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Grandchildren are Wonderful, but They Won't Go Away!
Filed under: In The News, Research Reveals: Babies, Research Reveals: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Research Reveals: Tweens, Research Reveals: Teens
The great thing about grandkids is supposed to be that you can love them to pieces, but you don't have have to live with them.
But a lot of grandparents who thought they were done with day-to-day child rearing are smiling weakly these days, as they realize the little, uh, darlings are not going away.
In fact, the Washington Post reports the number of children being reared by their grandparents has jumped as the economy has taken a dive. Since the beginning of the recession in 2007, according to the Pew Research Center, one in 10 children in the United States now lives with a grandparent.
For most of the 21st century or so, that number had been rising, but slowly and steadily. The Post reports it spiked when the recession hit. Now, 2.9 million kids -- that's 4 percent of all children -- are being raised by one or more grandparent.
The trend is most noticeable among white families. Numbers from the Pew Center say the number of white kids living with their grandparents rose 9 percent between 2007 and 2008. Among black families, that number was only 2 percent. Among Hispanic families, there was no change.
More and more families are becoming like the Waltons, that harmonious Depression-era family from the 1970s TV series where three generations lived under the same roof. In fact, the Pew Center also reports that the number of multiple generation households is higher than it has been in half a century because of unemployment and foreclosures.
But don't be getting too nostalgic.
Grandparents aren't just stepping in because of the economy. If this were "The Waltons," it could be that Grandpa Walton is taking in John Boy because mama Olivia is on crack and living in sin with Ike Godsey.
The Post reports there has been a nationwide effort to have kids from troubled homes move in with grandparents and other relatives, rather than send them to foster homes.
Other reasons are not quite so dysfunctional. With wars overseas, many soldiers on deployment are leaving their children in the care of grandparents.
Meanwhile, the Post reports, many states have cut programs that once provided financial and emotional support for so-called "kinship families," where children are reared by relatives. And, of course, many senior citizens find themselves too old to care for children and with limited financial resources themselves.
"People who haven't struggled or needed services in the past need it now," Cathy Tompkins, the director of the undergraduate social work program at George Mason University and a researcher in gerentology. She is working with Fairfax County, Va., to assess needs of people providing kinship care.
However, grandparents are not necessarily retired. The Pew Center reports the average age of a grandparent caring for a child is 57.
"They're preparing for retirement, and a lot of times their retirement savings is going down the drain," Amy Goyer, a family expert with AARP, tells the Post. "They lost it or it was undermined by the economic situation, and now they're spending it on family. It puts the grandparents' generation in jeopardy, as well."
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
9-10-2010 @ 5:55PM
Marcia said...Be thankfull you have them!!! I had my grandbaby for 2 yrs until her Mother decided our family is now banned from her family, like we don;t exist......I don't know any Mother who has had the painfull problems with their child like I've had. She is bipolar and insists her warped view of the past is correct.....there is nothing I can do. You just can't imagine what its like to go through this!!!!!!
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9-10-2010 @ 6:34PM
kippy said...yes i can. i have one just like you. don't you realize children are a reflection of their parents. maybe she doesn't want HER child exposed to to what she went through. Or better yet if YOU didn't raise your child right what makes you think you can raise her's any better. Bipolar doesn't mean stupid and it can be hereditary.
9-10-2010 @ 11:37PM
RITA GIBSON said...Oh my goodness! Marcia, I'm going through the same thing as you only because of her mental condition (bi-polar, plus), my son has half a week with him and she has the other half, unsupervised. She's abused him at 3 mths and my son came with me with my little grandson (not married) and I had him with me for 2 years also until her mother got a lawyer, pro-bono, means not having to pay and the courts here in Florida gave her unsupervised rights. When my son picks him up he is so overly excited and happy and it's tearing me up inside to see how upset he is to go back. We had a lawyer but the courts just went along with the RULES. This baby refuses to eat there except what he has to, he has to go to occupational therepy because his low self esteem and he is so confused because they honestly are not a loving or affectionate family. We will never give up on him until there is justification. She wants my son back and my son has to be really nice to her for fear she'll take it out on the baby. There has to be somebody that cares enough for these children. I'll be praying for you also.
