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American Parents Are Chicken
Filed under: Weird But True, Opinions, Health & Safety: Big Kids, Health & Safety: Tweens, Health & Safety: Teens, New In Pop Culture
What we consider "normal" parenting here in America is pretty much considered wackadoo in most of the rest of the world, especially when it comes to what we consider dangerous.
In Japan, for instance, the kids walk to school -- or take those trains you always see people squished into -- starting around age 5. By themselves. No one screams at the parents for "endangering" their kids, and no one screams at the schools when sometimes, spontaneously, they let the kids out early. The tykes are just expected to walk home as usual and if the house is empty, it's empty. They'll be alone for a little while.
Likewise, a Russian translator I know here in the United States lets her kindergartner come home to an empty house, too. She has trained the kid not to set fires or eat paste. She considers this raising her kid responsibly. Moms here consider it child abuse.
It all depends on how competent we think our kids are, and frankly, we Americans treat our kids like dolts. Consider this: An American family with four children moved to Sweden a few years back and their 13-year-old's class went on a field trip to the capitol, Stockholm. This was about a 2-hour ride from their town, and after a morning of sightseeing with a guide, the students were told, "Okay, now it's time for you to explore. Meet back here at 3." Off they went, on their own.
A few years later, the family had moved back to a swank Chicago suburb and this time, another daughter was now 13 and her class went on a field trip, too -- to the park about a mile down the street from her home.
Well the girl got a nosebleed and it stained her shirt. She wanted to go home and change. The teacher said absolutely not, unless her mother came and escorted her home. Turns out, the mom was out of town, but she was reachable by cell and she said to the teacher, "Don't worry. My daughter has a key, she can just change and be back before you even leave the park."
No. Way.
In the end, the mom had to scare up a neighbor to chaperone her daughter both ways.
This past week I was in Australia, giving a Free-Range Kids lecture at the Sydney Opera House (la di dah!). When the local radio shows got hold of me and opened their phone lines, most everyone was calling to say, "Of course our kids can ride their bikes around town!" "My son goes surfing after school!" And, "Good on you!" which is good for you, Down Under. Here in the States, half the callers say, "She should have her children taken away!"
America may be the home of the brave. But not when it comes to parents.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
10-12-2010 @ 11:29AM
behrens.j said...The other day an aquaintance told me that her 7 y o is now biking to and from school. It's a very safe area (and town). Bike paths all the way. The 4 y o is making itself busy around the house, if breakfast isn't ready in a timely fashion, the child will start putting things together (cereal etc). A 9 y o in the neighbourhood bikes to and from school and comes home to an empty house. Having all telephone numbers available, knowing what is allowed and not. If you don't teach your children that you trust them, they will never develop trust. Nor will the feeling of being a responsible person, the leeway will just be absent in full.
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10-12-2010 @ 11:29AM
behrens.j said...This is outside the US
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10-12-2010 @ 12:02PM
michelle said...Yes US parents in general are totally wackadoo! I am a worrier parent by nature, but all this hover over your child crap has really got to go. Let your kids walk to school, let them play in their neighborhood with the other children, let them learn how to be confident and responsible. They don't learn that by growing into a 20 something that still has to have Mommy blow his nose!
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10-12-2010 @ 12:08PM
zach said...I agree! We're all afraid that social services will take our kids away or we'll get sued. Either one of these options is HIGHLY probable.
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10-12-2010 @ 4:01PM
dougalcandy said...Totally agree!!! I was far from a hovering parent and my daughter turned out great! She walked home from school from 4th grade on--always got herself up and to school on time, got her 1st job in 4th grade (walking a neighbors dog), got her 2nd job at 14 (working in the cleaners down the street). Our reaction to her independence was always pride, not horror that "something could have happened". Today she is a confident college sophomore who happily and competently runs her college life, calls for advice when needed, and is not afraid to speak up and solve her own problems. I for one am very proud of her, feel we raised her well, and will defend my decision not to "hover" forever!
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10-13-2010 @ 3:25AM
TokyoMom said...Ok, I live in Japan and I can say that what you report is not 100% true. Five years old don't walk to school by themselves. Generally kids start walking "by themselves" in first grade, when they are 6. However, they are not really by themselves. They are required to walk in groups with other kids who live near them and/or friends.
Also, many public schools require parents to do patrol duty in the afternoons when the younger kids leave school. How this is arranged depends on the school and PTA. There are other systems in place to protect kids when they are going to and from school. I don't know where you got your information, but kids are not just thrown out into the streets alone. Yes, some kids come home to an empty house, but many, maybe most, still have a mother or other relative at home as it is common to have several generations living in together in one home.
Yes, some elementary age kids are on the trains by themselves, but those kids are going to private schools and their parents made the decision to send them to that school knowing they would have to take a train by themselves. This is not all that common as most young kids go to the neighborhood public school.
And as for kids being let out of school early without the parents knowledge, in 16 years in Japan, many of which were spent working in a Japanese school, I have never heard of an elementary school doing this. Yes, I know lots of parents who didn't pay attention to the information sent home and were suprised their kids got out early. But never did anyone at school suddenly decide to dismiss early. This would only happen in some sort of emergency disaster situation and such situations are planned for.
I agree with the point of your post, but get your information straight.
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10-13-2010 @ 6:40AM
Jim Davis said...Eye think responsible parents should eat more chickens,and eat more of mein enemies.
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10-13-2010 @ 9:07AM
kari said...Free range, baby!! I get so many "comments" on my kids..."you let your child do THAT?" or "is that your child, you should really..." It's ridiculous that my 5 yr old gets questioned riding his bike around our block. Or my 4 yr old runs ahead of me on a walk and I'm within SIGHT distance and someone stops him and makes him wait for me ( he was just trying to race me home )...I can see him, he can see me if he turned around. UGGGGHHHH!!! Lighten up people. My kids know their neighborhood!
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10-20-2010 @ 12:08PM
Valyn said...Why not give the statistics of child rapes and murders in other countries vs. ours, then I will listen to you when you say our children are safe. As for the comment that your kids know your neighborhood...No, actually they don't. You don't know the criminal history of all of the people in the neighborhood. Thinking your children are "OK", is what can cause them to fall into the hands of a predator. It CAN happen in seconds.
I am a survivor of severe sexual, emotional and physical abuse...I would NEVER want my children to endure what I did. So, I will just be a chicken I suppose, at least I know it's helping to keep my children safer.
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10-21-2010 @ 4:07AM
Ramona Prak said...Children are who we bring them up to be. Some tend to stray and have their own thoughts and therefore want to do everything their own way. Age 5 I walked my kids to school. Even 1st, 2nd. But by third grad they were old enough to do it on their own. Now as far as being at home on their own. I worked and if they were sick they stayed home on their own but I would call through out the time I was at work to check on them. On the house phone not a cell phone. Doing this though you had better know in your heart that they are responsible enough to stay home on their own.
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11-23-2010 @ 6:09PM
tracy said...Funny that I stumbled across this column today. My eleven year old and I were talking about her walking up to Main Street after school tomorrow and having lunch with her friends. The question was how she would get home. She said maybe I could ride my bike. My reply? I don't know if I am ready for you to ride your bike. When I was her age, I rode my bike all over. I admitted, I thought she would be fine riding her bike, but I just am not ready for her to be venturing out on her bike in traffic. I don't doubt her abilities but yes I am a chicken.
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2-11-2011 @ 10:09AM
Robin said...My grandmother was taking care of her 3 year old brother and cooking dinner on a wood burning stove by the time she was 5. Kids are not incompetent!
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