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Why Breast-Feeding Makes One Mom Squeamish
Filed under: Breast-Feeding, Opinions
Not every mom loves breast-feeding. Credit: Getty Images
Exclusively. Not a single drop of formula ever touched her lips; she was weaned to cow's milk after her first birthday. But -- and this isn't something you'll hear many moms who chose to nurse say -- I never really wanted to.
And now that I'm pregnant with No. 2, even though I have a solid year of breast-feeding under my belt (or, more accurately, my bra), I'm having the same doubts about nursing I did the first time around.
When I was pregnant with E, the thought of breast-feeding grossed me out. I knew it was better for the baby, that it would help with the bonding process, that there were significant health benefits for me.
I'm a very private person, however -- I don't like to be naked even when I'm alone. I'm uncomfortable with bodily fluids, messes, things that leak and public exposure. No matter how many times I tried to envision peaceful moments with a new baby cradled in my arms and nourishing her with my breasts, all I could picture was a dairy cow. Moo.
Pregnancy was enough of a physical sacrifice. I just wanted to be myself again, not a baby incubator or a milk-making machine. Still, I did the research and committed to six weeks -- the minimum amount of time, my doctor assured me, necessary for important antibodies to get transferred from me to the baby.
Read the rest of the story, by Jenny Feldon, at Parenting.com.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 2)
10-20-2010 @ 10:08AM
Heather said...Well it is clear that breastfeeding is more healthy for most babies, but your bonding with the baby is even more important! Do what you feel is right and enjoy your baby.
Reply
10-20-2010 @ 10:58AM
Sophie Culver said...I don't know, at the price of formula in the stores, breastfeeding sure is a cheap option! Some people are unable to breastfeed though and yes, others aren't up to the task or have to head back
to work, etc. If you are going the formula route, a friend of mine told me that Baby Landing was real good for high-value coupons and occasional freebies too. ( Http://bit.ly/BABYlanding ) I know we've been able to get free diapers from them. Their Free Stuff page gets updated daily with new samples. My friend receives the coupons in the mail for formula and said she even received a whole can of Enfamil the other day.
10-20-2010 @ 3:04PM
Catherine said...Were you sexually abused or ridiculed or made to feel guilty about natural things as a child, by chance? It's just a question to ask yourself, and not meant to hurt you. If so, nursing could cause a negative and uncomfortable sensory overload linked to bad memories. If so, forgive yourself for not nursing. Your baby will not die. You can take the opportunity to get counseling at this point in your life. This repulsion to natural body functions has to have negatively impacted many other areas in your life than nursing.
10-20-2010 @ 10:59AM
Sophie Culver said...I don't know, at the price of formula in the stores, breastfeeding sure is a cheap option! Some people are unable to breastfeed though and yes, others aren't up to the task or have to head back to work, etc. If you are going the formula route, a friend of mine told me that Baby Landing was real good for high-value coupons and occasional freebies too. ( Http://bit.ly/BABYlanding ) I know we've been able to get free diapers from them. Their Free Stuff page gets updated daily with new samples. My friend receives the coupons in the mail for formula and said she even received a whole can of Enfamil the other day.
Reply
10-20-2010 @ 8:51PM
Jenn said...How did you ever get pregnant if you don't like bodily fluids and things that leak?
Reply
10-20-2010 @ 6:24PM
karen said...breasts were not created as sexual objects,they were created on a human female for the purpose of feeding their young just as any other mammal. The fact that we made them a fun,sexual and pleasureable body part is our problem,not the baby's. Schedule fun for you and daddy after the baby eats. get over yourself.