9-11-2010 @ 2:22PM
Ilona said...Marcia,
I am so sorry for the troubles you are having. I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling. That being said, it seems you cannot imagine the pain of someone who suffers from bipolar disorder. This is not a thing any of us ask to have, and if this woman had some kind of other disability, you wouldn't be saying that you are angry with her for needing a wheelchair and therefore taking your grandchild away. Attitudes like this about bipolar disorder are one of the things that makes those of use who have it want to seclude ourselves from the world. I am not saying that what happened is your fault, but I wish you would reevaluate some of your thoughts and realize that a disability is something that needs understanding and not anger.
9-21-2010 @ 7:55PM
sparrow said...Marcia
I can imagine - I am going through this now. My grandson was removed from my daughter and son-in-law's home and placed with my husband and myself due to their mental and emotional issues having a negative impact on him. My daughter has systematically cut every member of her family (g-mother, sister, aunts, uncles, etc.) out of her life. She is making up an alternate version of her life in which she was treated poorly and abused to justify her behavior. I know that the reason she has cut ties is because all of her lies have been exposed and she can't fool anyone into giving her anymore sympathy, money, favors... so she has no need for them at this point. Once my grandson goes back to her, I know she will do the same with my husband and me. There is no gratitude for caring for their child everyday - just anger and resentment. When she has no use for me, she will toss me aside like an old shoe, just like she has done to the rest of her family.
9-11-2010 @ 12:32AM
Marcia said...Simplistic....its the parents fault...not always!!! Bipolar may be hereditary but no one in my family has ever had it and I never said anyone was stupid.. like I said...no one understands!!! There was no abuse of any kind or drinking or drugs. There is no explanation..... Sometimes it just is what it is.
Reply
9-10-2010 @ 7:10PM
Holly said...Marcia,
Ignore the rude comments. Some daughters are just plain rude and
selfish. I'm sorry you have to go through this heartbreaking time
with your daughter. It's funny how when your daughter needs you she can be as sweet as pie, but the minute you say the wrong thing, she's outta there, right?
I have the most awesome mother in law but her daughter, my
sister-in-law is a total b. She has given my mother-in-law the silent
treatment more than once, just because my mother-in-law didn't agree with some bad choices she has made. Each time this happens my mother-in-law apologizes like it's her fault, and begs my sister-in-law to talk to her again because she can't handle the pain of not seeing her daughter and grandkids. It's like my sister-in-law is crazed and plays these immature games. I don't think this is my mother-in-law's fault. I really do think my sister-in-law chooses to act the way she does, and she also inherited her father's personality.
My mother-in-law is one of the most loving, caring, individuals and
one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I let her know it. I don't take her for granted and would never want there to be a rift between us. I want her to know she is a great mom and means so much. She truly is like a second mother to me. Family is forever and I hope your daughter realizes this someday and lets down her guard.
So hang in there, you are not alone! I hope things get better soon.
Just don't let her take control of you or this will keep going on.
Keep on being the good person you are and she will come to know how selfish and immature she has been.
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9-10-2010 @ 8:32PM
junor guns said...It seems that several of you have the same problem, my oldest daughter has borderline personality disorder and I suspect bipolar as well. Nothing is ever right and she has slanted my grandchildren in the same manner. It hurts but fortunately my other child and her children are a big part of my and my husbands life. They can't replace the others but at least it is an honest relationship, the good with the bad.
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9-10-2010 @ 8:50PM
Capri said...I can relate to caring for a grandchild & then having them ripped from your life as well. My son married a pathological, psychotic witch who put a divide in this family for no other reason than wanting to feel superior over us & to hurt everyone who ever gave her a chance.
It's been over 2 years now that she launched this vicious attack on my daughter-online, mind you-didn't have the balls to do this face to face-& when I asked her to stop this & retract her nasty statements, she turned the attack on me.
