My Son Is Awful to His Younger Sister. What Can I Do?

Advice Moma is an idiot! That boy needs his butt busted with a belt but good. How can you even think of letting his frustrations out by handing him a base ball bat?! What about when he grows up? Is this what you are teaching him? It is your wimpy feel good bullshit that has led this country down the drain. Children are like little animals. they are selfish and cannot reason their wants. By providing stern punishment, they eventually understand that no is no, wrong is wrong, and to go against the grain will produce pain. For you see, we are all bilingual. We have our standard language of communication and we also understand rather well, the universal language of pain. Sometimes you have to get caveman with kids.Don't hurt them but a darn good scare will make them think twice. As for the analogy of bringing home another woman and then telling my wife I love her just the same, well, that is BS. I know from experience that a frying pan to the back of my bald pate will negate such a dumb move.

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It's a good thing he isn't my child ... a paddle would be a good start, followed by grounding him until he is 18 or moves out, whichever comes first!

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Oh my...we sometimes make mountains out of mole hills. Since time began (Cain and Able) siblings have fought. They will work it out and hopefully not like Cain and Able. My brother and I fought something awful when we were kids. Just about drove my mother crazy. I am 66 now and lost my brother of 70 in June. I miss him terribly.

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Are you joking? This boy is 13 years old! Good heavens, it's not like he's 3 and she's newborn and they're bringing the new baby home from the hospital .. this has been going on for 10 years! Give a 13 year old boy a plastic baseball bat and let him hit crumpled up newspapers??? Your advice might be suitable for a resentful toddler, but this is a teenager who sounds like he's a bully. I say get professional help for him .. and clearly not you, AdviceMama. Who's the next person he'll bully when he doesn't like them?? Mean people suck .. and that goes for kids as well as adults.

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"Licensed Family Psychotherapist". I love those titles. Her adivice was absolutely lame. The analogy of the "new wife in the house" wasn't even apropos. Are you serious or delirious?? That's like apples and oranges, but she probably got that idea out of some book, instead of from common sense. In my view, this problem between the 13 year old boy and 10 year sister has gone on far too long without being addressed all this time. Smakcing things with a plastic bat, and stepping on bubble wrap are solutions from la-la land. I can't believe the "licensed family psychotherapist" didn't recommend that maybe the two of them should undergo some kind of therapy...away from the mother and father, from a totally uninvolved party. The mother also has mentioned just one side of the story. How does the daughter act toward the son? At those ages, I can't believe that she is totally innocent. Ms. psychotherapist...your advice bites the big one.

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I see that you have fallen prey to the belief that providing an outlet for someone's anger reduces their anger. This is not true. See, when a person vents their anger, they feel good. And of course when something feels good, people will do it more. So showing him how good letting out anger feels is really just making the child more violent towards everyone, including his sister. Honestly, if you just ask the kid why he dislikes his sister, he'll tell you. Just treat him like a civil person rather than a baby, and he'll act like a civil person.

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This is not so revelatory or profound. This is just basic common sense. I'm an everyday parent. I live it, I know it...I practice it. So, why so much much fuss here?

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KNOCK HIM IN THE HEAD !!

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Here's another perspective. The mother is giving an evaluation of the situation from her perspective. How accurate is that perspective? I have experienced two friends that so blatantly favor their younger children, I am amazed their older siblings have any relationship with their younger siblings at all. Parents who favor one child over another do not recognize it or are in denial about it. Therefore, of course, they are unable to understand why the older sibling does not love their precious baby as much as they do. This mother needs to talk to someone whose judgment she trusts and knows the situation first-hand and inquire if her behavior may in some way be contributing to this situation. I have tried on so many occasions to point out to my friends the reason the older kids might be resentful of their younger siblings and for the most part, it falls on deaf ears. This is a possibiity for this mother to consider.

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This boy is a horrible bully!!!! At 13 years old he is certainly old enough to know exactly what he is doing wrong. he does NOT need to be babied. I can't believe your wimpy answer to this mother. My son is 4 years older than my daughter and he is very laid back while she is much more assertive. They used to get into it when they were young because she would usually be the one starting things, but I would try to handle the situations fairly and find out who was at fault. They are now 35 and 31 and extremely close. If this boy is allowed to continue to bully his sister it will be very harmful to both of them. They both need counseling. Probably the whole family needs counseling together.

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My two children have been life long antagonists to each other. My husband and I handled their relationship in the way this article suggests, with no success. They are now 28 and 32 and still harbor strong feelings of jealousy, mistrust and dislike for one another. Better luck to the rest of you.

