Hot on HuffPost Parents:
PHOTO: Virgin Mary Figure Appears With Child Battling Leukemia
Babble.com: 8 Parenting Lessons To Learn From 'Arrested Development'
Melissa Gilbert Shares Her Struggle to Get Sober as Drugfree.org Spokesperson
Filed under: Celeb Parents, Alcohol & Drugs, Celeb News & Interviews
Melissa Gilbert is living sober. Credit: Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images
Now named the first spokesperson for The Partnership at Drugfree.org, a nonprofit that helps parents prevent, intervene in and find treatment for drug and alcohol use by their children, the TV icon is the mother of Dakota, 21, a son with her first husband, Bo Brinkman, and Michael, 15, with her second husband, Bruce Boxleitner. Gilbert also is stepmom to Boxleitner's sons, Sam, 30, and Lee, 25.
Gilbert recently spoke with ParentDish about her work with Drugfree.org and her own battles with addiction.
ParentDish: Why did you decide to become Drugfree.org's spokesperson?
Melissa Gilbert: It came to me at a really interesting time. I had come back from the musical tour of "Little House," and I had injured my back. It turned out that my back was broken. I had major surgery and was stuck in bed for eight weeks and painkillers, blah, blah, blah, and dealing with trying to cope with the pain and an addicted brain.
I was sort of coming out of my stupor and going out and about and trying to decide what comes next. And, out of the blue, I get this call from the partnership: "We're rebranding, we've never had a spokesperson, the board has met and they would like you to do it." And I had just come through yet another challenge with my own sobriety.
I also started reading their website and I saw it was really dedicated to parents of teens, children and young adults and being about intervention, prevention and help. It really clinched it for me because our family has been through it with one of our kids pretty intensely. He got arrested, this quadruple-parented boy, my stepson, and we walked him through this process.
I was really amazed. As a sober alcoholic and someone who definitely did drugs, we, as parents, can't say to our kids we never tried it or did it; that would be totally hypocritical. So, I just came to this epiphany that I had this kid who was addicted to cocaine and none of us had a clue, and if we were clueless, imagine how many other parents are clueless.
I knew the partnership because of the iconic brain on drugs commercial, so when I went to the website and all I could think of was, I wish this was here when we had been going through it, maybe we would have seen it coming, maybe we wouldn't have, but at least we would have had the resources to really help this boy.
Fortunately, I think he got scared straight. One of the things that was important was that I talked to all the boys and Bruce to make sure it was OK with them that I do this, and they were amazing. My one son who had the problem said, "As the cautionary tale of the family, tell my story." And I said, "Oh, I think I'm the cautionary tale of the family."
PD: Do you think they picked you because you wrote of your battle with alcohol?
I was sort of coming out of my stupor and going out and about and trying to decide what comes next. And, out of the blue, I get this call from the partnership: "We're rebranding, we've never had a spokesperson, the board has met and they would like you to do it." And I had just come through yet another challenge with my own sobriety.
I also started reading their website and I saw it was really dedicated to parents of teens, children and young adults and being about intervention, prevention and help. It really clinched it for me because our family has been through it with one of our kids pretty intensely. He got arrested, this quadruple-parented boy, my stepson, and we walked him through this process.
I was really amazed. As a sober alcoholic and someone who definitely did drugs, we, as parents, can't say to our kids we never tried it or did it; that would be totally hypocritical. So, I just came to this epiphany that I had this kid who was addicted to cocaine and none of us had a clue, and if we were clueless, imagine how many other parents are clueless.
I knew the partnership because of the iconic brain on drugs commercial, so when I went to the website and all I could think of was, I wish this was here when we had been going through it, maybe we would have seen it coming, maybe we wouldn't have, but at least we would have had the resources to really help this boy.
Fortunately, I think he got scared straight. One of the things that was important was that I talked to all the boys and Bruce to make sure it was OK with them that I do this, and they were amazing. My one son who had the problem said, "As the cautionary tale of the family, tell my story." And I said, "Oh, I think I'm the cautionary tale of the family."
PD: Do you think they picked you because you wrote of your battle with alcohol?
MG: I know they didn't know what I'd been through with my son, but I know they knew what I'd been through personally and I'm sober and, in the world of advocacy, they know I'm no shrinking violet. I'm certainly going to be a loud voice for whomever I choose to speak with and for.