Reply
10-20-2010 @ 6:36PM
LESLI said...I honestly feel badly for you. I tried to breastfeed my oldest child for all of three days and was rather ambivalent about it to begin with. It was a disaster and I was unaware that the La Leche League was there 24/7. My son was born on July 2nd (back in the mid 90's they kicked you out of the hospital 24 hours after a normal vaginal birth) and by July 4th I was a wreck! He wouldn't latch on correctly and it hurt too badly to just allow him to suck incorrectly. My grandmother and mother couldn't help, never having nursed children themselves. It was awful and definitely traumatizing, not being able to feed my newborn child. So I fed my newborn on sugar water (at the recommendation of my elders) until our ob came back from vacation and went straight to formula. When my daughter came along four years later, our midwife asked if I would be breastfeeding and it was a resounding NO. I've never regretted that decision, both of my kids were very healthy infants. Though I admit, they were never in daycare either. Its sad that you felt forced to do something you weren't comfortable with and that's why I am especially irritated with all the "pro-feeders" out there. It is and should always be a choice.
Reply
10-25-2010 @ 5:36PM
willow said...Lesli,
Yes, Finally, someone that understands and has a clue! I stayed home with my kids, that was far more important than shoving a boob in their mouths. Both of them excel in college and both my kids hardly ever catch a cold, so much for that idiocy regarding antibodies. I am wondering if these boobmoms understand that being too clean is bad for the immune system, kids can't develope immunities when they have no exposure to the various dirt, etc. out in the real world. Then when the poor kids get shoved into day care they can't even fight all those infections, and then its just downhill from there. I often wonder if that is the reason so many kids are allergic to peanuts and soy, because of the lack of immune system growth.
10-20-2010 @ 9:06PM
LJ said...So very SICK of hearing about breastfeeding and "bonding". Listen, I adopted my children. I love them dearly, gave them every emotional and material item they needed,a great education and lots of cultural exposure. I would go to my death to protect them. PLEASE, lets get off the phoney bonding issue. If you want to breastfeed, please do it and keep it to yourself. And stop acting superior to those of us who do not breastfeed. And what about the moms who can't produce enough milk? Sometimes that problem is not discovered until weeks go by, all the while the baby is under-nourished. I am tired of hearing about this issue.
Reply
10-22-2010 @ 4:32AM
Shelley S said...BREAST FEEDING ISN'T FOR EVERYONE!!!!! The La Leche "breast-feeding nazis" vehemently chastise mothers who,for whatever reason, are not able to or do not enjoy breast feeding. This is a TERRIBLE travesty for ANY mother to endure the ridicule of these self rightous cows who boldy intone, "breast is best."
Yes....if one CAN and ENJOYS this "beautifully natural" experience-GO FOR IT! Otherwise, PLEASE be tolerant of woman who prefer to "bond" by gazing into their children's eyes instead of having their babies' faces "smashed" into the breast!. After a traumatic birth of our first grandchild, our daughter almost lost her life to severe birth complications. There's no way to describe the heartache she felt by her body reacting by shutting down her milk production.. After six weeks of beyond horrible and futile attempts, she succumbed to using solely the bottle. Thankfully, our grandson thrived; our daughter recovered and it was an excellent lesson learned that not always do the "breastfeeding nazis" have it right.
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10-22-2010 @ 1:54PM
Linda C said...I wholeheartedly agree! I was grossed out by the thought of breastfeeding my kids...just a personal choice. I saw nothing natural about it. My husband and family enjoyed the opportunity to feed them when they were infants, and neither suffered from "bonding issues" growing up. When I was in the hospital, and mentioned I wasn't going to breastfeed, I was treated as a second-class mom. Not fair at all! All you boobie pushers need to mind your own business...let the rest of us bond with our babies as WE see fit!
10-23-2010 @ 1:33AM
k8smum said...i am glad your daughter and grandson did well. but to talk about non-bottle fed babies being 'smashed into the breast' and indicate that those who breastfeed cannot look is no more true than nonsense about bottle feeding. to say breastfeeding doesn't let mothers gaze into their infants eyes is wrong, also.
i understand you are still angry, but perhaps kindness towards each other would be better than lashing out at mom's who chose a different way.
isn't that what this topic needs...understanding of each other?
10-25-2010 @ 5:37PM
willow said...Shelly! Yes!
Agreed! Thank you!
