Bizarre Emergency Room Injuries, the Sequel

emergency room photo

Hey, kids -- don't ride on a sled being pulled by an ATV. Credit: Randy Faris, Corbis

In January we brought you a list of bizarre emergency room injuries. Guess what? We've got more!

A quick refresher on where these tales of E.R. woes come from:

The list was posted by the South Florida Sun Sentinel, and we found it at Deadspin.com. The information in the database is from The Consumer Product Safety Commission's National Electronic Injury Surveillance System. The number of injuries recorded for 2009 increased by 5 percent compared to 2008, according to SunSentinel.com.

Here are a few kid-related entries that caught our eye. (Spelling errors are from the entries, emphasis added by us.) No offense meant, and our sympathies to the injured.

Trampoline Follies

Treatment date: 12/31/2009
Age: 6
Sex: Female
Narrative: 6 YO F HAS SORE FOOT AFTER SISTER FELL ON HER WHILE JUMPING ON TRAMPOLI NE.
DX:FOOT CONTUSION.

Treatment date: 12/31/2009
Age: 8
Sex: Male
Narrative: 8 YO M JUMPING ON TRAMPOLINE WHEN HIT ON CHIN BY OTHER PERSON.
DX:LIP L ACERATION.

Comment: Remember the old philosophical question "How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?" We don't know the answer to that one, but if you are ever asked "How many kids should be jumping on a trampoline at the same time?" the answer is "one."

Older Doesn't Mean Wiser Department

Treatment date: 12/29/2009
Age: 19
Sex: Male
Narrative: ANKLE SPRAIN-19YOM-ABD CT-FELL OFF SLED THAT WAS BEING PULLED BY A 4 WHEELER ATV

Comment: And why was the sled being pulled by ... and you were ... um ... oh, never mind.

Treatment date: 12/31/2009
Age: 16
Sex: Female
Narrative: CHEST PAIN SUSPECT MUSCULOSKELETAL ORIGIN: 16YOF LAST NIGHT PT & FRIEND WERE USING 5# WEIGHTS, WENT TO SLEEP, WOKE THIS AM, PAIN L CHEST

Comment: That's some workout. And we believe you. Sure we do.

You Put It Where?

Treatment date: 12/31/2009
Age: 3
Sex: Male
Narrative: 3 YO M WITH A BEAD STUCK IN HIS EAR
DX: FB REMOVED

Treatment date: 12/29/2009
Age: 4
Sex: Male
Narrative: PT DX OPEN WD OF EAR DRUM - 4 YR OLD BLACK MALE STUCK LARGE BOBBY PIN INTO RT EAR TONIGHT.

Comment: Hey, if the bead fits ...

Stop Putting the Computer In Your Nose

Treatment date: 1/20/2009
Age: 3
Sex: Male
Narrative: 3 YOM PRESENTS WITH COMPUTER PIECE STUCK IN RIGHT NOSTRIL

Treatment date: 11/3/2009
Age: 2
Sex: Female
Narrative: 2 YO FEMALE WITH A PIECE OF A MOUSE (COMPUTER) IN NOSE. DX FB NOSE

Treatment date: 12/27/2009
Age: 3
Sex: Male
Narrative: 3YOM, TOLD PARENTS HE PUT A PLASTIC PART OF THE COMPUTER UP HIS NOSE >>FB REMOVAL

Comment: And thanks for clarifying that it was a piece of a computer mouse, rather than ... you know what, we're not even going to say it.

Grandma's House of Horrors

Treatment date: 9/24/2009
Age: 4
Sex: Female
Narrative: PT WAS AT GRANDMAS HOUSE RECENTLY. EXPOSED TO A NEW SOAP. HAS RASH ON H ER ABD AND HER BACK. DX CONTACT DERMATITIS

Treatment date: 10/8/2009
Age: 3
Sex: Female
Narrative: PT WAS CHASING THE DOG AT GRANDMAS HOUSE WHEN SHE WAS ACCID BUMPED INTO CORNER OF THE DESK. LAC TO FOREHEAD. DX FACIAL LAC

Treatment date: 8/17/2009
Age: 2
Sex: Male
Narrative: PT WAS PLAYING W/ "***" AT GRANDMAS HOUSE WHEN HE SWALLOWED ONE. GAGGED BRIEFLY. NOW NO SYMPTOMS. DX FB INGESTED

Treatment date: 6/4/2009
Age: 21 months
Sex: Male
Narrative: PT AT GRANDMAS HOUSE. LEFT ROOM FOR MINUTE. FOUND PT STANDING ON A BOOK ON THE FLOOR. FELL AND STRUCK HEAD ON HARDWOOD FLOOR. NO LOC. DX CHI

Treatment date: 12/30/2009
Age: 7
Sex: Female
Narrative: PT GRABBED A BROKEN CRYSTAL DOORKNOB AT GRANDMAS HOUSE. HAS LAC TO R MI DDLE FINGER. DX FINGER LAC

Comment: We're not sure what relevance being at Grandma's house has to do with these injuries, since they all could have happened anywhere. But they didn't. Maybe that's the point. We still love you, Grandma!


How Exactly Did This Happen?

Treatment date: 12/28/2009
Age: 4
Sex: Female
Narrative: 4YOF KNEELED ON A TOOTHPICK 2 DAYS AGO, PULLED OUT AND BROKE, PIECE IN KNEE, MORE RED, TENDER; FB IN KNEE

Comment: Maybe it's just us, but kneeling on a toothpick sounds kind of difficult. Or not, since there were two such toothpick-kneeling incidents in 2009.

Treatment date: 12/26/2009
Age: 5
Sex: Male
Narrative: 5YOM- PT WAS HOME IN BED ROLLED OVER TRIED TO GIVE G-MA A KISS WHEN DOG CHIHIAHUA BIT HIM TO LIP.
DX LIP LACERATION.

Comment: Next time give the dog a kiss first. Pets are so jealous.

Thanks For Telling Them I Cried, Mrs. Tattletale

Treatment date: 12/29/2009
Age: 4
Sex: Female
Narrative: 4 YO F FELL 5 FEET OFF MONKEY BARS. WITNESSED BY TEACHER. CRIED AFTEWAR DS. LANDED ON HEAD ON DIRT GROUND.
DX:CHI, CONTUSION, SCALP LACERATIONS

Comment: You know, it's bad enough the kid fell off the monkey bars and had to go to the emergency room. Why call her a crybaby?

When Furniture Attacks

Treatment date: 12/30/2009
Age: 2
Sex: Male
Narrative: 2YOM GOT LEG STUCK IN COUCH AND WHEN HE TRIET TO JUMP OFF IT SNAPPED FEMORAL SHAFT FRACTURE

Treatment date: 12/28/2009
Age: 3
Sex: Male
Narrative: 3 YOM INJURED ELBOW FROM PULLING TOY FROM COUCH. DX-LEFT ELBOW RADIAL HEAD SUBLUXATION, LEFT ELBOW PAIN

Comment: Couches. They'll getcha every time.

Sometimes It's Okay to Be Second

Treatment date: 12/28/2009
Age: 12
Sex: Male
Narrative: 12YOM RUNNING TO GET TO COMPUTER FIRST AT HOME, CAUGHT TOE ON CORNER OF BOOKSHELF OR COMPUTER DESK; FOOT FX., 5TH TOE FX.

Comment: What's your hurry? Plenty of computer time for everyone.


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AdviceMama Says:
Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.