Neale Godfrey: Return to the Nest
Jill Patir: Hug Your Loved Ones a Little Tighter
Filmmaker Documents a Year of Saying Goodbye to His College-Bound Daughter
Filed under: Amazing Kids, Amazing Parents, Empty Nest, Movies, Relationships, Celeb News & Interviews
Doug Block and a young Lucy. Credit: Marjorie Silver
But instead of downloading those memories onto a DVD and watching them on a rainy day, in 2007 Block decided to take his home movies of his only daughter Lucy and turn it into a 90-minute documentary film called "The Kids Grow Up."
The heartfelt movie, which is currently playing in select theaters nationwide and will also air on HBO on Father's Day 2011, touches on subjects like depression, sex and how a father must come to grips with letting his only child go.
ParentDish caught up with Block and discovered how following Lucy, now 21, around with a camera in hand for years led to the father and daughter relationship they have today.
ParentDish: Was it always your intention to create a documentary about Lucy's life?
Doug Block: No. Lucy has the misfortune of not only being born when the camcorder was created, but to a dad who is a documentary filmmaker. There was no intention to document her life when I originally started filming her.
PD: When did you start filming Lucy's life?
DB: When she was 2 years old.
PD: How many hours a day and a week did you shoot Lucy?
DB: It was not every day, despite what you may think. I shot for maybe 10 minutes one day and then a few minutes more a month later.
PD: So when did you decide to make her life into a documentary?
DB: When I was able to figure out how to frame all of the footage I shot into a story, the film was born. Aside from learning all about Lucy and parenting, this movie also tells the story of how I learned how to let go.
PD: You touch upon many personal subjects in this film including your daughter having sex for the first time and your wife's [Marjorie A. Silver] bout with depression. Why go there?
DB: It was honest and it shows what families go through.
The Kids Grow Up - trailer from Copacetic Pictures on Vimeo.
PD: And Lucy was OK with all of this?
DB: Lucy wasn't thrilled with me talking about how she and her former boyfriend Romain were sleeping together when she was only 17 years old. That scene where we talked about her having sex gave her trouble.
PD: Not surprising, huh?
DB: It was a surprise to me to learn how uncomfortable she was with it, since she was pretty open with us about Romain at the time. We talked about it at length when she first saw the scene and Lucy ultimately understood that the film is coming from my very distinct perspective as a father and the scene is being played for laughs. But even now, a good year or two later, she's not thrilled.
PD: Do you blame her?
DB: Lucy was more concerned about what her teachers or people she associates with might think of her having sex at 17 years old.
PD: And Romain?
DB: As for Romain, I only heard his reaction through Lucy and she said he likes the film. I don't think he had a problem with that scene at all. But then he's a boy. And a French one, at that.
PD: Did making this film ever make waves with Lucy?
DB: About a month before Lucy left for Pomona College in California, things got difficult. There was a day Lucy got really upset and was in tears. So much so, she wanted me to turn the camera off because she was just stressing out over leaving her home, leaving her friends and having to start over in a brand new surrounding. But overall Lucy was a good sport about the whole thing.
PD: How did you deal with her on-camera breakdown?
DB: That scene still haunts me to this day because instead of comforting her the filmmaker in me took over. I mean I knew there were moments that the camera irritated her. When you see your daughter in tears it is never a good feeling. I kept rolling because Lucy never told me [explicitly] to turn the camera off.
PD: What were the pros and cons of making this film with Lucy?
DB: The cons were always, 'How will this impact Lucy and is she really OK with it or doing it to please me?' The pro was I had never seen a film about the parenting privilege and I have this wonderful opportunity to show them what it is like.
PD: Did Lucy ever come to a point where she was like, "Dad, enough?"
DB: With the exception of that one day we just spoke about, no. If she did I would have stopped filming immediately. I even gave her the opportunity at one point to pull the plug and she didn't.
PD: In the film, your wife compares you to the cartoon character Peter Pan. Would Lucy agree with that analogy?
DB: I don't know. That is a good question. Lucy and I had a buddy relationship and I did enjoy palling around with her. We had a great dynamic when she was younger.
PD: How do you compare your relationship with Lucy as a child to your relationship with Lucy as an adult?
DB: As an adult, it is an adult relationship, but every now and then the kid comes out. Just the other day as she was thinking about life after graduation she said, "Dad, if I have to intern for a while can I have my room back?" [Laughs]
PD: So you didn't give her room away or rent it out?
DB: No. [Laughs] We would love it if she came back.
PD: Did Lucy see the film before you showed it to an audience?
DB: Yes. I flew to California because I wanted to see if there was anything she was uncomfortable with.
PD: Now that Lucy is a senior in college how often do you talk?
DB: At least once a week. We either text, Skype, email or use the phone.
PD: Lucy mentions in the film she wants to go into the environmental field. Is that still the case?
