My 17-Year-Old Is Drifting Away! What Should I Do?

This article is right on time. I have a 17 year old son and 19 year old daughter and feeling empty because my kids don't eat at home when I cook (which is only a couple of times a week) and always busy with friends. I have a great social life but still miss the old relationship I had with my kids. We're all trying to figure this out. It feels so strange because we were all very close.

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Seventeen is only an age. Maybe some parents notice the child pull away because he/she are growing up.and don't need a 'friend' as much as a parent to guide them. Everything will turn our just fine.

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okay, i am a 17 year old girl and my mother drives me crazy. i say this woman knows a little about what she's saying. give the girl her space but dont completely be out of there, true. some mother's however tend to think they are perfect and therefore expect no less from their child. this drives the daughter away too. im pointing this out because maybe there are some kids out there who know what im talking about. i know this mom (duh) who has done all kind of messed up emotional mental and even physical abuse and now wants to know why the daughter is drifting apart from her, HELLO! if you treat them like that why would they want to be near you when they can be with their friends? just saying.

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1:) I am a firm believer in NEVER lying to my children. Whenever they have asked me anything I have given them an age appropriate honest answer, because I believe that that is the ONLY way to have an open line of communication with anyone including my 4 children, and as they have grown they have come to me and not other people or friends to ask the important questions because they know I will tell them the truth.
2:) They are becoming adults and they need to experience and live thier lives and we as parents need to give them that respect and space. We need to remember back not so long ago when we were that age and how it felt and what we were going through. By respecting thier boundries and space we open the door for them to want to be home more and around us and to come to us for advice and direction.
3:) We have to TRUST that we have raised them to the best of our abilities and done WELL! that they are ready to face the world and have all the tools they need to handle all the things that may arise ahead in the future. We spent 18 years preparing them for what lies ahead and how to handle it, and yes it is frightening for us to let go and let them experience it but we have to LET go and let them experience it. WE have done the best we can and we are ALWAYS HERE if they need us! relax and know that you have done well and you are the security net now and enjoy your life. All the sacrifices you've made over the years are now about to pay off. You get to watch you child flourish and you get to take that trip you've always dreamt about or run about your house nekkid...LOL!
PAT yourself on the back! and congradulate yourself on a Job well done!

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Parents just need to remember when they were 17! Did they want to "hang out" with their folks?? I have a 16 1/2 year old Son who still "hangs" with me at times but for the most part he's with friends. Either way, I respect his wishes. He's a good boy!! (o:

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Buy her a gps tracker ,she than will be able to drift back home

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I am a single Father who raised two girls and I think that 13-15 was the most difficult years. A lot of peer pressure from school and a lot of new friends to impress. When they reached the age of 18 after graduating from high school the oldest moved out and went to college a long distance from home. She would call regularly and be home for the holidays. The youngest, when she turned 18 moved out after she got her first job and a year later was pregant living with the child to be's father, she came over regularly and also called regularly. I was happy that they both love me dearly and stay in contact with me to let me know how their lives are going. But, it is part of nature, if you did your job well as a parent you don't need to worry when your child grows into an adult and spreads their wings just like you did and find their own roads to follow. You will always be Mom or Dad and they will always count on you in the future, you are a parent to the end of your days.

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just wait until they his 30 and know it all and pick up someone that is beneath them

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My daughter is a teenager and she is pulling away to some degree.
We are very close and although it's been 30 years since I was a teen, I remember how I was as a teen and I expected this phase.
We are still close, but I know she's spreading her wings.
We'll always be close. I am there for her and she knows it.
Always.

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I'd be more interested to know if Susan Stiffelman has or ever had any kids and what the results were rather than any degrees or credentials, just sayin'...

