Confessions of a Childhood Bully

Of course she's not going to send this to her sister. Read the comment at the bottom of her supposedly heart-felt apology...Here it is.."Jo Parente is the ParentDish nom de plume, a pen name, used by our editorial team when we want to spill our dirty little secrets but still keep our dignity, and families, intact." She is still a COWARD. Hiding away her identity so she can try to free herself from guilt yet still not having to admit to others what she did. I have a twin sister and it never would have occurred to me to treat her like this lady did. My twin was, is, and always will be, my friend. "JO" is only doing this to get attention. That's it. Blasting bullying is the hot topic these days. She just wants her 15 minutes of fame. Go ahead and feel sorry for her if you want, because that is what she desires. Pity. Someone to make her feel better now that she is so sorry for her misdeeds. Until she prints her real name she deserves nothing more than contempt. She brought it up. Let her go all the way. Tell the truth. THEN, maybe, her sister, her family, her friends and her co-workers can work things out.

Carlene.....as I just wrote in another post, it appears you have no business commenting on this. When you have been sitting in the exact same spot aqs either bully or victim of someone close you will have perspective......not to judge others....you will understand why these things took place. Niether victim or victimizer is a happy person, and niether deseves to be judged by anyone other than themselves.Very, very few people have no concience... I already posted this, but I will repeat it to you directly.....I was bullied badly, called every name in the book...my self esteem was so stripped I abused plenty of drugsand alcohol over it for a good 8-9 years of my life, and hurt people along the way. I avoided him at all costs and had alot of anger...but today I know he did the best he could with the tools he had. In 1990 my brother was shot 6 times when someone tried to hijack his car. Now at 52 I can say that there hasn't been a day go by that I haven't wished he was here to bully me just one more time. Come down off your throne......

Shes not a coward, the comment below just meant she didnt want the world to know who she and her family are. This is for her own personal safety. She probably did inform her sister of the article, the the "I'm sorry" at the end. I'm sure her family knows her pin name. Many writers use them, this is not uncommon.
I would read more throughly and apply some common sense before I make rash comments like that.

I had 3 younger sisters. The only one I called names was the one closest to my age. She was 3 1/2 years younger than me. She got called names because she always tailed me and my friends, ruined my clothes that I told her not to wear and was a tattler. If my parents had listened to my complaints and told her to stop following your sister around (she and her friends don't want a little kid hanging with them), leave her clothes alone and stop tattling; there wouldn't have been a problem. My other 2 little sisters didn't go out of their way to be annoying. I don't consider that bullying but rather sticking up for myself when my parents wouldn't and she didn't get called names unless she was doing things to annoy me. The worst thing I ever said to her or friends because she was the one who resembled the rest of us the least was that " She wasn't our real sister but that the Indian milkman brought her and our parents felt sorry for her and took her in." Parents need to be aware of what is going on with their kids when one is being picked on. The one being picked on isn't always an angel. Had my parents corrected my sister when I complained, I wouldn't have picked on her. Now that we're adults, we all get along great.

@ Carlene: You're an ass. Just because she's not telling YOU her name doesn't mean she hasn't taken this up with her sister (the ONLY ONE who matters). This is an article about someone who is now living with the terrible guilt of being a childhood bully. This writers only duty is to write about his/her personal experiences not to drag their family or their family name out into the public eye and apparently your vexed attitude toward those that are now adults trying to make amends. When I say amends I am talking about first admitting to yourself that you have done someone wrong...it's called a first step. However many steps it takes to get you to the ultimate apology to the one you wronged is your business and yours alone...not someone who has entitlement issues.

my brother bullied me all my childhood years and has never admitted to it or apologized for it...actually he doesnt even talk to me...we are all we have....

Please!!!! Do your sister a favor and leave her alone, you could write to her and let her know how you feel now, but PLEASE do NOT impose your being sorry to her as to expecting that she'll forget all the pain you have caused her....YOU are the reason why you two live in opposite sides of the world....I was bullied too by my older sister all my life....and I want NOTHING to do with her....Be grateful that she allows her daughter to have a relation with you, content yourself with that much...My sister does not even know my 5 children...and we live thousands of miles apart....She is the reason why I still go to therapy everyday and still have nightmares, depression, take pills, can't sleep at night, and she is the reason why I cannot function properly as an adult....Please, let her live a little bit of happiness in the years that she has left on this earth WITHOUT you in her life...

AGREE -Kids will stop being bullies at the same time as adults will. In other words, Grow up and start Parenting. If you see it going on in your own home, don't ignore it- address it and put a stop to it, that it is unacceptable behavior.
Jo- your bullying did irreptable damage to your sister, whether you want to accept that or not. You instilled her quiet behavior years ago, just an example how it follows over into someone's adult personality. Are you really honestly sorry for your childhood behavior or are you getting older and just lonely and she is all you have? If you are truly deep down sorry- you need to beg her forgiveness and live up to that commit and build on your relationship. Or never bring up the issue with again.

