How Can I Spice Up Life With My Newly-Retired Husband?

I have the perfect solution for spicing up his life.Through a bunch of hot chili peppers into his stew. That should spice things up !!

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He is retired and doesn't whant to be with her all the time. That is why he plays golf. For her to join in would be a big mistake.

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Do not "take up golf" at a late age just to spend time with a retired husband. A man generally doesn't want to play golf in mixed groups due to the delays in going to the ladies tee's, longer time and more strokes on the course, etc. Especially with a beginner. (And NO ... I am not being a chauvinist, just realistic!) What will happen is that he will stop playing golf ... something that he obviously enjoys. Give him this time willingly and he will be more likely to do other things that you BOTH can enjoy.

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Hmm, this guys sounds like a louse. I am not sure what made the LW think that he would change once he retired--once a selfish loaf, always a selfish loaf. Warning bells went off from her first paragraph--he would rather take his mother out to dinner once a week, and play golf, and has not asked you what YOU would like to do? WTF? It is clear you are the one making the effort in this marriage, probably since forever.....

My guess is that things have been this way for a while--you just let him get away with it while he was working because he was working. He was selfish then, he is selfish now. You will just need to point that out, as the world revolves around him, apparently. It will take time, as it is clear that you have never expressed your desires and probably have taken a backseat since forever.

Anyway, don't count on enthusiasm right away, or even soon. Take up your own activities, or additional ones besides what you do already.

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Sounds like he is putting his balls in the wrong Hole!

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Sorry, nothing is going to work. He feels like he "deserves" his golfing, since he prob. has worked most of his adult life. You do your thing, let him do his. Get your own interests and forget HIS...He might notice then, and you are just too "booked up" for when he might want to do "what he likes to do", which we all know what that is!!

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Sorry, but ironic is just being a chauvinist. I see this prejudice on the golf course all the time, men assuming that the woman is the one holding up the course when it isn't. I took up golf when I realized I would have no weekend time with my husband if I didn't. Now, I play better than he does. Although he had no problems going to the ladies tee, I now play from wherever he does to save time. I hate slow play as much as he does, and find that my golfing gals do as well. I also love the game. We go on golf vacations together. I totally agree that golf is a great way to spend time with your spouse. Just make certain to take some lessons; and don't play a course with your husband until your game is ready for its level of difficulty.

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What about we retired at about the same time; worked about the same and was looking forward to retirement fun; esp. the kind that Al spoke of, and all he wants to do is watch TV. What do you suggest here.

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Don't think AdviceMama read the whole letter: It's signed "Ready for Romance." She doesn't want to play golf or bridge, she wants sex, fer chrissakes! He might have given up on that due to years of neglect, so she has to make it really clear to him what she wants.

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I am 59 my honey is 54. He has fulltime job taking care or his 83 yr old mom. Every other week we have our time together. We cook favorite foods, enjoy then relax, watch tv, and rub, massage feet. and kiss every time our bithday comes up now matter how it shows up. Been a couple for 6 years. We listen to oldies and dance slow. Play bowling on line other games also! Just apreciating the others company. Like a couple of old teen agers!

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Its not easy after spending 45 yrs of going to work everyday and then going into retirement. I love my wife dearly, but all those years I was thrust into sloving manufacturing problems all day.

I am now spenting every waking minute at home, which is hard.

I know both the wife an I are trying to find ways to spice things up now as we donot have the work related schedules to deal with.

Retirement is an adjustment for sure, just like being married, so find that spot and go for it.

ps: Those of you who wait until your 70 to retirer, will only be cheating yourself out of the few yrs you may have left.

God Bless

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I know your problem, you are uneducated and not used to treating people with respect and dignity! A clear sign is that your grammer is lousy, so I suspect you are a lousy human being. I bet if we talked to the people that worked under you that the majority of them are glad that you are gone.

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Dear Ready for Romance,

If I understand your problem, and I think that I do, you are a golf widow with a useless albatross of a husband who only wants to go out with you when he can strike up a twofer and take out his old lady and his old mother at the same time. In his mind, this creates a menage a trois in which you and mommy dearest keep each other company while he fantasizes about the blonde two tables away as he swills his favorite bourbon.

Okay, listen carefully. I'm going to enlighten you as to how this dilemma can be corrected easily and in a timely manner, since none of us are getting any younger. DO sit down and have a heartfelt talk with your husband. Work all the sentimental words into the conversation, like love, together, intimacy, blah, blah, blah. You know, the same damn talk you've given him since you got married. He'll tune you out, just like he did the other 3,256 talks, but this time, you need to add a solution that you pretend to think will work for the both of you... and here it is: Tell Romeo that since you never get to go out with him just the two of you, you'd like to take up golf so you two can play together, as often as possible. Believe me, he'll just about sh*t in his pants when he hears this. Don't be alarmed by the "deer in the headlight" look. It's a natural response in a fight or flight emergency situation. But once the color returns to his face, he'll probably be rummaging through his pockets to fetch his calendar to set the date for your dinner for TWO, and trust me, he won't be worrying about his mother.

Now. You are halfway there. Halfway? Damn. Yep, it's going to take a little more conniving and stooping to the oldest female trick in the book to set the pattern. Certainly you don't want a one-night dinner stand, do you? Alrighty then. When you get home from dinner, you have to put out. Oh, yes you do, too! When you want to train a dog to sit, you give him a bone when he does good. Men aren't much different. When you want to train a man to sit through dinner with just you, you have to give him a boner when he does good. But don't be alarmed. You won't have to do this forever and ever. After a few intimate dinner dates, you can drop the sex part because he'll be trained. You may have to reinforce the treat every once in a while, but that's about it.

You can do this! The first step is the hardest part. Don't wait. Have "The Talk" tonight.

Signed,
You CAN teach an old dog new tricks!

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Certainly when the retirement years come, it's important to do some things together, but it's also good that each spouse maintain some independence, too. You should maintain friendships and activities you had before retirement. In past generations women were so dependent on their husbands and it's different now. My mom even quit driving once my dad retired because she said HE wanted to drive. She never went out with her friends like she used to and even, as her only daughter/child, we never went out to lunch or shopping together. She insisted that my dad come, too. They did EVERYTHING together and when he died she was lost. My husband is now retired and I vow not to make the same mistakes my mom did. I go out by myself a lot or with friends, do things with my grown children, drive a lot. Each person should have their own life and one together.

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