake this year. Actually, the seventh-grader told her parents that she never wants cake on her birthday. Instead of marking the occasion with indulgent sweets, Gabrielle prefers to quietly honor the 2,975 people who lost their lives eight years ago on her birthday -- September 11.
Dinetta Wallach, Gabrielle's mother, still cries when she thinks about how her little girl woke up in the family's downtown Manhattan apartment on the morning of her 4th birthday, Sept. 11, 2001, eagerly anticipating her SpongeBob SquarePants birthday cake, and how her daughter's world -- along with everyone else's -- changed.
Mother and daughter were home alone when they heard a giant boom at 8:45 a.m. It was the hijacked passenger jet, American Airlines Flight 11 out of Boston, Mass., slamming into the north tower of the World Trade Center. Minutes later, while taking in the horrifying view from a neighbor's apartment, they witnessed the second plane hit and, soon after the buildings collapse.
"Why is that building burning?," Wallach remembers her daughter asking over and over again. Then, the little girl, who was starting pre-kindergarten the next day asked, "Did my SpongeBob cake blow up, too?"
"She thought the whole city was coming down," said Wallach.
Dinetta Wallach gets emotional when she thinks about how many birthday celebrations her daughter, Gabrielle, has voluntarily given up. Credit: Damon Dahlen, AOL
That night, when Gabrielle's brother Jordan and father Fred were safely home, the family decided it was important to mark the little girl's birthday. Gabrielle's two grandmothers came by and Dad bought a pre-packaged Entenmann's cake. It was no SpongeBob, but it was something.
Gabrielle didn't talk much about 9/11 until her 5th birthday came around. Wallach asked her daughter's teacher if she could bring in cupcakes to lift the children's moods on the one-year anniversary, and the teacher agreed.
Gabrielle, who overheard the conversation, did not.
"She told me she just wanted to acknowledge all of the kids who lost parents that day," said Wallach. "She said, 'No cupcakes in school' and that she wouldn't talk about her birthday in class. That continued until she was 10."
Now a Middle-schooler, Gabrielle remains contemplative when she wakes up on her birthday. Every year since the attacks, the family gathers in the neighbor's apartment and watches the memorial beams of light that project into the evening sky were the World Trade Center once stood. The family will have an intimate dinner on Friday, but no cake.
"We'll never have cake on 9/11," said Wallach.
A Birthday Forever Changed
Gabrielle is not alone in her strong reaction to sharing her birthday with the massive tragedy that reshaped the world. Whether they were born in the years before the attacks, in 2001 or in a post-9/11 world, September 11 birthday children are a marked bunch, their birthdays forever tainted by the events of the day.
Benjamin Hesse's family members have trained themselves to say Benjamin was born "the 11th of September," so they can redirect the conversation before hearing the inevitable, "Oh, that's terrible."
The boy turned 8 in 2001. As the tragic morning unfolded, his family discovered that an uncle, Manhattan fireman Faust Apostol, went to the World Trade Center and died in the line of duty. Debbie Hesse, Benjamin's mom, broke the news to her son when she picked him up from his Long Island school, about 20 miles from the terrorist attacks. Benjamin told her afterward that he didn't want to celebrate his birthday that evening.
"I tell him no matter what happened, it was still one of the most important days in our life," said Hesse, who will take Benjamin and the family out for dinner on his 16th birthday this year. "He was too young to lose (his) birthday. Would I have changed that day? Of course."
Benjamin's school has held vigils for 9/11 victims every year since the tragedy. Because several students lost parents when the towers were attacked, Hesse and school officials agreed it was best that he not celebrate his birthday on the day itself, out of respect.
Lives Taken, Patriots Born
When Hillary O'Neill turns 8 on Friday, her parents will buy her red, white and blue balloons and place a small American flag on her birthday cake. Family friends will call the house to wish Hillary a happy birthday because the occasion gives them an excuse to celebrate something good on the anniversary of 9/11.
