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How Can I Get My Son to Brush His Teeth?
Filed under: Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Expert Advice: Big Kids
Dear AdviceMama,
When it's time to brush his teeth, my son always puts up a fight. What should I do?
Signed,
Dental Dilemma
Dear Dental Dilemma,
Your son doesn't like to brush his teeth for the same reason he probably doesn't like to do his homework, go to bed or take out the trash: Children are biased toward enjoying themselves as much as possible.
While logic and reason might help offer your son an awareness of the importance of dental hygiene, a 10-year old boy may not be motivated to brush his teeth simply because he knows he should.
Here's my advice:
Instead of making brushing a part of his bedtime ritual, consider having him brush right after dinner, or before a favorite evening TV show. Some children dawdle about brushing before bed to delay the dreaded time when lights get switched off. Unless he's eating after dinner, there's no reason he can't get the same benefit from brushing an hour or two earlier.
Brush your teeth together, making it a family event. You can even hold an occasional contest, where you all chew the tablets (or use the rinse) that point out areas on teeth that weren't brushed well. The winner gets a special prize for being the most thorough.
Buy your son an electric toothbrush. Many children enjoy using a "machine," especially if you also let him pick a toothpaste that he likes. Try adding music to his brushing ritual; most songs run 2-3 minutes, which is an ideal amount of time to spend on dental hygiene.
Find an older youngster who he looks up to and ask him or her to talk with your son about the value of dental hygiene. While he may scoff at your attempts to convince him to care about his teeth (or his breath!), he'll probably pay extra attention if an older kid tells him it's not cool to walk around with stinky breath or rotted teeth.
Create incentives. Some parents use sticker charts to help children track weekly progress to create motivation. Just make sure that you don't reward your son's improved brushing with candy!
Finally, create routines that you stick to. While it should be okay for your son to grumble about brushing, don't engage in power struggles. Allow him to vent about the fact that he thinks it's "dumb" and acknowledge that he doesn't enjoy it, but avoid lecturing. Instead, create clear, non-negotiable expectations while doing what you can to make the experience a bit more enjoyable. Someday, he will be proud of his pearly whites, and he'll thank you for helping him develop the habits of good dental hygiene.
Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama
AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon.
When it's time to brush his teeth, my son always puts up a fight. What should I do?
Signed,
Dental Dilemma
Dear Dental Dilemma,
Your son doesn't like to brush his teeth for the same reason he probably doesn't like to do his homework, go to bed or take out the trash: Children are biased toward enjoying themselves as much as possible.
While logic and reason might help offer your son an awareness of the importance of dental hygiene, a 10-year old boy may not be motivated to brush his teeth simply because he knows he should.
Here's my advice:
Instead of making brushing a part of his bedtime ritual, consider having him brush right after dinner, or before a favorite evening TV show. Some children dawdle about brushing before bed to delay the dreaded time when lights get switched off. Unless he's eating after dinner, there's no reason he can't get the same benefit from brushing an hour or two earlier.
Brush your teeth together, making it a family event. You can even hold an occasional contest, where you all chew the tablets (or use the rinse) that point out areas on teeth that weren't brushed well. The winner gets a special prize for being the most thorough.
Buy your son an electric toothbrush. Many children enjoy using a "machine," especially if you also let him pick a toothpaste that he likes. Try adding music to his brushing ritual; most songs run 2-3 minutes, which is an ideal amount of time to spend on dental hygiene.
Find an older youngster who he looks up to and ask him or her to talk with your son about the value of dental hygiene. While he may scoff at your attempts to convince him to care about his teeth (or his breath!), he'll probably pay extra attention if an older kid tells him it's not cool to walk around with stinky breath or rotted teeth.
Create incentives. Some parents use sticker charts to help children track weekly progress to create motivation. Just make sure that you don't reward your son's improved brushing with candy!
Finally, create routines that you stick to. While it should be okay for your son to grumble about brushing, don't engage in power struggles. Allow him to vent about the fact that he thinks it's "dumb" and acknowledge that he doesn't enjoy it, but avoid lecturing. Instead, create clear, non-negotiable expectations while doing what you can to make the experience a bit more enjoyable. Someday, he will be proud of his pearly whites, and he'll thank you for helping him develop the habits of good dental hygiene.
Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama
AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon.
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ReaderComments (Page 3 of 4)
10-12-2010 @ 11:25PM
Jon said...To MC Avante's reply, my response is: "I stand corrected." I was fortunate enough to have great parents to guide and direct me and I'm trying to pass that on to my children. My apologies to the parent with the problem, and I can certainly appreciate the complex issues in raising children. My real target is some of the new-age parental tactics that seemingly complicate things, rather than dealing directly with the issue and moving forward. It's very courageous for this parent to read through these comments, trying to weed out the negative ones including the first line of my initial comment. Next time I'll try to help without the knee-jerk reaction to the question. I sincerely hope the parent is successful in finding a solution that works best for them.
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 12:25AM
Susie said...tell your son if he doesn't brush his teeth they will get rotten & fall out like old peoples do...lol tell him if that happens his teeth will hurt & he will have 2 get numb shots in the mouth to fix the problem. So ask him which does he prefer??? also for the motivation in brushing his teeth put up a chart board with stickers, if he does more brushing during the week reward him a night out or a night in with pizza or whatever it is u do for family time. hope this helps & good luck.
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 11:39PM
cindy franco said...I NEVER said "brush you teeth" to my kid. I ALWAYS said now it's TIME TO brush your teeth.try that instead of asking... just say "Now it's time to" before anything!!.. just simply put, no badgering.. the "Now it's time to" has never failed. no discussion, and certainly NEVER a family together moment??!.. What the heck??... Brush your teeth, over !Now it's time to go to bed,Now it's time to take out the garbage, etc.... my mom taught me this, it is soooo efective!
Reply
10-12-2010 @ 11:57PM
Bill Fitzpatrick said...Spare the rod, spoil the child. But really your the parent, Stand his butt in a corner till he sees the light .Well behaved children seldom get there by themselves
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 12:49AM
Angela said...Personally, I would just let the little brat NOT brush his teeth... but when he goes to the dentist and has cavities -- I just tell the dentist HE'S NOT ALLOWED ANY PAIN CONTROL.
They learn real fast after that.
Becomes totally their idea, in fact!!
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 1:36AM
ByTheNite73 said...Angela, the best answer by far. :)
10-13-2010 @ 1:25AM
terry said...when I was a kid I hated brushing my teeth and then one time at school we saw this film...idr if it was in the auditorium or in the classroom, but...they showed us pictures of these people...pictures of their mouths...looking back I guess they were probably coke heads or something...or maybe hardcore smokers, this was before crack was invented...but their mouths were gross their gums were diseased and their teeth were brown and falling out and they were ugly as hell and the teacher told us, "this is what your mouth is gonna look like if you don't brush your teeth" and needless to say I was scared straight I ran home and brushed my teeth and never stopped brushing my teeth...and I stopped eating candy...I think for a few years I actually overdid it like I brushed four times a day...I don't even remember the pictures but I was terrified and I'm 44 now so this was like 35 years ago and I've been obsessed with dental health ever since I brush, floss, and use mouthwash every day...people should try that with their kids it works I promise..
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 1:43AM
Cecilia said...When my son was younger (between a year and half until he was almost 3), he was super difficult with brushing his teeth. I tried most of those games and he would just shut his mouth and cried his eyes out. He is super behaved and great with everything else. It got easier as he got older and he's 10 now. His little sister is much easier because she has him to copy and she appreciated my brushing games =)
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 1:46AM
JP said...What kind of idiot parents do we have anymore? They can't even figure out how to get their child to obey the simplest, most basic rules! Let your brat put up a fuss and then make him brush his teeth anyway! He's the kid - YOU are the parent!
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 2:29AM
ByTheNite73 said...JP, I totally agree with you. I'm only in my early 30's, but when my parents told me to "go brush my teeth" when I was a kid, I did so. I may have fussed a bit, but my parents were stern, but loving.
"Go brush your teeth, it's bedtime"
I balked once in a while, and whined, as any kid would do.