Nothing I ever did for her, financially or otherwise was even considered, only her need to make others hurt mattered.
Now-she has my son & his kids embroiled in this mess to the point that he can't get out without losing most everything he's worked for.
And to think-I knew this chick as a kid-didn't like her then, yet gave her a chance when as an adult she resurfaced & put on one hell of an act that she was this whole new nice, loving person.
It's one of the sickest things I have ever witnessed & I only wish my son could get away from her for good. Only then could this family try to get back what we had once.
The emotional damage she has done to my granddaughter is deep & will take years to undo...thankfully she was "dumped" back on her mothers doorstep last January {His ex-wife} with a few belongings after the witch had sued for custody, viciously. Then, my granddaughter's bedroom things were sold off, she no longer even has a room at her father's house. One visitation in 8 months. Imagine how that child felt seeing that her room is gone.
I have another grandson I see often & cared for for over the summer because his mom was working too-but I am disabled, suffer chronic pain & it's difficult sometimes for me to keep up with him. But, that's the economy that leaves me caring for him more than usual. And, nobody bothered to even ask me if I was up to it-he was just dropped off here. Believe me, I cherish theses kids, but their parents are damned inconsiderate at times.
I hope next summer things will be better financially so he can attend summer camps & such so he at least gets out of the house & gets excercise, fresh air & away from the video games that suck the life outta kids {AND Adults}.
I guess, you just have to be grateful when you have your grands with you & keep striving to make things better, regardless.
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9-10-2010 @ 9:31PM
LDG said..."Kippy "
" don't you realize children are a reflection of their parents. maybe she doesn't want HER child exposed to to what she went through".
That is BS ,older children are not a reflection of their parents,it's usually some screwed up person that has influenced their lives.You obviously don't have grown children that took the wrong path,it's their fault,their choices.
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9-10-2010 @ 9:42PM
ListenUpHere said...*Sigh* I have a mentally ill daughter. I am raising her son who is now 14. He was a good boy. Lately he's been giving me the teenager trials. He took off this afternoon and told me he'd be gone two hours to his friend's house. It's nearly ten o'clock, I have no idea where he is. I am a single, working parent in this economy. I'd rather be a plain old grandma.
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9-10-2010 @ 9:54PM
Capri said...Ironically, as soon as I finished my comment, I got a call from my oft seen grandson, to pick him up immediately. Now-he wants to live here instead of with his dad & other grandma. Which of course means 99% of that would be on me.
Something's Gotta Give was a good name for a movie-AND the situation.
Reply
9-11-2010 @ 12:13AM
denise weinstein said...Is there any answer to my problem...my only daughter decided that at age 30 she decided that I was a lousy mother and a lousy grandmother. I was involved every minute of her pregnancy thru to the delivery of her son. Then, 2 years later, I was in the OR with delivering of her twin girls. Now, she decided that I can not be part of her family or her kids, so she can protect them from ever having a bad childhood, like she had. What does my little grandson think when he called me Grandma and now I am gone? She will never forget the past and forgive me for the divorce.
Reply
9-11-2010 @ 7:50AM
Appaloosa said...This statement is misleading. The percentages are of the increases NOT the actual percentages of grand parents caring for kids. I think the writer, seeing race and ethnicity seemed important, should have broken down the2.9 million by race also.
The question is of the total 2.9 million how many are white, black or hispanic?
"The trend is most noticeable among white families. Numbers from the Pew Center say the number of white kids living with their grandparents rose 9 percent between 2007 and 2008. Among black families, that number was only 2 percent. Among Hispanic families, there was no change."
Reply
9-11-2010 @ 6:07PM
RM said...I WOULDN'T TRADE MY GRANDKIDS FOR ANYTHING. THE OLD SAYING IS, "IF I'D KNOWN GRANDKIDS WOULD HAVE BEEN THIS SWEET, I WOULD HAVE HAD THEM FIRST"!
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