Hillary is proud to be born on September 11, said her mom, Heather O'Neill. In fact, Hillary pointed out to her mom last week that her name has two "L's" in it, which, for her, symbolize the towers and the 11 in her birthdate. The young girl, who goes to school with several children who lost their fathers in the 2001 attacks, wears a World Trade Center charm on her bracelet and an American flag pin on her Crocs.
But for O'Neill, her daughter's birthdate is difficult to handle. An avid scrap booker, she has yet to create a page for Hillary's birthday. The day the baby girl was born began with a perfect sky and mom-to-be O'Neill thought, "What a beautiful day to have a baby."
That feeling changed when O'Neill turned on the TV in her Norwalk, Ct., hospital room and learned of the terrorism in the midst of her labor. The hospital went into chaos as the staff prepared for the anticipated overflow of emergency-room patients from New York City.
"What am I doing bringing a child into this world when it is so evil?," O'Neill wondered, asking that the TV be turned off. Hillary was born as the hospital continued to set up for survivors, though none ever came.
O'Neill and her husband Glenn have come to believe that Hillary's life is a symbol of hope because of the day she came into the world.
"She has all of those people twinkling in her eyes," said O'Neill. "It is a source of pride for all of us in our family."
The Birth of the Future
For some children born on the September 11ths beyond 2001, the significance of the day is not yet understood. Wendy from California, who asked for anonymity, said her son, Joshua, born on Sept. 11, 2005, is not yet aware of the meaning of his birthday. Joshua was born six week prematurely and Wendy never gave his birthday a second thought. She was focused solely on her son's survival.
"I've never said anything to him," said Wendy. "As your child gets older, you can talk about it. Would I necessarily talk about it on their birthday? I don't know. ... Where do you find the line to say we are going to keep living ... versus an acknowledgment of the past?"
Editor's note: This story was originally published on September 11, 2009.
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ReaderComments (Page 5 of 21)
9-10-2009 @ 7:39AM
Tammy Garrido said...It was a sad day indeed. We can remember and respect, but I don't believe we should stop celebrating birthdays on that day. Should the Jewish not celebrate on a day(s) when many were killed in gas chambers? Or a day when many Americans were killed in a Civil War battle? Or how about the day of the infamous tsunami? Or the day of the Pearl Harbor attack? Or the day we dropped the bomb on Hiroshima? There will always be tragedies whether from nature or man-made. I know I don't want anyone to stop living and celebrating if I were to depart from this world in a tragedy or otherwise. Dance... Sing... Love... Remember...
Reply
9-10-2009 @ 7:39AM
Chris said...My birthday is September 22...just 11 days after. I no longer celebrate. I ask that people continue to mourn the 9/11 tragedies on my birthday too! Why should everyone born on 9/11 get all of the attention?
Yes, it was a horrible tragedy, but one that most of the country has gotten over. If you didn't live on the east coast, you didn't get the full "feel" of what was going on anyway. When Easterners watched the deadly San Fran earthquakes, where the double decker highway collapsed, we were so far removed, that it was an interesting news story, but that's it.
Does anyone born on December 7th stop their cake celebrations to remember the attacks on Pearl Harbor where 2,403 people died (2,335 of those were in the armed forces).
The fact is, we will grow cold to this event as well. We call it "nine-eleven" as if its a convenience store. I heard a woman yesterday call it "nine one one" What the hell is that? Is the day after "nine one two?"
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9-10-2009 @ 7:44AM
arthur Gannon said...i'm turning 50 friday at first i thought i would have to celebrate my birthday the 10 th each year but after a few years i thought i wouldn"t let the bastards take my bithday away i can still have my birthday and remember and honor those who died that day. happy birthday all my fellow 9/11 friends art
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9-10-2009 @ 11:59PM
Amber said...AMEN!
9-10-2009 @ 7:42AM
Bev said...Of course I have feelings for the people that day but there have been many people that have passed away everyday and I hate to say this but it is true - these people weren't any more special than anyone else that has passed. This day isn't anymore special, of course to the ones that lost people that day, than what happened at Columbine etc. Sept llth is my son's birthday and we celebrate it for you are suppose to celebrate life. What really bothers me I guess is some seem to think one persons life is more important or should be remembered more than others and that is so wrong.