Mom walked me into the bathroom, handed me my toothbrush, and stood by me while I brushed.
Know what? Afterwards, tucked into bed, I got a kiss on the forehead, a story read to me, and my mother telling me how much she loved me before I drifted off into comforting sleep that only children know.
10-13-2010 @ 2:18AM
VMWH said...What is the possibility that the child is allergic to sodium laural sulfate? It is the detergent ingredient in most toothpastes and many people are allergic to one or more of the chemical sulfurs.
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 2:11AM
lllllllllllllll said...Stop ADVERTISING on this page, idiot!
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 2:21AM
T. Burniston said...Years ago my ten year old son would grumble about having to brush his teeth. I finally told him, 'Mark, you don't have to brush all of them. Just brush the ones you want to keep!' That ended it.
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 2:38AM
juli said...It's not a question of what HE wants. ....It's what YOU want him to do. You're the adult ! You run the show ! The more you give into him, the more he's going to be a problem. And he will be a BIG problem at school,, b/c he's used to doing his own thing. And he will think rules don't apply to him . I know some adults like that.
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 3:01AM
Elaine said...OK, but what if your son is 20? :-D
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 5:05AM
lovemykids135 said...I learned to not feel bad. At 42 years all my teeth are being pulled due to poor brushing habits that continued into adulthood. Great dental hegiene is so crucial (great job for asking for guidance). Parenting has no handbook
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 2:46PM
lovemykid135 said...I do not mean any disrespect when commenting on your posting. I have NEVER taken street drugs. I saw the same things you did back then but with fast food, running around none stop with kids, prescribed medications due to spine deteriating (this is what has progressed uncontrolled tooth decay) and poor dental hygeine that never got better from childhood. All My teeth rooted within 3 months. Prescription medications are the real dangers today. Did my research too late. Again this is just an FYI of street drugs not really the problem.
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 6:51AM
psykoticgoddess said...when my husband was younger he was never forced to brush his teeth... he actually had pretty good hygene. its one of the things i admired about him.... then after we got married he'd brush less and less and less.. now i'm lucky if he'll brush every other month.. his breath smells like a cat box.. we get into fights all the time about his teeth.. he says he's married now he doesnt have to impress me. now i feel like i have a 10 year old that wont brush his teeth. I tried the "get him a mechanical toothbrush" he used it for like a week.. that was a year ago..but i highly doubt stickers and progreess charts and making it "fun" will help this situation.
Reply
10-13-2010 @ 7:58AM
Dean said...Maybe if you got your husband some overall health videos and CDs that have sections on the importance of oral health, it would help him to get on a health kick, not only for you (since as you put it, he feels he doesn't have to impress you now), but it will hopefully motivate him to do it for himself. It seems like everything, we have to create good habits, and a lot of times it seems one good way of doing this is to immerse ourselves into information about the habits we want to change. Badgering him won't help, believe me. Loving him will. The Bible says knowledge puffs up but love builds up. Lastly, nothing like prayer, to help change a situation. I'm trying to change my habits to good ones, too, and I know how hard it can be. So, you have my sympathies. I'll remember you and your husband in my prayers, and if you will, please remember me & my family in yours. Thank u. I appreciate it. Good luck to you and God bless.
10-13-2010 @ 1:39PM
Candy said...Susan, excellent answer! (Except about brushing after dinner and not before bed...most people have some snack of some kind after dinner...this is America, right?)
Our dentist friend said that he actually brushed his kids teeth once a day until they were 10 or 11. He taught them, but he felt that teeth are so important he made sure every surface of every tooth was done at least once a day. My husband was horrified, but we realized that it was at least partly correct. We are pretty strict, but my husband actually did brush the kids teeth most days until they were 10. (he was gentle, by the way, and didn't make it a bad thing, but a good thing.)
I also think it is a great idea to check to see if your child has sensitive teeth or sensitivity to the toothpaste. That isn't being permissive, it is just being practical and considerate. Thanks for the posts. One of my teens still has to be reminded to brush. Can't imagine why, but I'd rather do that than have them have rotten teeth.
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