PD: What do you say to your youngest son about addiction?
MG: He is the only child who knows me as drunk and sober and he's the reason I got sober. I have told him that because of my addiction, which is likely genetic, I started experimenting with drugs when I was just a few years older than him. And it triggered something in my brain that created a chemical reaction that gave me the feeling I'd been looking for all those years -- with this empty heart and soul from all this pain that I'd been through -- which he hadn't been through, but that's not to say that he's not going to try something and it's not going to trigger a switch inside his body.
He knows that his dad smoked pot and is missing chunks of memory because of it. His older brothers have talked to him and he's very well educated. Is it going to help? It may not help him not to try, but I doubt this child will ever get into a car with someone who is high or drunk and I think if this child has anything resembling a problem he'll come and tell us first.
I'm hyper-vigilant at this point. I love my children to death, but as long as they're under my roof and they're under 18, they have no privacy. I have access to Facebook, to his journal, to his e-mail, to every way he communicates, including text messages, and I search regularly.
PD: What do you say to people who say kids deserve their privacy?
MG: I disagree. I don't think that a child under 18 can handle privacy. Privacy is where the problems start. I grew up in the public eye, but I had a very private life and nobody knew what I was doing and I was going on three- or four-day coke binges.
PD: Why did The Partnership at Drugfree.org change it's name from Partnership for a Drug-Free America?
MG: People tended to balk at "America" in the title because they thought it was run by the government and there's a deep inherent fear and distrust in the government of late and it's only grown. So, the word "America" was dropped from it. It's unfortunate but that's the reality of today.
PD: What is your role in the organization?
MG: Anything they need or want from me. Now it's talking about the organization, letting parents know that we're here and part of my job in letting them know that we're here is that I'm here specifically because I get it. I've been there on every side. I was the kid, I'm the parent. That they're not alone. It's very powerful knowing you're not alone. It's one of the great things that keeps me sober. This work is going to keep me sober.
PD: So, you had back surgery. Those pain killers are so addictive.
MG: I was on heavy duty opiates. One of the first things I did when I got home was to call Dr. Drew and ask what I should do. We had a really long conversation about how to avoid triggering the addiction, which can happen when the drug is taken steadily for at least two weeks, and the taper down that has to happen or to taper down before that, which is what I chose to do. He was extremely helpful.
There were times when I would think, maybe I should take a pill before the pain even starts, or I would see if the pain even started. I had to trust that maybe the pain wouldn't come or maybe it could be helped by Tylenol and I forced myself to do it.
Your<span>Voice</span>
Ask Us Anything About Parenting
Recently Asked
TheTalkies:RelatedVideos
-
Melissa Gilbert Opens Up About Past Addiction
'Little House on the Prairie' star Melissa Gilbert opens up about her past alcohol addiction and discusses efforts to combat the the abuse of prescription drugs by young people. Melissa Gilbert became one of America's most beloved child stars with her starring role on the long-running TV series Little House on the Prairie. Now the actress is opening up about her alcohol addiction that developed in the shadow of her fame and she discusses her own efforts to combat the the abuse of prescription d
-
Melissa Gilbert Unhappy With 'DWTS' Video Package
Melissa Gilbert and her dancing partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy were angry about a package that was displayed during the show in which the two were expelling frustrations. Although it was fun night on Dancing with the Stars for Motown Week, Melissa Gilbert and her dancing partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy weren't very cheery after the show backstage due to a package that was displayed during the show in which the two were expelling frustrations.
RECAP: Motown Fever Hits 'Dancing With the Stars'
"You sa
-
Maks and Melissa Thrown Off By 'DWTS' Elimination
Although Melissa Gilbert and her partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy have been at the bottom on Dancing with the Stars, the two told ET that they were surprised when they were eliminated. Although Melissa Gilbert and her dancing partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy have been at the bottom of the pack for a few weeks on Dancing with the Stars, the two had high hopes to continue on to the semifinals and told ET that they were surprised when they were given word of their elimination.
RECAP: 'Dancing with the Stars
-
How Maks & Melissa's Low 'DWTS' Scores Help Them
Maksim Chmerkovskiy tells ET why the judges' poor scores won't lead to an elimination from "Dancing with the Stars" for him and his celebrity partner Melissa Gilbert. In addition to Dancing with the Stars' surprising elimination of Jaleel White last week, shoulders were shrugging as well when Melissa Gilbert and her partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy were safe from the Dance Duel after earning the week's lowest scores. Maks tells ET why the judges' poor scores won't lead to their elimination.
