My 17-Year-Old Is Drifting Away! What Should I Do?

"Consistent" in this context means "regular". So ... that means regularly engage in bursts of activity or connection....like every few days. I'd also advise this mother to NOT make it about HER. There's nothing worse than a parent who's ONLY "social life" is with her daughter. No kid wants to feel that her parent's happiness is on HER shoulders. She's looking to her parent to model how to have a well-rounded social life....friends, interests, hobbies. And with a 17 year old....this mother better start filling her life with people and activities other than her daughter for the years to come.

bursts can be consistent, this means there can be several instances of bursts on a routine basis. and yes bursts are brief and sudden that is not what consistency means. look it up!

Bursts can be consistent. I understand this completely. If you are putting this author down, it's probably because you are not the actual parent of a teenager and you have never lived it. She is trying to help parents in this situation and as the parent of four teenagers, I think she's right on the money. Quit worrying about her grammar and focus on the message.

Consistent, meaning maybe 2-3 times a week, or once a week if possible, but on a consistent basis... :)

I think what she is trying to say is that it is important to focus on maintaining reoccurring hang out opportunities such as playing a few hands of cards or taking a short walk with the dog. Those are examples of bursts rather than a night on the town having dinner and a movie which would not be a burst. When she says consistently, I think she is talking about maintaining these on a regular basis. If they are once every 6 months you will lose touch. If they are once every 1 or 2 weeks then there is consistency.

Hello Laurie.

I agree with you that a burst is sudden and brief. With a teenager, the time you have together may seem sudden and brief, but the idea is to have lots of those moments. So, ... the one sudden and brief moment may not seem like much, but many many sudden and brief moments will be the consistent part of the bursts of togetherness.

Does that make sense?

Joyce

My mother in law is 86 and the smartest woman I know. She told me years ago--"from the age of 13 to 18 you will not like your kids and they will not like you, but after that they can become your best friend", that doesn't mean that you don't love them or them you..BUT pick your battles carefully and try to be a little lienient in some areas while putting your foot down with others..

typical guy response who has no clue and heaven forbid if you have or will ever have children and at that age you may have major issues
and yes 17 is still child age

You must not have a close relationship with your mom, and you probably pushed her away and then blamed her that she was never there for you. Having a close relationship with you mom or your mom wanting to have one with there child does not make them needy, that makes them someone you can count on and talk to when your down,happy or sad and vice versa. So you don't get knocked up by the first guy that pays attention to you.

I don't think this Mom is trying to "hold onto her daughter" as you put it. I think she is trying to maintain a healthy relationship. Just because this kid is 17 does not make her an adult by any means and shouldn't mean "ok, we're done.........I am washing my hands of this.......off you go!" Its important to keep your family close but allow for their growth and increased independence as well. I can say this...........I've got two girls 17 and 18 and this is a tough age but worth the effort it takes to keep a good relationship going.

My Ex of 14 years ago, has no life beyond our 2 kids, and left town 250 miles away with them to get me out of their life. She has not let go of her scorn for me and it has had an effect on the kids. Now as my eldest son, just turned 17, refuses to get in the car to come visit me. Her excuse is she can't lift him anymore (but she can buy him a car to cruise around with his friends). I have not seen or spoken to him in over a year now. He doesn't answer his phone. Telling the court was useless- they aren't going to make her do anything. So I send an email or call and leave him a message every so often- and wait. I miss him and it sucks!

I'm the father of a 17 year old daughter, and I require the same of her, and it works good for both of us. (although I do miss having her around all the time before she started driving). I can say that I am very proud of her when I see or hear of her making a choice or decision on her own that reflects the beliefs that her mother and I have tried to instill in her. That feeling does help to fill the void of my little girl growing into a lovely young lady.

you are not perfect and far from it but when someone loves their children as much as this lady does all shes doing is asking advise and is needing help going through to changes so i believe people like you with the negitive attitudes really need to move on with life and leave others alone if it doesnt involve you at all

others could throw stones at you too
how would you like someone saying your children are past that stage plus you only know what they want you to know too so be careful who you throw stones at because you yourself could be living in a glass house

That would depend on the traditions of ones family. In my family it has always been that the parents remain close to the children after they marry, and close too to the grandchildren. It may be the case, and is more and more with folks moving so distant from each other, that the ties are more broken.

Given my families closeness I was very surprised when my daughter began going through her know it all hate her parents stage. Oh, I expected the normal teen rebellion and break away, but was surprised at the extent. They say once they are out of the teen years they get close again, and it sure has, again, been the tradition in my family...yet, my daughter, still at home and in school, at 22, is extreemly negative.... I am wondering when all this good stuff kicks in and if it will at all.