DB: Yes, very much so.
PD: As the reviews start to come in, what was Lucy's?
DB: She thinks it is a good film. When she saw it at The Silver Docs Film Festival in Washington, D.C. this past June and saw how the audience responded really well, she was happy.
PD: Any post-production thoughts?
DB: Yes, how quickly time goes. You think it doesn't when you are in the day-to-day routine, but it really does fly by in the blink of an eye.
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ReaderComments (Page 3 of 4)
11-08-2010 @ 12:38AM
Michelle said...This movie looks very sweet and touching. What is wrong with our sociery that we have to look at everything through jaded eyes?
If this was a mom doing this there would be nothing said. I take little videos of my son all the time. Whats wrong with that? Obviously the father and daughter were very close.
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11-08-2010 @ 1:08AM
Mary Jane Perez Cornielle said...Your film about Lucy, reminds me so much of my son John. I saw myself holding the camera, and my only child answering my
questions. I didn't realize when my son left for college, that in reality he had flown the nest, as they say, never to come back home, but only to "visit".
My silent pain, and agony, I kept to myself, knowing it had to be. Well done, I can't wait to see more, the trailer left me wanting to "pry" more in to Lucy's transition.
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11-08-2010 @ 1:29AM
sarai said...Well #1...His daughter gave consent for everything to be on this film, so there's no issue here for all of you talking about CPS and other crap. Get over it the daugther says its okay and she wants a chunk of that money too since it is based on her life, so that's more common sense than what most people are putting here.
#2 I think it is admirable for her to let her story about having sex the first time and showing it on film. Statistics say that 1 out of 4 people in the world have some sexual relationship before becoming an adult and or getting married to someone so this just shows the realities that families have to go through time to time in society. With that said this might be good for the daughter to say that its okay to show that now, but for future employment if its not on ACTING most ppl will be like hey werent you that girl in that one film who had sex at 17? SO Good luck with that honey.
#3 Ya i feel bad the wife is depressed and all, but aside from all that she could have surrounded herself into daily activities outside of the home to not want to feel in that form. PLus this Dad says he would record for 10 mins or so every once in a while. So I would actually like to see what Bigger issues in the family we were missing in the film. Was he a perv.? Was he an abusive husband? Was he too involved in filming his daughter? WHo knows but not everything you see on T.V. is ever 100% real and anybody in the acting business would know this.
#4 At least this father unlike many parents was privileged to record his only child and capture crucial moments of a childs life. Im sure some parents who have lost children would want to have recorded them in their lifetime at one point before an accident death or tragic situation, so at least he was able to do that.
#5 Can't everyone on these comments just get along? Sheez shows the ignorance in the country. GO get educated!!! ANd if you are you would know talking to your child about sex will have higher prevention of it occuring or coming out with a pregnancy INSTEAD of most of you being ashamed to talk to your kids. Remember your kids best friends aren't the one's in school they don't have as much experience dealing with people and other issues like parents. SO most of people's bonehead remarks, go educate YOURSELF! and READ BOOKS instead of blaming others and judging them look at yourself first and see how you have been a good parent or NOT! TO open up about CRUCIAL ISSUES IN A CHILD"S LIFE!
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11-08-2010 @ 3:45PM
Shannon said...It actually shows ignorance on your part because you are unwilling to accept that someone else may have a difference of opinion. I happen to be a practicing Roman Catholic and believe that one's virginity is a sacred gift given to someone upon maturity. Age 17 doesn't constitute emotional maturity. She was still very much a child at that age. For your information, I am an involved parent, who, when it becomes time, will talk openly about issues such as sex. I agree that it must be talked about openly and consistently. But, I do not agree that a 17 year old is mature enough to make the decision go public with her sex life. There is nothing admirable about that and then to have a father condone it by documenting it, is shameful. Sarai, you need to come to terms with the fact that people will have opinions contrary to yours but to refer to other people as "boneheads" really shows your lack of maturity. How old are you? From your post, you lead many of us to assume that you, yourself, may be a teenager, which is fine, but you will have a different mentality twenty years from now when you have lived life and realize that your child's innocence and integrity is precious and should be protected, not filmed for the whole world to see.
11-08-2010 @ 2:04AM
Vasu Murti said...Having lived unwillingly under electronic surveillance, with persons around me wired for sound, and my past probed to a degree no real life religious or political figure has had to endure, I sympathize with the daughter in this regard.
There are certain activities humans engage in -- copulation, defecation, etc. -- which are meant to be done in private.
At least she knows who the perpetrators are. I'm not as fortunate.
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11-08-2010 @ 2:04AM
Doc said...Are we sure that the auteur of the film is Lucy's father? Lucy's a dead ringer for Rowan Atkinson! Surely, they are related.