10-23-2010 @ 1:24AM
k8smum said...gads! what an enormous amount of anger over this issue! i wanted to nurse my son but it didn't work out. when my daughter was born 18mos later i put her to breast on the recovery table and nursed her for 13 mos. i loved it.
while i do think breast is best, i do not look down on those who choose to do otherwise.
but it is not an issue that should be making people call breast feeders 'booby pushers' any more than i would call any of you 'anti-boobs.'
lighten up people. we lost our daughter at 19 to leukemia after she had been diagnosed at 14...that's something to get upset about, not whether one bottle or breast feeds. jmho.
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10-25-2010 @ 5:36PM
willow said...Well am glad for you. Putting your kid on your boob RIGHT WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN RECOVERING! Wow, I would like to know if you stayed at home with your baby or ran back to work the minute you could dump it off at a daycare.
I had two terrible birth situations where I and my babies could have died, and frankly, I feel that recovery is for the mom, the babies are going to be fine but if the mom isn't ok..then what is the point.
10-25-2010 @ 5:45PM
Debbe said...To k8smum.........My sympathy for your loss. I've lost a son so I can feel you. I agree with you breastfeeding is the individual's choice!
10-23-2010 @ 7:17AM
Tara said...Obviously breast-feeding is the most natural option, even if it doesn't feel natural to everyone. Formulas have come a long way though! There are actually some things in formula to benefit your baby that are not in breast milk. Bonding during breast feeding is not a myth, it is the closest you can be with your new baby. However, if feelings or other issues are standing in the way of breast-feeding, you don't have much room to bond. An easy way to mimic the closeness is by holding your child close while bottle feeding, providing for some skin on skin contact and allowing them to feel your heartbeat. I will be breast feeding my third soon, and I look forward to it. I am not naive enough, however, to think that there are not other good options for my child. I have even read that early introduction to formula can help ward off dairy allergies. Imagine that, a benefit to formula... lucky bottle babies. Either way, they will soon grow and chase balls into the street, get ready!
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10-25-2010 @ 5:36PM
willow said...I am so tired of the milk cows saying how great breast feeding is. I
have two kids. They are a year apart. When they were babies, I was
unable to nurse them. Does that make me a bad mom? To the milk cows it
does. I had no help with my children, and I was so weak from the
entire birth mess that I decided formula would be ok. And it was!
Neither of them have issues with allergies, and neither of them get
sick as much as the nursed kids. I think that nursing mothers must
feel that they HAVE to breast feed because they have to throw their children into daycare. You can't say that formula is bad for all babies and for me, even 1 week of nursing was not doable.
Sorry milk cows, not every mom agrees with you.
And please, don't pop your damn boobs and stick your kid on it when I am trying to eat at a restaurant. ITS OFF-PUTTING. "Natural" or not, sex is natural as well and you wouldn't like to see THAT when you are trying to eat would you?
Reply
10-25-2010 @ 6:52PM
c8smum said...willow: nowhere have i posted anything here deserving of your rude and sarcastic response above. i have said that imo it is a decision each mom to make.
since you are so curious, my husband and i chose to do without luxuries so that i could remain home with our kids. some moms cannot do that and must 'dump' their babies off a daycare; what words you must have for them!
all you seem to want to do is insult anyone who made a choice different from yours. it's probably a good thing you went with formula: with your anger and hostility your milk would have been sour.
you are either unable to read a complete comment or your attention span is too short, so you make knee-jerk reaction comments that are foolish.
i just believe that moms need to be kinder to each other, especially on an issue like breastfeeding which is so personal. you might want to look up the word 'kinder'.
btw: i hope you didn't put too much effort into attempting to insult me; after one actually loses a child there ain't much more the world can do that hurts. thank you for your sympathy. OOPS! another word you might want to look up.
10-27-2010 @ 10:18PM
Melissa said...Really, it'sounds like you feel guilty for your choice to bottle feed. And though some women are "nazi" like in their support for breastfeeding it's because it has taken a lot for us to get the right to breastfeed our babies when they are hungry. I have 11 children, I have mostly breastfed them, I couldn't give my last child the nutrition he needed so I had to supplement with formula. I don't think that your anger is healthy, we are all moms, My sisters bottlefed and I mostly breastfed, can't we just all get along?