Tips for Facing Infertility During the Holidays

I work with infants and toddlers who have been removed from their homes for any number of reasons, many unthinkable. It costs a lot of money to privately adopt, but there are many, many babies, and toddlers within the United States that need people with this much love and longing to foster or adopt them. It truly "takes a village". Though it is sad and unfathomable to not be able to conceive, it takes a wonderful person or couple who know how precious parenthood is to care for so many who would otherwise be shuffled from house to house until their 18Th birthday. I would urge singles and couples who have already made the decision to adopt, to search within their state for children whose parents have had their rights terminated. We all know how cute the babies are on TV, but the ones in our own country are just as beautiful and needing of unconditional love too. Some with stories and coming from conditions that would make you love them that much more.

I totally understand the pain of holidays, and every other day for that matter! Don't lose hope though, which is darn near impossible, I know. I am a single woman who went through 10 IUI and 8 IVF cycles over a 4 year period unsuccessfully. I finally adopted a beautiful baby girl in 2006. My attorney and all of the social workers said I would NEVER be selected by a birth mom because I'm single and old (late 30's!). Not only did I get chosen for my daughter, but the same birth mom called in 2009 and I adopted my son too. You have the desire to be a mom in your heart. God will ensure that your desires are met. My heart and prayers are with you!

Reading this made me want to cry!! I lived this for many many years. My first child passed away at 2 yrs old. And we had many sad holidays. Then we decided to try again...only to be faced with fertility issues. After 4 years of fertility treatments and while on a break from doing IVF I finally got pregnant! I'm so excited for Christmas this year and feel TRUELY blessed and so thankful!!

I've been through the infertility heartache, and yes, I know what it is to be in agony when friends and family were having their own babies. However, it was unthinkable to formalize my bitter jealousy and heartache into a proclamation that forbid them from sharing photos or updates about their kids. What a stupid, self-indulgent, petty gesture.

Oh, and @ Laurie: shame on you, adopting children as an unmarried woman. Children deserve a father and a mother, and while circumstances are such that sometimes a father or mother is removed from a child's life after the child is born, it is an act of profound selfishness to choose to raise a child as a single parent from the outset.

I went through infertility for 6 years. I finally realized that even though I lived in a city the size of Chicago that there were better places to go for my treatment. Don't let your doctors keep stringing you along for months and months of treatment.
Great clinics exist that can help you and if they can't--they will point you in the right direction for adoption.
I have been thinking of developing a spot where I can help council couple going through what I went through. No one understands if they haven't gone through it themselves.

If you would like to discuss this with me in depth please respond to my e-mail.

Thanks

D

My husband and I have been married for almost 40 yrs and never were able to have children but we have always surrounded ourselves with our nieces and nephews and now our great nieces and nephews who are like grandchildren to us especially at the holidays. We've always looked at the situation as we're lucky to be that special aunt and uncle who are able to spoil the kids. Our friends children have also been a big part of our extended family. One last guilty pleasure is we also spoil our pets especially during the holidays also.

@Donna - For the thousands upon thousands of children out there who have been given up, abandoned, lost their parents to death, drugs, jail, have been abused or neglected by uncaring parents, or for whatever reason find themselves tossed around by the foster care system, or in orphanages around the world without hope of finding anyone to care for and love them, your attitude about single parents is the most selfish one of all. These children want a connection with someone, anyone that wants to love them, single or married, gay or straight, disabled or whole, black, white, hispanic, asian, jewish, muslim, christian - THEY DON"T CARE!! So stuff your pollyanna ideals about single parents.

I'm sorry - Why don't you adopt????? It's not hard - I have two adopted children from Russia. Both adoptions took less than one year, they are "MY" children. I adopted at the age of 44 after not being able to have children. I should have done it much, much sooner.

I shared your experience for 13 years. And then one day one of many adoption attempts actually worked! Four years later came child number two. Eighteen years later I realize I just had to wait for my daughters to be born, because we received the children who needed exactly what we had to offer. Hang in there. It will happen and you will be grateful for every moment of parenting, even the challenging times. Things happen for a reason.

@Momma. SHAME on YOU for trying to degrade this woman for adopting as a single mother. You are a very cruel soul for saying such hateful things. Age, marital status, wealth, color, or creed is NOT what defines someone as a mother. You should be ashamed of yourself for bashing her.

no, SHAME ON YOU momma, for your comments regarding single parents adopting a child. children need LOVE and single parents are just as capable of providing a loving, stable, healthy home as two parents are! who are you to judge someone you've never met? some of the worst abusive homes consist of two parents, mothers and fathers. the most dangerous rapists and murderers have been raised by TWO abusive parents! is that better than a loving, single parent? ask a parentless child who spends his/her days in a cold and unloving hostile residential facility, whether they'd like to remain there or be adopted by a single, loving parent, you know what their answer would be! and oh, let me guess, i bet you call yourself a Christian also....

I work for a surrogacy agency and help infertile couples achieve their goal to have a baby. We specialize in finding surrogate mothers to carry the baby for them. If they cant use their own egg or sperm they can get donated egg and sperm. Please feel free to email me at gloria@reproductivepossibilities.com. There is hope here for infertile couples to have a baby.

@Momma--You really are a cruel, narrow-minded person to criticize someone who has chosen to give love and a wonderful home to a child just because they are single. Would you rather see a child raised in a 2 parent home where the parents are abusive drunks? I had my 2nd child at 37. My husband died when he was 3 and I raised him as a single mother. Mine was a surprise pregnancy. I hadn't planned on having a 2nd child late in life or raising him alone but I did and my son now an adult is a confident, successful, caring adult even though he didn't have a father in his life. What does being married have to do with it? My child wound up not having a father just the same. Adopting a child as a single woman is a caring, unselfish act from someone with a lot of love to share.

Good idea to get away from it, but we also have families who want to make this decision for FERTILE couples. Dear Abby (the original) answered that question by saying that a couple does NOT have children just to make their parents become grandparents.

@Trisha, Just like some couples opt for adoption to complete their families, you too could "adopt" a grandchild. If you belong to a church ask your priest or minister if there is a family who is somewhat alone. Maybe from out of state or a single parent who's own parents have passed away. Also, volunteering at the local elementary school is a good way to meet children and their parents. The more love we can bring into our childrens lives the better off we will all be.

I am in the same situation with my grown children and feel really sad that I don't have grandchildren. I am hoping some day things will change.

Hello there.....tomorrow it is my mom's birthday...she will be 70 has two great grandchildren and another on the way!....I am her middle child.....who is childless....It hurts to know that as her son...I do not have a son or daughter she could be a grandma to....my path is God's path and as hard as it is at times I make the best of it by being a loving Uncle and great Uncle. I am getting married next year for the first time and with lots of prayers.....we may adopt....sometimes because of own choices God holds off the opportunities to bring a child into this world....I sometimes feel torn between being blessed or cursed.....but ultimately I know it was my own doing....my own choices....selfishness. Do I want kids? Of course......Emily Dickinson wrote "Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings a tune without words....and never stops at all"