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11-08-2010 @ 3:05AM
ick2theMax said...Maybe with all the money he'll make on this movie, he can pay for nose jobs for his wife and daughter. They must be related to Jimmy Durante.
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11-08-2010 @ 3:11AM
cathy said...I totally get this having my daughter go off to college and wish I would have documented more of my childrens lives on film. its an amazing thing to have. if you dont have children who have gone off to college, its possible you dont understand. this made me cry, im very touched. voyeur? WTF? Bizarre thing to say in my opinion. My husband got teary eyed leaving our daughter at college. men handle the loss of a daughter differently. its tough.
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11-08-2010 @ 8:03AM
herbclark300 said...Having more memories is one thing, but this guy is just plain wrong. He is obsessed. He has practically abandoned his wife. This man is not someone to look up to. It sounds like a messed up family. I will continue to take pictures and video of both my children, but not to the extent of this man.
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11-08-2010 @ 3:37PM
klee said...Don't really care to see the movie... it sounds a bit odd. BUT, having recently published a book (private) for my husband's last birthday with pictures and letters from his entire life, I am inclined to do something similar for my 4 kids.So much stuff that I have saved for the last 23 years is in storage containers in an upstairs closet. I'm going to start scanning what I can onto DVDs before I get too old to remember anything.
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11-08-2010 @ 4:20AM
jimmy D said...lois it sounds to me like this struck a nerve ? did your daddy touch you ? my wife and i have two daughters that are 21 / 27 and they always came first with both of us ? we live to enjoy -protect-teach-listen too -learn from - our children ? its called a family ? been married for 30 years and its great - ive had my share of missfortune in this life , you learn what you can and enjoy the day ? the way you look at life is the way your going to feel it ? we have still shots and video of all the people and things we love and ejoyed ? stack of them ? with a little editing and commentary added we could make our own film ? WHAT A GREAT IDEAR - THANK YOU ............ GOD BLESS and GOOD LUCK to ALL .
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11-08-2010 @ 5:11AM
B said...This is unbelievable...and not in a good way.
A father should be a father, not a documentary maker.
I think this is a case of a male that should have learned to be a man BEFORE he had children. There is a distinct an definite difference between being a "male" and being a "man".
A "man" puts the needs and feelings of others (especially his own family) before his own.
Put down the camera and get over yourself. Grow up...do so sooner rather than later. Maybe you can salvage something. When your daughter wants to be comforted, put down the camera and comfort her. That was a missed opportunity to be a parent.
What this article fails to mention or delve into is the possible and potential psychological and emotional damage done over the course of years. Think how your life would have been affected/effected while you were growing up with the presence of a constant and continual camera.
This will only develop poorly.
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11-08-2010 @ 5:17AM
pat said...Dad is a CREEP!
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11-08-2010 @ 5:18AM
patriciatoledo66 said...Repeat...Dad is a CREEP!
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11-08-2010 @ 5:29AM
Jennifer said...I'll tell you....there is nothing creepy about loving your kids ....this is one movie I don't think I could watch for quite awhile though. Being right in that transition stage myself where the kids are moving out and growing up, I am WAY too emotional to make it through this one LOL...even the trailer had me crying!
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11-08-2010 @ 7:25AM
Shannon said...First of all, I would not be ok with my 17 year old daughter having sex, and then to include it in a documentary for the whole world to see? Something seems awfully unethical about this entire film.
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11-08-2010 @ 10:40AM
New York said...Hey Shannon just an FYI. Most kids are having sex alot younger & their parents do NOT know. the problem is that most kids & parents unfortunately do not feel comfortable discussing this subject.
11-08-2010 @ 1:14PM
Shannon said...New York: I am well aware of the unfortunate fact that kids are having sex alot younger, but that is also a very broad generalization and I don't care what other kids are doing. My chief concern is for my childrens' welfare and the fact that this man is sensationalizing this fact by presenting it to the whole universe, is despicable. I am not one of those parents who is afraid to talk with my kids regarding sex and other important issues. It is the teaching in our home, though, that 17 is way too early to deal with the physical and emotional repercussions which can result from intimacy/sex.
11-08-2010 @ 8:34AM
Hope said...I must respond to the comments on depression. Depression is not something you can "push" someone into. It is a biological fact. Some people have better coping skills and other people will never be diagnosed as clinically depressed. Being "down" and being "depressed" are two very different things. The father could not "make" his wife depressed. We need to educate ourselves on mental illness in this country.
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11-08-2010 @ 8:18AM
Alicia said...Just because you wouldn't do it doesn't mean it's wrong. I called my mom the first time I had sex. We talked in depth about it. I was only 18. Is that creepy or wrong? Honestly, in a parent's position, I'd rather my kid be embarrassingly honest with me so I could best protect her than have her lie, say she wasn't having sex and then get pregnant/an STD.
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