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I think this article is worth reading. All parents at one time or another will go through this feeling of losing a "baby". My daughter is 18 and at times she is all over me, and then in an instant I am the oddest and most annoying person on the face of the earth. You cannot help but think back to the younger years and how you were the center of the universe in your child's eyes. It is very painful knowing your little one really is growing up. Within the last week I have seen my daughter less than I have in the previous 3 months. But I have to tell myself that this is a temporary "burst" of hanging out with new friends that will subside, then happen again. And no matter how much I do not want to go to the mall with her again just to hang out in that one clothing store that drives me up the wall and makes me want to sit in the chairs with the husbands who wait for their wives, I will go with her just so I can have another short moment with her before she leaves to be on her own. I once heard that you do not (or at least should not) have children for yourself, to keep you company, to make your world better, happier.... And it is so true. You have children, and then you do what you can to make their lives as good as possible.

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This discussion is great. It is so hard to have our children move on, but really, that is exactly what we want and what we have prepared them for. I feel that my job is to make sure that my kids have the resources, in experience and knowledge, to make good decisions for themselves. Then it's up to them.
I want them to get those experiences with me as the adult to help them. Once they are 18, they are going to make decisions without me. :) Being with friends now is what gives them the experiences they can learn from. I can be there to help when needed.
I had someone ask me: What will you do when your children move on? You won't have anything to do. Really, I will just move on to the next thing on my list. I have plenty to do.
Still, we can be friends and close with our kids. I usually connect with my adult kids once a week for dinner, or to talk. But they are their independent self... and so am I.

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It is important parents let go of some of the leash and let their children venture out. I remember when I was 17. I still had a good relationship with my parents but I spent a lot more time with my friends. They could better understand my likes, dislikes, and simply what I was feeling in my life because they were on the same level I was. I enjoyed having people equal to me versus having people above me. It helped me realize I did not need my parents to resolve every issue I ran into. If you don't let your child detach from you a little then you will either end up with a resentful adult who never visits you or he or she will still be living with you at 30.

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Sad Mom:
Do you and your daughter like to read? Take some of the "grown-up-but-clean" books that you have read and enjoyed and pass them along. A couple of years ago, when she was 15 and in the "hate everything mom likes stage," and too young for racier novels, I went through my books to find appropriate ones. Whenever we weren't talking enough, I'd give her one of them. I think she was thrilled that I was letting her read adult books, even if most of them were only cozies.Then I started getting the hottest teen best sellers, and I would read them before I gave them to her. Finding common ground is as easy as "what part are you reading now?" or "I loved the part when..." or "Why did that idiot just leave her like that?"
Lately I have been finding some really good books published by Harlequin Teen and Harper Teen. appropriate material, with just a little heat, like some serious kissing.some thinking about sex, but that it is better to wait to cross that line. We both really enjoy the books, and she doesn't feel that I am faking it or trying to invade her space. We used to argue often, but now we have our own sanctuary. She marks on the calendar when all the sequels are due to be published. We plan pocorn and reading nights. We have a safe neutral time for her to seque into asking tough questions.

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IM a Single Dad Of Two Girls for almost 30 years now & I think this article is really good.If your a young parent or a parent of a preteen Read It Twice :) LOL
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My daughter turned 18 in February. She recently moved-out of the house & in with her boyfriend & his dad, because she thinks she's all grown-up now. Her dad & I seen all the signs of her drifting away, right before she turned 18. She even dropped out of High School this school year. This was going to be her Senior Year. She's giving up on everything & throwing her life away, all for this boy. He's nothing but a low-life looser & he's not going to amount to much. He's has drug her around to his low-life level every since she met him in March of this year. We had such High-Hopes for her until she met this guy. She has even lost friendship with all of her girlfriends, because they know what he's like too. As a parent, I just don't know what to do anymore. Everyone in our family & her friends has tried to talked to her about the bad choices & mistakes she's making in her life right now, but she will not listen to any of us. Should we just quit trying & let her keep going down the wrong path in the road??
Signed, From Desperate Parents

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You could always get a pet, or another baby if you're able too.

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