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9-10-2009 @ 7:42AM
c brown said...I turned 50 on that day. I live directly below the flight line of the presidental helicopter path to Andrews Air Force Base. has my birhtday tone changed? Yes. Has my family changed? Yes. NOw on my birthday I wear a special tshirt with 9/11 we will never forget. Someday in the future this will become another day just like Dec. 7 and Nov. 23rd. For my fellow 9/11'rs, we are a special group we cannot celebrate while we remember all those who went home to the lord that day, BUT- we can celebrate the fact that we are Americans, that no matter what the outside bad people try to do, we stand together united with our fellow Americans, We just have a closer bond with them. And we will never forget......Happy Birthday to us.
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9-10-2009 @ 8:57AM
A. Pucciarelli said...I too turned 50 on that day, I remember saying to my wife joking, I think I would like to forget this date and year as i left for work that morning and now it is forever in the history, but I do on that day pause to remember those that were lost and those that responded, and are now falling ill. Take a moment on that day to remember,but have a Happy Birthday to those born on this day also.
9-10-2009 @ 7:42AM
charles falk said...Our daughter was in labor and delivered our youngest grandchild( a girl Alyssa )at the period that the planes were hitting the towers, etc......We like to think that the souls of the victims have filtered into her life as she has brought us great pleasure and enjoyment....it is hard not to look into her eyes without remembering that tragic day and our prayers are with the victims, familys and friends that have suffered since that day....everyday!!!
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9-10-2009 @ 7:59AM
bobbie said...I too have a 9/11 child. He says to me all the time," my birthday is on the worst day ever." Of course, we still celebrate it, because 9-11-92 was the best day ever. He was born.
When he mentions his birthday date, people say how awful that date is. I told him, It was a good date before it was a bad date. I agree something bad happening on that date years after he was born, but something good came of it as every single American came together on a single day. We were all united in one cause. So, we celebrate life...because life goes on. His life goes on and we are thankful that we had no personal losses that day. However, we also pray for those families that lost loved ones, or those that were injured. The airwaves are filled with memorial services, so we can tune in..we usually do for a little while. We remember the fallen, and we remember how strong America was on that day and the days following.
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9-10-2009 @ 7:57AM
Mom said...My daughter's due date was 9/11/01 but thankfully she was born exactly one week early. I'm glad that she doesn't share her birthdate with that horrible day. Strangly enough, I am born on Pearl Harbor Day but it's never really affected me in any way...
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9-10-2009 @ 7:59AM
melanie said...My daughter will be 13 on this day and it really has not affected us at all. People make to big of a deal over this stuff. It was a awlful.... but I never made it the main issue on my daughters birthday. She knows because every were we go when I am asked her birthday...People will say all thats awful your birthday is on that day. It kind of makes me mad that people are always bringing that up. I will never forget.......Not because it was on her birthday but because it was a sad day for many people.
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9-10-2009 @ 8:03AM
LL said...On the morning of 9/12, the world awoke to a new reality...consumed with heart-wrenching sadness, terror, disbelief, and grief...still trying to comprehend the horrific events of the previous day. Little did I know that, before nightfall and 1,000 miles from Ground Zero, my mother's life would end. The loss I felt as a daughter was, indeed, tempered by the loss I felt as an American. The latter enabled me to maintain proper perspective in regard to the former. Otherwise, I might not have been so keenly aware of how blessed I was to have been with my mother at the moment of her death. She never knew what occurred on the last day of her life. I like to think that she was needed Elsewhere.
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9-10-2009 @ 8:37AM
Rachel said...My birthday is on the 9th I had just turned thirteen years old. I was still very excited the day 9/11 happen. then I felt guilty. So many people lost there lives that day. I know that you can't stop celebrating life because something horrible happen. If that were the case no one would celebrate anything. Life ends and life goes on. No one who died in the crashes would want people to stop living and celebrating their lives. Life is too short to dwell on the tragedies that have happened. Yes we will always remember what happened on 9/11, but that doesn't mean we have to let it run our lives. If you're going to have a party do it, but just have a moment of silence for all those people that lost their lives.