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The comparison of Dad bringing home a second wife and saying "I'll love her just as much" is nonsense. This kid was 3 yrs old when his sister was born, and 10 yrs later he's punching & shoving her? Don't tell me that "siblings will squabble"; this goes well beyond that kind of disagreement, and Mom is taking his side: "I know she annoys you"; "I can see why you're angry." Here, take this baseball bat and pound on a stack of newspapers; violence is an acceptable outlet. I agree with those who've said this will damage a growing girls psyche ("Mom said he's okay; I must be wrong"), but I can't agree with the woman who suggests that a 10-yr-old might be a self centered little witch who deserves it, just because she hates her loser sister at age 40.

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I wonder where the real parenting skills are. There should have been penalties for his misbehavior years ago, when he got away with punching his little sister. Now that he is (or may be) 6-ft. tall, about to enter high school, it's a little late to say, "I know you hate your baby sister; go beat up the dog." This boy has learned from his mother that violence is permitted, and that his misguided, resentful feelings, whatever their source, are valid. I would strongly encourage therapy for both mother and son, before he turns 18 and is free to roam the streets with his hostilities. I'm afraid Mom may soon be trying to excuse his behavior to his parole officer; "As the twig is bent..."

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I'ts not 'normal' for siblings to fight with each other verbally or physically. They do it with each other, they'll do it to others. If I had kids and they decided to go after each other? From the aggressor I'd take what they valued the most and toss it for good and off to their room. If they didn't want a barren room, they'd have to tolerate their sibling. If parents are so concerned about bullying, then they better teach their kids that they don't hurt each other and then feel entitlement to do it to others.

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Turn off the wrestling untill you teach the children that TV Wrestling is done by TV wrestlers not "real wrestling" but is just as dangerous as if it were real.My boys ended up pulling moves on eachother & were lucky not to really injure eachother

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FIRST - No coddling of the hostile feelings, he's too old for mere mirroring of feelings, he's old enough to know several things that are not getting through:
1- we may hate someone with all our heart, but that does not make it okay to be disrespectful of anyone. We do what's right because it's right, not because we feel like it.
2- preying on the weak/vulnerable is WRONG regardless of how we feel.
3- that everyone has a set of personal boundaries and that crossing boundaries has consequences beyond losing video game privileges for the night.
4- this child needs to develop his sense of empathy, not how to coddle and nurture his own hurts.

Mom also needs to act on behalf of her daughter's sake and teach the girl how to and that she should protect herself, how to report incidents, and everyone must have a group discussion of what appropriate boundries are. I fully believe that the boy will start molesting his sister if he has not already done so.

This family needs professional counceling. Having suffered though that situation my heart goes out to the little girl.

Mom is taking away priveleges that obviously don't have much meaning to the boy. He is not feeling any consequence. She should contact a behavioral specialist to help analyze what is really going on, this needs to stop immediately since it is a very dangerous situation for the daughter and as the boy starts to realize mom is powerless over her, he may start to act out against mom as well. Where is dad in all this??

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My brother was awful to me-his 3 yr. younger sister. I knew it
from age 4 and it never changed. Even in high school he would
not acknowlege me. I was popular and well liked, but always had
that pit in my stomach when he came near. Years later, when I
was married with 4 daughters in the house, he came to the door, drunk asking for help and I turned him away. He was such a poor
soul never getting himself together. He died around 50 years old
alone. I don't think we ever had a real conversation. My parents
just didn't know what to do - so did nothing. Too bad.

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1) The spouse comparison is wrong. It does not belong here, and has no connection to the problem. If it were a step-parent issue, i could understand, but it's not.

2) Why wait 10 years? He's 13, WELL past the"I don't want a baby sister" stage. This is a problem. A big problem.

3) What does the sister do? Does she bug the brother? Or is the abuse totally unwarranted. My older sister beat the hell out of me. Half the time I deserved it.

4) Why on earth would you give an already violent child a baseball bat (plastic or otherwise) and allow the child to hit ANYTHING with it? Using violence on inanimate object to relieve anger has been proven to incite more violent behavior. Personally, if my mom had given me a plastic baseball bat and told me to go ahead and hit something with it to relieve my anger, I would hit my sister with it.

My advice: 1)Find out if the sister eggs it on, or she may be telling you that he is doing things, and he really isn't, I know I did it to my sister, and my little brother (11yrs younger) does it to me, and my niece did it to my brother. It may not be all him.
2) If the behavior truly is unwarranted, not egged on by the sister, talk to him and try to find out why he is doing these things. If he won't let on to you as the parents, then try therapy, but only as a last option.

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My 17yr old son has been horrible to my 15yr old daughter since my daughter was born. Theyve hated each other and just when I was ready to accept it, they both hit high school, share friends and have become close.

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