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Opinion: Bullying Stops With Parents
Filed under: Tweens, Teens, Bullying, Opinions, Sex, Tween Culture, Teen Culture, Health & Safety: Tweens, Development: Tweens, Social & Emotional Growth: Tweens, Behavior: Tweens, Nutrition: Tweens, Education: Tweens, Activities: Tweens, Gear Guides: Tweens, Research Reveals: Tweens, Expert Advice: Tweens, Health & Safety: Teens, Development: Teens, Social & Emotional Growth: Teens, Behavior: Teens, Nutrition: Teens, Education: Teens, Activities: Teens, Gear Guides: Teens, Research Reveals: Teens, Expert Advice: Teens
Tyler Clementi, 18, a first year student at Rutgers University in New Jersey, killed himself shortly after being spied on and having footage of himself streamed online. Credit: AFP/Getty Images
And these were only the ones we read about.
Here are some horrifying statistics. Suicide is the third-leading cause of death for young people ages 15 to 24, and fourth for children ages 10 to 14. A 2008 survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention revealed that one-third of high-school students had seriously considered suicide, created a plan or actually tried to take their own life in the 12 months preceding the survey. Furthermore, boys have a higher rate of suicides, yet girls are also more prone to report their own attempts. And gay kids, according to other surveys, are at least twice as likely to make suicide attempts.
These are our sons and daughters -- tweens and teens grappling with who they are in the romantic world, so many of whom are bullied at school for being different, so many of whom remain silent about their struggles and pain.
This needs to stop. Both the bullying and the silent shame. Every one of us has the capacity to be the catalyst to end this misery. Take personal responsibility by reaching out to the children around you and making sure they are all safe, no matter who they are.
Start with your own dinner table and ask your child, "Who's being bullied at school?" Statistics dictate that teenage suicide will touch us all at some point, but those numbers don't have to stay that way.Talk to your kids and figure out where the bullying is going on, then use the resources below to empower yourself to make a difference.
Teach your child to believe in himself as well as standing up for those around him. And if your child is the bully, end that behavior immediately. Parents, check your own bullying tendencies as well. Answer this question honestly: What am I doing that's contributing to this situation? Chances are, there's something you can change in your own behavior and attitudes that will have a major impact on your kids and the world around them.
Don't wait until another child suicide story hits the front page before making this a priority in your family ... because that could be one day too late.
GLSEN: The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network offers a comprehensive list of anti-bullying resources.
PFLAG: Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays is a family-based organization committed to the civil rights of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. They offer parents 10 ways to make our schools safer and ways to report bullying in schools.
The Trevor Project: The Trevor Project focuses on crisis intervention and suicide prevention efforts among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. The confidential hotline is 866-488-7386. Check out their section on suicidal signs and facts and advice on how to help someone who is suicidal.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255)
Eddie Mercado is senior manager at AOL and works closely with the ParentDish team.
PFLAG: Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays is a family-based organization committed to the civil rights of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. They offer parents 10 ways to make our schools safer and ways to report bullying in schools.
The Trevor Project: The Trevor Project focuses on crisis intervention and suicide prevention efforts among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. The confidential hotline is 866-488-7386. Check out their section on suicidal signs and facts and advice on how to help someone who is suicidal.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255)
Eddie Mercado is senior manager at AOL and works closely with the ParentDish team.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
10-14-2010 @ 10:38PM
Wendy said...You make this sound so simple, it is not simple. This problem is huge and (I think) has little to do with gay/straight. It must be fixed from the "top" down, not from the "bottom" up. Let's start with the drug companie$. Give it a name and they'll give you a pill for it. In fact, they'll even have it delivered to your mailbox for you (better get it before the kids in the neighborhhood do).
Our Mental Health Community. They've worn out "ADHD" so now we're moving on to "BIPOLAR" Watch these numbers soar! (Meanwhile, the kids who truly have an emotional handicap are just one in the crowd.)
Our Schools. The school boards are playing politics and the Administrators are 'pushing papers' as fast as they can to make it look like they have some idea of what they're doing.
Law Enforcement. They're so confused that they don't even know what their job is! They don't know what to do with the kids that have been failed by everyone else. They spend more time at the schools trying to do the schools' job that isn't being done. So, they beat the kids up at every opportunity, harrass them and haul them into court with a bad attitude. (Don't know where your bad attitude came from, buddy!)
I'm NOT suggesting parents have no part in this. Give your kids some attention, some morals and love, and fight for their rights. Their rights to a good quality education, their rights to love one another and not point fingers at differences. Their rights to be heard. Their rights to peace and serenity in their world. If this sounds too much like work, you should not have had children.
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10-14-2010 @ 6:06PM
IrisC said...I believe the bullying stems from within one's home. I also feel the bully is full of anger from his home life and then is taking it out on other kids in school.
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10-17-2010 @ 9:49AM
Esther said...I agree with the response from Wendy. This opinion does make it sound simple and it is not simple at all. My son was briefly bullied at school by a new kid when he was in elementary school. He retaliated by using threats and that was when the school got involved...because he retaliated. The school had a "bully-prevention" program which was bogus, and they didn't know how to handle the situation. It all goes to back to the age-old reaction that the kid who retaliates is the kid who gets in trouble, never the kid that bullies. My son paid for his part by a suspension, however the bully conveniently was absent for 5 days, and upon his return, nothing was done. Kids are not stupid and my son figured out all too quickly where he stood. All this did was make him a lazy-learner and an underachiever throughout the rest of his school years, elementary school as well as high school. We worked so hard to instill a good example for our son, and it took weeks to undo years of hard work trying to instill a love for learning in our only child. While I do believe that most bullies have troublesome home-lives, it is no excuse for the schools, law enforcement, and mental health communities to take no active participation to stop this growing horror. It is always blamed on the parents that their child is the victim of a bully...never the inaction of anyone else.
I knew then and I know now that my son will be successful and happy, however, the roads will always be rough and it will never be easy for him, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
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10-17-2010 @ 9:40PM
gray64093 said...You're all right in saying that it's not a simple problem. There are potentially as many reasons for bullying as there are bullies. Some do it because it makes them feel powerful, some do it because they just plain don't like the kids they're bullying. The Journal of American Psychology did a study in 2008 that discovered that most of the time, when a bully demands your lunch money, it's mostly because he want's your lunch money. And this is only male-on-male bullying; female-on-female bullying has a whole seperate list of parameters. As much as I hate to say it, so long as one person is discernably different from another, people are going to be bullied. That's a giant problem that needs an actual strategy to address, not just TV commercials begging for it to stop.
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10-18-2010 @ 10:07AM
Madduck said...I know this is 'old school' and not politiacally correct, but the time proven method to stop a bully is a good punch to his face. You might get your butt kicked, but since it is going to get kicked anyway, why not get in one good shot? Many times the bully will go bother someone else.
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