Should I Keep Loaning Money to My Adult Daughter?

Retirement is BS. Family is LOVE. Help your kids with every last penny before its too late. My uncle died last year, and his kids (my cousins) did not even know he was sick --- because he never gave them anything (including love) - so he died with a second wife who could not have had him cremated fast enough. Not much of a retirement - eh?

I'm sorry Gayle,

I read the pain in your comment and felt very sad for you...your sister relied too heavily on the notion that life revolved around the outside things in her life, instead of just the smaller beautiful things like the sunshine on your face.

...tomorrow is ALWAYS another day, ALWAYS another moment to appreciate life in and of itself.

She lost sight of that.

Life isn't easy, I look back often and try to find good in my life...I have to, if I focused on how many negatives there were I'd lose myself.

We grow up expecting that we'll have love, a wedding, a family, a home...but oftentimes those things don't turn out even close to what our ideals were, life isn't a blueprint I've learned. : P

Sometimes you just improvise...and when you start to feel sad, you go outside and find something beautiful to appreciate.

I wish your sister had understood that. : (

Gayle, I am so sorry your sister felt such desperation. It is tragic and wrong that good paying jobs that provide a living wage are drying up in this country. Minimum wage won't support a substandard apartment, let alone a modest home.
A person is worth more than their income, more than the accumulation of "stuff" they surround themselves with.
I am truly sorry for your loss.

If other people have family members who are struggling, don't wait for the phone call saying I need help. I'm not suggesting you hand over endless loans, or even money. But groceries or a casserole can say so much.
We had a young member of the family who had a hard time getting a job after college, and wound up underemployed in retail. They had a little apartment, and we knew they couldn't be making much money- but hey they were just starting out. No body starts out in the lap of luxury.
One day I was visiting and reached in the fridge for some milk, and found the carton was empty. As was the Oj carton, the butter tub, etc etc. The "kid" was mortified to admit they were having a hard time paying for food, with something like $60 a month left after paying rent, utilities and the very bare basics. The cartons and jars were "for show" so others wouldn't know how bad it was and so they wouldn't feel so poor when looking in the fridge.
We had no IDEA! Needless to say, We started inviting them over for dinners more often, and sent them home with ample leftovers, as well as running into situations like " I bought this and that at costco and can't possibly use them all, maybe you could take some off my hands" etc.
If you see someone struggling, don't wait for the SOS.
Gayle, I am truly sorry for your loss.

So sad. Money does NOT seem so important at this point. Happiness is Found Along the Way, NOT at the end of the Road. Show your love and interest in your family, because that's all that will ever matter. Times are tough, and they will only get tougher for everyone. Share your time and ALL your money with your family !!! Retirement will be lonely with no one to share it with!!!

Apparently you wouldn't have given her everything, you said you would have gotten her a loan. How would that have helped when she knew she couldn't pay it back and would just be in more trouble? Maybe she didn't ask for help because she knew what she would hear in return. I can imagine you and your family feel guilty but perhaps that's appropriate. I hope you find peace.

Gayle, I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't feel guilty. If you loved her so much that you would have given anything to help her, surely she realized that. If she didn't, that wasn't your fault, either.
When people marry, their original family simply doesn't have enough influence to overcome the influence of their spouse.

Just do your best to show your remaining family how much you love them, and do your best to be happy. Surely that's what she would want for you.

Hey Ash.....try getting your butt OFF the computer. Newspapers are cheaper and have a little thing called the Classifieds. Funny when I couldn't afford internet and cable and home/cell phone....I did without. If you can't buy groceries you don't need luxuries. I bet you are a smoker too.