RECAP: '
SitesWeLove
- Site Map
- |
- Staff
- |
- Terms of Service
- |
- Privacy Policy
- |
- Trademarks
- |
- Advertise With Us
- |
- About Our Ads
- |
- AOL Downloads
- |
- Contact Us
- |
© Copyright 2012 AOL Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Aol Family
ReaderComments (Page 2 of 3)
10-15-2010 @ 9:12AM
Kathy said...I see this from both sides of the fence. It is important to respect everyone's privacy. As a mom who intuitively knew something was wrong with my daughter, I did look in her notebook and she was suicidal. I immediately talked with her dad and we intervened. She felt betrayed, was taken to our family doctor. Now she is a single parent of one beautiful child. She is alive! That's all that really matters. However, I did not betray her trust on a regular basis. Yes, parental control on the net is unfortunately necessary for our children these days. And I do mean under the age of 18 of course. When they are young adults we have to let them go. Let them make their own mistakes. That's how they continue to grow and learn as adults. Don't expect them to follow in your footsteps nor make the same mistakes you did. Also, don't expect them to learn from your mistakes.
Reply
10-15-2010 @ 9:28AM
jaja said...Didnt she retire in the 80s, why is she relevent?
Reply
10-15-2010 @ 12:36PM
Becky said...I read the interview with Melissa Gilbert. I felt she has knon both sides of the coin and learned from the past. First of all, she is and was a fantastic actress. I still enjoy watching her projects and appreciate her talents.
No person is perfect anywhere. We all stuggle to get through life and most of us need help if the truth be known. Not drugs but counseling...
I would say, don't shoot the messenger......Melissa may help one kid or 100 children....but she's trying and risked her reputation to do this for others...
If we can save one life...then it's a job well done.....
10-15-2010 @ 9:48AM
Nick McClung said...Wow, is there ANYONE who isn't strung out on drugs? Maybe only the Pope and Mother Theresa and myself. I always thought Melissa Gilbert was such a wholesome, sweet little girl, who grew into a great mother, actress and wife. Boom! There went my regard for her right out the window. Still like her even so. Just wish people would think before they pop these things into their mouths.
Reply
10-15-2010 @ 12:33PM
Brady said...NICK-
Where do you get off judging people! I need to inform you Mother Theresa is dead.
I also have to laugh at you for including yourself with the Pope and Mother Theresa. First of all Pope Benedict XVI is far from having any type of moral standards, going back to when the priests were molesting young boys.
I just wish you would think before you post such silliness.
10-15-2010 @ 9:57AM
Bill said...Just say no
Reply
10-15-2010 @ 12:28PM
Keep the Focus on YOU said...Whether I was a fan or not, there are some things VERY wrong here.
Miss Gilbert has definitely switched addictions.
Drug addiction is about control.
She may be "clean and sober" but she's clearly in denial and on a "dry drunk" if you will. If she was still going to meetings and telling people how she doesn't allow her teenage under 18 kid privacy and has to see all that he does on the computer and elsewhere,
it would be suggested to her that she is controlling this kid.
She's forcing him into a corner and she has no clue. If she doesn't wake up to that fact, this kid is going to act out in ways that will derail her ....
Young teens need to learn that their word can be TRUSTED.
with big brother watching his every move (Big Bro= Ms. Gilbert),
this kid really doesn't have a chance. He'll grow up with resentment, trust issues, possible drug problem.
Melissa, you need to keep the focus on YOU.
Live and Let Live.
and stop making excuses that as long as he's under 18 and under your roof, that gives you the right to put him under your thumb.
Reply
10-15-2010 @ 12:28PM
Keep the focus on YOU said...@Nick McClung,
Your regard for her went out the window because of the disease of addiction?
Would you lose regard for her if she had the disease of Multiple Sclerosis?
Not trying to flame, here. Only trying to enlighten:
While I don't agree with her policy in re: to her kid,
I myself was an addict. I got clean cold turkey 26 years ago.
If you met me, you might like me. I'm sure that once you "found me out" then all regard would be lost?
Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged.
I do hope you really don't lose regard to all who have some sort of disease of addiction. Every family has one...or more.
