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How Can I Get My Son to Brush His Teeth?
Filed under: Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Expert Advice: Big Kids
Dear AdviceMama,
When it's time to brush his teeth, my son always puts up a fight. What should I do?
Signed,
Dental Dilemma
Dear Dental Dilemma,
Your son doesn't like to brush his teeth for the same reason he probably doesn't like to do his homework, go to bed or take out the trash: Children are biased toward enjoying themselves as much as possible.
While logic and reason might help offer your son an awareness of the importance of dental hygiene, a 10-year old boy may not be motivated to brush his teeth simply because he knows he should.
Here's my advice:
Instead of making brushing a part of his bedtime ritual, consider having him brush right after dinner, or before a favorite evening TV show. Some children dawdle about brushing before bed to delay the dreaded time when lights get switched off. Unless he's eating after dinner, there's no reason he can't get the same benefit from brushing an hour or two earlier.
Brush your teeth together, making it a family event. You can even hold an occasional contest, where you all chew the tablets (or use the rinse) that point out areas on teeth that weren't brushed well. The winner gets a special prize for being the most thorough.
Buy your son an electric toothbrush. Many children enjoy using a "machine," especially if you also let him pick a toothpaste that he likes. Try adding music to his brushing ritual; most songs run 2-3 minutes, which is an ideal amount of time to spend on dental hygiene.
Find an older youngster who he looks up to and ask him or her to talk with your son about the value of dental hygiene. While he may scoff at your attempts to convince him to care about his teeth (or his breath!), he'll probably pay extra attention if an older kid tells him it's not cool to walk around with stinky breath or rotted teeth.
Create incentives. Some parents use sticker charts to help children track weekly progress to create motivation. Just make sure that you don't reward your son's improved brushing with candy!
Finally, create routines that you stick to. While it should be okay for your son to grumble about brushing, don't engage in power struggles. Allow him to vent about the fact that he thinks it's "dumb" and acknowledge that he doesn't enjoy it, but avoid lecturing. Instead, create clear, non-negotiable expectations while doing what you can to make the experience a bit more enjoyable. Someday, he will be proud of his pearly whites, and he'll thank you for helping him develop the habits of good dental hygiene.
Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama
AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon.
When it's time to brush his teeth, my son always puts up a fight. What should I do?
Signed,
Dental Dilemma
Dear Dental Dilemma,
Your son doesn't like to brush his teeth for the same reason he probably doesn't like to do his homework, go to bed or take out the trash: Children are biased toward enjoying themselves as much as possible.
While logic and reason might help offer your son an awareness of the importance of dental hygiene, a 10-year old boy may not be motivated to brush his teeth simply because he knows he should.
Here's my advice:
Instead of making brushing a part of his bedtime ritual, consider having him brush right after dinner, or before a favorite evening TV show. Some children dawdle about brushing before bed to delay the dreaded time when lights get switched off. Unless he's eating after dinner, there's no reason he can't get the same benefit from brushing an hour or two earlier.
Brush your teeth together, making it a family event. You can even hold an occasional contest, where you all chew the tablets (or use the rinse) that point out areas on teeth that weren't brushed well. The winner gets a special prize for being the most thorough.
Buy your son an electric toothbrush. Many children enjoy using a "machine," especially if you also let him pick a toothpaste that he likes. Try adding music to his brushing ritual; most songs run 2-3 minutes, which is an ideal amount of time to spend on dental hygiene.
Find an older youngster who he looks up to and ask him or her to talk with your son about the value of dental hygiene. While he may scoff at your attempts to convince him to care about his teeth (or his breath!), he'll probably pay extra attention if an older kid tells him it's not cool to walk around with stinky breath or rotted teeth.
Create incentives. Some parents use sticker charts to help children track weekly progress to create motivation. Just make sure that you don't reward your son's improved brushing with candy!
Finally, create routines that you stick to. While it should be okay for your son to grumble about brushing, don't engage in power struggles. Allow him to vent about the fact that he thinks it's "dumb" and acknowledge that he doesn't enjoy it, but avoid lecturing. Instead, create clear, non-negotiable expectations while doing what you can to make the experience a bit more enjoyable. Someday, he will be proud of his pearly whites, and he'll thank you for helping him develop the habits of good dental hygiene.
Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama
AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 4)
10-12-2010 @ 8:08PM
betty said...Ask him, would you like to brush your teeth now, or in 5 minutes. He will answer, in 5 minutes. Then, when it's time to do it, he will feel it was HIS decision, not yours. I used this with violin practice after finding it in a book, and it worked wonders!
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 9:57PM
plypuck said...and again, coddling little johhny or muffy to make them feel like they're calling the shots...it's just not a good parenting strategy--they'll want to negotiate everything--and they're in no position to do so...it'll just set you up for bigger problems later........
10-13-2010 @ 3:28AM
A.D. said...Ask him if he would poop, pull his pants up without wiping and then go to bed... tell him it is just as gross to go without brushing after eating. Drive the point home with some pictures of rotting teeth and other oral ailments. I could see coddling him a little if he were 6 or 7 but a 10 year old who doesn't grasp why brushing is a must seems like a kid with larger issues.
