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How Can I Get My Son to Brush His Teeth?
Filed under: Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Expert Advice: Big Kids
Dear AdviceMama,
When it's time to brush his teeth, my son always puts up a fight. What should I do?
Signed,
Dental Dilemma
Dear Dental Dilemma,
Your son doesn't like to brush his teeth for the same reason he probably doesn't like to do his homework, go to bed or take out the trash: Children are biased toward enjoying themselves as much as possible.
While logic and reason might help offer your son an awareness of the importance of dental hygiene, a 10-year old boy may not be motivated to brush his teeth simply because he knows he should.
Here's my advice:
Instead of making brushing a part of his bedtime ritual, consider having him brush right after dinner, or before a favorite evening TV show. Some children dawdle about brushing before bed to delay the dreaded time when lights get switched off. Unless he's eating after dinner, there's no reason he can't get the same benefit from brushing an hour or two earlier.
Brush your teeth together, making it a family event. You can even hold an occasional contest, where you all chew the tablets (or use the rinse) that point out areas on teeth that weren't brushed well. The winner gets a special prize for being the most thorough.
Buy your son an electric toothbrush. Many children enjoy using a "machine," especially if you also let him pick a toothpaste that he likes. Try adding music to his brushing ritual; most songs run 2-3 minutes, which is an ideal amount of time to spend on dental hygiene.
Find an older youngster who he looks up to and ask him or her to talk with your son about the value of dental hygiene. While he may scoff at your attempts to convince him to care about his teeth (or his breath!), he'll probably pay extra attention if an older kid tells him it's not cool to walk around with stinky breath or rotted teeth.
Create incentives. Some parents use sticker charts to help children track weekly progress to create motivation. Just make sure that you don't reward your son's improved brushing with candy!
Finally, create routines that you stick to. While it should be okay for your son to grumble about brushing, don't engage in power struggles. Allow him to vent about the fact that he thinks it's "dumb" and acknowledge that he doesn't enjoy it, but avoid lecturing. Instead, create clear, non-negotiable expectations while doing what you can to make the experience a bit more enjoyable. Someday, he will be proud of his pearly whites, and he'll thank you for helping him develop the habits of good dental hygiene.
Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama
AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon.
When it's time to brush his teeth, my son always puts up a fight. What should I do?
Signed,
Dental Dilemma
Dear Dental Dilemma,
Your son doesn't like to brush his teeth for the same reason he probably doesn't like to do his homework, go to bed or take out the trash: Children are biased toward enjoying themselves as much as possible.
While logic and reason might help offer your son an awareness of the importance of dental hygiene, a 10-year old boy may not be motivated to brush his teeth simply because he knows he should.
Here's my advice:
Instead of making brushing a part of his bedtime ritual, consider having him brush right after dinner, or before a favorite evening TV show. Some children dawdle about brushing before bed to delay the dreaded time when lights get switched off. Unless he's eating after dinner, there's no reason he can't get the same benefit from brushing an hour or two earlier.
Brush your teeth together, making it a family event. You can even hold an occasional contest, where you all chew the tablets (or use the rinse) that point out areas on teeth that weren't brushed well. The winner gets a special prize for being the most thorough.
Buy your son an electric toothbrush. Many children enjoy using a "machine," especially if you also let him pick a toothpaste that he likes. Try adding music to his brushing ritual; most songs run 2-3 minutes, which is an ideal amount of time to spend on dental hygiene.
Find an older youngster who he looks up to and ask him or her to talk with your son about the value of dental hygiene. While he may scoff at your attempts to convince him to care about his teeth (or his breath!), he'll probably pay extra attention if an older kid tells him it's not cool to walk around with stinky breath or rotted teeth.
Create incentives. Some parents use sticker charts to help children track weekly progress to create motivation. Just make sure that you don't reward your son's improved brushing with candy!
Finally, create routines that you stick to. While it should be okay for your son to grumble about brushing, don't engage in power struggles. Allow him to vent about the fact that he thinks it's "dumb" and acknowledge that he doesn't enjoy it, but avoid lecturing. Instead, create clear, non-negotiable expectations while doing what you can to make the experience a bit more enjoyable. Someday, he will be proud of his pearly whites, and he'll thank you for helping him develop the habits of good dental hygiene.
Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama
AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon.
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 4)
10-12-2010 @ 9:05PM
googoo said...a good time to brush teeth is in the shower... makes 'em feel all grown up.
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 9:07PM
plypuck said...donbro2: --i wasn't responding to you--my comment was posted at 8:51--yours was 8:52--i was replying to another "don" who posted at 8:44--scroll up and look--i wasn't calling you a name...........