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9-10-2009 @ 8:02AM
swtness4u said...sept 11 is also my birthday and i feel very sorry for the people who lost their lives and their families. I agree it was a very very sad thing th have happend. However, at 42 years of age..i choose to look at it this way..it was my birthday wayyyyyyyyyyyy before this ever happend and i refuse to let the tradgedy cloud MY day forever!!
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9-10-2009 @ 8:07AM
Kristeh said...My son Dylan was born 9-11-01. I remember that the nurses had all of the tvs on and everyone was very scared including myself. And although I agree that the day marks a terrible tragedy I think that we should celebrate life. Every new child brings new hope and joy into the world and the lives they touch, and they should be celebrated on the day of their birth no matter what day that falls on. We will be celebating tomorrow his 8th birthday and I will be sure to tell him what a blessing he is and what a joy he has bought into my life.
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9-10-2009 @ 8:03AM
Gayle said...I was sitting in my daughter's guidance councelor's office watching the planes fly into the World Trade Center. I remember thinking ... this must be a movie. Then the horror and shock set in. I have friends who lost their love ones ... husband, wife, daughter, son. Like many I sat in with tears filling my eyes and disbelief at what was happening.
A few years before the 9/11 tragedy I suffered the loss of my oldest son. He was killed by a drunk driver.. So, unfortunately, I understood what it was like to lose a part of me. As time went on. feelings and thoughts became less hurtful. Life goes on.
Although 9/11 is like the bombing of Pearl Harbor ... a day that will live on in infamy.
It is also my birthday, as well as millions of others. I will be 52 years old. It is not wrong to want to celebrate your life ... your loved ones. It is not being insensitive to the tragedy.
If it is one thing I have learned from my son leaving me all too soon, the wars fought, 9/11 and countless other horror stories we see on the nightly news and hear about ... it is this ...
One day at a time is enough ...
Don't look back and grieve the past ... it's gone.
Don't be troubled about the future ... it hasn't come yet.
Live in the present and make it so
Beautiful it will be worth remembering!
Tomorrow is guaranteed to no one. Don't count the time ...
Make the time count … Live, love and laugh today!
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9-10-2009 @ 11:10AM
911 Baby said...I was a 9/11er loooooonnngggggg before those morons murdered 3,000 people... it's my birthday and I celebrate as usual.
That shows no disrespect, you could find something horrific on most dates on the calendar I am sure.
In fact, the only reason we call the events that day 9/11 is *because* it sounds like 911, and rolls off the tongue. Think the Challenger "disaster", Katrina (not Hurricane Katrina, just Katrina) Its all semantics.
I heard a lot of the comments the first five years. Not much the past couple of years as people's attention spans (outside of NYC) are pretty short anyway.
9-10-2009 @ 8:07AM
H said...Our daughter's B-day is also Sept 11th, she was 9 that tragic day, she came home from school in tears, we have family in NY State. She was born there( we live in Ohio now), and we made frantic phone calls for her, to assure her that the family we have there was OK. Her birthday has NEVER been the same since. We still "celebrate" her B-day, but like before. How does a parent comfort a child KNOWS that almost 3,000 people died on their birthday??!
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9-10-2009 @ 8:06AM
wes78 said...my son toby was also born on 9/11/01 he turn 8 this friday
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9-10-2009 @ 8:06AM
mandy said...well i am not cold hearted either butt that is no reason not to celebate any birthday there was thousands of children born that day and its a reason to celebrate not mope around.. Things happen 4 a reason and life goes on. If that day is to hard to celebrate then do it a day B4 of day after. I hate it 4 anyone that lost anyone on that awful day in New York, and especially 5 the children that lost a parent and especially the ones that lost both. My heart goes out to them and all others.
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