Easy Does It.
Reply
10-15-2010 @ 1:28PM
carol said...i agree with most of what you say, except calling this a disease. calling it a disease is the biggest copout of all. you can't compare ms or lupus or a sore throat to a drug and drinking problem. you CHOOSE to drink or take a drug. to my knowledge no one has chosen to have ms. the worst thing the medical community ever did was classify alcoholism as a disease. i agree that people need help with an addiction sometimes, but that doesn't merit calling it a disease.
10-15-2010 @ 10:54AM
sam guzman said...So me th ing s ne ed to st ay pr i vate.
Reply
10-15-2010 @ 11:26AM
JD said...Some of you are so incredibly angry and judgemental. I like Melissa Gilbert...and I think she's an honest woman who is trying to help others. And maybe it's just me, but her quote of "addiction being partially genetic" seemed to be directed toward her son as a sort of "heads up" that he might have addiction issues too. I didn't see it as her blaming her family for her own addiction. And, being trained (MA in psychology), there IS a genetic component to addictions...think brain chemicals and brain structure. Do ALL children of addicted parents become addicts themselves? Of course not. But they do have a higher predisposition to it. Also, there is the "drug culture" influence...if you grow up seeing drugs all around, that becomes "normal" to you. However, not ALL people who grow up surrounded by drugs become addicts. Anyway, I just wish people in general were a little more compassionate and a little less judgemental and angry. As far as her substituting one addiction (drugs) for another (saying anyone under 18 can't handle privacy) and therefore needing therapy...what the hell are you talking about? Children (definition: anyone under 18) cannot handle privacy...sure, they can handle SOME privacy but not all...the woman who said she knew something was wrong with her daughter and looked through her diary and found she was suicidal...was CORRECT in her actions...if she hadn't done that, there is a good chance her daughter would have gone on to kill herself. Children not only NEED guidance and protection, they crave it. Anyway, that's just all my opinion...take it or leave it. :)
Reply
10-15-2010 @ 11:51AM
pdq said...Compassion is something we should all have. BUT....If only people would wise-up and NOT START taking either drugs or alcohol, there would be no problems. Just close your mouth, except to talk and eat! Stop looking for "experiences" with artificial stimulants/depressants. If you are mentally ill, go to a doctor and get the right help.
10-15-2010 @ 1:31PM
carol said...jd - a perfect post. you really got it right.
10-15-2010 @ 11:49AM
Michele said...I think alot of these actors want to write a book to make money, so they say they had a 'drug or alcohol' problem once, but now they are cured, etc..when maybe the 'problem' wasn't really an issue.The book was the issue.
Reply
10-15-2010 @ 11:57AM
Bipolar Princess said...your house must be made of really tough glass to throw stones at others!
Reply
10-15-2010 @ 11:58AM
Annee said...As far as addiction being "genetic", I believe that it can be. However, a genetic disposition to it doesn't MAKE you start and, while it may make it difficult, it doesn't PREVENT you from stopping.
I have warned my children that alcoholism runs strong on my husband's side, and that my side has a its share of additive personalities. I told them that while it doesn't mean they WILL be addicts; they should be mindful of it and take care.
Reply
10-15-2010 @ 1:55PM
jiniries said...She is so pretty!!!
Reply
10-15-2010 @ 12:15PM
Opinionated1 said...NOT impressed. She had many priveleged opportunities growing up as a child actress. She chose Drugs & Alchohol. Millions struggle with daily life, dealing with their problems clean and sober! ...and I puke when I read about people like this.
Reply
10-15-2010 @ 12:16PM
vidanelson said...Melissa Gilbert is so right about the genetic component of additions and to trash her because she says so takes her comment out of context. She is trying to show her children why they can't use or drink. No one knows whether they have the genetic link until they try it and then it may be too late. As to privacy, that is a new concept. When I grew up before TV or cell phones there was no such thing as privacy for anybody. When you had two to three kids sleeping in the same room the only place where you could be alone was in the bathroom. Privacy is not a right, it's an entitlement that everyone thinks they should have. Why do you need privacy unless you're up to no good!
Reply
10-15-2010 @ 10:09PM
rickieb said...When they get to be has been actors/actresses/ athletes/ celebrities, then they go out for drug spokespersons or religious speakers. They can't stand not being in the spotlight .
Reply