10-12-2010 @ 8:18PM
Ray said...Tell him "brush only the teeth you want to save"
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 8:27PM
vettura said...Are you kidding? Of all the battles I had with my son, brushing his teeth was what I consider one of my faliures. I had battles with him all the time. My concern became more urgent when he became a lawyer and went to work for a very prestigious firm. His breath was atrocious. He just would tell me that it wasn't any of my business. The problem went away AFTER he got married.. I think that if we shared a common bathroom like the old days when I was growing up, I might've influenced him at an earlier age. As bright as he is, he was stupid and egotistical.
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 8:42PM
Jesse said...You just lay down the law and tell that kid to brush his teeth. Hopefully society today wont stop a parent from being a parent instead of a best friend.
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 8:43PM
plypuck said...Who the hell's in charge here?. I laugh when "parents" say, "my little johhny or muffy dosen't wnat to do this"..too friggin' bad---get in there and do it like you know you should. God, what a bunch of namby-pamby wooses are raising their kids. This isn't a negotiation--you're gonna do it and that's that...whatever happened to making your kids do what you know is best for them---I feel bad for any parent who enters into a battle with a little kid--what do you think is gonna happen when they "grow up"--if they ever do...................
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 8:54PM
Hannah said...Plypuck, I absolutely agree with your comments. This is the problem with parents today. They don't set any consequences into place. Parents should always have control of the situation. Your kid doesn't want to brush his teeth? You make him/her do it! Children are not smart enough to make choices for themselves. If they could, they would eat candy all day and never sleep. We as parents have to stick by our guns and be the bad guy when necessary. Tell them what their consequences are for disobedience, and if they still don't do what you ask, you punish them. Parents are now too afraid to spank or use any punishment. Get over it! You are NOT their friend, you are their parent!
10-12-2010 @ 8:44PM
Don said...Who's in charge? You or Them. Aw yes, its 2010, not the 30 or 40s. We learned enough while growing up to go out and save our country so you liberal wimps can argue with your kids about doing as they are told. Between you liberals and our current chiefs the US of A will be another Roman Enpire in anolther thrity or forty years.
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 11:09PM
plypuck said...What kind of idiot brings "impeach the president" into a debate of how to get a little brat to brush their teeth when they dont feel like it? McCain and that bubblehead Palin LOST---get over it--this isn't the forum for that...........
10-12-2010 @ 8:48PM
Don said...Would have helped if you smacked his butt a couple of times as well. Regardless of what those head shrinkers say, motivation thru fear WORKS!
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 8:50PM
plypuck said...Unfortunately, most little kids are just too dumb to grasp that concept--that's why , as a parent, you MAKE them do what they don't want to--and don't enter into a debate about it..............
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 8:52PM
donbro2 said...we can see november from here...impeach obama by february....
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 9:28PM
MC Avante said...I agree Don let's impeach Obama by Feb. Hey i have a better idea, Let's put Bush back in office, cmon. You have to be kidding.
It's amazing how when the person we want to become President loses the race we try to find grounds to impeach him, Clinton, Obama.
But no one brought up the word impeachment for the two worst Presidents to step in the oval office Bush Sr, and Bush Jr.
10-12-2010 @ 11:33PM
Robert said...Could it be that possibly this child was removed from their mothers breast to early? God forbid we teach a child disipline!
I am sure this child and it's parents are part of the society of ignorant people that currently reside in my neighborhood. God forbid teaching thenm responsibilty for their actions and lets just baby them until age 50 or so. These children can do no wrong.
Alas this is our future, only ALLAH and common sense seperate them from life and death, which do youthink will survive?
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10-12-2010 @ 8:56PM
Duane said..."My son doesn't like to brush his teeth". No problem, just tell him to keep doing what he's NOT doing and in a few years he won't have any teeth to worry about brushing.
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10-12-2010 @ 8:59PM
mls said...My suggestion is an educ. trip to the dentist so that the child can see what not brushing may end up as - a painful trip to the dentist for a cavity fill. The visit can be educ. so that the child see that non care is not such a great idea. the dentist or asst. should emphasize as well that a prof. teeth cleaning is painless. Also recommend a toothbrush at the kitchen or powder room sink so the child can bursh right after a meal or snacking then run outside and play with his buds. Choose a battery powered brush with his/her fav' char' so that there brush is special to them.
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 10:47PM
Cecilia Romanus said...Mis, brushing your teeth in the kitchen sink? Really? I almost vomitted when I read that.
10-12-2010 @ 8:59PM
O(kakopa said...Why ask him? As the adult it is yourplace to tell him. Tell him that he can brush before his bath and pjs or after but he WILL brush his teeth as you are the parent and it is your choice not his. He needs to learn that in life we all have to do things that we don't really want to do but as I said...that is life. Another way to put it....tough tonails do it anyway.
I have been tempted to ask the answer people when parents lost their spines that they can't make a decision without a discussion. The only time that we used discussions in our family was after the kids were 18.
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10-12-2010 @ 9:03PM
mfgapen said...You are the adult, raise your children. Adult........child. There is a difference. Like so many today, the kids run the show, then you are the first to go to school and wonder why you kid has problems. LOL
Wake up. Too bad, brush your teeth, or else, the end. Not hard.
Be a parent.
Reply