I absolutely disagree. There ARE times when the victim truly didn't do ANYthing to get that treatment...except for perhaps One thing...make the bully jealous that they are not as nice, smart, handsome, pretty...WHATEVER...as the victim is. The bully feels like satisfaction at hurting the victim. It's a type of victory over their own inadequacies. That's that "dynamic" that you're talking about. Why be mean to someone if you are happy and contented w/ yourself? If you think about it...you'll know I'm right.

You are SO WRONG! My big(older) brother bullied me constantly as we were growing up. I would get fed up and turn to beat the hell out of him, and he would put his legs up so I couldn't reach him and say, "I'm just playing". He finally tried to get physical with me when I was 18 and just out of Army basic training. It ended up with him in a head lock laying underneath me, asking if he was comfortable.
He never protected me like a big brother should, or helped me, or advocated for me. He was a fly in the ointment at all times.
About a year ago he e-mailed me. He is a pot-smoking, often unemployed(because he steals from his employers) non skilled worker. He asked if he could come live with me and my family(I'm now divorced, he didn't know, that's how close we are). I told him not no, but HELL NO!! The only relationship is that our DNA is the same, if he were on fire across the street, I wouldn't cross to piss on him to put him out!
My oldest son towers over his little sister and brothers, they think he hung the moon. They know that their big brother will always have their back, and if he can't handle it, Dad will! They all love each other and I have know doubts they always will. I might have been bullied, but I made sure that no one bullies my kids, and that they don't bully each other, and Dad doesn't play!

Kenhill....you're not listening. You're obviously speaking out of experience Right? Well, as am I. And believe it or not---you confirmed what I said. You're brother was bullying you. You didn't seem to be doing anything to prompt it. Your response was in retaliation---it was not b/c you had low self-esteem. On the contrary--it was your brother. No matter HOW bullying is disguised, including "kidding" or "joking" around. Bullying is bullying. Good for you for the head lock. I need to learn that little trick myself!! :-)

Wow.......I don't think kenhill03 was disagreeing with you, he was just replying to the comment posted by Mr just as you were and I agree with both of you!! I was bullied and threatened with being beaten up by the class bullies (a couple of girls, Carol M. & Leslie M.)) when I was in junior high school in Grandview, Ohio back in 1963-1964. I was the new girl in the class, and very slight in stature. After school, they would wait outside to start a fight with me. I would leave by another door and walk a couple miles out of my way to get home. Nothing was done even after my mom went to the school. There were two girls (one of whom was in my class) that probably felt bad for me and said that they would walk to school with me if I had any more trouble with the bullies. Just knowing that they were there for me gave me the confidence to keep going and get through that bad year and I have never forgotten their kindness. Thank you Katie Moore and Rene Elkin for your support !!!!

Hi Cindy. Yes, Kenhill was disagreeing...did you see the first 3 words in bold? My explanation was the bully is usually the one w/ the problem. Does the victim sometimes aggravate the bully by retaliation when they've had enough? Well, that's how the bully sees it. Does the bully have any validity in what he/she is doing? In HIS/Her mind...they do...out of feeling inadequate and jealous. By the way...as a mom in a very academically and socially competitive neighborhood...little bullies grow up to be big bullies. What a pitiful transition.

I disagree. While some personality types may prefer to remain aloof, the vast majority of humans find catharsis in mending old quarrels. Yes, both parties will get to dig up some painful memories. But once they have passed that point and begun to rebuild their relationship, the memories lose much of that pain. I was the younger, bullied part of the equation in my family. My sister and I have developed a much stronger relationship, one that is worth some initial discomfort.

I do agree. I was the middle child and very plain in looks and I thought without talent. My Dad tried to be there for me but if he was there too much all H*** broke loose in the home. I had an older sister that was so much more or so I was told and thought. A younger brother that was adopted and there for so much better then the birth child that was not really wanted. I put up with the snide remarks at home and school. As a result as I reached my late teens I did a lot of things that were in the no-no catagory and that many still don't believe. No need to go into that. Once I finally got away from home and made friends that did not know anything about me or my family I made real friends and learned that I am special and needed by many. When I had my children, now all grown, I made sure that I kept them from the family members that I could see were bullies, like their parents before them. I now have kind considerate adult children all doing well in their lives and their children are being raised as I raised them. My children are also my friends as I have aged. To those that say so what on bullies...grow up and smell the coffee and figure it out...why you were bullied and are bullies and accept that it is ok.