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 9:09PM
cali john said...YOU DON'T BRUSH, YOUR GUMS WILL BE MUSH
AND
YOU DON'T GERGLE, YOUR TEETH WON'T BE PLURAL.
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 9:17PM
Jon said...As a parent of two boys, I'd be ashamed to ask such a ridiculous question! We just can't get rid of the ol' hippie and psycho-babble mentality. Whether it's brushing their teeth or whatever, they were expected to do what was told. We didn't have to yell or threaten them. We just had to be assertive, and they had to remember the difference between parents and children. One of my boys tried to get by with a quick brushing. I told him he wasn't finished. He complained so I gave him a choice: "Either you finish it, or I'll finish it for you." "What's it going to be?" No problems with that since then. They're 15 and 12, doing very well in school, in scouts, at church. Parents must invest the necessary time in the first several years to help reduce the headache and heartache that could come later. When I hear the parent(s) stick the words "OK?" or "please?" at the end of a request trying to make it more attractive for the child to obey, they're only setting themselves up for misery. It took me longer to write this comment than it ever took me to get one of my children to do what I asked.
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 9:37PM
MC Avante said...Ther's nothing wrong with asking for help. This is one of the reasons. So many kids are screwed. Parents don't know the answer, so instead of asking, the parents attempt to figure it out themselves.
Everyone doesn't have resposible parents to teach them positive parenting skills. I applaud her for seeking help.
10-12-2010 @ 9:17PM
Vi said...If your doesnt want to brush his teeth. Give him a choice hold up a toothbrush and a paddle. Tell him to choose one. Works everytime
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 9:30PM
Miranda said...I dont agree with your answer.
When I was a child I didn't like brushing my teeth because the toothpaste always had to strong of a flavor and felt like it was burning me. My parents had to experiment with me to find the perfect toothpaste that didn't hurt.
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 9:31PM
dnew said...Yes I agree after dinner brushing may work. BUT and a big BUT coming from a dentist. That means no snacks, juice, or milk before bedtime. During the night when we sleep we are all more prone for cavities due to the production of less saliva as we sleep, which protects our teeth. If there is any one time when it is most important to brush it is before bedtime after the last thing we eat. If anyone is looking for a good way to explain kids cavities. tooth IQ does a wonderful job under Kids cavity movie. I also recommend electric tooth brushes. We at our office sell them at cost to our patients. What is usually $150 brush in the store is about $80 in our office. I know the kids sonic care tooth brushes are really nice and my 21 month old twins love them and it makes it easier to brush their teeth. The kids sonic care brushes are less costly than the adult models but are good brushes and all have a 2 minute timer. Also getting kids in the habit of swishing with a flouride mouth rinse like ACT is great for preventing cavities as an adjunt to brushing and flossing. It's a hard fight with 10 year olds but when parents are faced with large dental bills because of lack of home care that is when it hurts. So if it is a $50 tooth brush brushing 2 minutes twice daily vs. multiple cavities getting numb and hundreds of dollars I side with the brush. I would rather kids have pleasant dental experiences and avoid cavities so when something major happens they are more relaxed and comfortable to even be in the office.
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 5:36AM
BruniRDH said...THE most important time to brush is just before bedtime for all the reasons you mentioned. Chances are, if they brush that early, they WILL have some kind of snack or something to drink other than water. Not good.
In a situation as described here, I would have to say, it shouldn't be the childs choice. If we don't teach our children, they just won't learn. Not only is the child going to have dental issues, but the bacteria that is being allowed to remain in their mouth could possilby lead to other very serious health issues. Heart disease, diabetes, artheriosclerosis, etc.
When my kids were growing up. I sent them to brush, and then I had them scratch their tooth, and if anything was there, they had to go back and brush again. My son finally learned after having to brush at least 4 times, before he came out plaque free. He learned. For some reason, the problem is more prevalent with boys than girls. I see this every day. For the most part, that changes with puberty.
10-12-2010 @ 9:43PM
JC said...My nephew would react the same way when time came to brush his teeth (he was 2-3 yrs old). We thought he was spoild and having a tantrum, until my sister noticed he'd put up a fight when it came time to do anything that involved a strong taste or odor. After several consults, doctors discovered my nephew had Juvenile Migraines - prevalent in boys, and triggered by odors. After almost 10 yrs on medication and a 'scent-free' house, he outgrew the migraines. You just never know...especially when kids can't tell you what or how they are feeling.
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 10:58PM
mike said...Any so called parent who has to ask for professional advice on how to get their precious little baby to brush their teeth has already lost the battle with the kid ,just give up let him do as he pleases when he pleases because you are to STUPID to be in charge and might as well let the kid have complete control,
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 9:56PM
john shipes said...give him five choices number 1 pull all his teeth ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,number2 beat the hell out of him with grand paws belt .................number 3 take his cloths away from him ,,,,,,and make him sleep outside ,,,,,if that dont work take him to the nearest fire station and leave him ...shipes job
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 10:47PM
bbimley said...IS HE BIGGER THAN YOU ???? IF NOT YOU MUST BE A MORON....
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 11:02PM
pattz15 said...I'm sorry,but Obama is the worst president ever. We won't have a country by the time he is done with it. It won 't be ours in any way. You better stick to brushing your teeth because soon not only our kids will be forced to do what they don't want to do, but adults will be under the thumb of the government. They won.t allow you to brush your teeth, or they will tell you when you can
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 12:04AM
Bill Fitzpatrick said...I believe you said you were the foolish child of a beer drinking redneck .Let us know if this is not true
10-13-2010 @ 12:36AM
ByTheNite73 said..."Cow"pattz15, there are plenty of other forums to vent your political frustration on. I'd suggest you go there instead of spewing here on a parenting forum.
Ugh.
10-12-2010 @ 11:03PM
ot said...Hi,I am responding to to the mom with the child having difficulties brushing his teeth.There are a few questions you need to ask yourself.How does he react when he does brush his teeth or is he mostly reluctanto to do so.This can be a sign of sensory defensiveness so many times unnoticed.There are different types of sensory defensiveness includingtactile (touch), gravitationa(movement and balance), auditory
(hearing), and oral defensiveness (taste, smell, texture).Texture of clothes and often oral sensitvity.Check on the website spd foundation or the sensory processing foundation for more information.Often times this becomes an issue if untreated ans unfortunately not many are well educated on it.I hope this helps in resolving the matter with your child.As an occupational therapist myself working with children,I thrive to see that people are well informed so that they can find solutions to their children's issue.Best of luck! OT4 kids.
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 11:15PM
Kristina said...Goodness .. or you could engage a traveling circus to entertain him, or promise him a trip to Hawaii, or .. let's see, you could walk on your hands singing a verse of "Puff the Magic Dragon" for every tooth he brushes. Are you serious? Tell the doggoned kid that brushing his teeth is part of hygiene, that he isn't permitted to be a dirty boy, and that he doesn't get to do one blessed thing until he's done what is expected of him. Period. What on earth IS this molly-coddling advice you give about kids? This is right up there with giving the 13 year old bully the plastic bat to hit crumpled newspapers with to exercise his mean streak!
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10-12-2010 @ 11:22PM
ot said...Hi,In response to your dilema with your child's behavior in regards to brushing his teeth.As an occupational therapist myself working with children,I can tell you that most of the times I had parents complain about their children not wanting to brush their teeth there was an issue with their sensory processing.You child might be experiences what is known as sensory defensiveness,often times found in the oral cavity although not limited to that part of the body.There are different types of sensory defensiveness including
tactile (touch), gravitational (movement and balance), auditory
(hearing), and oral defensiveness (taste, smell, texture).My advice is that you ask your doctor for a prescription to see your nearest occupational therapist with experience in sensory integration so that you can rule out sensory disturbances.Often times unfortunately for kids,this is overlooked or not seen at all.One too many children "fall through the cracks"as being behavioral or not obedient when in fact the problem is way much serious than just a kid that dosen't like to do this or that.Please visit sensory processing foundation for more information,and if the problem does not subside,ask your Dr.to see an occupational therapist than can evaluate this in your child.I hope this helps and for parents or people whom undermine a child's ability to process sensory information,I advice you to all be compassionate with your child,and not get his "fanny warmed"as commented above and look into this matter.It can get worst as he or she becomes adults so best sooner than later.Children cannot express what they feel and what they feel in a way that satisfies adults.It is not a matter of "who is in charge either"but why is my child feeling aversion toward certain things done mostly by most children.Inform and understand your children.It is part of being a good parent and should never be a burden.Best of luck.If i can be of further help please contact me.I will be glad to be of assistance.Hug your llittle one for me..OT4kids.
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 11:22PM
ot said..."little bastard"????We need to learn to respect children for children to respect us.I work with children and can affirm that when we do so they respond to what is taught."warming a child's fanny" is not the answer.As Miranda stated,she as a child had issues with her toothpaste,maybe some oral sensitivity.Toothpastes can be very strong.Appareantly she had some caring wise parents who looked into the situation with intelligence.
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